The team sidles out of the cage quickly sensing the impending explosion.
They all knew it was coming.
The only reason the elephant in the room had been avoidable so far was that they hadn't gotten a call out since they returned from Iran.
Up until now they could try to pretend that all was normal and they were just on a long break between missions.
It wasn't true. But sometimes it was nice to live in denial.
Maybe it won't be as bad as they think. Maybe Jaz will take the news that Top looks like he is about to break better than expected.
"You CANT be serious"
Never mind.
Her immediate and loud tone of incredulity says otherwise. Hell, Top hadn't even gotten the words out before her temper was flaring.
Jaz wasn't dumb. She knew what protocol was and she saw him coming a mile away. His slight hesitation upon approach betraying that he wasn't just entering the gun cage to grab some ammo.
She knows exactly what the issue is.
McG looks around and sees Amir and Preach surreptitiously exiting the area alongside him.
This omega team is filled with strong, capable, brave warriors.
And these brave capable warriors definitely weren't scurrying away from the icy venom in her tone and the explosiveness they knew was bottled up within.
They definitely weren't afraid of being caught in the crossfire and pulled into the argument.
No, they were just retreating a bit to give Jaz and Top some space, some well deserved privacy of course.
Yeah that was it.
He catches Amir's eye as he pulls his bag off the counter and slings it over his shoulder to finishing packing outside. The CIA operative lets out a low, almost soundless whistle and he nods in agreement.
Yep, this is going to be ugly.
Preach, to his right, just shakes his head slowly but says nothing as he exits slowly behind the pair of them. He is quiet now but McG is willing to bet he is busy prepping a a few words for later. They likely will be deep and metaphorical and barely make sense and yet also make all the sense in the world.
As they reconvene in the kitchen he realizes that he can now barely make out the dull rumble of Top and Jaz arguing. He can hear the edge to their tone and gets the impression sharp words are being exchanged its surprisingly restrained and it hasn't risen out of control like he kind of expected. Usually when those two go at it you can hear every word for miles even if you aren't trying to.
Conflict is actually a fairly rare thing on their team.
Adam does a good job at fostering a healthy environment between his operators. Maybe better than any CO McG has ever served under.
But Jaz is Jaz.
She is fiery and passionate and blunt and is the epitome of what people mean when they say someone who wears their heart on their sleeve.
All those things make her someone to be reckoned with in the field but they also occasionally lead to fireworks. He can think of an occasion or two where Adam hasn't found the right words to get through to his sniper. For example, there was a steep learning curve when she first joined the team, both for her and for them. Back before the groundwork of trust and open communication had been laid there had been a couple of times where things had gotten misconstrued and bottled up until they had blown up and gotten heated and loud.
Given time and space things normally cool off and are fine. And he expects this will be one of those times but really there probably was no winning for Adam in this scenario. No matter how he framed it, what words he used, Jaz was never going to like the answer that she had to stay behind on this mission. No matter how he said it he was going to be the bad guy.
Unfortunately they were always going to have to cross this bridge at some point in her recovery unless the world stopped turning and all the evil in the world decided to take a conveniently timed hiatus.
A part of him wishes it had actually come sooner, as counter intuitive as that seems.
It might not have been as tough a pill for Jaz to swallow when she was still really feeling the effects of her torture. When she had been on copious painkillers and moving around like a grandma at the beginning even she probably would have admitted that she wasn't able to go. He knew for a fact that she would never go on a mission if she thought she would endanger her teammates by being less than on top of her game.
But now she was on the upswing. Bruises healing, stiffness relaxing, more energy, they can all tell she is starting to feel better. She has even started to train under a few restrictions. And now obviously she is feeling well enough to believe that she could handle a mission. Whether or not that is true… she believes it. And what is more after being under the microscope for 2 weeks, being the one that everyone is fussing over, and being treated like she might break and worst it all being the one that had to be rescued, you know she is dying to get back out there and prove that she can handle herself.
So, yah…. Good luck with that Top.
Sometimes rank has its privileges. This is not one of those times.
Sure enough the cage door slams and a blur of black hair and black clothes brushes by them before pushing aggressively through the hut flaps to the outdoors.
A few seconds later Top follows, coming to rest with the rest of the team in the kitchen and looking weary like he just returned from a mission rather than preparing to go out on one.
There is an awkward silence. Everyone feeling unsure if they are supposed to commiserate with him or pretend not to have heard what is going on.
"Wheels up in 20" he finally says kurtly
Ok. Ignoring it it is.
McG finishes arranging his last few medical supplies and zips the kit up while surveying Top out of the corner of his eye.
He can see the man is perturbed with how things went. It's unlikely he wants to head out on a mission leaving things on that note. The man keeps eyeing the direction she disappeared into as if he wants wants to go out there and try to finish the conversation, see if he can smooth over the hurts and miscommunications that occured.
But Dalton is also a master tactician and if Mcg had to guess the man knows his presence won't be entirely welcome right now. Knows that she probably needs some space from him and that she is too fired up and too hurt too have a rational discussion. What is more she needs someone to blame right now, and Top is it.
McG shares his concern though and doesn't want to leave without checking on the brooding sniper. Healthwise he is sure she will be fine when they are gone. But leaving her here fuming and stewing isn't the best idea and he wouldn't put it past her to do something stupid that will jeopardize her recovery all in the name of trying to prove that she was ready for the mission.
"Wheels up in 20?" he says as a question, testing the waters as he looks meaningfully at the door that the fiery sniper just exited through.
He feels Dalton run an appraising eye over him and knows the man understands what he is actually asking.
After a long second he gets a nod "Yep. Loading in 15."
His posture is relaxed and McG figures thats a good as a go ahead so he grabs his gear and follows her path outside.
He finds her sitting not far from the hut in one of the beat up lawn chairs that they have out in the yard. She isn't alone though, someone has already beat him to it to it, or something anyways. He can't help but crack a smile as he sees Patton returning from fetching a ball that Jaz threw for him.
The dog is panting in the early morning heat and his tongue is lolling out the side of his mouth around the ball at a weird angle. It's obvious this isn't the first time he has chased it down and that Jaz's anger has fueled some good long runs for him.
Patton doesn't seem to have any complaints about the situation and promptly returns the ball to her feet and backs away, tail wagging, sides heaving, and front end dipping in playful anticipation of the next throw.
But Jaz doesn't seem to be paying attention to their game anymore. She is ignoring the dog in favour of staring off into the distance at the Jeep that is parked waiting to take the team to the airpad. Patton gives a small whine and shuffles around nudging the ball with his nose so that it rolls closer to her feet.
After a few seconds he takes things up a notch, refusing to be ignored or deterred. The persistent mutt picks up the ball again and walks closer lifting his head and tilting it just so to deliver the green fuzzy ball directly into her lap and then backing away eagerly certain she will now have to throw it.
The deposit of what McG knows from experience is a very dirty and probably slightly moist ball into her lap finally gets Jaz's attention and she glares at the stubborn dog who stares back imploringly, demanding just one more throw. Jaz loses the staring contest giving in with a half hearted grumble that has a hint of a chuckle and ends with a partial smile. She swats the ball off her lap effectively giving the dog what he wants and he scampers away to chase it down.
McG takes that as his cue and closes the gap grabbing a seat beside her on the ground. With the height difference between them he is practically shoulder to shoulder with her even though she is slightly raised in the lawn chair.
Her face sours quickly, his presence breaking the spell and reminding her of the rest of the team and what they are about to do. It ruins any cheer that Patton managed to garner with his antics.
Surprisingly he doesn't have to work hard to get her to start a conversation. Without any prompting and within seconds she happily shares her feelings on the matter.
"This sucks"
"Yep", that he can readily agree with
It sure does.
"Seriously though, I don't need to be coddled or babied. If I say I'm ready to go then I'm ready to go." She grabs the ball that Patton has pushed into her lap again, standing up to pace.
"It's time for me to get back out there. I don't need to be grounded."
As if to prove her point she turns and launches the ball far into the distance and then continues pacing, anger bleeding into a frenetic energy that pulses through her body. Her steps and arm movements speak volumes of her pent up agitation with the situation.
For the most part Jax has kept her emotions about her captivity and her recovery tightly under wraps since being back, but there have been a few occasions where she has snapped and things have expanded outwards
Patton returns and she launches the ball again before turning back to face the medic.
"He just thinks I'm weak. Everyone thinks I'm weak. You all had to come save me and now he is just like every other CO I've ever had. Worried about protecting the helpless female."
She spits the last words out in disgust as her anger takes a sharp detour from the situation to one specific target. It's easier to be mad at an individual than at the circumstances. What has happened is messy and complex. He imagines it's simpler to blame one person on the surface than delve deeper.
The few times her emotions have rippled outwards this past week she has taken it out on one teammate or another. Each of them taking it in stride as a part of her recovery process and trying not to taking it personally.
"You know, he could bend that rule if he wanted to… so he must not want to."
She stares at him expectantly and he realizes he isn't going to get by without a response here.
She wants him to justify her anger.
He gives a shrug and offers a non committal "Maybe"
but that just gets him an eye roll. She is not willing to let him slide with that kind of cop out.
The medic sighs internally, giving up on his hopes of just letting her vent her frustration to him and calling it a day.
"Ok yah. Maybe he could."
He can tell that his agreement appeases her because she gives a snort of derision. Half vindicated, half further annoyed.
Jaz stares off into the distance, watching where Patton has settled to chew on the ball. McG isn't sure if its because the dog needed a break in the heat, or if the mutt is smart enough to recognize the potential volatility of this conversation and is giving them a wide berth for now.
He probably should take a lesson from their self appointed team dog. If he was smart he would let her rant herself out, tell her what she wants to hear and be done with it. But for some reason now that he has opened his mouth he can't seem to shut it. There is some part of him that knows that just patronizing her isn't really going to help her in the long run. They've all been pusssy footing around her for the last couple weeks but If she feels she is good to go then she is also good to start hearing the truth rather than just what will make her feel better.
So he takes a deep breath and continues his train of thought...
"But maybe he isn't ready to..."
He can feel the heat of her gaze intensify with each word and he can see another tirade brewing so he hurries to get his next words out before the storm hits.
"Maybe none of us are ready to….. Jesus Jaz. We almost lost you.. . And it wasn't easy being on that side of the coin either. Things got pretty dark for a bit there."
His blunt admission knocks the wind out of her sails for a second. He can actually see her argument die on her lips just as she opens her mouth to launch it.
Instead she swallows it back, eying him speculatively. And for a second he knows she understands what he is talking about.
He sees a brief glimpse of the Jaz they rescued in that tunnel in Iran. The beaten and bewildered one who clearly hadn't thought she was ever going to see them again. The one who couldn't seem to comprehend the fact that she was somehow being rescued against all odds rather than being carted off to more torture and certain death.
But then he sees the shutters slam back up. The mask straightens and the hint of vulnerability disappears behind a wall of dismissiveness and determination.
She shakes her head vehemently and argues back "but you didn't. End of story. It's time to move on... Top needs to let me move on"
He isn't sure whether she is trying to convince herself or him that she is truly ready to get past this the whole thing and be done with it.
But as if to prove her point she turns to go, starting off in the direction of the dog to recover the ball.
He isn't willing to let her escape that easily. To let her package all the emotions and feelings and vulnerabilities into a neat little box, cram the lid on, tuck it in the closet and walk away without looking back.
Trivializing what she went through like that, what they all went through, isn't the answer. And her determination to take that approach makes him frustrated enough that without thinking he reaches out a hand to grab her arm. His long arms catch her mid stride, halting her momentum just when she thinks she is free and clear. She freezes under his grip and he feels the tension shoot through her body, instantly telling him he'd made a tactical mistake. You don't startle a ninja. Especially a ninja already on edge.
She wheels around and he braces for impact, ready for the punch he probably deserves, but it surprisingly never comes. Jaz somehow manages to stop herself mid swing and instead of a fist to the face he catches sight of the slew of emotions that race across her face as she pulls back. Surprise. Anger. Fear. Frustration, Panic.
He kicks himself. He should have known better than to startle her despite all her assertions that she is fine. Although if anything this just proves his point. This isn't something to be trivialized. The effects are there whether she wants them to be or not.
She tries to shrug out of his grip. Cheeks tinting in embarrassment as she renews her efforts to pull away.
He lets go quickly allowing her to get some distance from him and take a few shuddering breaths as she tries to regain her composure.
The medic is hit with a pang of guilt at her visceral reaction, but he steels himself knowing if he lets the subject drop now there likely won't be another opportunity to finish this conversation, she will make sure of that. So instead he softens his voice and presses forward determinedly.
"Did anyone tell you how we found you?"
"Yah. You guys outed me. Stopped the van. I remember most of it." Her answer comes quickly and with a small measure of exasperation. Clearly not understanding where he is going with this subject.
"No, I don't mean how we broke you out, I mean how we found out where you were being held."
That stops her up short. Clearly surprised to find a gaping hole in her understanding of the events.
She has done some fact finding over the last couple weeks, casually slipping a few questions in here and there to find out how things had unfurled on their end after they were separated. But to his knowledge she hasn't thought to ask about that particular detail. He could also say with pretty good certainty that none of the team had offered up those details unsolicited, all preferring to ignore that particular part of the story and their roles in it as much as possible.
Jaz sits down now, deep in thought and apprehensive at the way this conversation has veered in an unexpected direction. Patton apparently senses the cease fire and approaches with his ball, dropping the drool covered mess into her lap where it is categorically ignored.
The silence stretches as McG thinks, trying to choose his words carefully before he begins. Jaz in turn remains still and silent, studying him intently, trying to decipher what she is missing and where this is all going. Patton grows impatient first, breaking the stalemate first and crowding in towards Jaz and nosing the ball up higher onto her lap in hopes that she will notice it.
When that doesn't work the persistent dog grabs the ball out of her lap and brings it over to try McG as the next weak link, dropping the ball unceremoniously at the medics feet and looking expectantly at him.
McG gives in, bending over to grab the ball and bouncing it off the hot cement a few times, making the slobbery ball squelch and leave wet marks on the ground as it rebounds back up. It allows him to stall for a few more seconds before he finally begins.
"Hussein had a contact..." he starts off hesitantly, not missing her small wince at mention of the deceased man. Jaz may pretend to be over things but he knows that one still hurts. They have all avoided mentioning him as much as possible so far. Trying not to emphasize the fact that a life was was lost to make her rescue possible.…. But hey, she was over it right? So it was fair game now and he somewhat ruthlessly ignored her discomfort and carried on.
"The guy was apparently ex quds. So we went to see him but he wouldn't play ball, at least he wouldn't until Top put a bullet in his femur. Threatened to let him bleed out right there in the middle of the floor."
His voice wavered slightly and he turned away for a second, raising an arm to shield the sunlight so that he could see something other than the blood sprayed across the plastic sheeting at the construction site.
"And you know Top doesn't bluff either. He was willing to do it in a heartbeat. I don't think I've ever seen him like that. Not sure I ever want to again."
He clears his throat before continuing
"So yah. The guy gave us the location…. I patched him up so he probably wouldn't bleed out and we left him there."
He winds up and tosses the ball as far as he can. Squinting into the distance as he tracks the delighted dog's pursuit of the projectile for a second before finally turning back to face her.
"Mission accomplished...Whatever it takes right? Just business as usual or whatever."
It comes out slightly less convincing than he intended, a slight hint of bitterness tinting his otherwise light hearted summation.
He can see the shock on her face as she conceptualizes this new element, what had been done behind the scenes on her behalf. She knew about the risks they had taken but not about the lines they had toed and especially not about the ones they had unapologetically obliterated in their quest to get her back.
"So yah...You may be over things but I sure am not. I'm trying my best to get there. We all are. But it's a big ask so maybe you gotta have some patience with us."
Awkward silence hangs when he finishes. Both of them surprised at what came out of his mouth, both of them needing a little time to process. The medic throws a few more long bombs for the dog, ignoring the feel of her pensive gaze watching him closely.
Before either of them can figure out what to say next the rest of the team exists the bunker, heading in the direction of the transport and time is up.
McG tosses the ball into her lap, and quirks his mouth into something that resembles what he hopes is a convincing smile. "You gonna be okay"
She mirrors his attempt at levity "Yah..Patton and I will hold down the fort, just don't blame me if all the good food is gone when you get back"
He knows she doesnt mean it. That she would give anything to be heading out with them but at he appreciates her making the effort.
"Alright well we will see you soon, hopefully… I mean Top might have to put Amir on overwatch so pray for me."
That gets a more genuine chuckle but he still hesitates to leave her.
" Alright get out of here before you get in trouble" Jaz reads his inner turmoil, waving him off. When he still doesn't move, she cocks her arm back and gives him a more sinister grin, threatening to huck the ball at his head.
He laughs and playfully shields himself, finally moving away in deference to her respectable skills with any projectile, even a green tennis ball.
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He gets to the jeep just as the others are finishing loading up. His bags are quickly deposited but when he goes to slide into the seat he finds an outstretched arm blocking his entry.
Tracing his eyes up the appendage he makes eye contact with Top, who remains silent, and he seems undecided if he actually wants to voice the concerns that are blatantly obvious in the tight knit of his forehead and the extra crinkles around his eyes.
McG is just about to take pity on the man and blink first when Top finally just gives in and asks the question.
"She good?"
The medic struggles to find an appropriate answer to that. The weighty conversation. The insecurities laid bare on both sides still swirling in his mind. He also always has to walk the fine line between keeping confidentiality when possible and sharing what's needed with the team CO for team safety.
"Don't think she is going to burn the place down or anything but I can't guarantee she won't teepee your bunk while we are gone."
Adam smirks but keeps his arm there.
McG holds his gaze for another long second before trying again, this time with a little more sincerity "Yah, Top she's good."
Jaz was good, physically at least. Remarkably good considering the little time that had passed since her captivity.
Whether or not Top was, or the rest of the team…
And her relationship with their CO, well that was a whole other kettle of fish he wasn't even remotely qualified to offer an opinion on.
Adam gives him a knowing look and sighs, removing his arm bar and finally allowing the medic entry to the vehicle.
"I'll talk to her when we get back."
McG clasps him on the shoulder and ducks his head under the roll bar, sliding into his seat where Preach and Amir give him matching knowing grin. He offers a relieved smile in return and relaxes back against the seat. It's rare that he is looking forward to a mission as a chance to recover from base life but right now a nice long plane ride to colombia doesnt seem so bad.
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Apologies for the delay in updating this. I had this chapter 75% written and then just never got around to finishing it. My only excuse is that summer happened. A busy busy busy summer. But didn't want to leave it unfinished so here we are. Hope it is worth the wait.
I am still working on an idea for the final episode but I think it will probably be Dalton's turn to need the medic again.