SAKUR:A
Chapter 8: Forgotten Innocence
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(Sasuke's thoughts - shall be written in bold)
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At the bar…
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I remember.
I remember...
How could I forget,
...the every inch of you….
How could I ever forget,
...the every corner of your smile...
I cannot lose the moment,
...of every shimmer in your eyes...
I treasure,
...the every piece of memory you gave me...
Sakura...how could I ever replace you.
I didn't.
It wasn't like that at all.
Selfish I am but…
I…
I...just,
I just wanted to see you.
Was that so wrong?
I am not the Heavens; I have no power to bring you back to life. I am only human; a man. With only a pair of hands and a mind to make something.
I made a replica.
Knowing it isn't you.
Because you left me with nothing. I was only given enough time to copy your memories. It was foolish of me to make a memory replicator but now it was worth it.
But if those copies of memories were the only thing that would make you feel alive; the only thing that I could get from the at your very last, that would be enough. I wanted to feel that you were still beside me. A small piece of living you...
Was that so wrong for a husband to long his wife?
Was it so wrong for a man to miss his lover?
I couldn't say it. They all wouldn't understand. This...This… Ah...I don't know how to string my feelings into words but use my hands to describe my desires yet...it only brought more misery.
Sakura.
If you're still alive,
Would you tell me that I'm wrong?
Heh.
I could imagine that you'll only smile at me without an answer then rest your head on my shoulder. And the scent of your hair from the shampoo that would linger, then it would be me stroking your long pink hair. That was when all the silence considerate enough for us to indulge in our quiet love.
It's not the most romantic, I am not a romantic man, you knew and I realised.
You understood my heartbeat and I understood yours. We shared a common feeling that brought us together. I felt so comfortable to be able to express without me struggling to spell it out like others needed to.
You were the only one...who could understand words from my sealed lips.
Sakura,
I always wanted to ask.
Have you,
Ever,
...Regretted marrying me?
If we didn't meet.
You'll be your spy; A Bu'Lanian. Perhaps you're your peoples' heroine. Perhaps you've met another man. Perhaps someone better. Perhaps you wouldn't have suffered more than you were in Bu'Lan.
Perhaps you would still be around…
Did you hate me for leaving you lonely?
Did you ever thought of giving up?
Did you ever thought of returning home?
I questioned all the time, knowing that I wouldn't get answers for,
I always had doubts if I've ever given you enough happiness for you to say that I'm worthwhile.
I guess that's all too late…
With one gulp, I wash a glass of booze down into my throat hoping throw myself drunk. I had enough. I'm tired. All this noise in the bar; clinking glasses, endless chattering and laughter all blended with the blaring music.
Argh...my head hurts.
If it wasn't for a drink, if the bartender wasn't this good, the hell I would come to such a noisy place. I had so much to do in the lab...not without a missing robot. I need a timeout.
"Lee, one more."
I called out over the counter to the guy with the ugliest haircut and thick eyebrows who happened to be the bartender; a friend and the owner of this crowded place infested with 'night-crawlers'. That's what Lee called these night people hanging around right now.
"That's enough for you, mister."
Rock Lee is the name.
He had this place running since he graduated from university when he suddenly changed his mind from being a martial artist to a mixologist. Saying that the booze was the art of both beauty and power! Just like martial arts but a little more flowy.
I don't get the guy and I don't really care. All I knew that we are buddies.
"Give it...hick...Lee…"
I lost count to the number of drinks I had tonight but I could still tell from left and right...right?
Ignoring me, the fuzzy eyebrows continued to polish his glassware so clean I couldn't see the glass itself.
"You...hick...You don't...understand a thing...hick...give it...Lee...hick!"
"Look at you. You're all wasted. Go home."
Again.
These people kept telling me to go home.
Something last on my mind somehow...I...just…
"You've got to go home, pal." Lee came closer, looking at me in the eye and shook my shoulder a bit.
What's with him being all serious all of a sudden?
I rolled my eyes and snickered then muttered,
"I can't…"
"Why not?"
I became quiet. It was obvious.
It was far too long since I've really been home. I had ignored most of the things in life be it my chores, hobbies, friends, family, Sosuke...Souma...even Sakura's death anniversay…
I've been a bad husband, an ignorant father and a foolish son! All for the sake of inventing a robot that looks stupidly like her.
No... I made her, HER!
I thought I could fill this missing piece that was lost still it couldn't replace what it was meant to be there and meant to be lost. I couldn't replace the feeling. I know. I know. Because she's a robot. I know! I could not create the same feeling I had with Sakura despite she has her face, her voice, her hair, her name…
Couldn't you people understand the feeling of something you've come to lose in a blink of an eye before having the chance to say at least a goodbye. If I knew she would end up leaving me, I would have stopped her from going to the battlefield. I wouldn't allow Project BAIT to be carried out.
Because of an ambush.
There was no time at all.
All there was to remain, retain in my hands were her memories. That's all I could do.
"It's never too late to make amends," said Lee.
I looked at him for a while. I know that I'm starting to get drunk. No...I am drunk. There are two image of Lee and the next thing, my body felt heavier but I was lifted.
My friend helped me out of my chair,
"Come on Sasuke. I'll take you home."
If I had the strength, I would have pushed him off me but...Argh...my head hurts.
I was gently placed in the passenger seat, safety belt strapped then came the roaring engine. Lee decided to drive me home. I almost laughed aloud seeing him driving so seriously while strictly following every single rule as he was taught since his first driving lesson.
I was there when he first started and got his licence, so I know. He tuned the radio to his favourite channel; the oldies and began humming to the song as he drove. I was half awake but I knew where we were headed; the directions were still clear to me.
The streets were still busy with jams and honks despite the night; a young night, yes.
Argh...I don't want to go home…
Aside from the radio, there was the 'silence' between me and Lee as we were caught in the jam. I suddenly felt like it and began,
"Lee…"
"Yeah buddy? Are you alright? You wanna throw up?" he sounded a little panicky.
"No...I'm good…"
"If you need a bag tell me. I don't wanna clean up again like the last time."
"Yeah, yeah."
Then we paused but not for long until I came out with what I wanted to say,
"Lee…"
"Yeah buddy? You need a bag?"
"No!"
Ish! This guy just killed it.
"Do you think Sakura would see me as a loser…?" I quickly slot in.
Lee was silent. He gave my question a thought as he kept his eyes on the road,
"I guess so."
"Really…"
Chuckled a bit, I gaze out of the window to the night city view. Even Lee thinks I'm a useless guy…
"But Sakura chose to stick with the loser though."
A small smile crept to the corners of my lips. Lee was honest and blunt as ever yet I like the guy.
Thinking of you, Sakura. It aches me. If I've paid more attention to you, maybe, I could still take you to see the cherry blossoms in Spring. And you would tell me again how the cherry blossoms in your county that were as beautiful like ours had stopped blooming.
And that you were the hope of your people.
And that you've betrayed them because of our union. Your marriage to me shattered the dreams of many of your people.
Yet.
You decided to choose me.
I failed to keep you.
The life that you imagined with me; was it the one that I'm thinking too?
I imagine it… I do…
With our sons all grown up, married, being grandparents and still holding your hand; old and wrinkled.
I often daze off into those scenes I cut out from imaginary.
My wish. It's just not happening anymore...
Drip… Drop…
Drip… Drop…
Drop…
Sakura,
I really miss you.
Zzz...Zzz..
Zzz...Zzz...Zzz..
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** Memories of Sasuke**
(13 Years Before)
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"Sa...s...ke…"
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Zzz…
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"Sa...s...ke…Wa...ke…u...p!"
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Zzz…
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"Wake up, Sasuke!"
WHACK!
"GAH! Who the hell!"
The young nineteen year old raven grew wide awake from the sudden startle and grumpily frowned at a golden haired male with bright blue eyes staring back at him.
"Naruto!" he yelled and earned a wide cheeky grin from the blonde.
Sasuke rubbed his face and groaned a little from being suddenly awake. He hated when his friend does that to him all the time when he doze off napping at his favourite spot under the tree.
"You've got the guts to laze around when it's about time for class," Naruto squat beside his sleepy friend. "Professor Kakashi's."
The young Uchiha rolled his eyes,
"Robotics class again...yaaaaaaawwwnn…"
"Yeah, yeah. I know every class is boring to you, Mr Genius," said Naruto. "Take pity on the stupid people and accompany me to class would you?"
Ruffled his hair of the darkest black, the lazy Uchiha lifted himself off the ground, dusted his clothes a bit and slung his bag over his shoulders.
Naruto smiled and threw an arm over his friend. Despite that his raven haired friend was stubborn and ignored him most of the time, Sasuke would hardly refuse his requests without a fight first.
Uchiha Sasuke; aside his dull and lazy outlook, he's the heartthrob of the campus. Girls just swoon over him for all-that-aura-and-mystery jet black hair and eyes and that teenage smooth porcelain skin. People call him the 'vampire'; handsome and killing. Not only that, he's an annoying prodigy, the envy of every male of this University of Intelligent Sciences where selected students were enrolled for their potential capabilities to serve the nation, Konoha. Despite all that, the guy isn't the kind to stand out too much and enjoyed napping under the tree whenever he felt so.
"Settle down, kids. The slower you are the longer the torture will be," as Kakashi referred to his lecture; guess he knew that his classes were dull,
"And before we begin, I've got someone new," he said again. "Come to the front, Sakura."
Everyone turned heads to search for that 'someone new' who stood up from an isolated corner. It seems like no one has noticed her presence until the professor mentioned. As she made her way to the front, everyone in the hall watched.
Sasuke who almost dozed off napping began studying her as well;
Long pink hair. Light skinned. Green eyes.
She's not the perfect beauty compared to the rest of the other girls in the campus but there was something about her that caught his attention. Like never before he felt this...this...what's that word again…?
Mesmerising.
That right. Her green eyes from that second's glance; that sparkle, that piercing sensation was indescribably rare. And new.
What's her name again…?
"Good morning, everyone. I'm Sakura. I'm twenty one this year. And, I come from Kusagakure, the Grass Village. I've no parents, siblings and hobbies," Sakura wore a sweet smile at the end of her introduction.
...Okay, that's...brief.
Her character was somewhat scary other than being weird. And cold. However, there's that one male whose eyes were brightly lit, whose ears were closely listening, paid special attentiveness to her words.
"A boy in love," Naruto whispered into Sasuke's ear. Reactively, the raven pushed him away.
"Shut up."
It was obvious. For the young prodigy to blush with honesty in beautiful shades of red, it was a rare and wonderful sight, Naruto chuckled happily for his friend,
"Guess he found someone…" he muttered.
"Listen to me, Sasuke!" Naruto chased after the stubborn Uchiha along the campus hallway. "Sasuke!"
He pinned the raven male against a corner as soon as he caught up. Sasuke avoided engaging in eye contact with the blonde and frowned in silence.
"Listen, Sasuke. I know you've made up your mind but just listen to me," Naruto cautiously scanned his surroundings before he began whisperingly, "Sakura is a spy. A Bu'Lanian spy. Our enemy!"
Sasuke was silent a moment before acknowledging,
"I know."
"You knew?" Naruto was thrown surprised.
"Yes."
"Since when?"
"Not long after she joined the campus. I caught her snooping in the Secret Archives," said the raven. "Our library is the National Library afterall. Most probably she's in for core info about Konoha."
Naruto lowered his eyes in disbelief,
"You didn't turn her to the authorities yet you dated her!?" he said. "It's not a plan to expose her isn't it…?"
Knowing his raven friend, Naruto shook his head in disbelief again. He couldn't tell he was disappointed or was his friend loyal towards his partner. But this IS national crime. Covered up for an enemy, a spy and fell in love with her altogether. This is insane!
Uchiha Sasuke is prodigically insane!
"My feelings are real, Naruto," the Uchiha teen held his blonde friend's shoulder. "Please, Naruto. Keep this a secret. No one would know if you don't speak a word."
Naruto sighed.
**End of Memories**
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"Sasuke. Sasuke. Come on buddy, we're here."
I heard Lee as he shook me trying to get me to wake. Seemed like I fell asleep on the way without realising and I was still too drunk to even stand up properly.
Lee wasn't called a martial artist for nothing, he's strong; he gave me a piggyback ride all the way from his car and up to the penthouse. And he's no stranger of the premise, Lee often came to sit around and made meals before all this...tragedy happened. Those were the days when the sun was warmer…
Really.
Frankly, if I said I didn't miss those days, I would be lying. Not in front of others though…
Lee knows all the access to get into the house; keys, passcodes, whatever. And switches. I heard him flicked on the lights. There should be no one home despite the hour. Sosuke must have left off to Itachi's place to spend the night...probably he has have been spending a lot of them by now.
Sosuke, that boy. He should be fine at his friends' place. Itachi would get him when he thinks the boy should be home. Yeah...They'll be fine without me.
I really...have been a terrible father.
"There,"
Lee set me down on a soft surface where the fabric was almost foreign but recognisable. How long has it been since I've returned home; to bed?
The width of it became too much for one person. And the sheets were as fresh as ever; the simultaneous scent of detergent and the dryer lingered to state that they were clean. It's all Itachi; if it weren't for him, I think, this wouldn't be called home no longer.
"You want some water, buddy?" Lee asked;
It was hard to see his face as I was a little too drunk to get a focus and that he stood by the bedroom door with the lights behind him. I rejected his offer while lying on the bed.
"Want me to accompany you tonight?"
Not that sort of 'accompany' despite the trade that he's in. I rejected that offer as well and told him to leave me be. I didn't mean to get him out but he has done enough for me. He understands.
"Alright. I'll leave the light in the living hall on so that you wouldn't bump around. The phone is just next to you, give me a call anytime."
"Nnn…"
I heard his footsteps slowly fade into the distance then the polite shut of the door before all the silence came rushing in. It was utter silence. By this moment, I suddenly became fully awake. As though the silence drowned my drunkness. My mind was clearer with just hints of lightness as if the ceiling was tall as if it was getting farther. The short nap must have powered me up a bit.
I decided to get up.
Being here, alone,
Truly gave me the chance to collect my thoughts and taste what loneliness was about.
I didn't feel the guilt instantly but I do feel for the boys.
Sakura was no longer around. Their father neglected them. All there's left was their uncle as they hardly went to their grandparents' house. Sigh…
Really…
How long has it been since I haven't been home. I got this feeling; I'm not too sure how to describe it but...it's here, right in the chest, something clinging in the flesh and that my bones grew sour as they contract. Not nostalgia. Not sadness. Not regret. It's much more than that…
Emptiness.
As I paced out into the living hall. Again, the vastness engulfed me. Everything around me grew so big that I needed to corner myself into some place to collect myself. Back in the laboratory despite was larger with just me alone cooped in there, I hadn't felt so. Perhaps I indulged into work that I've forgot about my surroundings.
Three years.
I've eluded into seclusion. Ignoring most of the things and now, felt like I've hopped out of the musty tracks of time to face what I've been running away from. The dream that I had a while back in the car was surreal. No. It was the true reflection of the depths of my mind all this while.
That moment, something caught the corner of my eye. Quietly sitting on the sofa table, out of its rightful place on one of the shelves and somewhat hiding was a photo fame. I knew what it was without having to think too much despite I couldn't really see it. It's the one and only afterall.
A smile just etched on my lips spontaneously as I lifted it up.
That beautiful white dress.
How could I ever forget you…
Our day.
When our vows were heard by all. When we exchanged rings under the blossoming cherry flower tree as petals rained over us, celebrating our union.
Rings, speaking about them.
Looking at my very own finger where that gold band used to encircle was long absent. Yes, I kept them away. I just did. Along with Sakura's, the pair remained untouched since the day she could no longer wear them and I too…no longer had the capability to bear its weight of sorrows. Therefore, I decided to remove them.
Because it was too hurtful to continue to wear it.
When it once brought so much of happiness and that it once soaked in so much of blood as I held her hand that was getting cold. Sosuke was just there crying. I could do nothing.
Nothing at all.
I remember.
I remember...
How could I forget,
...the every inch of you….
How could I ever forget,
...the moment you agreed to share a life with me...
I cannot lose the moment,
...of every happiness that I am able to give you...
I treasure,
...the moment you chose to stay with me…
...but I flunked it...
Sakura…
Like the flowers in Spring, I wish you could return to me. And we could start a new like the seasons.
I…
I...just,
I just wanted to see you.
Was that so wrong?
Was that so wrong?
Was it...Zzz...
Zzz...Zzz...Zzz...Zzz...
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From Blue:
Hi everyone, I know it has been very, very long since the previous update but first, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I apologize for the wait and I do say that in every chapter and I'll continue to say it when I feel I'm late (I'm long winded like a naggy old woman :D).
Hope you guys liked the chapter and hope you continue to support me.
Feel free to comment/ review on anything you see fit or share some of your ideas or kick me some inspiration to continue writing. Your support is always and most welcome!
Happy reading lovelies and see you in the next chapter. :D