Sunlight floods the room from the open door as I awake. Olivia is gone. I know it, yet I reach my hand across the right side of the bed; in case I'm wrong. But I'm not. Reaching out to feel her warmth beside me; but I find nothing. Nothing except cold emptiness. The Frostback Mountains were much colder than Kirkwall. Back home I remember Livi wearing light clothing unless we went down to the deep roads. And that was only once. "Shit," I swore to myself. Pulling my hand back, I feel something on the bed. My fingers trace the edging; thin. Paper. A note. Picking up the note I squint to read it in the morning light.

Varric,

It's morning and I did not wish to wake you. I also did not want to leave. Last night was magical. I did not want to admit I still had feelings for you still. It's been...hard living without you. I hope you do not make me regret it, again. I have to meet with Josephine about some of Skyhold's repairs. I miss you.

Love,

Olivia

P.S.: A visitor arrived at Skyhold for you. Said her name was Salyise Hawke.

Sighing, I sunk deeper into the pillow. Hawke had received my letters about Corypheus...Cassandra was going to kill me.

"This is a million times better than Kirkwall. And so far I've only seen one Qunari. How did you fucking manage that?" Hawke asked as she trudged up the steps of the ramparts. She walked slower than normal that way I could keep up. A silent notion but an appreciated one nonetheless.

"Hey! No dissing Kirkwall. It's not that bad." Salyise laughed as she looked down at me. Running a delicate hand through her long blond hair. She shook her head and adjusted her breastplate as she leaned up against the stone wall. I could feel her burning a hole into the back of my skull from behind as Livi approached.

"Cassandra is going to kill you," I could feel the heat rise up to my face at the sound of her voice. My mind flashed back to our evening together. Rolling beneath the sheets, up against the wall, on the stone floor. I could feel my trousers tighten once more. Shaking my head, I had to shake the memory from my head. Later, Varric. I told myself, trying to calm down. Later, I would have her alone again.

Tying her hair back with an ox gut ribbon, Olivia shook hands with Hawke, "You must be the Champion of Kirkwall."

"I am, though I don't go by that title anymore." Salyise and Livi both nodded to me, giving me the que to leave. Stone creaked under foot as I walked back down the stairs of the ramparts. I wasn't as afraid of Hawke revealing anything to Livi than I was afraid of being castrated by Cassandra's blade.

Outside of Skyhold, the courtyard was sunny. Rays of sunlight cast through the trees growing in our small Chantry courtyard. I was never one for religion but I need some kind of peace of mind right now. Opening my mouth slightly, I reworked the side of my jaw where Cassandra has struck me. The first punch was swifter and faster than I imagined it would be. Thank Andraste's ass, Olivia interrupted the second one. She had stayed with Cassandra once I left. I wasn't going to stay there and get ridiculed for my decisions. I looked over to the prayer room where Hawke stood beside the door way. Great, what is it now? I asked myself as I walked over to her. Gesturing inside I followed as she shut the door behind her. And locked it. "Hawke, I think I've told you once before. That one night in Kirkwall? That was a one time, I'm drunk as a skunk, thing." She glared at me. Glared. at. me. Clearly her intentions were not to once again, put herself in a drunken stupor; strip down naked and jump my bones again. No, this glare was deadly. If looks could kill, I'd be set a flame right now. "What's wrong?" Concern flooded my veins. What could I have possibly done now?

"What is wrong with you?" This was not normally like Hawke. She stalked across the room at me like I was prey. I may had been a dwarf but I was no one fucking prey. I was finally fed up with the cryptic messages and glances. "You want to tell me what the fuck this is about, Salyise?"

"You invited Bianca to Skyhold even after what she put Olivia through?"

"What in Andraste's ashes are you talking about?" Hawke took a step back from me and leaned coolly up against the wall and let out a frustrated sigh. Her iron cover boots clinked on the stone floor as she kicked at an invisible nothing. Probably my head. Finally defeated from my enraged gaze, she looked down at the ground, "Who do you think stabbed Olivia down in the deep roads?"

It took me a second the realize what she was talking about. That day. The day everything change. The day Bianca walked away from me, almost never to return. The day Olivia swore she would never love a traitor like me again. A flashback hit me like a druffalo herd:

Bartrand, Bianca, Livi and I walked down the Deep Roads with a team of dwarfs, scouting for lyrium. Olivia and Bianca, her business partner at the time, had discovered a lyrium vein that would have changed everything for the mages and templars of Kirkwall. A direct lyrium supply would have made them a fortune. Enough for Bianca and I to start a life together. Enough for Olivia to buy her way out of the Carta. But that day, Olivia and Bianca entered the room alone, where the apparent lyrium vein was. Olivia...barely made it out alive. Bartrand had seen Olivia fall behind me where Bianca stood with her back to me. I was giving instruction to the miners when I heard Bartrand's frantic voice call for me. "VARRIC!" He screamed for me. Literally, screamed. As I rushed in, I saw Livi lying on the Deep Roads floor, her right side pooling blood. The wound a deep green. Poison. Yet, as he carried her out and to the surface, Bianca only seemed worried about profit...profit..profit...

Sinking to the floor of the prayer room, I felt light headed. No. This couldn't be real. She couldn't. She wouldn't. Why bother denying it? The evidence was clear. Salyise knelt beside me, "Bianca stabbed Olivia, hoping she would die and that way she could claim all the profit for herself without any competition." I buried my head in my hands and all but cried. Though I could feel tears, streaking my cheeks. When I finally looked up over my hands at the doorway, Hawke reached out; brushing my tears away, "I loved Olivia more than anything. She was my first. My everything. Leaving her was the hardest thing. And. And." My voice was hoarse as it croaked against the pain, "I loved Bianca. I gave her everything and she tried to take everything away from me."

"You saved Olivia's life that day. If not for you, she would have-"

"Don't say it." I pushed her hand away as I stood up, "I cannot bare the thought." Dusting off the dirt from my knees I turned to Hawke and hugged her, "I need to find Livi."

A cold breeze rolled in from the north as I reached the top of Inquisitor Olivia Cadash's bedroom chamber stairs. Rubbing my arms up and down, an attempt to stay warm, I spotted her. She stood with her back to me in her small clothes. The nugskin linen gave off a pink hughe that made her skin glow. "Livi?" my hoarse voice caught her by surprise as she turned to me with her cheeks blushing, "Varric! I didn't hear you enter." I walked closer to her, my calloused finger tips gripped her shoulders, running gently down her back till my left hand found the scar on her right side. I stared deep into her eyes as my fingers gently trailed over the raised flesh. Over and over again. That was my fault. She came to Kirkwall to find me. If I had listened to her about Bianca, maybe just maybe. I pulled her close and into a deep kiss. My tongue danced with hers as my teeth gently pulled at her bottom lip. She moaned in my mouth as her hands ran down my back muscles and down to my hips as she pulled me closer against her. My right hand grasped the velveteen shirt in her left hand and tossed it behind me. Grasping her hips, I wrapped her legs around my waist as I picked her up. Pulling away from the kiss I looked deep into her green eyes, "I swear, Olivia, I didn't know." I could feel tears running down my face while her hands came up; cradling my jawline. "I swear, my love, I didn't know." Pulling me closer once more, our lips met and fire spread through my veins. She was the one, the only one. Maker's blessing, I wanted to be worthy of her once more. This time I would not let her go for anything. Or anyone.

I walked towards the bed with her wrapped around me as her fingers worked quickly to undo my clothes and hers. A trail from the edge of the sofa to the bed in discarded clothing lead to my naked body on top of hers. My member pulsating and pumping in and out of her entrance. I may have said before that not every dwarf likes caves; but this was a cave I could live the rest of my life in. Livi looked at me, studying my face with expressive green eyes as she moaned and withered beneath me. Her hips bucking and rolling with my own in a rhythm that hummed like a song. "Shit!" I growled as I pushed her up towards the pillows. Following my que she slid herself up with my swollen cock still inside her. "Olivia..." I moaned into her ear as I held on to the bed frame. I watched her eyes gaze to my flexing forearms as her fingers traced the inside of my biceps over my chest and down my abdomen. Watching her reaction as she watched in awe how my entire being worked to please her. She grasped my hips, her thumbs running over the v cut of my hips as her eyes rolled back into her head. I could feel myself losing it. Quickly I pulled my cock out as my semen sprayed over her stomach and breasts. As I laid down beside her, grief finally set in as well as guilt. She may have forgiven me but her blood was still stained on my hands. And I could see it.

The night air of the Frostback mountains was more brisk than from my room outside the rotunda. I glanced up from the desk of Olivia's room where I sat shirtless writing frantically. I needed to get the thoughts and feelings out before they destroyed me from within. Looking up, I could see Livi shift breathlessly beneath the crimson and gold flecked sheets of her bed. She was still asleep. Good. I didn't want her to see me like this. An idea suddenly hit me. My rage against Bianca. She caused this. She almost caused Livi her death and here she was in Skyhold. Silently I let my heartache spill across the page before finally giving up in exhaustion and crawling back into bed with my angel before the doom of tomorrow arrived at our door:

Blink and You'll miss it

Varric stands in the training yard at Skyhold. Holding an apple in his left hand. Taking out his father's blade; he carves an anatomically correct heart. Placing it on top the wooden post before him, he walks ten paces back. "This one's for you, Bianca." An arrow pierces the heart.