Chapter 10.
I didn't see Loki at all the next day, Sif came and visited me and we talked a bit. I taught her a card game and we laughed, it was nice really. Aimee insisted on telling me stories from Asgard, mostly legends that made me laugh and I found myself liking the two women. I had never had friends before, or anyone who cared if I lived or died, the feeling was very alien to me but I was getting used to it. She showed me the libraries, and I collected a stack of books to read on my own time. I thought I saw a familiar dark haired man out of the corner of my eye as I reached up to grab I huge illuminated text, but when I turned my head it was just the light playing tricks on me.
I guess my guilt was picking on me as well.
I did feel bad for humiliating him in front of everyone, and it was a real dick move on my part. But I was used to pushing everyone who got too close away, and burying my feelings down deep so no one could see them. I was terrified of letting people in, and that fear molds you into someone you were never meant to be. But what happened when you got tired of being the cast iron bitch? What happened when you actually started caring about people, and they started liking you?
Part of me wanted to go looking for him and apologize, but the more crappy part of me which was the dominant part told me to sit down or it would drag out stuff I didn't want to reveal. And some roads in my head I hated going down with a passion, they were filled with pain and some tortures never really came close to what was upstairs in my head.
Maybe he needed time to cool off also. God I hated emotions, and all the gushy stuff that comes with having friends. And caring if people liked you in the long run.
Long story short about my day of no activity, I sat and read books, and realized what a real asshole I was in the long run and how overdue I was for my karmic bitch slap.
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The day after, and the day of the banquet, I rose early and Aimee dressed me quickly after my bath. Today she allowed my hair to hang long down my back as it would be styled more elaborately later. I liked the way the thick, black curls hung down my back and shined when I turned in the mirror. It was a beautiful contrast to the rose colored dress she had me in. Bored, I added a touch of red to my lips and giggled at the reflection as she smiled at me.
"Lips red as blood, hair black as night, and skin pale as snow." I said repeating the line from the fairy tale and picked up and apple as she watched and took a bite from it and pretended to faint placing my wrist on my forehead, falling gracefully to the ground. Aimee made me tell her the fairy story as she worked and she listened to me closely, she smiled happily at the ending. Her work forgotten, she was begging me for another when I decided I couldn't take her chatter anymore and decided to take a book and read it outside in the gardens.
I did promise her another fairy tale at another time as I picked up a matching wrap and draped it over the top of my head so it caught in the filigree gold and silver diadem Aimee insisted I wear but I found ridiculous. I carried the book out with me and left the room quickly before she could say more.
I walked down to the gardens, and knew that the guard was watching me again, and I blushed and covered my nose and mouth with the wrap to hide my smile. I turned, winking at him as I threw one end of the wrap over my shoulder and walked the flagstone path into the fragrant garden, where the perfume of lilac, jasmine, and rose floated out to greet me on the breeze and I stopped to admire the various blooms. I was cradling a rose in my hand gently as I bowed to smell it when a man dressed neatly passed me and bowed as I smiled and blushed at him. He offered to pick the rose for me, and I told him it was better left on the bush.
I found a low stone bench under a tree overfilled with cherry blossoms, and opened the book in my lap and quietly read from the pages, it reminding me of the philosophical teachings of Socrates as my eyes scanned the page. I was lost in the words when a shadow fell across me. It startled me a bit, and the wrap fell off the crown of my head. From the fact that the person said nothing was a dead giveaway that it was Loki.
"Page 39?" I asked softly and heard a sharp intake of breath. I looked up at him and he stood there looking down at me as if I were a pathetic little thing he tilted his head back and I frowned back up at him. From his entire demeanor, he was still mad. I probably deserved it.
"Yes." He replied curtly, and I closed the book softly and rested my hand on the cover, thinking for a moment.
"I figured that, it trips a lot of people up." I said and studied his face. "Mitchell changed his mind halfway through the narrative and he went back with an original story line, he didn't like the path the current story one was taking and decided to go another road that he liked much better. It made a lot of people think it was a misprint in the book, but it wasn't. I personally like it because it shows how dynamic of a writer he is, and that minds and hearts can be changed so easily by the inertia of just living."
He nodded at me silently and turned to leave and stopped briefly looking over his shoulder and I looked down at the grass as if it were a small city and tried to not be afraid. He regarded me over his shoulder, and I glanced back up at him.
"Still mad about the glitter?" I asked and scooted to offer him a place on the bench but he stayed standing, his back to me and turned back around and pinned me with a cool stare. I cringed and looked up at him as he tilted his head back and pressed his lips together.
"I will collect you this evening at your chambers, I have chosen your attire and I hope that you can control yourself for the duration of the celebration." He said, talking down to me and I shivered a bit. I had messed up royally and I stood up and took in a breath and he looked at me slightly surprised.
"Go for it." I said and he raised one eyebrow at me, as I stood there braced to the chewing out that was to come.
"What?" He asked quietly, and he looked confused.
"Take a cheap shot, chew me out, yell at me, or set my hair on fire. Do something and get it over with." I said and he made a face that said he could not believe that I had just suggested what I had. He still remained stock still as he regarded me coolly.
"I am offended that you suggested I cause you harm." He said and I groaned. I was tired of being an asshole, I was tired of being alone, and I was tired of pushing people who genuinely liked me out of my life because I was so scared to be the person I was becoming. I was tired of hiding in plain sight and I was just plain tired of people thinking I was less than human because of every thought I had in my head did not agree with theirs.
I was tired of being the smart kid among a society of dunces.
I sighed and resigned myself to my fate, throwing my arms out in exasperation as I sat back down on the bench and rubbed my eyes when I heard him turn to leave. I raised my eyes softly and pulled the wrap off my shoulders not sure that I was doing the right thing in that moment, and I had no freaking clue what was going to pop out of my mouth in the next few moments. But I took in a breath and started talking, knowing that I was probably not making any sense at all.
But sometimes you just have to roll the dice.
"My whole life is a huge cosmic joke huh?" I asked him and he turned around, facing me and looked at me suddenly.
"Ever hate yourself for just being alive? You saw me before I came here; that idiot wrapped up in a shell of leather, spikes, and hate, you want to know what was in the bag I was so afraid of losing? Why I ran when I saw you and Thor sitting behind me and following me?" I said and he took in a breath, and I looked down ashamed for my past. I wanted to kick myself for the confession I was about to spill and for what I once was.
"I am not a good person, when I turned sixteen I needed money because I had two more years before I got kicked out of the house and became another homeless person living on the streets. I met a guy, Michael, he said he could get me a job that would fit my lifestyle and he introduced me to David. David offered me a job on one condition, and that condition was: you can never back out. I ran my first three pounds of illegal drugs that day. When I got back, I was given my street name which I went by for several very long years. I was told that if I ever tried to quit, he would let he muscle have turns with me before he put a bullet in my brain and dumped my body somewhere." I said, and nearly started crying. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself as I leaned forward and studied the grass.
"I was afraid, because I was a girl. And I kept doing as I was told, and soon you stop caring about what is in the bag and start looking at it as another workday. Eventually, you look at people and only see the innocent lives who will pretty much just become collateral damage if you mess up and get caught, as lives you destroy if you ever get picked up by the cops. You push everyone out and build a wall around yourself, and just keep doing the job."
"Soon you get asked to steal a car or two, and you get paid for it. After that it is more that just a stupid job, it becomes survival. It is the only thing you know, and the only life you live from then on. A fucked up lifestyle that hangs over your head like a damn ghost that you can't escape. And you stop feeling human after a while. I started drinking after one girl I knew messed up and I had to watch as David's bodyguards had at her. She screamed and looked at me for help, a skinny short girl who they could break like a twig. I knew that if I did anything to stop them they would kill me, and I was in too far to ever get out. That day, I got drunk and celebrated my own funeral because no one else was ever going to."
He sat down and looked at me and I wiped away a tear, and I looked away from him in shame. I felt the mortar in my wall start to crumble more and more as I took in another breath as inside that wall an arm stretched up to the light more, finding freedom and warmth.
"The next day, I woke up in a cheap motel with my life in shattered pieces around me. I went from a throwaway orphan, to a loser criminal with nothing to loose and an expiration date above my head. And then you and Thor picked me up on the street, and brought me here."
"There is no shame in survival." He said and I cringed away from his words.
"No," I said, "Because of that flaw in me, that awful part of myself, I stood by and did nothing. Now I look in mirrors and I don't blink or flinch, because all I see is this monster I became that day because I didn't try to stop those animals when they killed that girl because she wanted out. Everyone thinks I am amazing, but I'm the worst kind of human, the one who turns their back on suffering because I am selfish."
"I just want to say to someone sometimes how sorry I am for my past, but I can't." I finished and sighed down at the grass, the garnet ring on my thumb shining in the sun as I sat there. I felt a hand on my arm and I looked at him and shuddered with the memories that nearly killed me to let out, the words that I was always afraid to utter to another person. He looked at me and he handed me a cloth for my face. I took it and wiped at my eyes and let out a tired sigh, and Loki's hand touched my arm again and I looked at him.
"Forgiven, and you are not a monster. The guilt in you alone proves to everyone that you never where capable of the cruelty a true monster is." He said thickly as his throat worked and he swallowed, I blinked at him shocked and in disbelief and his arms came up and wrapped around me and I struggled a bit against the contact. Eventually relaxed in to him and he patted my shoulder.
"Now stop celebrating your own funeral, as you say, and learn how to live and celebrate your life."
"I don't know how, Loki." I said and my hand gripped his bicep as he gently broke the hug and and held my shoulders at a distance. I looked at him as he took the cloth and mopped at my cheeks.
"As your friend, will you allow me some advice?" He asked me and I nodded as he finished and looked into my eyes. I had never seen this side of him before, and I doubt few really did.
"Tell yourself you deserve a better life, and don't allow anyone to make you feel inferior. Learn to live, you are clever and will be forever remembered as such." He said to me and I smiled.
"Thank you." I said and really meant it this time.
"You are not a bad person." He added, and he looked at me seriously. "Your decisions were bad, and the fact that you feel guilt for your past shows that you are still moral. That in itself is just."
I looked at him, and he gave me a sad smile, and really looked at me and he smoothed my hair and adjusted the diadem for me, and I laughed at my new girlfriend who fussed about the way I looked.
"All fixed, he said, and made the cloth vanish as he sat back. May I say one thing?" I nodded to him silently, and he took my hands gently and smiled.
"Don't let your light fade Little Mouse, you are a wondrous mind trapped behind a past you cannot escape. But like you said, you should leave it there. Stop letting your sins define you, the girl I see in front of me is so much braver than she thinks, and the universe would be poorer if you left it." I sat quietly and couldn't resist my next action. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he jerked back suddenly and slowly relaxed and let me hug him.
"Thank you." I said and he disengaged me gently.
"Why are you thanking me? I am the master of lies and treachery." He said and I composed myself, and smiled at him.
"Truth?" I asked him and he nodded at me.
"Because you are my friend, and what you said was true." He looked at me and smiled a bit chuckling at me, I looked at him as I picked up the book on the bench.
"I also forgive you for your past." I said and nearly regretted saying that, and he just looked at me and his eyes glanced down at the stone bench.
"My dad used to say, when he was cool at least and he was not being a total jerk. That every man with sins seeks redemption, but not every man will ask for it. Arrogance and a lack of reason will keep them from asking; sometimes someone has to show them the road." I said and Loki looked back at me and looked back down at the bench seat.
"I never could figure out what he meant, but I do know now what it means. No one is so lost that they cannot find the road out of perdition, they just sometimes need someone to shove them the right way. You and Thor saved me by bringing me here, and I owe you both that. Maybe I found my purpose in that." I said and saw Aimee walk around the bushes and start waving at me aggressively.
"Oh great." I said and Loki looked over at Aimee, and chuckled to himself.
"Looks like our conversation must be cut short." He said and I stood up and tucked the book under my arm.
"I will see you later then." He said and I smiled and gave him a nervous laugh.
"You better believe it, maybe it will not be so bad after all." I said and he gave a sardonic laugh as I walked away to be trussed up in a fancy dress and tortured for an evening.
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I was nearly ready when the knock came, Aimee settled the braid of hair she was working with on my shoulder and went over and answered the door politely and told whoever it was that I was nearly ready. She returned to her work when another knock came at the door, and she rolled her eyes and shouted at the door.
"She is nearly ready!" She shrieked in the direction of the door and I laughed into my hand at her frustration.
The high necked emerald green dress was too much with the gold embroidery and I felt weighed down, the beads that dotted the gown artfully sparkled with every shift blinding me. Loki chose that damn thing, and I had a feeling this was revenge for the glitter.
Aimee carefully took the braid and wove it into and elaborate style with three others that reminded me of a picture of my full blooded Japanese Grandmother. Behind us, I had turned on Macklemore and we both laughed as Aimee swayed and tapped her feet to Can't Hold Us. The elaborate braids formed a soft diadem at the top of my head and the rest of my hair fell in gentle waves down my back as I watched her pin a hair band of gold and emeralds into the style as another knock came at the door. I put my finger up before she completely lost her mind, and I used my power to turn the volume up on the phone and the speakers bumped with base and drums.
She smiled as I turned and took her hand and pulled her to the middle of the room, and began dancing with her. We turned and met with my hand on her arm, and we swayed as we both laughed as I lifted my skirts and slid on the balls of my feet expertly and clapped my hands to the beat and moved my feet in the syncopated rhythm. We both laughed and I took in large breaths as the song ended. Two girls just having fun before one of them ends up on display.
I sat back down on the seat and Aimee twisted and adjusted my hair carefully as she worked, giving the hair that fell in black silk waves down my back soft curls.
"Let everyone admire, but allow their eyes to pass over you. Give it little attention, but do not be fully unapproachable." Aimee coached me as she added a pale pink color to my lips. "Smile, but remain a mystery, should a man approach and seek your hand, deny him that favor."
"I know that, make them work for it." I said and put on my best Mona Lisa Smile, and picked up a hand mirror like a fan. Using my eyes, my Japanese quarter came out as I used my eyes to beguile and tempt, but remain graceful yet seductive. I turned my face slightly as I lowered the mirror in my hands and parted my lips with delicate grace. Aimee gasped at the effect and I laid the mirror on the table and I brought my hand up to my chin and delicately rested on it, my face a pure slate of mystery as to what my thoughts were. She clapped her hands at the effect and approved with a smile.
"Beguiling, yet completely mysterious Lady." She said breathlessly, and I stood and walked to the mirror and looked over my shoulder flirtatiously at her. She collapsed into a wave of giggles as I blinked slowly once, turning my head to show the curve of my neck and shoulder. I then turned and let the beads on my sleeves glitter in the light as I put my hand on my hip and took a model stance and put one leg in front of the other in that flattering silhouette that made you look like a goddess.
I pivoted again in a graceful float and faced the mirror and I took my own breath away as I looked at my image and I put my hand out as Aimee adjusted the short bustled train behind me. I studied the reflection and saw pale skin wrapped in an Emerald silk dress and topped with amethyst eyes. I took in a breath, and looked at the beautiful creature who looked back at me and sighed, catching my breath at the queen that stood in front of me. I folded my hands to my left side and squared my shoulders and lifted my chin not in a proud way, but in the way an ethereal queen would.
"Aimee," I said and looked in the mirror admiring the graceful swirls of gold embroidery that highlighted my waist and the deep emerald beads that rose in a galaxy from the hem of the gown to become a light dusting at my waist sparkled.
"I have become Desire." My voice whispered and she smiled at me as I turned my head.
"You will have the hearts of many." She said and I blushed, looking at her and shook my head.
"I do not want them." I said and she nodded understanding as another knock came from the door, and even this time I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. Aimee threw her arms out as she walked over to the door and opened it and looked exasperated as voices came from out side in argument. She clapped her hands to silence everyone and they all became silent as she stood in the door blocking entrance and their veiw.
"Wait until you see it, the sight is a horror, truly awful." She said and I laughed at her joke as I walked forward, using my power to turn off the phone completely as she closed the door quickly. Cutting off everyone as the voices rose again to be allowed entrance.
I exploded into laughter and she straightened the dress one final time and she smoothed the fabric over my shoulders, she took her place to open the door as I took the long stem of a white lily from the vase and let it gracefully hang from my hand as I rested my other hand on my hip.
"Perfect, remember to remain graceful in every movement." She said and I looked down at the flower as I brought it up to smell the bloom.
"Let them look," she said. "And remember you are the most powerful woman in the room." Aimee coached finally and I slowly put back on my calm exterior as my heart hammered in my chest. This was going to be hell, but I could survive it.
She then cleared her throat and opened the door and stood to the side as I walked forward and stepped in front of the open door, handing Aimee the flower as everyone watched. I turned my head and was greeted by the sight of five warriors in their best armor staring at me in open amazement. Even Loki stared at me as I looked up at all of them with the mysterious smile on my face and he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against and swallowed visibly as he collected himself quickly.
"Lady." Fandral gasped out and everyone looked at him. "You are a storm in itself, because you have stolen the breath from me."
Everyone turned and glared at him as I folded my hands over my left hip and let the smile fade. Sif slapped the back of his head suddenly and Thor chuckled at the attack.
"We spoke of this Fandral." She said to him and I looked at Sif as Loki rolled his eyes, taking a completely aloof stance and walked forward reaching out for my hand.
"Oh in the name of the Nine Realms." He said and grabbed my my wrist, resting my hand on his. His annoyance evident and I looked up at him, wondering if he was jealous.
"We are late enough and I am starved." He said and he guided me along the hall and he turned to the men in the hall.
"Throw yourselves at her little feet later." He said and I glared at him as we walked. He led me along and I fell into step, and caught him sneaking glances at me out of the corner of his eye and I took my chance as he took a longer glance at me.
"You are going to walk into that pillar." I said and he looked ahead quickly in surprise and I heard him sigh when he saw there was not pillar in his path.
"Not a word little Mouse." He warned and I giggled silently. Every person we passed looked at me, and I did my best to keep Aimee's coaching in my mind as we walked, I smiled again and took another jab at him.
"A word." I said and his hand tightened under mine and I giggled again knowing I had gotten his goat, and held my chin higher knowing I had won that round.
"Exhausted of it all yet Little Mouse?" He asked me and I threw him some sass at his quip as he opened the door to the Great Hall for me and I rolled my eyes.
"We will see who breaks first Magic Dance." I replied as he took my hand again and ushered me into the huge room and din of voices.
"And you call me the God of Sass." He said and I laughed at his joke as everyone, including Odin turned and looked at me. I may have froze like a deer in headlights, my heart giving into hammering. Somehow, I managed to look completely stoic and hid the urge to look down at my feet in shame. Instead I looked past everyone and I stayed quiet. My exterior was calm in collected, inside my heart wanted to burst out of me and run screaming through the halls and dive under my bed back in my rooms.
Ah anxiety…you heartless bitch.
"May I present to all gathered the Lady Lilliana Rose Hawthorne of Midgard, the Illendrial incarnate." Loki said in a clear and loud voice and I wanted to punch him in the dick really bad. I dug a fingernail into the back of his hand and shot him a look that screamed I was going to kill him.
One at a time the people in the hall gave polite bows, and the men looked at me closely, some with predatory grins. Carefully, I put my smile back on and gave a polite wave with grace and calm, slowly blinking as everyone watched my every response. I lifted my chin and denied one man my hand as coached by Aimee when he bowed and tried to kiss it.
"That, Little Mouse, is revenge for the glitter." He said as he released my hand and moved away, I didn't look at him and smiled at a person who walked by and greeted me. He rubbed the back of his hand and I smiled.
"Game on you bastard." I said and looked up at him as he smiled back at me slyly.
"I have the advantage, I have played at this much longer than you." He said and walked through the crowd as a man in royal blue approached me and greeted me with a bow as he walked by.
Sif walked up on my right side, and Thor took my left as I stood in the center of the crowd and the two of them flanked me like columns. Thor offered my his hand in an effort to support me, and I looked up at him and took it gratefully as a blonde woman in a pink dress glared at me with open hostility. Fandral walked past and we stepped forward into the hall and Thor gave my hand a squeeze, and I smiled up at him.
"What was that with Loki?" Sif asked as she leaned into me and I pressed my lips together as another man walked past and bowed to me. I returned the greeting with a wave of my hand and a smile.
"He just challenged me to a game. Keep score, because I am playing to win." I said and Thor laughed and closed his eyes, and he gave my hand another squeeze.
"I already award you two points Lady." He said and I heard Volstagg laugh behind me and Sif sighed openly as Odin approached us and reached out to take my hand from Thor as I gave a polite curtsy to the King. He smiled and he tucked my hand into his elbow as he stood over me and I blushed gracefully and the woman in pink stopped shooting daggers at me with her eyes.
"It is good to see you have gone two days without injury, and that you are reconciled with Thor." He said and smiled proudly.
"He calls me his sister, it makes me happy to be considered that good and close of a friend." I replied and Odin smiled again and looked at me.
"You bless this old man by gracing my arm with your beauty." I smiled and blushed at his compliment and internally screamed a bit but did not show it. I resisted rolling my eyes and continued to smile and think of something witty to say.
"I am the one who should be grateful for your protection and this honor you have given me. I will do everything I can to please you." I replied and looked over his shoulder to see Thor hold up another finger to indicate that I was given another point, and I smiled widely at it. I gave a swift jerk of my head toward Loki and Thor held up two fingers and smiled, indication I was ahead in the game.
Odin returned my smile and he lead me gently to a severe looking man with waxy skin, who wore black robes as he spoke to another white haired man who looked like a sweet grandfather with his white beard.
"This is Lord Raithbourne and Lord Seventaka." Odin introduced me and the grandfatherly man stepped forward and took my free hand and cradled it in one of his.
"A sweet looking girl," He said and he smiled. "Such eyes that burn with intelligence."
"Lord Sventaka, is a scientist and a Seer, he will tell you what he sees in the stars, and will tempt you with your future." Odin said and I turned my hand in his.
"What do you see for me Sir?" I asked him politely and he looked in my eyes and studied me kindly, his hands shook with palsy as he looked down at the lines and gently closed his hands over mine.
"Great things dear child," He said. "You have a universe of possibilities in you, and your destiny is that of kindness and graces few will ever have. I see a lifetime of love and respect from the one who claims your heart"
I smiled at the old man and decided that I liked him instantly and kissed his cool cheek, he looked shocked at me for a moment and smiled and I saw a blush under his beard form. The other man came forward and regarded me as if I were nothing more than a piece of furniture, and gently moved the other lord aside as he stared down at me. I wanted to shrink under his stare and I had a feeling that he was going to be a tormentor while I stayed in Asgard.
"Such a pretty little thing," He said smiling me down at me with yellow teeth. "Perhaps you could illuminate me with what pretty little words you have charmed both of the Odinsons with."
"Lord Raithbourne is a scholar of Philosophy and civilizations in general, and an adviser to me in many matters." Odin said shortly and glared at the man for his chastisement.
"Do you know anything of the teachings of Buddha? He is a Deity on earth, and his teachings are of kindness and grace in the pursuit of true enlightenment." He stepped back and I looked up at him politely.
"I do not; illuminate me to these pretty words." Raithbourne said and the room went quiet. I took in a breath to launch my attack and let it out slowly as Thor and Sif moved behind the two men. Waiting on baited breath to hear how I would handle this attack on my person.
"Perhaps I am a pretty little thing, but every person lives within the perceptions of their peers. It is human nature to seek out a purpose and path to follow in life, and general acceptance in part of the teachings of Buddha as well as Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Shelter, comfort, and companionship are the base desires of people everywhere, but in their pursuits to satisfy the primal needs they starve their spiritual needs as well. It is sad, and it is a fact of the human condition. Buddha teaches that that path of enlightenment is through compassion, kindness, self reflection, and study. The teachings tell us to find such enlightenment in the small, wonder in the minute, and joy in the simple. There is a vast wisdom in the teachings, one such is that the people around you can be influenced by the smallest of actions, and that inertia can be built from a breath. What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create. Through action and kindness, the perceptions of others on you can be changed for the better. I live by his teaching that I should not say anything unless what I have to say is more beautiful than silence." I said as the entire room stopped and listened closely to me, and I looked up and saw Thor hesitantly hold up ten fingers and smiled at them.
"Sentiments from a pretty girl." Raithbourne challenged.
"Wisdom so vast that it is still pursued to this day." I retorted and Odin patted the hand in his elbow as he turned to move me away me away.
"It was a pleasure to meet you both." I said politely and bowed to the men as Odin took me around the room and introduced me to other men. As we left the last of his advisers, Odin laughed deeply and gave my hand a gentle squeeze as he escorted me to the center of the room. I looked over at him, and he smiled down at me and chuckled again.
"You will have to further give me some instruction in your thoughts and philosophies." He said as we walked past Loki. "I find your mind most fascinating, and I was amused by how you handled Raithbourne. The man is terrible at times, and often thinks himself wiser than me."
Odin let my hand go, and I blushed at his compliment and looked into his eye and saw a sparkling laughter there. Thor held up another ten fingers over his head and I laughed and ticked my head back at Loki, and he held up six.
Odin left me standing there as a woman in a beautiful rose colored gown who approached me. She was heavily pregnant, I congratulated her as Loki's hand snaked around my arm and he leaned down close to my ear. The woman blushed at my well wishes and she smiled.
"Clever Little Mouse." He said, and I turned on him and took my arm back. "You may be doing well, but the night is long."
I looked up at him and he looked down at me with smirk, and I wanted to wipe the smugness off of him.
"Let me know when you start to sweat a bit." I said and turned. But he caught my arm again before I could walk away.
"Now the real question of your cleverness." Loki said, and I looked at him. "Can you dance?"
My smile dropped and I looked at him, the look he gave me back told me he saw the panic in me.
"Not a funny joke." I said and he smiled at me.
"I was not joking." He replied and I internally screamed.
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Tired and feeling like a prized horse on display, I made it through the banquet and enjoyed the food for what it was. Odin kept pressing me as to the teachings of Buddha and the philosophies of the religion as I sat on his right, and he seemed generally interested as Thor listened from his left side.
I had to admit that I did enjoy talking to him, and I felt like an equal instead of a girl with enough brains to pick up a book. I realized then that all the men here treated me as an equal. With the exception of Raithbourne of course, and I actually felt like my opinions were not looked down on. Odin even asked a few questions when he became confused with a line of thought, and I smiled and patiently explained them all and he allowed me to ramble as we both sat. Loki tapped his fingers on the table as I talked and Odin laughed at a little joke I made about being reincarnated as a mouse if you were ever judged to be cruel to cats in your current life. He let out a booming laugh, and Thor raised five fingers quickly and I laughed back, putting on the charm as I sipped from my cup.
"Such a clever mind." Odin said, and drank his wine. "Loki and Thor have given me a fair assessment of your thoughts Child. It is so good to see that your mind is so accepting as well to all the teachings you read, and that you are clever to navigate an ever changing world."
Thor smiled, and lifted another two fingers and I laughed.
"Usually the way I think annoys everyone." I said and Odin set his cup down and did not hide his annoyance at that thought.
"You have a mind that is sound; do not let them judge you for that." He replied and touched my hand. "Tell me what gives them the right to judge you, tell me the thoughts that circle in your mind that allows them irritation."
"I believe in free choice, that people are not stagnant, but dynamic. Every part of the mind and personality is shaped by the events of their lives. I believe there are no facts. Those are infinitely boring, but the more interesting gray areas in between the black and the white. The what if and the why. I believe that human nature is not something to be shamed, but to be celebrated, and emotions are a part of what makes us unique and should never be erased." I said to Odin and sighed.
"You look to open souls and read private thoughts." Loki said and briefly paused as he drummed his fingers on the table in annoyance. I smiled at the challenge and took it.
"No." I said. "I look past the person and the event itself. If you only look at one thread in a tapestry, you will never see the whole picture. But, if you step back, you will see the multitude of threads that make up a glorious and beautiful landscape."
"Sounds like she only wishes to see truth." Thor said in my defense and I smiled at him widely.
"Sounds like a silly girl." Loki retorted and I glared at him. "One life cannot change minds, one mind cannot change the way the tide reaches the shores." He said and waved his hand in front of him. I picked up the cup of wine and took a sip, and smiled over the rim of it at him in the same way I looked over the mirror at Aimee and he stopped as his eyes met mine.
"What is an ocean, but a multitude of drops?" I said and Odin chuckled. "I may be only one life among many, but I have inertia, and that is what all beings live to follow."
Loki sat back in his chair, and nodded his approval when I looked over his shoulder and noticed musicians preparing to play music, the plates were taken away from in front of me. My cup was refilled and I must have gone very pale, because Loki looked amused at me and I collected myself quickly.
I didn't know how to dance, and it was about to become painfully evident.
Loki sat forward and smiled wickedly, as I took in a breath. I thought he was going to ask me to dance, and internally I looked forward to stepping all over his feet but his smile faded and I saw Fandral approach the table.
"I hope you don't mind," Loki said. "I told Fandral that you would give him the honor of the first dance."
I smiled at his amusement and I leaned closer to him and took in a deep breath as he looked at me. I glared back at him and he smiled widely at my discomfort, knowing he won this round.
"You get the second dance, and I am going to gut you like a fish next time we do armed sparring." I said and I sat back. "I am going to step all over your feet when we dance too."
"What is a threat between friends Little Mouse?" He said and leaned on the arm of his chair toward me and reached across himself to grab me by the upper arm and pull my ear close to him as my heart skipped a beat.
"You are very beautiful tonight, and you look ravishing in emerald." He said and I turned blushing toward him, I was going to thank him when he sat back in his chair and I sighed instead, my heart missing a beat suddenly.
Fandral bowed to me and I smiled politely.
"Lady Lilliana, will you give me the honor of the first dance?" He asked me and I stood up reluctantly, but smiled graciously to him. I gracefully stepped around Loki and gave the back of his head a push forward as I walked behind him, and he glared at me for the cheap shot.
"Between friends." I said and smiled as I walked to accept Fandral's hand and curtsied at him, he led me out to the center of the room after kissing my hand gently. I may or may not have been good at dancing, but I still made it my life's esteem to step on Fandral's toes as much as I could as he took the lead and we both began gliding around the floor.
"Are you still fighting with Loki?" He asked me and I sighed and smiled.
"No, we are friends again and now we are just picking on one another. Want to join in?" I said and he turned me suddenly, nearly knocking me off my feet and he braced me expertly to make my tripping look like it was on purpose.
"Apologies dear Lady, I was captivated by the stars that twinkle in the twilight of your eyes." He said and I internally screamed, but still blushed as he led me gracefully in a turn.
"Fandral…." I said and he laughed showing every tooth.
"I know my dear, but it is such fun to tease you. Your embarrassment and the way you hide is humorous." He said and winked with a twitch of his mustache.
"I really doubt this whole time you have been teasing me." I said as he smiled again and I nearly fell over when he dipped me.
"My eyes see your loveliness, but I fear my heart belongs to another. She is the only woman I desire to protect my heart, and I adore her sweetness." He said and I laughed. "A warning here, I plan to lift you, please brace your hands on my shoulders." I raised my eyebrows as his hands slipped to my waist, and he turned while lifting me. I giggled a bit and the people watching clapped at the spectacle.
"Don't break her heart flirting with me then." I said to him as he set me back down and led me off again.
"I will still take every moment I can to remind you of your beauty. You seem deprived of kindness." He replied and bowed to me as the music ended, and I returned the courtesy. I smiled at him and I admit it, I felt a bit like Cinderella at the ball.
"If you will forgive me Lady, I will go to my sweet Aimee now." I let my jaw drop open and I smiled at him and laughed openly at Fandral as he turned and left me. Sif walked over and she was smiling broadly as she took my hand and they pulled me aside.
"You have the whole room charmed, Thor and I are still keeping score and we are all impressed." She picked up a cup of wine and drank from it, and then handed it to me and I took a drink. My head was becoming fuzzy, so I decided to slow down. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Loki walking up to us with a scowl on his face and I ignored him. Sif leaned in and gave me a quick point to my right, and I nodded I had seen him.
"Someone else has been staring at you all night." She said and I turned toward her and wanted to correct her about Fandral, but Thor stepped in and laughed loudly, giving me a hug and I had to pass the cup to Sif before I spilled wine all over myself.
Thor looked tired, but happy. A group of young women led by the blonde girl in pink who glared at me again as Thor let me go, followed him like lost puppies. I couldn't help but laugh at him as he helped me keep my balance and Loki rolled his eyes.
"Hey Justin Beiber, going to introduce us to your fan club?" I asked and Sif passed me back the cup, Loki intercepting it and set it on a tray carried by a man as he passed.
"Do you ever speak a language anyone can understand?" Loki asked and Sif laughed at his joke.
'Oh ye of little faith," I said and he rolled his eyes. "I am not the one who tried to force me to cave under the pressure by shoving Fandral at me."
I tapped my chin with the tip of my fingers and the group of women looked shocked at my sudden standing up to Loki. I took it as a sign that everyone was pretty much afraid of crossing him and the mixture of wine and a good time really made me a bit more defiant.
"She is ahead of you on the score." Thor said to Loki and the blonde in pink batted her eyes up at him and giggled, her hanging on every word Thor said was becoming a bit gross and I tried hard not to cringe openly. Loki sighed and remained aloof to everything, a smile crossing his face that really said he was so up to nothing good at all.
"Whatever you are thinking, don't do it." I warned and Thor looked at him as if he agreed.
"I have seen that look before, it means nothing good will come of it." Sif said and glared at him.
"I was planning nothing." Loki said and pretended to look hurt and he looked down.
"I know that smile." I said and planted my hands on my hips as the fan club looked on shocked. "You were so planning something, could I please have a streak of three or more days where no one is beating me up, or I end up in the hospital?"
I sighed and reached for another cup of wine as another man passed us with a tray and Loki stopped my by grabbing my wrist gently. Behind me, I could hear the group of girls take in a shocked breath at the scene, and I rolled my eyes at him.
"Then may I suggest you not have anything more to drink?" He said smiling condescendingly down at me, and my hand curled into a fist as I pressed my lips together. I glared at him for a second longer and then broke into laughter and Thor joined in and I pulled my hand back.
"You may have a good idea there." I said and the blonde blinked confused at what she had just seen. She huffed and giggled louder, trying to get Thor to look down at her and I did everything I could not to groan.
"Your fan club is lost." I said to Thor and the blonde glared at me as he laughed at my joke.
"At least I don't have the favor of Loki." She snapped at me, and my head whipped around at her and my mouth fell open.
"Excuse me Blonde Ambition?" I said and noticed that Loki had tensed visibly, probably knowing that I was about to get into some trouble. Sif backed up a bit, and she glared at the girl as well. My fist curled and I fought the urge to use my powers to knock her bony ass across the room.
"Does his kiss chill you? I have always wondered that, he being a half Jotun. Vile and disgusting as he is."
'No one insults my friends bitch." I growled and saw red as I stepped toward her. "You pathetic little hanger on, but if you had more than two brain cells, you would know not to mess with me."
I said and turned to leave and looked at Loki. He looked at the woman and raised a warning finger to her but she cut him off before he could say anything.
"I am insulted you call him a friend, he is a monster and should be in chains." She spat at me, and I saw the look of honest hurt on Loki's face and I pinched my lips together. I felt a hand hit my shoulder as I spun around on Barbie.
"Oh princess, you think he is the scary one, you definitely have not met me. I am not the person with which you should fuck." I said, and Loki tried to calm me, but it was so on.
You can take the girl off Earth, but you can't that the Earth off the girl.
Thor grabbed the blondes shoulders, and Loki pulled my arm back before I could knock the stupid off the girl in front of me. He held my arm back, and pulled back to remind me we were in a gathering, but I did not care at that point.
"I do not fear you….." She started, but I cut her off.
"I'm sorry, all I could here is the whistling caused by the wind passing between your ears." She instantly turned red and her hand shot out and I caught her wrist with my free hand before she could make contact, and she looked at me dumbly. A smile of pure seething rage crossed my face and I looked right at her.
"Oh yeah." I said and smiled wide, her eyes opened in panic as she realized we were about to fight. Loki wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me off my feet as Thor grabbed the brat and they both separated us as it got ugly.
"Brother, perhaps it is time to act as peacekeepers before someone spends the night in the dungeon." Thor said as she struggled against him trying to get to me, and I found a space in Loki's formal armor and delivered an elbow to it as I tried to get at Barbie. He groaned but did not let me go. I reached down and took a shoe off my foot and got ready to throw it at her, and Loki grabbed my wrist with one hand before I could throw it.
"Bitch!" I spat at her with my feet off the floor, and she glared at me and her arms flailed angrily.
"Whore of Loki!" She threw back and I lost it completely and struggled against Loki's grip and I growled.
"No one touches me bitch, and you are one to talk about being a whore. I'm surprised you aren't the bicycle of Asgard. Everyone gets a ride." I said to her as I struggled against Loki. She hissed at me swinging her hands out in anger, and I struggled more.
"Thor, my combatant is feistier than yours, could you please silence yours?" Loki said and laughed a bit and Sif stepped in between us as the room went silent.
"Quim!" She shrieked at me.
"Stupid Blonde!" I spat back and the entire Great Hall went silent as I struggled more, and Loki tightened around my hips painfully, probably bruising me but I didn't care though. I was about to scalp a bitch.
"Let me go Loki," I shouted and he kept holding on. "I want to join the Smack a Hoe Tribe." Sif stopped and looked at me as I struggled and I groaned at her.
"I'll explain it later." I said and worked my hips free and Loki had his arms around my shins and my ass was planted on the side of his head.
"Thor…..loosing her…silk dress…..Sif help!" Loki said as I got a leg free, and I was basically straddling his arms and we both went over like a badly played game of Jenga. I sprang up and Loki grabbed my ankle and pulled be back under him along the marble floor, my dress riding up and bunching around my thighs in the struggle. There was still no way this bitch was getting away with insulting my friends and calling me a whore.
"Tell me something," Blondie spit out and I tried to pull myself out from under Loki, and two guards walked forward to break up the fight before it escalated more.
"Thor says you are an orphan, did your parents die to get away from you?" I froze suddenly, and it felt like the wind got knocked out of me as everyone looked at her as I heard even Loki gasp at what just came out of her mouth.
"If you were my child, I certainly would die to be free of a creature as vile and ugly as you." She said triumphantly, knowing she had won the fight and just took a last cheap shot at me. I looked up at her and saw her smirk, and Loki let me go and I lay on the ground and tried to breathe. Sif reached down for me and I felt hot tears blur the edges of my vision as everyone stood around quietly in disbelief of what was just said.
Without a word, I jumped and reappeared in my room, and allowed myself to lie on the cold marble floor and wrapped myself in pain and memories as I screamed at the ceiling.