Port sat calmly at his desk, sipping chai and taking a few deep breaths in. He was steadying himself during the student's lunch break.

Suddenly Oobleck burst into the room. "IT'S HAPPENED. FIRST TIME THIS YEAR. SOMEBODY'S STOLEN MY COFFEE. AND I THINK I KNOW THE CULPRIT." he blurted.

Port's eyebrows shot up. "Calm down! Could you explain more carefully, Barty?" Port queried.

Oobleck nodded.

"I woke up at approximately 0630 this morning to brew some of my special 'Lightning Dust' coffee. And I observed a bag of the coffee beans missing from amongst my collection of 742 bags. I planned out how to catch the culprit before rushing to you, dear friend, because in the wrong dosages, this coffee could be extremely dangerous." Oobleck ranted.

Port nodded, in a state of ever so slight confusion.

"..Wait, I remember you saying that drinking one cup can make you hallucinate, and I've seen you drink 17 cups on your diet days.." Port recalled.

Oobleck merely pushed his spectacles up and stood there in contemplation for a moment. "I have learned to ride the Nevermore, not let the Nevermore ride me." he said with such resolute firmness that Port actually believed the madman.

"Who do you think the culprit is, then?" Port asked.

"Evan Jennings." was Oobleck's reply.

"Why?"

"Because he's acting the way I did when I had my first cup in the cafeteria." Oobleck answered.

In the Courtyard..

Evan had Cardin pinned to the floor with throwing knives, and had a knife pointing straight for Cardin's manhood. "CALL ME A SHORTASS ONE MORE TIME, MY FRIEND! IF I HEAR THOSE WORDS COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IN THE EXACT ORDER I HEARD FROM YOUR FUCKBOY ASS, I WILL CRUSH YOU." Evan roared, his face the epitome of displeasure.

"I didn't say anything.." Cardin faltered.

"NO, TRUST ME, I HEARD YOU WERE TALKING SHIT. RULE NUMBER ONE: DO NOT TALK SHIT ABOUT ME IN MY EARSHOT. I will beat the shit out of you. Then I will break your ribs." Evan replied, going from shouting to a dull roar.

"It's true. Not taking back anything I said." Cardin quipped.

The results were exactly what you would expect from a drugged-up, bordering on inHABITED Evan.

Noah and the others were shaking their heads. "That's nasty as fuck." was all Noah said.

"Well, let's look at the bright side, at least Evan didn't break his ribs yet- I stand corrected." Caught asserted.

What else did drugged Evan do that day? Horrible things.

Evan sat behind Noah, just sucking in air. Noah turned to Evan and opened his mouth to say "What the fuck." Evan suddenly got up on his desk and burst into roaring pirate chanteys.

Now they were doodling pictures in Port's class. Evan just stared at the paper, horrified. "AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Evan bellowed. "I can help," Patrick whispered into Evan's ear. Evan recoiled, disgust on his face. "Get away from me, you malicious suspenders-wearing Faustian demon." he cried, pointing at Patrick.

"I'm not a demon." Patrick replied. "You're lying and we all know it." Evan snapped.

Sadly enough, it did not end for the rest of Team CTNE when night fell.

They had to deal with Evan singing songs from The Clash and Alice Cooper, right up until Noah duct-taped Evan's head to a pillow.

Then there was blessed silence.

Author's Note: Please forgive me for the short chapters. It's Super Bowl weekend and I'm tired as fuck. Normal updates should resume by tomorrow.

Please review. It brings me happiness, and dare I say it, determination.