Sans was leaned up against his bed's headboard, a war hound snuggled up on either side of him as they both silently begged for attention while he read the personal journal of a priest now long since dead. It was surprisingly informative, he was learning a lot about how the temple was run back then (and honestly still was) as well as how the hierarchy worked.
Sans gasped in glee, "oh no he didn't!"
Okay, so it was more like reading a two hundred year old gossip rag most of the time, but he was learning a lot about how the temple had been run too. It was comforting to know he wasn't the only one to have difficulties with a head priest. Or in this case the head priests from two different cities having a rivalry that they seemed to be slowly losing their heads to. The lengths they went to to one up the other were getting so over the top Sans almost wished he could have seen it for himself. He was definitely going to have to ask Grillby about how he remembered it tonight.
Firestorm and Brimstone both whined and scooted up a little, Sans laid the journal against his now very noticeable baby bump to free his hands so he could pet the girls. There was a flurry of fluttering from the babies in response. Nothing quite hard enough to be considered a kick yet. Soon.
There was a knock at the door, then a priest poked her head in. "Hi, Sans! There's, like, some important dude from a neighboring city who came all the way here to give, like, some kind of big donation to the temple?"
"Catty!" Bratty said from just beyond the door with a giggle in her voice, "He's a wealthy merchant from Auldshoppe! He has a donation for the temple and, like, a gift just for Sans."
"so i'm gonna need to be in the temple to accept this guy's generosity," Sans asked flatly.
"Totally!" Catty agreed gleefully.
Sans sighed and picked the journal back up so he could move it to the side, then motioned Catty closer. "alright, gonna need a hand up."
Catty came in and pulled Sans off the bed, Bratty followed her in and shut the door behind her. Once upright, Sans leaned back to pop his spine. Firestorm and Brimstone hopped off the bed and circled the room, tongues lolling out happily.
"alright, let's get this show on the road."
"Dressed like that?" Bratty asked like she had been personally offended.
"Fieri would throw, like, three fits!" Catty laughed at just the thought of it, Bratty giggled in agreement.
"what's wrong with these? i wear these exact robes to lead ceremonies all the time."
"That's totally the problem!" Bratty headed over to the dresser and started digging around. "Catt, get those wrinkled clothes off him."
"Sure thing!"
Sans sighed, then held out his arms to help speed things along the best he could. The dogs must have realized they weren't leaving quite yet, Brimstone had climbed into the fireplace where she blended in with the fire kept burning for him, Firestorm was laid out on the hearth, tongue still lolled out happily and tail wagging constantly as she watched Catty and Bratty flit back and forth. Once Catty had him out of the perfectly fine robes he'd been wearing up until then (seriously, maybe the belt needed to be re-tied but that was it), Bratty approached with the box full of paints and brushes.
"no, absolutely not. you can just go put those right back."
"Awwwww… but Sans!" Bratty whined, "This dude's, like, a really special donor! Fieri wants to impress him."
"too bad, i'm not tarting myself up for some random merchant. in fact, i'm a married monster! i'm not tarting myself up for anyone but my husband." Sans crossed his arms and turned his face away just to prove his point.
"Fair enough," Bratty said with a sigh.
"Does that mean we get to, like, tart you up whenever you see Lord Fiersome?"
"no."
"Sure, whatever." Catty sighed in defeat.
Sans turned back to find Bratty carefully putting the box of paints away. He sighed in relief, causing another flurry of fluttering from his middle. He ran his hands gently over his bump in a way he hoped would sooth the babies.
One of the girls squealed. "Are they, like, moving?"
"Oh! Can we feel?"
"they're not moving enough for anyone else to feel yet. how about we just get this over with, fieri'll throw those three fits if we take too long dressing me up."
"He's, like, totally right," Bratty agreed. With another round of giggles, they both set about putting on layers and layers of robes in various shades of yellow, pale orange, and white. Sans was just grateful they hadn't decided his undershirt needed to be changed too. Eventually they finally, finally! helped him into a pair of soft soled shoes with an appropriately fancy set of buckles.
"alright, all dressed. can we get going now?"
Bratty shot him a sheepish grin from where she was standing next to the dresser, already rifling through the drawers of the jewelry box sitting on top. Sans just groaned.
"can i at least sit down for this part?"
"Like, of course!"
Catty pulled the short stool they used to use to dress him
(it had been tucked away in a corner since he'd barely started to show and his balance had been shot) out and scooted it next to Sans. It was better than standing the whole time, even if he'd need help up again once they were done. With Catty's hands holding him stead and keeping his robes straight, he sank onto the stool and let his shoulders slump. Catty went to go join Bratty as they sorted through the various pieces of jewelry.
They came back over with a few pieces of jewelry, fortunately nothing quite so overblown as what he'd had to wear for the wedding. A circlet, which was just a necklace that went on his skull so far as he could tell, and a necklace that only matched because the jewels on both were yellow and orange. Thankfully they didn't try to shove any rings on his fingers or add any jeweled chains to his sash, though Catty did pin a huge, glittering broach to the sash once he stood up again. And then they were finally, finally, FINALLY! done. Now he just had to go meet this wealthy donor and accept whatever gaudy gift he was being given. Great.
Fieri gave him an impatient frown when Sans finally waddled into the inner court, Catty and Bratty strutting proudly behind him, but otherwise made no comment. A quick gaze up and down his outfit and a nod of approval had Sans releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. At least he wouldn't have yet another argument with Fieri later. To be fair, the arguments had been happening less and less often as time went on. Maybe he was growing on Fieri, or maybe the head priest finally realized Sans didn't want his job and wasn't a threat. Well… wasn't as much of a threat as he seemed to think he had to treat Sans as.
The dogs settled on either side of the altar while Sans turned to hop butt first onto it. He wondered how much longer until he was going to need a stool to get up there. Honestly, he was kind of surprised he still could, and judging from the impressed looks on Catty and Bratty's faces they felt the same.
"I take it Catty and Bratty told you what's going on," Fieri said more than asked.
"wealthy merchant, donation, and a gift just for little old me."
"Right. But must you sit on the altar? It's so disrespectful." Ah, even if they weren't going to argue about his appearance it seemed Sans just couldn't escape the nagging.
"gifts go on the altar, the gift is for me, so he can just set it right in my lap and on the altar all at once. besides, if fiersome really didn't like it he'd ask me to stop, and he hasn't."
Fieri sighed, but nodded before taking his place next to Sans and the altar. He waved the other priests into position, most emptied out of the inner court, leaving just Catty and Bratty standing on either side of the entryway. Sans crossed his ankles and let them sway forward and back as he waited for this important donor to show. His hands drifted down to his belly, where the kids were squirming around excitedly like they always did in the inner court.
A very well dressed horse flanked by two birds carrying large, wooden boxes came in. Their eyes locked on Sans, the usual looks of surprise at seeing someone actually sitting so casually on the altar of the city's patron god crossed their faces. One of the birds looked nervously at the other. All three bowed their heads, Fieri and Sans bowed their own back. San's brow furrowed in concentration, that horse looked kind of familiar for some reason.
"Welcome, travelers, to Lord Fiersome's temple," Fieri started.
The horse took one more step forward, but rather than introduce himself like most donors did, he pointed a hoof at Sans and scowled. "That skeleton is a liar and a scam artist."
Oh.
Well shit.
Fieri bristled, sparks popping off his head and thin wisp of black smoke trailing from his mouth as he sputtered, "How dare you!" indignantly at the horse.
"He used to live in Aultshoppe, and while there he ran every scam you can imagine and made up a few new ones while he was at it. He lied, cheated, stole, and swindled everyone he ever met there." The birds behind him were nodding along while glaring at Sans.
"You will stop this nonsense at once! He is Lord Fiersome's lawfully wedded husband-"
"Are you sure that's not a scam too?"
Fieri angrily motioned towards Sans, who was hunched as small as he could make himself, sitting on the altar. "If this is a scam it's a pretty damn convincing one!"
"He stole an entire house! No one ever figured out how he moved it."
"That's enough! You need to leave, right now." Fieri stepped between the horse and Sans, hands on hips as he glared contemptuously up at the other monster.
"And you need to listen, but we knew you wouldn't."
The two birds dropped their boxes, which turned out to be filled with rocks and wadded up paper, and lunged for Fieri. There was a brief struggle as they pulled him off to the side of the room, a brief flash of bullets that sputtered out when Sans gasped at the sight of them. Catty and Bratty were just as easily bustled over with Fieri. There were more sounds of struggles from out in the hall, Sans had a glimpse of priests being herded away by more monsters with neatly arrayed bullets in orderly patterns. Then his vision was blocked by the horse coming back to stand in front of him, a precise arc of bullets around him like a geometric halo. Firestorm and Brimstone whimpered at Sans's feet, nervous and fidgeting in place.
Whoever these people were, they were trained fighters. The priests were not. And why would they be? They had no reason to fight, who would attack a temple? A human maybe, but no monster in their right mind would ever desecrate holy ground in such a way. The war hounds at his feet would be just as useless as the priests, they had been born of a war between monsters and humans, literally made to protect monsters. They would never attack one, not even to protect another. After all, monsters never attacked each other, that was such a human thing. And worst of all, they couldn't even intimidate these attackers, they were invisible to mortal eyes.
"Well," the horse sneered as he got closer, thankfully not close enough to touch the altar, "nothing to say for yourself, you gutter trash?"
"considering how likely you are to listen, i thought i'd save you from being a hypocrite." Sans felt beads of sweat forming on his skull and sliding down it.
The horse huffed, then took a step closer. He was nearly within arm's reach. "Let's show everyone here your true colors."
Sans's arms tightened over his swollen middle, "are you threatening a pregnant monster?"
The horse scoffed dismissively, "I'm not eve sure you're really pregnant. I mean really? Triplets? That's overselling it."
There was a strange heat and pressure in Sans's left eye socket, the world lit up in a strange flickering as he lifted his left hand a loud snap echoed through the room. He summoned his own array of bullets, suddenly glad for the practice when he and Papyrus were just teenagers. Bones in a pattern alternating in sharp blue and the usual pure white filled the space between him and the horse, easily three times as many bullets as he had up. Behind him he felt five more constructs materialize, these ones far more of a drain than even the field of bullets. They gave off five high pitched whines. The horse's face went pale.
"wrong answer, bucko." One after the other five beams of blinding white light shot at the horse, who scrambled to dodge out of the way. Firestorm and Brimstone were howling. Sans grabbed the horse's now blue soul and with a flick of his wrists flung it at the wall. Another flick and he crashed into the ceiling, the floor, the wall again, a different wall, back on the floor, another wall, and with each impact the horse gave out a choked cry.
Papyrus came running into the room, he paused for only a brief moment to take in the room with faintly glowing eye sockets before barging through Sans's protective array and up to the altar. He took both of Sans's left wrists in his hands, another holding his right wrist, the last hand gently cupping Sans's face and trying to angle him to look up at Papyrus rather than the bastard he was currently holding against the far wall.
"SANS, THAT'S ENOUGH. I'VE GOT IT FROM HERE, I WON'T LET HIM HURT YOU."
"he threatened my kids."
"AND THAT WAS VERY WRONG OF HIM, BUT YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH. YOU'RE USING TOO MUCH MAGIC, YOU'LL MAKE YOURSELF SICK." Papyrus paused, waiting for Sans to let the asshole go. "THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR THE BABIES! LET. HIM. GO."
"yeah… yeah, okay." Sans relaxed, releasing his magic. His bullets dissolved into spent magic, his hands went limp as the horse dropped to the floor with one last grunt. Papyrus turned and grabbed his soul in blue before gently sliding him out of the room. The two birds followed shortly.
Sans slumped forward into Papyrus's chest, suddenly exhausted.
"THERE, YOU'RE SAFE NOW. I WON'T LET ANY OF THEM HURT YOU, OKAY?"
Sans couldn't muster up the energy to respond, instead he leaned more heavily into Papyrus.
"SANS?"
"m'terred," Sans slurred. He closed his eyes.
AN: I bet you guys thought it was just gonna be 13 chapters of domestic fluff. *Laughs evilly* Nope! The boys' past comes back to haunt them! I did drop a few hints here and there that their past was a bit sketchy, that sure was fun. You know what else was fun? Having Sans give that asshole a bad time. And yeah, I should probably give him a name or something but eh, the guy isn't going to be in the rest of the fic so who cares?
Speaking of the rest of the fic, the next couple chapters are going to be long. Really long. Hope y'all are ready for a nice, big, meaty chapter where hopefully the characters can have some of what just happened explained to them.