Rick's POV

"I'll help Ellie get ready for pre-k. Can you start breakfast?" Kate asks and, even though I don't want Kate to leave my sight, I nod and unwrap my arms from her waist.

"Don't worry. I'll just be upstairs," She says sensing my fears.

"Yeah, well there is a fire escape up there." I mumble as she starts up the stairs with Ellie.

"Oh I can't believe I didn't think about that one. Thanks Rick," Kate says flashing me my favorite smile. As I pull out the ingredients to make scrambled eggs out, I try to keep my fears at bay. Kate's upstairs, I keep reminding myself, She didn't leave again. I make enough eggs to feed Kate, Ellie, and me before putting apple juice for Ellie on the table and then walking back to the counter to prepare coffee for Kate and me. While pouring our coffee, I feel a set of arms snake around my waist. "The fire escape was tempting, but not as much as you are," my favorite voice says before I feel kisses being peppered on the skin of my neck. I pull Kate around me and into my arms before kissing her once more.

"I love you," I whisper after we break apart from our kiss.

"I love you too."

"Always," We say together smiling.

"I've got something for you," I say smiling all the way to my eyes.

"Oh really, and what might that be?" She asks, smiling back since I'm betting she had already figured out what I was going to hand her.

"The secret to eternal happiness," I say as I hand her a cup of coffee.

"And here I was thinking all this time that the secret of happiness was you." She says before taking a sip.

"Then why did you run?" I immediately regret the words once they are out of my mouth as I feel Kate tense up slightly in my arms.

"Rick, not now." She says, her eyes suddenly down cast. "Not until Ellie's gone. Please…"

"I understand, sorry." I wish I hadn't brought it up. A silent moment passes until Ellie's voice fills the room, questioning a hundred different things, just like every morning. While we eat there is no time to talk about what happened since Ellie is sitting with us, so I try to focus on what she is talking about, but I can only think of more unanswered questions, the biggest one being why did she feel like she had to run?

"I'll take Ellie to pre-k ok?" Kate's voice pulls me from my thought and I feel her hand squeeze mine just a little bit from her spot to my left.

"Only if you return to me," I say before leaning over and kissing her cheek.

"Always." She says before walking out the front door holding Ellie's hand. Once I see them on the street walking towards pre-k, I try to sit and write but Nikki Heat isn't coming to mind, only Kate Beckett Castle.

"Wow, you wrote so much while I was gone." I look up from my blank Word document to see Kate looking at my screen over my shoulder.

"I can't help it. My muse left me," I say talking in both senses, the one in my head and the one standing next to me. Her arms lightly wrap around my neck and I pull her into my arms before lightly kissing her lips.

"Well I'm back now, so the muse should be back," She says smiling.

"My muse can't return until we talk through it all," I say and I watch the corners of her mouth turn down a bit.

"Ok, let's talk then." She says calmly.

"Why did you run?" I ask, getting straight to the point right off the bat.

"Because I needed to deal with what happened. Rick, I lost our child and that hurt. To think that I harmed our child- that he or she was dead because of me," Tears rise to her eyes before they look away from mine. "I couldn't deal with it where I knew you would tell me it wasn't my fault, and forgive me. I needed to punish myself for not being able to protect our child. And I needed to know that Ellie would be safe until I knew I was ok."

"What…? Kate-"

"Rick you heard what Cindy Roberts said. She claimed that she went crazy after her miscarriage. What if that happened to me and I ended up hurting Ellie? I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I did."

"Then why did you come home?" I ask, not in an angry voice, but in a questioning one.

"There are two reasons. One, I hadn't gone crazy at that point so I knew I wasn't a threat to Ellie anymore.-"

"Kate you never were a threat to Ellie. You are the best mother and you would never hurt her."

"But Cindy-"

"Cindy Roberts used her miscarriage as reasoning to hurt her ex-boyfriend. You wouldn't do that because you are one of the strongest people I know." She looks into my eyes as a single tear rolls slowly down her cheek. I wipe it away as I place a kiss on her forehead. "What was your second reason?"

"I was trying to stop myself from hurting you and Ellie even more, but message after message I could hear I was hurting you and once I heard Ellie on my voicemail, I knew I had to come home to stop the pain from getting even worse."

"Kate, what about you? You had to deal with it alone; I get that, but why did you have to punish yourself?"

"On the day that I lost our son or daughter, I had felt weird all day. I may have been able to save him or her, but I didn't. Rick, I-I-I could have saved out child." Her emotions, at this point, were making it hard for her to breathe. "How- why- I-" She bites her lip trying to control the sob that was trying to be set free. "I ignored my-my-my gut and… I lost him or her. Why-why-why sho-sho-shouldn't I suffer?" The tears finally won their fight and started running freely down her face. Late lowers her head to lay on my shoulder as her emotions take over. I hold my wife and rub soft circles on her back as she works through her grief because the worst part of her grief is I can't control it or change how it makes her feel. The best thing I can do is try to help her feel it when it comes and help her let it go when she's ready.