Author's Note: This chapter is a bit angsty and not really fluffy because I felt that it was needed. Hopefully this will be the last angsty chapter for a while because I want to try and focus on getting cute Caskett back and happy, but you never know. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy reading:) Lizzy

Kate's POV

The first few days at the Hamptons have been pretty lazy as the focus has been on Rick, Ellie, and I just relaxing but I know that soon Rick and I need to discuss how we are going to get past this. I want to move on with our lives, but I also need to know that Rick and I are going to be ok. The only way I will know for sure is for the two of us to talk about it, because when we don't talk about it nothing changes. Seeing as there's no better time than the present, especially since Rick put Elli to bed almost an hour ago. Rick was reading the New York Times on his iPad and I had been mindlessly trying to focus on the next chapter in my book so I decide to shut the book since I don't know what's going on anyway.

"Hey Babe?" Rick turns slightly, still sort of reading.

"Mmh?" Rick's standard reply calms my nerves slightly.

"Are we going to be ok?" And with that, Rick's attention was only focused on me.

"What do you mean?"

"Are we going to be able to get past everything?" I search his eyes trying to get the best read I can.

"I thought we were starting to." Rick states.

"But we haven't talked about it, at least not fully. We avoid talking about it. And I don't think we will be anywhere near where our relationship was if we avoid talking about it."

"Kate we did talk about it though, somewhat anyway. I think time it going to heal us." Rick was trying to avoid talking about it, something that annoys me more than I think he realizes.

"Why do you do that?!" The words fly out of my mouth faster and harsher than I meant for them to. The confusion and hurt I saw in Rick's eyes told me he didn't understand my outburst.

"Do what? Stay optimistic?"

"No avoid talking about some of the big things in our life."

"Kate, I do talk about the important things in our lives. I talk about Ellie, Alexis, my love for you-"

"You're doing it again. You know that's not what I mean." I almost wish I hadn't brought it up now. You know what, fine! Let's just let time do it's thing and when nothing changes don't wine to me about it." I say angrily before pushing myself off the couch.

"Wait, now you're mad at me?" Rick follows my movements and now we are standing across from each other.

"Oh, you figured that much out," the sarcasm poured out my mouth like water. "Just forget I brought it up ok? We can just avoid talking about it forever."

"Kate, I don't get what you want. First you want to talk about it. Then you get mad at me for not wanting to deal with this right now. And now you want to just forget about it. What do you want from me Kate?"

"I want you to want to fix this as much as I'm trying to." And as I hear the words I realize what that probably sounded like to Rick.

"You think I don't want to fix us?!"

"Rick-"

"No, Kate. You don't get to say that. I'm trying ok? If I had gotten angry when you brought it up would that have made it clearer? Do you want me to fight with you?"

"Well that would be better than us pretending everything is ok. We lost a child! You can't just go about living like it didn't happen."

"Yeah we lost a child and you lied about it. And I was trying to get past it. But if we want to play the blame game, then fine. I'll play." The anger in Rick's eyes became more apparent as it started to show through to his other features as well. "We lost a child and you didn't even feel like you could talk to me about it. And after you did tell me, you up and left. Even though I understand why you felt the need to leave-"

"You're still mad at me for leaving." I say pointedly.

"Yeah, you're damn right I'm still mad. And I was trying to get past the fact that my own wife doesn't trust me, but that's hard to do when all she wants to do is-"Rick stops his own sentence and I can't help but wonder what he was going to say.

"When all I want to do it what Rick?" I feel the tears starting to form and I can see a matching set in Rick's eyes.

"Kate, we are not 'ok'." Rick makes air quotes around the word I had asked earlier. "But I want to believe that once day we will be better than ok. But I don't think that it's going to be right now." And with that he starts to walk out of the living room.

"So that's it?" Rick turns around to look at me. "We might be better than ok one day?!"

"Please don't make me do this." Rick's voice is soft and pleading.

"Do what?" I ask, wondering about the sudden change in Rick's voice.

"Please don't make me hurt you by taking me anger out on you." Rick's words surprise me. HE walks towards me until he is standing close to me.

"Rick, if we want to get past this there's going to be some hurt. We lost a child, we're going to grieve."

"But we don't have to have a full on argument and end up in tears to get past this. You asked me what I was feeling when we talked about this last. Well I'll admit I'm angry and hurt, but I know you're hurting too. Kate, you're my wife and I love you so much. I don't want to cause you more pain."

"Well I already caused you so much pain. It's only fair that you get your share-"

"Stop." I look into Rick's eyes. "I don't want to be even. I'm dealing with pain but I'm not going to just pass it off to you. I just want to grieve the child we lost with you. I don't want you to feel guilty or that you deserve more pain ok?" His hand reaches up to brush a curl away from my face before he says, "Kate I love you. Can we try to talk it out instead of arguing, please? I don't want to do this anymore." He says remorsefully.

"Yeah, I don't want to argue either." I reach to grab his hand. "Maybe we take this step by step? Work at it day by day?"

"I think that sounds good." And with that I reach my other hand to touch his face.

"I love you too, by the way." I say with a small smile.

"I know you do," Rick says before pulling me in for a kiss. "We'll take it day by day but can we start tomorrow?" I feel my mouth open slightly in confusion and I have to look away from him so the pain doesn't show through. But his hand reaches to my face and turns me back to looking into his blue eyes. "Tonight I just want to spend the night with my wife. No more arguing, no more heavy conversation, just us."

"Ok," I say before leaning into kiss him once again.

(The next morning)

When we are on vacation, Ellie tends to sleep later than when we are at home due to how she's running around playing more than most days. It's nice in some aspects because Rick and I can wake up at our own accord. We can wake up when the sun gets too bright to stay asleep anymore. That's how I woke up this morning, anyway. As I turn away from the beams streaming in from the window I find myself looking at Rick's sleeping face. He seems so peaceful and I find it so hard to look away. How did I ever get lucky enough to have this man love me? I got lost in my thoughts for a few moments, thinking about all the little things about Rick that I love.

"Someone told me it's creepy to stare." Rick's voice pulls me from my thoughts, the rough edge to his voice would have told anyone he just woke up.

"I can't help it. Sometimes I just have to stare, so that I can believe it."

"Believe what?" Rick asks.

"That I really get to wake up next to the man I love." The smile that appears on Rick's face shines brighter than the sun beams I had turned away from only moments earlier.

"Believe me, I'm the one who's lucky to get to wake up next to you. I love you Kate. So much."

"I love you too Rick. No matter what, I will always love you."