Sesshoumaru (thankfully) had been able to spot a water source to the east of the farmers' fields and the snake's remains. Kagome almost wept with joy when she spotted the creek; She never would have found it on her own. With adrenaline gone and exhaustion setting in, her body ached with every step as she tried to shake the pounding headache that plagued her. In addition to her headache, everywhere the snake's fluids had touched her now held an achy burn, like if she had been at the pool all day without sunscreen. Luckily, the creek was well hidden by trees and large stones and was also deep enough to bathe in. Kagome struggled to keep upright as she stumbled onward on her mission to reach the water.
While Kagome was wrapped up in getting clean, Sesshoumaru's mouth had been a fine line since the snake demon had been destroyed. Does she even understand the risk she took?
Water smoothed stones lined the creek bed as Kagome shucked her boots, followed by quickly by her chest armor, hakama, and kimono. Preserving a bit a modesty, she kept her white inner kimono on as she dipped into the water. The cool touch was almost like aloe against a sunburn, one she quickly wanted all over her. She frantically began trying to wash every bit of exposed skin that had been touched by the demon entrails.
Sesshoumaru quickly divested himself of soiled clothing and joined her. The water flowed around his waist as he did his best to clean the filth off his body.
"Kagome-dono." He said, trying to get her attention.
She dunked her head under the water, scrubbing at her face.
Something was clearly wrong. Wading close to her, Sesshoumaru reached out and grabbed a hold of her arms, hauling her out of the water. Her skin was blotchy in red patches, her eyelids swollen and eyes bloodshot.
"What is wrong?" He asked sternly.
Tears poured down her cheeks. "Everything burns! My eyes are burning!"
It dawned on him then, that the snake gore covering them was acidic. He, of course, didn't notice, but Kagome...
Kagome jerked out of his grasp to dunk herself in the water again. Sesshoumaru turned and motioned for Ah-Un. The lumbering two-headed dragon ambled over to him in the creek. Sesshoumaru dug through the saddle bags until he found a bar of lye soap and a few rags.
After shooing Ah-Un away, Sesshoumaru grabbed a hold of Kagome again.
He dipped one of the rags in the cool clean water, and put it over her eyes.
"Calm down."
"But Sess-"
He pulled at the tie around her middle, tugging the undergarment off her shoulders.
"W..what are you doing?" Kagome demanded, bringing her arms up to cover her bound chest.
"The snake remains are burning your skin. Your ruined clothing is not helping."
Kagome clutched at his biceps. "Help me, please. My eyes are burning so much I can't see."
Sesshoumaru turned her and wrapped his arm across her abdomen, and pulled her back against his chest. He turned his back to the gentle current and sat down, pulling her with him. The water came up to her chest as she rested against him.
Sesshoumaru lathered up the soap in the rag, and began carefully washing her arms. As he cleaned the muck from her skin, his youki curled around her, filling her with warmth. Kagome let out a shaky breath, as her body relaxed in his hold. Her reiki rose to meet his youki, and she didn't even notice when their energies merged into one. With ease, he tugged on her power and bent it to his will. It only took a few minutes, and he had healed her burned skin and eyes. Her eyes drooped, and her limbs felt impossibly heavy.
With effort, Kagome sat up and pulled the cool rag from her eyes. She turned around in his arms to face him.
"Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama." She said, her voice soft and raspy.
His cool amber eyes focused on her face before he pulled away from her, standing to his feet.
"What is it?" Kagome asked looking up at him.
Sesshoumaru dipped the washrag into the water. "You're an idiot." He said flatly, before turning away from her and continuing to clean himself.
Kagome's mouth opened and closed in disbelief.
Sesshoumaru was furious. He practically choked on his rage. With rough, brisk movements, he ran his claws through his hair removing debris. He heard her stand, as the water moved around her. He knew she wouldn't hesitate to challenge him.
"How...How dare you insult me like that!" She shouted at him.
He turned toward her once more. "You acted without thought. You made a terrible decision in battle without speaking to me about it first. You almost died. Even after you were saved, you are dealing with the physical consequences of your actions. Perhaps if you had told me of your plan, we could have come up with something better that did not involve you getting swallowed by a snake and burning your body with its fluids!"
Kagome clenched her fists, and took a step towards him.
"Look, I apologized, alright?! I know it was a shitty plan, but it worked, okay? It's over."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "It worked? What if there were more troops? What if I had not been able to get to you in time? You barely walked away from that battle. You were ill and blind. Anyone could have easily killed you. You are alive because of me. That's it." He moved close enough to get in her face. "You only thought of yourself, and no one else. You. are. an. idiot. No wonder it was hard for that hanyou to keep you around."
The moment those last words left his mouth he regretted them. Kagome gasped at his harsh words, her face turning a dark red before she lowered her head.
The anger and will to fight deserted him. "Kagome..."
Tears filled her blue eyes. "Please...leave me alone."
Sesshoumaru regretfully turned and left her standing half naked in the stream as her tears began to fall, mingling with the water.
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The nights are getting colder, Kagome thought as she wrapped a fur blanket around her shoulders, the wind nipping at her still wet hair.
Kagome eased herself down to the ground with a heavy sigh.. Guilt sat like a heavy stone on her chest. Sesshoumaru's angry words bounced around her mind. While she wanted to sob in rage at his hurtful words about Inuyasha...he was right.
She had been reckless in battle, and it could have cost her not just her life, but it would have taken her away from her son and...Sesshoumaru. Every time, she closed her eyes, she could see the desperation and panic on his face. It was such a foreign sight that it was utterly jarring to her senses. Sesshoumaru always kept a neutral expression. He rarely showed emotions. It really brought home how truly close to death she had been. He had been angry because...I'm not going to think about him.
Drawing her knees to her chest, she pulled the blanket ends together to cover her legs. Her gaze shifted from the crackling fire to her silent companion. After she had pulled herself to the rocky shore, she had found that Sesshoumaru had set up camp within sight of the stream. Neither one had said a word, as they moved around each other delicately, preparing to spend the night.
Sesshoumaru sat across from the campfire, drinking a cup of tea she had prepared him. He said nothing, but she had felt his eyes on her the whole evening. She couldn't figure out his mood. Was he still angry?
"Kagome-dono." He said, startling her out of her thoughts.
Kagome sat up, turning slightly to look at him. The motion pulled the blanket away from her legs, revealing them again to the cold. She did not miss when his eyes lowered to gaze at her.
"What is it?"
"Come here. I need to speak with you." He elaborated.
Kagome stood and moved around the other side of the campfire to stand at his side.
Gently, he took her hand, and guided her to sit in front of him.
His arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her close. Her back rested against his chest as he coiled his white fur around her.
Kagome's heart pounded in her chest. He was wonderfully warm. Tears filled her eyes unbidden.
"Today, I wondered what I would tell your son if I failed you. If you were with me, and I allowed you to die." He said softly.
"You can imagine then, how I feel about losing Inuyasha." Kagome snapped.
"I… I should have never said that about Inuyasha. You are in no way responsible for his death." He could envision it all too easily. He had been stewing over their argument, and with further thoughts, he was surprised to find a new begrudging respect for Inuyasha. He a low growl against her ear. "I will not fail you, Kagome-dono."
"Ha!" She laughed bitterly. "You cannot predict the future."
Neither said anything for a moment.
"I'm sorry I was so reckless. I mean truly..." Kagome said.
"While, I am not fond of how you went about it, you acted in a manner that produced a victory."
Kagome closed her eyes. "I promise I will be more reserved in my decisions on the battlefield. You were right...perhaps if I had just told you my plan, we would have found a better solution. You were correct to be angry with me. I keep saying we need to communicate better but I didn't follow my own advice."
They sat quietly, listening to the crack and pop of the campfire. Each lost in their own thoughts.
"I request a courtship with you." He said suddenly. He could no longer ignore his feelings toward her. He almost lost her, and for a brief moment he had to face the reality of a life without her. Why was he wasting time, when she could be his?
Kagome froze in his arms before she gathered the courage to turn and look into his eyes.. "Are you asking...uh...formally?" She had to know how serious he was. They had danced around this subject for acted as a couple, yet refused to acknowledge it publicly. And why? So I don't have to make up my mind? That, as long as our relationship doesn't have a label, it isn't real? Deciding what she wanted, meant moving on...moving away from the life she once had with Inuyasha.
Sesshoumaru heard her heart began to race.
"Yes. I wish to have you as my wife." He said solemnly.
"That was the worst proposal." She stated.
He gave her a puzzled look, raising an eyebrow in question.
"The past couple days have been beyond stressful. We just had a big fight, and YOU said the single worst thing anyone could say to me, and now you want me to marry you?! Why?"
He closed his eyes. Okay, perhaps his timing could have been better. He pressed his lips together in the barest hint of a frown. Did she not know how he felt? After all that he had done to care for -
"Stop it. I don't know what you were thinking, but it didn't seem that positive." She paused to run her fingers through the damp white hair at his temple. "Humans need communication. I don't have the senses you do, not to mention I don't understand or know of the traditions that go with all this. Where I'm from, we confess how we feel about each other. That way we are not left guessing the other's intentions. I asked you 'why' so that there would be no misunderstanding. For my sake, I wanted to know your true feelings."
Sesshoumaru gazed at her beautiful form silhouetted against the fire. He nodded in agreement. Communication was always difficult between them, but he hoped that in time they would understand each other better. They were working on it. They would get better. She was right to question him.
Kagome laid her head against his shoulder, and situated herself more across his lap. She pulled her blanket closer, and his fur moved to cover her once more.
"Do you really think I'm an idiot?" She asked.
He gave a huff. "No, but...your decision today was idiotic."
"Fair enough." She conceded. "Do you really think...about Inuyasha..."
"No. I am..." He paused to inhale a breath. "I am sorry. I said that in anger. Please forgive me."
Was she dreaming? Was the almighty Sesshoumaru begging for her forgiveness?
"Why would you want to marry me? Are you being pressured by your mother?" She poked at him gently, running her fingers across the band of his hakama, the backs of her fingers stroking the bare skin underneath.
He inhaled sharply and exhaled in a big huff. "As if my mother could coerce me to do anything."
Kagome smiled and absently moved her fingers upward, to the bare skin of his throat, tracing invisible lines there.
Sesshoumaru said nothing.
"I mean, youkai have all kinds of beliefs about love and marriage, but what are your personal beliefs?" She clarified. She wanted to know if he wanted her so no one else would have her, or if he actually loved her.
"Hn. My views have changed over the years." He started. "For the longest time, I expected that I would be married to another lord's daughter. It would be arranged, and everything would follow tradition. I would have an heir through her, and then all I could ask for is that she not bother me."
Kagome grimaced. "That's an awful way to look at it. What changed?"
"I can no longer accept just anyone's daughter. I need someone who can equal me in power. I realized that I want to be an active participant in my own marriage. I want to care for my wife and I wish for her to care for me in the same way."
Kagome's fingers stopped for a moment as she listened. He continued.
"It has nothing to do with heirs, it has everything to do with respect. I desire a partner, not a power hungry woman hiding in the shadows of my own home."
"So you believe I fit this criteria?" She asked softly.
"Hn...yes, yet that is not all." His dark youki curled around her, mingling with her own holy energy, like fingers intertwining. It was comforting and enticing. It was a balm to her a soul.
"You settled into my home, bringing with you new ideas that forced me to see beyond myself. I can no longer be an aloof leader, especially now that the West is thriving because of your interventions." Sesshoumaru paused for a moment. He was never good at expressing himself this way. What more could he say to convince her?
"You are an intelligent companion. I enjoy our conversations..."
Kagome remained silent, hanging on his every word, almost afraid to breathe less she interrupt him.
"I enjoy that you bring my favorite tea for travels..."
Kagome's heart began to beat faster.
"You are a wonderful mother to Katsurou..."
Thump Thump Thump
"Not to mention you tackled the mountain of paperwork on my desk, but you are loyal and my subjects adore you."
Kagome thought her heart might burst from her chest.
"I...need you. You belong by my side. I want you." He said finally with a tinge of desperation. He didn't know where to start to convince her, to get her understand. His dark amber eyes searched hers as she felt a thick, choking rush of emotion.
For the first time, since her husband had died, Kagome felt like she was home.
For someone who traveled through time across centuries, leaving her mother, grandfather, and brother behind; for someone who constantly traveled searching to right her wrong; Kagome learned that the people she was with, her best friends, were her sense of home.
When Inuyasha died, all that had changed. She lost her place in the world. No one and nowhere felt right, or whole, not home.
Now she sat enveloped in a warm embrace of her dead husband's brother, she felt that feeling wash over her. In a strange way, she had reclaimed her place in the world, as if she had been adrift at sea and had finally found dry land.
It was time to move on. She could no longer cling to her husband's ghost. Her heart had moved on a long time ago, she had just not been willing to accept it.
She had fallen in love with Sesshoumaru, and it was time to acknowledge it.
Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his closer till her mouth eagerly touched on his. "I accept."
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Author's Note: So...yeah I haven't updated in forever, but I have not given up writing this. I want to give a special shout out to MelodySincerelySong for leaving me a review and urging me to update. Never underestimate the power of a nice review has on an author haha. Thank you everyone who is still reading this after all this time. And of course, this update would not be possible with my beta, Saruwarui. She's seriously amazing.