JMJ
Chapter Four: A Liability
Back at Castle Dedede that evening after everything had been neatly and quickly set up for the store's opening the next day (including the new road), Susie was alone in the presence of the king. Even the king's auxiliary was gone at the moment— partly to leave the king's presence while he played his new virtual reality game in which he ran around with a visor over his face and a virtual hammer that somehow wasn't so virtual and somehow landed on that auxiliary's head, eyes, and ribs. Though, Susie would not have cared either way about him. At least no one from town or a member of the Cabinet Minister's family was about, so she took the time as an opportunity to speak about a very pressing matter on her mind once the king's game had finished, and Dedede laughed quite pleased with himself.
"The townspeople have a strong attachment to that foreigner Kirby," she remarked.
Instantly, Dedede showed signs of bristling, and Susie looked up at him innocently.
"Yeah, so?" Dedede demanded.
"Well, I just could not help but notice. If it is a subject you wish not to speak of, I will not ask about it again, Your Majesty," said Susie with bow. "It's only that they said that he saved them from danger and terrible foes, but they must be mistaken somehow if the king does not seem to share that appreciation, if I may be so bold as to mention."
"Kirby!" spat Dedede. "Kirby's just a pest! And those townspeople are soft in the head is what they are! So don't you listen to any of their wild stories about NME and monsters and whatever else they been telling you. It was just some mean animals from those dangerous Wispy Woods that I woulda been able to get rid of myself with my knights if I had the chance!" Then he straightened suddenly proudly with a hand to his chest. "But from the goodness of my heart I let them keep him cuz it would break their hearts if I was to dispose of him."
"I see, how very compassionate of you, Your Majesty," said Susie.
"Too compassionate if you ask some people around here, like Escargoon for example, but I push it all aside. If it makes my people happy, then I'm happy, I say!"
"Then they don't give you as much credit as you're due, Sire," said Susie bowing again, "but they do seem pleased with Mr. Haltmann's gifts, which are granted through your acquiescence. I do hope we are able to mend the rent that has been caused by Kirby between you and your people."
King Dedede smiled.
"Well, I sure hope you're right!" he retorted. "You sure are a great subordinate! I'm almost tempted to try to hire you away from Mr. Haltmann and you be my own servant!" And he laughed.
Susie laughed too. "Oh, I'm sure I don't want to take away the places of your other servants who seem so devoted to you."
"Ah, who needs them!" scoffed Dedede.
"Be that as it may…" giggled Susie again, and she shrugged. "Well, I will not take up any more of your time, Your Majesty. I'm sure you are quite tired, and tomorrow will be most exciting."
"Right, you are excused!" said Dedede.
Susie bowed one last time and withdrew.
#
"Grr! That Kirby!" snapped King Dedede when Escargoon returned to the throne room.
Escargoon moaned, for he had just come back from attempting to fly the hovercraft again. He didn't crash this time or get hurt at all, fortunately, but he still made an unexpected dive into the sea again at one point just when he thought he had gotten the hang of it.
He stifled a yawn as he muttered, "I need a shower."
Flinging his face into Escargoon's, Dedede snarled, "Forget about your stupid hijacks and listen!"
Escargoon cringed, but the king withdrew and began to pace.
"It's always Kirby this and Kirby that! It's all anyone ever thinks about!" he growled. "Well I'm sick of it!"
"Oh, come on, Your Majesty," said Escargoon lifting a hand hopefully. "Don't do this to yourself. We all know Kirby's a pain, but going on about it isn't going to help, especially so late. You'll feel better in the morning, y'know? It's been a long day. Tomorrow you'll have a wonderful day of getting stuff." He squinted thoughtfully a moment and added, "…even though you only get discounts tomorrow because the free trial thing is already over, so be careful now. I know we still get twelve percent of the Cappies' buys, but still."
"What does that Kirby have that I don't!" snapped Dedede then turning to Escargoon again.
"Uh—well, besides being little and cute and overall nice and friendly and helpful?"
"Who says I ain't cute?"
"The Cappies," said Escargoon very quickly.
"It's been two years, Escargoon!" said Dedede pacing around the throne room again. "It's times like this I woulda had me a monster show them up!"
"Now, now, Highness," tutted Escargoon with an upheld finger. "You know that that-place-that-shall-not-be-mentioned wasn't good for your health, especially after a while when all that merchandise started to attack us and manipulate us, and not to mention became a great violation of our personal space if not just plain…" Escargoon shuddered and shook his head as he tried to block the memories from his mind. "If you ask me it's just as well that—"
Dedede socked him on the head.
"Ack!" cried Escargoon. "What was that for? I didn't mention its name!"
"You were mentioning it in your mind sure good enough."
"But you brought it up!" complained Escargoon.
"Never you mind what I brought up! I'm just sick of that Kirby that's all!"
As this continued for a little while longer before Dedede gave up and went to bed and allowed Escargoon to do the same, Susie took this opportunity to make for her own room before they left. She had never gone far and when she had seen Escargoon enter she could not help but eavesdrop. She had heard more than enough too.
Just as she was stepping away however, she thought she heard, or perhaps felt someone somehow lurking behind her. She turned quickly but saw no one.
That's funny, she thought. I thought for sure there was…
Well, this was an old castle and there were many strange sounds which echoed within its deep stone walls and up into its lofty ceilings. Perhaps she just felt a little uptight.
Susie remained in the corridor a little longer just to make sure, but then she shook her head and went on her way to her room.
#
"Miss Susie," said Tiff.
She happened to see Susie in the corridor alone when she had been headed for bed, and she was not about to let her go by without saying something. She still was not in the least bit thrilled about the store, but she did like Susie. She could not help it.
"Yes?" asked Susie, obviously surprised at Tiff speaking to her for she had been in her own world humming the Haltmann jingle quietly to herself before Tiff's interruption.
"I…just wanted to say that that was a really close save you made there in Cappy Town, appeasing everyone in town, and…even though, I admit that I would have been happier if we didn't have a store at all, I just wanted to say that…well, I had a great day with you otherwise and Kirby really likes you too. I'm very glad we got a chance to meet you. I only wish it didn't have to be because your job."
"Thank you," said Susie with a bow. "Coming to this place with its lush resources and peaceful surroundings was an experience I have never had before and had been quite an education and a pleasure."
"I'm glad you think so," said Tiff.
"But I am only doing my job, of course, representing the president of the Haltmann Works Company to the best of my ability. So it really is him you should thank."
"Eh, maybe," said Tiff trying to keep her smile. Then she paused. "What's your planet like?"
"It was necessary that our planet be fully mechanized for it was not suitable for living for quite some time before the update. It was never anything like Popstar even in its best natural state, but we were forced to overcome it and we did. Everything is clean, orderly, and sanitized."
"I'm sorry," said Tiff.
"Oh, there is nothing to be sorry for. I feel no sorrow about the triumph of my people during our struggles," replied Susie.
"Oh," said Tiff and paused briefly. "Well, I hope you continue to enjoy your stay here, anyway."
"I believe that I will," said Susie. "As long as our customers are pleased and that pleasure pleases Mr. Haltmann I will be pleased as well."
Tiff wished Susie would open up a little more, but she decided that tonight that was not going to happen so she said, "Well, goodnight, Susie."
"Goodnight, Tiff," said Susie. "I'll see you in the morning for the opening of the store."
Tiff nodded and then headed for her parents' quarters.
#
Susie closed the door casually and quietly behind her. Once inside, she popped open a holographic screen and it was not long before Mr. Haltmann appeared.
"I trust everything is going well?"
"Mostly everything, Mr. Haltmann," said Susie. "The natives suspect nothing and the king, especially, is more of a fool than we could have hoped, but there is one thing that may be an obstacle to us if we do not proceed with caution."
"Explain yourself, Susie."
"Well, there's this 'Kirby' that lives here who is not a native to Popstar," said Susie. "It may be nothing serious, but they claim that he is their hero. Kirby has apparently saved the inhabitants of Dream Land on more than one occasion from some sort of monsters. From the King's own mouth proceeded the name 'NME'."
"Are you suggesting the possibility that this alien life form has fought NME?" demanded Mr. Haltmann rather disturbed.
"Yes, the events of whatever this Kirby has done seem to have happened recently enough to give substantial evidence to the possibility of his involvement in NME's defeat."
"Even the great Haltmann Works Company did not wish to compete with Nightmare Enterprises," mused Mr. Haltmann.
"That was before the rise of the Mother Computer, oh, noble one."
"Who is this Kirby?" Mr. Haltmann demanded.
"Kirby doesn't seem like much," admitted Susie, "and at first I did not think anything, but the inhabitants are very serious about it. As primitive as they may be and as simple as Kirby seems, I believe that there is something to what they say, especially as it has apparently caused friction between the king and his citizens. From what I surmise, if NME truly has been on this planet, the king was somehow an accomplice, which says something about how easy it is to manipulate him, but that still leaves Kirby. Something must be done to ensure that he is not a threat to us. I believe he is a real liability."
Mr. Haltmann thought a moment. "Well, if there is already friction between the king and the rest of the savages then perhaps he can be induced to create a diversion while we speed up our plans a little."
"Quicken the buyout, you mean?" asked Susie.
"As much as I hate wasting precious monetary resources," said Mr. Haltmann (they had been selling off out-of-date merchandise from their warehouses that no one else in the universe would buy for as much as they could sell it for on Popstar in its ignorance). "There is, after all, such a thing as choosing which plan gives the most profit, and even the king doesn't have nearly enough money to contend with the planet itself." He paused. "The resources are as rich as we supposed, are they not?"
"More so, Mr. Haltmann," said Susie with a bow, "and the inhabitants lack the faculties, of course, to fully appreciate the wealth that they have in those resources."
"Then we will commence with the distraction, and if that does not stop Kirby, I know quite well what will."
"Very good, sir, but our robot should finish him off."
#
The next day the store was a huge success. Everyone in town that had a coupon, which was pretty much everyone, had to go in and buy what that coupon offered a discount for. Many bought a good deal more than that. Even Takori got in on the action; though where he got the money, nobody asked, and he got himself a self-making bed, which happened to be a perfectly designed sleep-number waterbed besides, which he would not allow anyone to touch.
This included Kirby, but Kirby did not seem to mind as he proudly held a very slim remote-like gadget that he had absolutely no idea how to work or what it did. All day he took it about with him as he followed Tiff and Tuff. Tuff had a little trouble following as he had one of those virtual visors to play a virtual video game as he walked beside Tiff. Once or twice he bumped into her.
"Hey watch out, Tiff!" said Tuff.
Tiff just groaned.
"This is stupid," she said after a moment. "It's like no one's learned anything from what happened two years ago. Let's go home, Tuff. I'm sick of watching everyone waste their time and money on this junk that they don't need. I don't think anyone's even bought any of those good things that were actually offered that are supposedly meant to make our old technology cleaner."
"Then you should buy some of that, Tiff," said Tuff absently, for he was just about to dodge an invisible enemy.
"Oh, come on," sighed Tiff taking Tuff by the arm.
Kirby happily followed.
As they returned to the castle, they had no knowledge of the fact that something worse than toys and games were about to be bought. Well, after the king ordered one of those sleep-number waterbeds and the instant cookie-maker now attached to his throne…
Dedede was just about to order himself a mechanized croquet set, which Escargoon was already scowling about it as he held one of those holographic computer pads he had so desired and had to buy with his own coupon and money. However, just as the idea for the expensive toy had left the king's mouth, Susie very brightly, very innocently, very enticingly said, "Of course, we have many of those in stock, Your Majesty, but since you have used up your free trial you might want to use that money on something more worthwhile for a such a magnificent king as yourself. Mr. Haltmann himself said to remind you that we do not only sell toys, and that a kingdom as prone to outside forces as yours probably would like to also fortify."
"Waz-that?" Dedede demanded.
"She's selling you defense equipment," said Escargoon.
At first Dedede looked annoyed, but after a brief moment of thought, he said with interest and just a tinge of suspicion, "What sort of defense equipment?"
"Well, I do recall that when Mr. Haltmann himself came to visit, Your Majesty had some keen interest in seeing more of our stock of robots, which is, actually, our specialty. We hope you are able to take full advantage of our robots, because without the limited time offer of free merchandise, such robots as our defense soldiers will be some of the most expensive items we sell."
"Hmm," mused Dedede, having his instant cookie-maker make him a cookie that popped into his hand.
While the king ate it, Escargoon shook his head and muttered just low enough not to be noticed by the king's ears, "As if he wasn't fat enough already."
"Well, let's see the best thing you got in stock, girly!" roared King Dedede with full eager determination.
Susie bowed. "At once, Your Majesty."
Then with a sneer Dedede said to Escargoon, "You should learn yourself a thing or two about how to serve a king from Susie. She's a natural."
"She's just a bootlicker," muttered Escargoon with a sniff not caring if Susie overheard or not; though she did not seem to take any note in it.
Taking her own holographic pad, Susie showed a very impressive and cruel-looking contraption. It gleamed smooth with no jagged edges to make a limb easy to break off or get snagged. It could go on land, sky, and water, and had a boring feature.
"What's the boring feature?" demanded Dedede. "You can leave that one out!"
Susie laughed her tinkle of a laugh. "It means it can dig underground with a very special drill, Your Majesty, and can double as a weapon."
"Well, if that's the most boring feature, I can't wait to see what else it's got!" laughed King Dedede giving Escargoon a hearty slap on the shell as it was easier to reach than his back.
Escargoon could not help but agree quite intrigued himself.
"What kind of weapons does it have?" he asked.
"Yeah!" said Dedede. "Show us the weapons!"
"With pleasure," said Susie and on the holographic image she showed the massive laser guns which emerged from its back and vaporized an opponent with one shot.
Both penguin and snail's eyes grew very wide at that.
"Forget the croquet set! I want that, Escargoon!" gasped Dedede pointing at the holographic screen.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," said Susie.
"There's no catch or weakness or anyway that could make it accidently turn on us that we should know about is there, Miss Susie?" Escargoon quickly demanded.
"Oh, no," said Susie. "The only way that it could turn on its master is as if someone took it apart and reprogrammed it from the inside."
"Yeah, so quit your yapping!" growled Dedede. "I wanna see my robot!"
He said the word "robot" the same way he had always said "monster" when he was really eager for one, and it made Escargoon suddenly feel somewhat jealous. After all, he may not have been able to make a robot like Susie's, but he certainly could have constructed him a battle robot better than most of those monsters that had been sent to them and had only made their lives more miserable in the end. King Dedede had never taken that much advantage of Escargoon's expertise in robots after Nightmare Enterprises. It made him remember his suspicion of Susie herself the more he let this resentment simmer.
Outwardly he glared at Susie as King Dedede leapt from the throne to make his way to the roof, and Susie took mild note in it, he saw, before leaving with the king.
Escargoon looked down at his own computer pad that he had already organized with castle and country information and statistics and some personal studies from his paper notes, but he suddenly felt that resentment against Susie make him not desire it as much. She cheated with all this technology. After all, people of science had advanced just fine without such luxuries on Popstar. He had made robots himself with using just simple tools, simple computer chips, and making notes on paper with pencils and an everyday calculator. If he had been born into a society with everything Susie had, he would be smarter and far more advanced than Mr. Haltmann's obsessive secretary.
He almost did not follow the other two to the roof. If something went wrong it would be Dedede's own fault for allowing those aliens here in the first place, but he knew that he could not leave the king alone with such a potential fiend to take advantage of him without someone of intelligence by his side. Or worse, if King Dedede decided he liked Susie's groveling service better than his groveling service!
"She makes groveling look like something easy!" Escargoon growled to himself. "When she leaves, if I don't prove myself better than her, I'll never hear the end of it."
#
"How big is it gunna be?" asked Escargoon wincing a little as he came out into the bright light of day on the roof and came up behind King Dedede.
"Oh, pretty big," said Susie, "but it will fit in the castle."
"Shut up, Escargoon, and watch!" Dedede snapped.
In a very attractive flash of pink and purple light, the robot instantly appeared without all the ruckus and drama of Nightmare Enterprises. Though, Escargoon had to admit that at least it prepared a person for the creature that would emerge. Even though he had expected something bigger, he still moved back a little in surprise to see the robot suddenly emerge in front of them.
King Dedede laughed. "Now that's what all call a robot."
"Mr. Haltmann will be glad to know that you're pleased with your purchase, Your Majesty," said Susie bowing in her usual way.
But King Dedede wasn't listening. He was still chuckling to himself with a lazy leer in the direction of a certain tree which could be seen in the distance from his castle and the little round hut beside it.
"Your kingdom will be safe from now on," Susie added.