Over the course of the next several weeks, Vernon acted as if everything was normal. He continued his weekly outing to the shooting range, managed his drill business, and was noticeably more happy.

It's probably because those pests are out of my life, Vernon thought to himself.

It was true, Vernon's life was a lot more peaceful now. He had killed that Plotter boy, and he didn't have to deal with Petunia's nagging since she's constantly tending to Dudley (who was still under the effects of the Cruciatus Curse.)

Yes, Vernon thought, Everything is going quite nicely.

One morning, as Vernon was reading the newspaper, there was a knock at the door. He grumbled to himself as he stood up and made his way over.

Opening the door, he began speaking. "Sorry, but we don't accept solicitors-"

He froze.

He was staring at what was, most positively, the biggest man he had ever seen!

"Greet'ins!" the man said, "The name's Hagrid. You must be Vernon. I'm suppos'ta take you to get yer supplies for Hogwarts this year."

Vernon was in awe. The sheer size of this man dazzled him so much that he almost didn't catch his sentence. "H-hogwarts? Hmm... Oh! The wizard school, right?"

"Yup," Hagrid nodded. "Are ye ready?"

Vernon made sure he had his pistol on him, and nodded.

"Alright. Let's go to Diagon Alley."

Vernon had been stopped multiple times by people asking him if he was 'The Boy Who Lived," whoever that was. He was getting mad, and was grilling one of the wizards for more information.

"Who is this god-forsaken BOY WHO LIVED?!" He shouted at the wizard.

"Y-You don't know? The one who killed the d-dark lord? Harry Potter? You have his scar!"

Vernon froze. The Plotter boy killed this "dark lord?" I have his scar?

Upon feeling his forehead, Vernon found out that he did, in fact, have a lightning bolt scar. He was hit with a wave of realization. That troublesome boy must have done this to me before I killed him!

Snarling, he left the wizard behind.

His first stop was Gringotts. Petunia had told him that the Potters were rich shortly before the trip, and Vernon would do whatever it took to access that.

As they were about to walk in, Vernon stopped Hagrid. "I can do this myself, Mr. Hagrid. Could you wait outside for me?"

Hagrid was caught off guard, but easily agreed.

Vernon had stolen Harry's glasses from him about a month ago, and he still had them in his pocket. He could work this to his advantage.

Putting them on, he walked into Gringotts and up to the front desk.

"I, Mr. Harry Potter, wish to make a withdrawal."

The goblin leaned forward. "And, does Mr. Harry Potter have his key?"

Vernon froze. What key?

"U-um," Vernon gulped, "No, I do not, sir. But you can clearly see my scar, yes? And my glasses? I am Harry Potter, and I have the right to the Potter Vault!"

His outburst gained a few onlookers. The goblin, unfazed, continued speaking. "Last I remembered, Harry Potter was an eleven year old boy. You do not look eleven."

Vernon's face was red with anger. How could he turn this situation to his advantage?

Suddenly, an idea hit him. "You dare make racist accusations at me, a Half-Giant? I am the Boy Who Lived, and you are denying me my Birthright!"

Several wizards, upon learning that the Boy Who Lived was making a scene, joined in and supported him.

"Yeah! How dare you?"

"He killed the Dark Lord, for Merlin's sake!"

"Can't you see his scar?"

The goblin slammed his fist against the desk and cleared his throat. "I am sorry, but you may not access the vault without a key."

Vernon was livid. Reaching under one of his fat rolls, he pulled out his pistol and shot the goblin. The other wizards began firing spells to protect him as he dashed into a nearby hall.

Upon exiting, he found himself in a room that seemed to go on forever. Metal doors lined the walls, and he smirked to himself. He was in the vault room.

Coming across the first vault, he raised his fist and bashed it open. There were golden coins stacked in a corner, which he stole and shoved under his fat roll.

Dashing back into the main room, he saw that there were more wizards that had joined the ruckus. Suddenly, four people apparated in and began flinging spells at the crowd of goblins, thinking that they were trying to revolt again. Vernon, tossing off the glasses, quickly reached the exit and left.

"What took ye so long?" Hagrid asked.

Vernon sighed. "A group of troublemakers tried to rob the bank."

Hagrid gasped. "Well, a first year shouldn't have teh worry about these things. Come on, let's go get you a robe."

Vernon happily followed along, feeling the money hidden under his gut.

Author's Note: Music still recommended for reading - Pirates of the Caribbean - He's a Pirate (Extended)