Welcome back! If you're reading this then you probably liked the first chapter. That or you just want to know how it ends...either way, welcome back! ^_^ I know the previous chapter was pretty depressing but this one is better. Well, the second part is. I just had to get all these sad feelings out but if I decide to post another Thunderbirds story, it'll be a lot happier. Probably.
Thank you so very much to thunderbird5, Elsa Jay, and lilidelafield for your incredibly sweet reviews and for welcoming me into this amazing world. This is for you!
Warnings: Language, underage drinking, text riddled with mistakes. Thanks, Grammarly for helping!
Again, it gets better. Enjoy! I hope you like reading because this is kind of long.
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The sixteen-year-old sighs. He lowers his head into his hands as he holds back another sob. It was getting more and more difficult to hold everything in but he refuses to cry. He sits by the window, looking out as he waits for his brothers to arrive. Telling John what had happened was one of the hardest things Alan had ever done. In fact, he hadn't actually told his older brother everything, John understanding without words being said.
"Hey Alan, how's your trip going?"
John had sounded tired, no doubt feeling relieved their latest mission was over. The youngest Tracy felt guilty for needing to ruin whatever relief his only blond brother felt but he didn't have any other choice.
Alan hadn't said anything for a second, not knowing how to say it. In the end, he'd said what he was feeling. "John, I need you guys."
He could picture John putting anything he'd been working on aside to give his baby brother all of his attention. "Allie, what's wrong?" That name would usually make Alan feel better but at that moment he had just hurt more.
He'd felt his chest tighten, tears threatening to fall, but Alan had been able to take a shaky deep breath. "I'm at St. Joseph's Memorial Hospital back in Kansas."
John doesn't say anything, more than likely waiting for Alan to finish. When the teen hadn't continued, John had gently prompted him to keep going. "Are you ok?"
"Yes," Alan's voice hitched as he forced back a sob, closing his eyes as he told himself to calm down. He needs to do this, he needs to do this for Grandma.
"Is," A beat of silence, "is Grandma?"
Alan shakes his head even though he knows John can't see him. "Heart attack," is all he's able to whisper.
After that, the older blond promised to let the others know so Alan wouldn't have to repeat it. He'd also promised to join him as soon as possible. Alan hadn't thought about it before but now he realizes John hadn't sounded surprised. He's sure none of his brothers would once John told them. That also hurt more; they'd been prepared - Alan hadn't been prepared at all.
No more than three hours later, Alan is still standing by the window when he hears the rushed footsteps out in the hallway. He'd just looked towards the door when Scott, John, Virgil, and Gordon walked in wearing their casual clothes. Alan can only imagine how hard it must have been to change out of their uniform when all they'd wanted was to get here.
Scott is stone-faced. Alan knew his big brother would try the hardest to remain strong for all of them. As the oldest, Scott felt that was his job. John held his grandma's hand without saying anything but his eyes were watering. Virgil hid his face in his hands as he silently cries, his shoulders shaking as he tries to control himself. Gordon, the brother who had never had any difficulty showing his emotions, is openly crying at the foot of their grandma's bed.
Alan watches the scene, knowing they haven't even noticed him in the room. He doesn't blame them. He feels lost, unsure of what to say or do. A part of him is still upset about not being told Grandma had been sick, but that doesn't matter right now. He understands why he hadn't been informed but it hurts more than he can put into words. This was his grandma, he should have been told. He should have been given a chance to prepare for this agonizing pain.
The youngest isn't able to stay in the room any longer and silently walks out. Grandma was in good hands. As expected, nobody follows. He walks down the hall into the private waiting room reserved for his family at John's request. The older blond had notified the hospital they were on their way and asked for some privacy for their family. Most people would recognize the Tracy brothers and the last thing they wanted was for reporters to show up.
He takes a seat away from the door, holding his head in his hands once more. He hates how confused he feels. Alan feels like running away to avoid dealing with it all. He's mad at his brothers; he doesn't want to talk to them, but he doesn't want to be away from them either. The person he'd normally go to in this situation is no longer around to offer a listening ear and that hurts like hell. He could almost physically feel that empty hole in his heart. It's excruciating.
He knows it doesn't make sense seeing as death is normal, but he never thought he'd experience a loss like this. Even knowing anything could go wrong during a mission, he never thought one of his brothers might not come back. He didn't feel this way when all of a sudden they couldn't find his dad. He didn't feel this, this heavy weight of loss. Why does it hurt so much? Death is something everyone goes through, he knows that. He knows that but he didn't think he'd ever actually lose someone he loved. How could he have been so ignorant?
To make things worse, his brothers had known; they knew she was dying. They had known all along and could have saved him from this pain, but they'd selfishly kept it to themselves. How could they have done this to him? Why?
Alan stands, pacing back and forth in the waiting room. He keeps telling himself his grandma had wanted it like this and he should respect her wishes but damn; it hurts. Besides, she's gone now so why should he care? Nobody thought about what he would want. Nobody cared enough to ask. He feels like the heavy boulder of loss is weighing down on him more and more. He feels like he can't even breathe anymore.
He's losing it.
Alan rests his hands against the wall, lowering his head to try and catch his breath. He hadn't realized he was hyperventilating. Why did this have to happen? Why did his grandma have to leave him alone?
"You're not alone. You have your brothers."
"To hell with them," He tells the voice in his head. A part of him knows he's acting out in grief; he needs to blame somebody for this pain. Of course, that doesn't mean he's wrong to be upset. They had been able to spend time with her while he was away at school. That wasn't fair. Why hadn't they told him?
He's shaking. He's shaking so bad he thinks he's going to pass out. Calm down, he tells himself over and over. Calm down and breathe.
The blond takes a deep breath, hating how vulnerable he feels. He loves his brothers, he knows they love him, but right now he doesn't want to know that. He wants to believe they don't care about him because that way they'd have a reason for hurting him.
He takes a seat once more; leans his head back and closes his eyes as he continues his inner struggle. His grandma was gone, his mom was gone, his dad was still missing, but he had his brothers. He should be grateful.
"Allie?"
He tenses. It was obvious they'd realize they were missing someone sooner or later and go looking for him, but Alan is still surprised. How long has it been since he'd walked out of his grandma's room?
"Hey, are you ok?"
Alan scoffs without opening his eyes. What kind of stupid question was that? Of course, he's not ok.
"Stupid question, let me rephrase it. What would you like to eat?"
Alan sits up and faces his brother, raising an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
John shrugs as he slowly walks over, taking a seat next to Alan, "I know you haven't eaten anything in over 12 hours. You haven't slept, either. This isn't easy for anyone but we can't stop taking care of ourselves."
So many different replies come to Alan's mind but he keeps them there. The last thing his grandma would want is for her grandsons to fight in a hospital. "I'm not hungry,"
"Nobody is. We still need to eat something even if it's something small." John says in an almost casual tone. The older blond is looking at Alan with understanding but the youngest doesn't want that.
"John, don't tell me what I need. I'm pretty sure you guys don't have a clue as to what I need right now." Which is to hit them as hard as he can. He wants to hurt them as much as they've hurt him.
"Don't push us away, Allie," John runs a hand down his face, his red swollen eyes showing Alan how much he's hurting too. "We should be together through a hard time like this. Everyone handles grief differently but don't let it take control-"
Alan can't take it anymore. He quickly stands, placing himself across from his brother, eyes narrowed in anger and fists clenched. John doesn't flinch when the younger blond gets in his face and that just infuriates Alan even more.
"You all knew she was sick. You all knew, yet you kept me in the dark. Do you have any idea how hard it was to hear the doctor tell me she was going to die? I held her hand when she took her last breath. I felt her go cold. I had no idea this was going to happen because you chose to keep it from me!"
Alan is shouting but he doesn't care. He feels betrayed. He was betrayed by the people he thought would never let him down. John's face shuts down immediately. Alan knows his older brother is trying to figure out how to talk to him. He's calculating. Trying to figure out which formula to use to get the best solution. Alan adds another variable.
"You all got to spend time with her knowing you wouldn't be able to soon. While you were all keeping her to yourselves, I was stuck at school without a freaking clue. I had no idea each day I spent studying was another day I lost with Grandma. You stole that time from me!"
A security guard approaches the pair, either not sensing the tension or simply not caring. "Guys, I'm sorry for your loss. I really am, but this is still a hospital. I need you to please keep it down or take it elsewhere."
John stands and immediately apologizes, taking responsibility right away like he always does. Something in Alan snaps. He turns to the guard and practically growls, "You can take your cheap condolences and shove them up your ass!"
"Alan!"
The new voice makes him turn towards the door and watches as Scott makes his way inside with Virgil and Gordon following close behind.
Alan panics, "You left her alone? How could you leave her alone, you assholes?!" Alan tries rushing past them but Scott grabs unto him, not letting go.
"Alan, they took her away. She's not in the room anymore."
"What? Where did they take her? She can't be alone, Scott. We can't leave her like this."
Somewhere in his head, he knows he's not making sense but he can't stop to listen to reason. His grandma has been taken away and his brothers let that happen.
"She's gone, Allie. There's nothing else we can do but follow her last wishes." Virgil tells him from where he's currently holding onto Gordon as if the redhead might disappear any minute. Gordon looks the worse out of all of them. The cheerful attitude is completely gone. He almost looks like a walking corpse. Alan regrets the last thought immediately.
He runs a hand through his messy blond hair, knowing it's probably sticking up all over the place but doesn't care. His grandma is really gone. He nods, "I need some coffee,"
"I'll go with you," He hears Scott say but the young blond shakes his head.
"I don't want any of you near me," He ignores the hurt look they all give him, especially Gordon's. Scott looks ready to cut into him when John places a placating hand on their Field Commander's arm and shakes his head.
Alan doesn't wait for permission. He walks out and heads to the elevator. Forget the coffee; he can't stay another minute. He goes down to the lobby instead before walking out into the parking lot.
He gets inside the rental car just as his phone rings. He ignores it as he pulls out of the parking lot and drives home. He never liked hospitals.
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The week after his grandma died, had been one of the worst of Alan's life. International Rescue was placed on hold, telling the world their machines had been severely damaged and needed to be repaired before they could help in any rescues.
Brains had volunteered to stay back on Tracy Island to start on the repairs. Everyone knew he didn't do well with crowds or death so they'd understood. Kayo had stayed with them and had helped with the funeral preparations and everything else that needed to be done.
Their home was full of tension and hurt; shouting matches taking place on a daily basis - most centered around Alan. After running away from the hospital, he'd been grounded by his oldest brother. Alan didn't care. It's not like he'd been planning on going out anyway. John had tried talking to him, trying to explain why they hadn't told him about Grandma being sick but Alan hadn't listened. He'd told him to forget it before promptly kicking him out of his room. John hadn't tried again after that but Alan knew it was only a matter of time.
In fact, every time one of his brothers asked if he was ok or tried to talk to him, Alan would chase them away with painful words. He's not surprised they're all avoiding him like the plague. He just hopes he hasn't completely chased them away.
The funeral had gone exactly as planned. It had been a small affair with mostly their family. Lady Penelope, Parker, Kayo, and some of Grandma's closest friends had attended as well. Once that had been finished, the Tracy's had a luncheon ready in their home; the boys serving and making sure everyone was getting along ok. People that hadn't been invited to the funeral were welcomed here so the number of attendees was greater.
Alan walks around, offering guests more food or something to drink as he listens to them share stories about his grandma. Some made him laugh while others forced him to take a deep breath to stop himself from crying. He didn't want to be here but he knew Scott would have a fit if he ran off again. The youngest almost laughs. Poor Scott, if he pulled something like that again, Alan was sure Scott would have a heart attack…
His smile turns into a frown. His chest tightening. He can't breathe.
What had been fine just a second ago seems wrong now. The house seems to be closing in on him and he feels trapped. Why were these people here? They didn't care about his grandma, they didn't care about his family at all.
Alan needs to leave. He can't stay here any longer. The blond begins to exit the dining room, wanting to hide in his room; stay away from everyone. An elderly woman grabs his arm and it takes all his strength not to push her away.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Alan. Sally was a wonderful person and an even greater friend."
Alan nods, softly saying thanks. He's about to walk away again but she keeps talking.
"I wish I could have spoken with her more. It's such a shame we didn't catch up,"
Something in him snaps. He doesn't raise his voice, doesn't even sound threatening when he asks, "Why didn't you?"
The woman measly shrugs. "I suppose there was always something new needing my attention and never found the time."
Alan blinks then laughs. It's not the joyous kind of laugh, the laugh when something funny is said or done. It's hollow and eerie. He smiles at the woman, "I'm sure Grandma is glad you finally found the time to come to see her. I'm sure if she'd known this is what it would take, she would have died a lot sooner."
He walks away, leaving the small group of people staring at him in obvious discomfort. He doesn't care.
Alan is about to head upstairs but decides on another destination. He needs to be alone where he can't hear these liars talking about how much they loved his grandma. On his way to the basement, he stops by the kitchen and grabs the cookie jar he'd hidden in one of the cabinets.
The day he'd returned from the hospital, he'd found the last batch of cookies his grandma had made. Alan had almost cried then. Instead, he'd hidden them away from his brothers for another time. That time being now.
He opens the jar with shaking hands, trying to grab one while making his way through the crowd of people. He drops the lid and a cookie but doesn't stop. He reaches the basement door, opens it, and flips the light switch on before making his way down the steps knowing the door will close on its own.
The basement used to be Virgil's practice room. There were times when he'd stay up late playing piano so his grandma eventually had her son make it soundproof. Now, it stores a large sofa with a television to keep any visitors entertained. He places the cookie jar on the table next to the sofa when he spots the liquor cabinet. Normally it stays locked but it seems somebody left it open. It had probably been Scott after pulling out something for the others the other night.
He knows he shouldn't but Alan is desperate to get rid of this pain. He doesn't know what type to drink so he pulls out the first bottle he sees. It's whiskey. Sure, why not?
He opens it and almost changes his mind from the smell alone. It smells awful! He hesitates but takes a gulp in the end. It burns going down and he begins to cough. This stuff is terrible. Well, it is his first time so maybe that's why? His brothers never seem to have trouble drinking so they probably had to get used to it too.
He knows people drink to forget which is what he needs right now. His brothers have all shed tears for their grandma but Alan has yet to do so.
Scott had gotten in a fight with a stranger who had cut him off while driving before slamming into a light post. After making sure the driver had been ok, Scott had let him have it while John called the authorities. The driver had been drunk which only made Scott want to punch him but thankfully John had been there to stop him. After giving their statements, they'd driven home where Scott was still going off. Alan could hear him shouting at John before turning into a sobbing mess. He'd talked about how much he missed Grandma; how much he still needed her. He told John he wasn't ready to be the head of the household, he wasn't ready to lead their family. John had listened to their oldest brother cry until Scott was able to listen. John told him he'd been leading this family since Mom died and had never once failed them. He told him we all trusted him and would back him up in everything. Scott looked relieved after that. Everybody else pretended to have never heard anything.
John had smashed his coffee mug against his mirror, glass shattering everywhere in his room. He had panicked. He'd run down to the closet to get a dustpan and broom to clean it up while muttering how upset their grandma would be at the mess. Scott had found him cleaning the glass on his knees with his bare hands, blood dripping to the floor. The others had run to the room to find John crying in Scott's arms. Virgil had told Gordon and Alan to go back to their rooms while he cleaned them up. He'd gotten the first aid kit then waited for Scott to help John through the pain. After his release, John looked more at ease; hands wrapped in bandages but that didn't seem to bother him.
Gordon was next to break down. They'd been having breakfast, everyone still on edge when suddenly his redheaded brother had started to cry. He'd picked up his plate, throwing it against the wall as he shouted it wasn't Grandma's cooking. John, who had been closest, had wrapped his arms around him in an effort to stop him from hurting himself. Without being told anything, Alan had gotten up and carefully cleaned up the mess. Scott and Virgil were near the other two in case they were needed as Gordon continued to cry.
Virgil, not having been far from his own breaking point had sobbed before running off to his room. Scott had looked at John to make sure he was ok with Gordon before following their artistic brother upstairs. Alan could hear furniture smashing, glass shattering, as Virgil more than likely destroyed his room. The youngest ignored everything around him as he continued cleaning the broken plate; broken just like his family. But just like with Scott and John, Virgil and Gordon seemed to look less rigid after their emotional breakdown.
Thirty minutes later, Alan looks at the bottle with disdain. It's almost half empty and he understands why people drink it but it still tastes disgusting. He feels lightheaded but in a good way. It's almost like he's there but not there at the same time. He leans back into the sofa and closes his eyes for just a minute. Maybe it needs more time to work.
Six-year-old Alan threw his new toy in the trash can. It was a silver robot with yellow eyes which turned red when his laser attack was turned on. His name was Officer Bot, the protector of Gizmo City. He was the most popular character in Alan's favorite cartoon. He was so popular, it was almost impossible to get. Well, for anyone not named Tracy it was near impossible. Alan loved him to pieces but he thought throwing him away was for the best. The reason he was doing so had to do with his father.
"I'm sorry, Officer Bot. I want to play with you too but I rather play with my daddy so don't be mad at me, ok?"
He startles when someone clears their throat behind him. Alan quickly turns around expecting for his big brother to have caught him but it's not Scotty. It's his grandma.
"Alan, dear, why is Mr. Bot in the trash can?"
The child pouts, "Grandma," he says with a whine, "His name is Officer Bot. He's the greatest superhero of all time! He makes sure Gizmo City stays safe, remember?" He asks while crossing his small arms.
His grandma smiles, trying to hide her amusement. "Of course, how silly of me to forget. I'm sorry Officer Bot, please don't arrest me. I promise to remember from now on."
Alan giggles, "Don't worry, Grandma. Officer Bot won't arrest you for forgetting. We're friends and he knows you're my grandma."
Sally Tracy walks over to the trash can and pulls the robot out, pulling off some chewed gum from its head.
"Friends don't normally throw friends away. What happened?"
Alan looks down at his feet, timidly playing with his hands. "He understands. I esplained to him I had to throw him away."
"Oh? And what was the explanation?"
The young boy shrugs, "I told him if daddy saw I didn't have him anymore, then daddy would have to play with me instead."
Sally holds back a sigh. Her son had been distancing himself from his sons after the death of his wife. She knew it was normal to grief but these boys needed him. Sure, they had her, but they needed their father. She just hopes he realizes that before it's too late.
"But your father brought him for you,"
Alan's eyes begin to water, he quickly wipes the stray tears away. "Daddy only gave me Officer Bot so I wouldn't miss him while he's working. He thinks a toy can take his place but that's not true. I want my daddy, Grandma. Why doesn't he want me too?"
Sally puts the robot down before wrapping her arms around the trembling child. Once again, praying Jeff will see to reason soon.
"Allie, your daddy loves you very much."
"Then why doesn't he play with me?"
Sally wipes her grandson's eyes, making sure he's looking at her before speaking. "He's been very busy working because he wants to give you boys a surprise. It's such a big surprise that he needs to work a bit more. But once that's finished, he'll play with you all the time."
"A surprise? Really, Grandma?" Alan asks with a large smile adorning his face.
"Yup, but you can't tell anyone, ok? It's supposed to be a secret."
"I promise I won't tell anyone, Grandma. I can't wait to see what it is."
Sally stands, wiping away at her knees as she does. "Now, no more throwing away friends."
Alan nods, his blond hair covering his eyes for a second before the boy moves it back. It looks like it's time for a haircut. Maybe she'll take him after she's done with her baking.
"Oh! The cookies!"
She runs back to the kitchen where Alan can already smell the burnt dough. He sighs as he picks up his toy.
"I'm sorry, Officer Bot, but you're going to help me eat the cookies Grandma made. They might not be too tasty but she made them with love. That's what Scotty says but Gordy says it's eye of newt. I don't know what a newt is and I don't think I want to find out."
"Alan, would you like some cookies?" His grandma shouts from the kitchen.
"Yes, Grandma," The small blond looks at Officer Bot, "Good thing you have an iron stomach."
Alan smiles at the memory. His grandma was always covering for his dad even though the man didn't deserve it at the time. He'd basically thrown the responsibility of raising his children to her. Scott had done his best to help as well. If he was honest, Alan saw Scott more as a father figure than his own dad. He had more memories of Scott taking care of him than of his father.
After some time, Jeff had realized his mistake and did what he could to make it up to his children but the damage had been done. They all loved him, that wasn't the issue. But if he or any of his brothers had a problem they would automatically go to Scott; almost subconsciously.
It wasn't just Scott the youngest went to though, Alan loved all of his brothers. They had always made sure he was taken care of and didn't need anything. But the teen knows he's lucky to have Scott as his oldest brother. Alan knows there's nobody in the entire world who could come close to being as great a big brother as Scott. Not that he'd ever say that out loud, of course. He's sixteen, he doesn't worship Scott like before. At least, not publicly.
Scott has always been there for him so it's hard not to love the guy as much as he does. He was always able to get rid of the monsters who decided to scare him. Any time Alan thought he heard that monster scratching under his bed, he'd call for his big brother. Scott would show up, tousled head peering inside to ask what was wrong. Alan would tell him about the monster and Scott would always get on his knees after telling Alan not to worry. He took his job as big brother very seriously. Once he'd found the monster, Scott would chase it out. It would always make Alan laugh and clap with pride.
John would just calmly explain why monsters couldn't be real in that smart way of his. That nerd. Alan remembers how mad he'd get at his only other blond brother each time John would get all "scientific" about his problems. If Alan said there was a monster under his bed then somebody had better get rid of it. John would then reluctantly search under the bed and make sure nothing was there before saying, "Problem solved," Seriously, nerd.
Virgil, oh man, Virgil. He would always first ask if the monster had hurt him in any way. Once Alan would tell him he was fine, he'd threaten the monster within an inch of its life. There had been one time when Alan told Virgil the monster had scratched him; even though it hadn't, (duh) and Virgil had threatened that monster to stay away or else it would regret messing with the Tracy's before applying a bandaid to his imaginary scratch. Virgil was always prepared.
Alan shutters at remembering the first and only time he'd asked Gordon to get rid of the monster hiding under his bed. He can't remember why he'd asked Gordon, but Alan thinks he might have been mad at Scott at the time. The redhead had marched into the room with a frown, gotten on his knees while muttering something about dumb monsters and little brothers as he searched. The next thing Alan remembers is Gordon screaming as he pretended to be pulled under by the evil being. Alan had screamed in terror, running to Scott's room in tears to tell him Gordon had been eaten by the monster. He had never been so scared. Even after Scott had made Gordon apologize for scaring him, Alan had refused to sleep in his room. Instead, he had slept with his big brother for three nights before he felt safe enough to go back to his own room. That had not been a good three days for the redhead who had been grounded for scaring Alan and for giving Scott a temporary roommate.
Alan laughs as he takes another drink of whiskey. The bottle is halfway done. He loves his brothers. They have always been there for him, they would never purposely hurt him. They all loved their grandma and would have done anything for her but it still stung being kept in the dark.
"To Grandma," He says as he raises the bottle before taking another drink.
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John closes the door as the last guest leaves. Sighing in relief that everything's over. Now he could go back to mourning with just his brothers. Kayo had left to drive some of the attendees home since they'd had some alcohol, and had said she'd be leaving to help Brains with Thunderbird 2. She'd made sure to tell them to take their time. They weren't good to the world if they brushed away the loss off their own world.
"Was that the last one?" Virgil asks from behind him.
"Yup, that's it, big brother," They had been polite to everyone, accepting their condolences with grace when all they wanted was to chase everyone out. It had taken so much effort to get through this and John knew it wasn't over. They were just about to begin their lives without one of the most important people in their lives. They were going to have to band together to keep moving forward.
"You know I hate it when you call me that," Virgil says with a playful shove to John's shoulder.
"It's not my fault you're Paul Bunyan and a half feet tall,"
"You're just jealous you never grew after age ten,"
"You want to say that again, you plaid wearing ape?"
"I don't think you'll hear from down there, Tiny Tim,"
"Jackass,"
"Asshole,"
"Children, watch that language before mother-hen hears you." Gordon tuts with a grin as he plops down on the couch. The redhead had just crossed his legs when the eldest Tracy brother walks in.
"Who are you calling a mother-hen, pipsqueak?" Scott asks as he sits next to the redhead, grabbing him in a headlock.
"Watch the hair, you jerk."
John and Virgil laugh at the scene, feeling much better than they have all week. The house had been full of tension since they came back from the hospital so he was glad to see the mood was improving a little. All they needed now was for Alan to come to terms with their loss so they could begin to heal together. The blond looks around, speaking of, "Has anyone seen Alan?"
The others look around as well. Scott immediately standing up. "I haven't seen him since I told him to take some more drinks out. That was probably," He looks at his watch, "A little over an hour ago."
"I saw him passing out the drinks around that time but that was the last I saw him," Virgil adds.
"Did he leave?" Gordon asks with slight fear. They all knew Alan was the one not handling this well at all. He shouldn't be alone during this time.
"Damn, I should have kept a closer watch on him,"
"We all should have, Scott. This isn't just your fault." John tells him as he peeks into the dining room.
"Maybe he went to his room?" Virgil points up the stairs. Scott doesn't waste time. He quickly makes his way up. John begins to follow when something down the hall catches his eye. He walks towards it then crouches down to pick it up; it's a cookie jar lid along with a slightly burnt cookie. He looks down the hall to where the basement door is slightly ajar which is weird because it's supposed to close all the way.
He smiles, "Thanks Grandma," He says as he makes his way over. He opens the door and is relieved to see the lights on. He pushes the door back until it clicks and knows the door will stay open. He walks down the steps and sighs once he reaches the bottom. He can see the back of Alan's head on the sofa; he looks ok.
"Is he down there?" Virgil asks from up the stairs, moving to the side as Gordon walks past him to join John.
"Yup, he's here. Go tell Scott before he freaks out, will you?"
Virgil nods before disappearing to let their big brother know. John turns to where Gordon is staring at Alan with a frown. Worry takes over relief and the older blond quickly makes his way over to his two youngest brothers.
"What's wrong?" He asks as he reaches Gordon's side. He looks down at Alan and grimaces. There in front of him is his baby brother holding on to a bottle of whiskey - halfway finished.
"Hey Johnny, you want some?" Alan asks with a slight slur as he offers Gordon the bottle.
Gordon looks at John not bothering to hide his worry. The redhead shrugs then takes the bottle, "Uh, thanks, Sprout."
"I think there's more in the cabinet in case you want some too, John." He tells John this time.
John lets out a long breath as he runs his hand through his blond locks. "I'm good, kiddo. How are you feeling?" He asks, taking a seat next to Alan just as they hear hurried footsteps running down the stairs.
"I'll feel better once you tell me why there are two of you,"
"Is he alright?" Scott asks with concern written all over his face.
"Define alright," Gordon says showing them the bottle.
"Ohh, that's not good." Virgil states with a wince. "How much did he have?"
"I had some of that bottle a couple of days ago, it was almost full," Scott answers with a frown as he crouches in front of Alan. "Hey, Allie, you ok?"
John runs his fingers through their baby brother's hair, Alan leaning towards the touch.
"Of course, I'm ok, Scotty. Why wouldn't I be?"
"This is not going to be pretty, is it?" Gordon asks before making his way to put the bottle back in its place.
"I doubt it," Virgil answers even though he's sure it had been a rhetorical question.
"Alan, I know you're hurting but you shouldn't have been drinking. Why didn't you come to one of us?" John knows it's taking his big brother all his strength not to go off on their youngest brother.
"Because you all suck, duh," Alan says from John's side. The youngest Tracy then makes to stand, his legs visibly shaking. John and Scott immediately join him, both ready to help their baby brother.
"Don't touch me," Alan slurs, "I can't hate you if you're helping me."
John feels a pang in his heart at the words. The last time Alan had said he hated John, the older blond had been seventeen. He'd told seven-year-old Alan he couldn't call Scott at college because it would be three in the morning for him. Alan had been so mad and had uttered those hurtful words. He'd apologized later, of course, but it had taken a while for John to get over it. Back then he'd known Alan was mad and hadn't meant it but now, Alan was drunk. Didn't people say the truth came out when one was drunk?
Alan blinks to the side then picks up the missing cookie jar and hands it to John, "Grandma's last batch. I wasn't going to share but I knew I'd regret it later."
John accepts the jar, placing it back on the table, not sure what to say.
"You hate us, Alan?" Gordon asks and John is sure the redhead is one word away from crying.
"Of course I do. Wait, no. Maybe. I think so but I'm not sure," Alan groans as he messes his hair in frustration. "I don't even know anymore."
"But you're mad at us, right?" John asks in a soft and gentle voice that only he can use. Alan sniffs, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt.
"Yeah, you lied to me. All of you. Every time I asked how everyone was, you guys said fine. That was a lie. Grandma wasn't fine. She was dying and you didn't tell me."
John feels like his heart is being torn to shreds. Alan sounds so young and vulnerable, it's breaking him to pieces. He turns to Scott and knows his only older brother feels the same.
"Allie, we didn't mean to lie to you. Grandma had asked us not to worry you and we wanted to help her in the only way we could." Scott replies sounding as broken as Alan. They had all wanted to tell Alan but nobody had wanted to break their promise.
"When I found out I had been the only one in the dark, I felt so alone. When Grandma was dying, I didn't know what to do. I kept asking, why me? Why didn't one of you go shopping with her instead? You knew it was going to happen, don't tell me you hadn't planned for it."
John looks down in shame. He was right, they had planned for it. They were ready for when the time came. They had made their peace with her and were just waiting. Alan hadn't even known she was sick. This was a terrible shock for him.
"I'm so sorry, Alan. You have no idea how sorry I am for not telling you."
"We're all sorry, Al. There were so many times I came close to telling you but I couldn't break Grandma's promise. This was my last promise to her and I couldn't break it. I'm so sorry," Gordon begins to cry. John is about to go to him but Virgil reaches the redhead first, wrapping his arms around the second youngest.
"We should have told you, Alan. I know we should have but we didn't want to upset Grandma knowing her heart was already weak. She already had enough to stress over what with our missions, we didn't want to add more to it."
"I thought you guys were forgetting about me again," Alan says. He says it so softly, they almost don't hear him but they do. Scott can't take it. He quickly makes his way to Alan and pulls him into a tight embrace.
"We have never forgotten you, Alan, never. And we never could. You're our brother, you're one of us, a Tracy. How could you even think that?"
"I was the last to find out about the island, the last to find out about International Rescue, the last to join, the last to know dad was missing, the last at everything. I was always the last thought, the one who doesn't matter but needs to be taken into account because I share the same last name. Grandma was the only one who took the time to remind me I was a member of this family."
John feels like a bucket of freezing water has just been poured over him. How could they not have noticed how much their baby brother was hurting? This wasn't just about keeping him in the dark, Alan felt abandoned. By his own family. Grandma had been the one in constant contact whenever the others couldn't. She was the one keeping him a part of the family. With her gone, Alan felt like he was going to be cut away from his brothers although John isn't sure if Alan understands it himself.
"Oh, Allie," John closes his eyes, asking his mom for strength as well as forgiveness. They had failed their youngest member.
"Alan," Scott hides his face in their youngest's hair, trying to pull Alan as close to him as he can. "I'm, oh, god, I'm sorry."
John knows Scott has come to the same conclusion as he. He turns to Virgil and it seems his younger brother has too if the tears streaming down his face are any indication. He wonders if Gordon has but before he can ponder on their redhead, Gordon breaks from Virgil's arms and goes to Alan.
"Al, you're my partner in crime, my only little brother. I can't imagine my life without you in it. All the time you're away in school, I miss you like crazy. I keep in touch as much as I do because I also know you have a life at school, you have friends. I didn't want to keep you from having your own life. If I'd known you felt like this, I would have dragged you back to the island without a second thought. I've lost both my parents, my grandma, I can't lose a brother. I can't lose you too, Al." Scott releases Alan and Gordon doesn't waste a minute. He wraps him in his arms as they both begin to cry.
"I thought I was being stupid,"
"We can all be really stupid, kiddo. That doesn't mean we won't listen to each other when something is bothering us. That's what brothers are for." Virgil tells him and John feels a sense of pride at how his two younger brothers are handling the situation.
"I know you think Grandma was the only one keeping you a part of this family but that's not completely true. You know what keeps us a family?"
Alan shakes his head as he pulls away from Gordon, wiping his eyes.
"Our bond," John answers Scott's question with a smile. "Our bond is something that nothing can break. Not distance or hurtful words, we're brothers. That's all there is to it."
"I'm sorry for being a jerk," Alan says, lips trembling. "I miss Grandma so much," He begins to cry. Even though it tears at his heart from seeing Alan crying in anguish, he knows it's for the best. John knows Alan is finally letting go.
Scott, Gordon, and Virgil all hold their baby brother as well as they can while he pours his heart out. John looks up to the ceiling, silently promising his mother as well as his grandma, never to fail his brothers again. He knows he's going to need to assure Scott to move on because if there's one thing his big brother can do perfectly well, is to blame himself for everything.
John joins the group hug, knowing everything will be fine. That is until Alan throws up on all of them.
"I think I'm going to be sick," He says after the fact.
John laughs, looking down at his vomit covered shoes. "You say that before throwing up, Sprout."
"I'm going to have to teach you how to properly get drunk, kid," Gordon says with a disgusted look on his face as he wipes his hands on his pants.
"Don't you dare, Gordon," Scott growls but the way his lips are quirking up tells the others he's trying hard not to laugh as he unbuttons his now colorful white dress shirt.
"As if you waited until you were twenty-one to drink. I have pictures, you know?"
"You probably shouldn't have told him that, Gordo," Virgil tells the redhead as he leads Alan to the sofa. "Come on, kiddo. Have a seat while we help you out of this mess. You're going to feel like crap in the morning but I'll make sure to give you some aspirin to help a bit."
"I never want to drink again," Alan whimpers, making the others chuckle.
"You say that now. Wait a few years and say that again." Scott tells him before looking to Gordon. "About those pictures…"
"Welp, that's my cue to go get changed. I call the upstairs bathroom!" He says before rushing to the stairs. He stops and looks back to the group, "I love you, Alan!" He says before continuing his trip.
Alan laughs, "I love you too,"
John, Virgil, and Scott tell him they love him as well but realize Alan has fallen asleep.
"You think he'll remember what happened?" Virgil asks as he pulls off Alan's shirt.
Scott shrugs, "If he doesn't, we'll make sure to remind him. There's no way in hell I'm letting him think he's a spare Tracy."
"It's not your fault, Scott. We all got caught up and made a mistake. Now that we know, we'll fix it and won't let it happen again." John tells him.
"We're all each other has, we can't afford to lose anyone else," Virgil adds solemnly. Scott gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze to let him know he understands.
"You know what else we can't afford? New shoes. These were my first pair of expensive new shoes and now they're ruined."
They laugh. "So, how are we going to get the kid upstairs?"
"How about we clean him off as best we can then we can have a sleepover here. We'll watch some movies and just hang out. Like the good ol' days."
"Sounds like a plan." John looks over to the forgotten cookie jar and picks it up. "We can have these tomorrow with some coffee."
The three oldest Tracy's nod. Then, almost as if it was planned, at the same time they all say,
"To Grandma,"
Because without her, none of them would be here. To Grandma, indeed.
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Well? What did you guys think? I stayed up all night finishing it up. I have some more Tracy stories planned, a bit more cheerful than this. I promise. Let me know if you're interested. Thank you in advance for any and all reviews!
Beam me up, Johnny!