Randy in a nice light blue suit standing before a cheering crowd in New York City, "This season on Survivor!"
"The twenty-four castaways were divided into four tribes," shots of Sonic and Tails on the couch and the Nights tribe fighting over eating the chao, "while Tails and Rouge enjoyed safety on the Ring and Nights tribes, on the Shell tribe," shot of Luigi sprinting into the jungle, "Luigi found an idol day one, but not wanting to use it, allowed his allies Yoshi and Mario to go the first two days," shots of Yoshi's and Mario's torches getting snuffed. "Meanwhile on Toadette's Mushroom tribe, a clear class divide brought out the worst in everyone, leading even her fellow princesses to blindside white supremacist Rosalina," Rosalina's torch getting snuffed.
"On Day 4, a swap to three tribes shocked everyone," shot of Tails screaming in fear of a massacre. "The new Mushroom tribe crumbled under their self-sabotaging leader Amy Rose," shot of Amy pulling out her advantage, "leading to three votes in a row steered by Toadette," shots of Froggy, Shadow, and Cream's torches getting snuffed.
"At a shocking double tribal, on Ring," Shot of Wario's mouth agape seeing Maria's mouth on her daddy's dick, "When Wario saw too much, the Robotniks sided with the sisters to vote him out, while on Nights," Big is shown raping a chao, "Rouge and Luigi formed a key secret alliance forming part of a minority coalition to target the chao rapist Big," Luigi and Rouge are shown plotting with Birdo and Noki, shots of Wario and Big's torches getting snuffed.
"Given the chance to mutiny, the Mushroom tribe went extinct, while Tails escaped from his serial rapist Sonic into the arms of his new rapists D.K. and Bowser," Tails shown crashing onto the Ring tribe mat and getting plowed. "But the mutiny allowed Sonic to rise to power on Nights, with a team of his new slave Luigi, Rouge, and her showmance Knuckles, voting out known tranny Birdo before disposing of his own sheep Amy Rose," shots of Birdo and Amy getting their torches snuffed, "While on Ring, Maria died in a car accident," shot of Nurse Gollum using the jaws of life.
"The tribes celebrated with a merge funeral," shots of Eggman pulling the idol out of the cake and D.K. violating Maria's corpse. "While the OG Mushroom girls and Eggman tried to run the tribe, they were usurped by Team Sonic joined by Tails, a racially persuaded D.K., and flipper n word Noki," shots of Sonic and Luigi DP'ing Tails and D.K. playing his Bongos with Rouge and Knuckles, "eliminating Daisy, followed by Bowser, backstabbed in a split vote against his new flame Peach," Daisy's and Bowser's fires going out.
"The castaways' funny business resulted in several pregnancies, ending with Toadette's miscarriage, Tails's litter of 4, and Rouge's decision to abort putting her in danger," emotional montage of Toadette's bloody poose, Sonic cannibalizing Sonic Jr., and the black couple arguing. "But after Rouge found religion, Tikal bailed her out with an idol, sending Sonic home with 2 votes as his team broke apart," shots of Tikal and Knuckles pulling out their idols, Sonic's torch getting snuffed.
"After the final ten was split into two groups to vote out two castaways, two alliances solidified, with Toadette dumping Peach to join Rouge in the black people alliance with Knuckles and D.K.," shots of Toadette whispering with Rouge and Peach's elimination, "while Tails and Luigi remained dating despite their master's exit, and formed a white alliance with Eggman by sacrificing Tails's mixed daughter, to vote out Tikal," shot of Foxxy Kong burning at the stake, Tikals torch going out.
"When the groups were rejoined, Luigi and Tails started fucking Knuckles," shot of Luigi's romantic picnic with Knuckles, "while Rouge and Toadette chose to flip on the blacks in favor of allies Luigi and Eggman, sending D.K. and Toadette's former closest ally Noki packing," shots of D.K. and Noki's torches getting snuffed.
"And last time," same recycled shot of Tails screaming in labor, "After Tails's fifth child was born, a shocking immunity challenge revealed Eggman and Maria's little secret as the entire tribe except Rouge was diagnosed with HIV," shot of Nurse Gollum looking judgmental. "While Rouge conspired to eliminate Tails to ensure Luigi's loyalty, the plumber wasn't having it, targeting Toadette with his boyfriend. But after Tails's marriage-allegiance with Knuckles went down the drain," shot of Baby Luigi swallowing pills, "he and Toadette flipped the script, forcing a tie to take out a bigger threat in Knuckles," shot of Knuckles stomping away from Tribal, "While after being banished to Exile, a race through time against Maria's AIDS claimed the Doctor's life," Eggman's corpse is shown on the stretcher.
The camera pulls back to show Randy on the soundstage in New York City, "With only four castaways remaining, who will win the thousand dollar prize?" Ethnic men scream as the first part of the finale begins.
Airam Tribe
Night 15
Harmonious woodwind music playing over the final four returning to the camp, which is still somewhat covered in foam from Nurse Gollum's fire extinguisher.
Shot of Tails using Eggman's old jacket to clean up the fire pit as Luigi breaks some sticks on his wobbly knee nearby, "So whichever one loses the next challenge goes?" Tails asks in a low voice.
"I don't think I could ever turn on Tails, but I owe a lot to Rouge as well," Luigi with his pants scrunched up wading in the water thoughtfully. "We've been working together since Day 4, and I'm worried I'll have to choose between them soon," rubbing his elbow noncommittally.
"Anyone else starving?" Rouge flops onto a log near the boys sensually. Toadette hovers next to her but awkwardly doesn't sit, their eyes lock.
"Toadette really shat the bed on that vote, now I might have to light this puss on fire at Tribal," Rouge scowling as she considers her next move on a hammock. "Now I have to put all my eggs in the Luigi basket. And how's a girl supposed to think when we've been out of food for days?"
Tails's stomach, covered in stretch marks groans desperately. "Toadette wanna come help find some berries?" they both get up and wander off, leaving Rouge and Luigi at the fire.
"So tonight," Luigi eyeing Rouge, "Did you do that?" in reference to the Knuckles vote.
"I did not do that," Rouge shaking her head genuinely as she applies her Dig Nails, she points over at Baby Luigi's grave, "Mind if I dig into that?"
Luigi frowning, "We just gotta vote Toadette, s'long as she doesn't win. I prom."
Rouge with a fistful of dirt, "But what if she do! You prom for real?"
Luigi makes a poop face.
Tails elated as he licks himself clean dutifully, "I can't believe it wasn't me! My last-minute plan with Toadette end is finally feeling so close and I can't wait to win the game, go home and start a nuclear family with Luigi and my two kids. I have a million times more to play for now than before."
Toadette and Tails looking very juvenile in some bushes in the night vision, Tails pulls Tanya Ann into the frame. "All of this will be yours, Toadette," he runs a hand along the length of his daughter, "Thank you."
Toadette, looking unsure, kneels to the ground to plant a kiss on the turtle girl's hand, "What a sweetie. I'll make you a good husband Tanya Ann," she places a shoddy woven promise ring on Tanya Ann's claw, and lifts up a coconut, "a toast to our alliance Tails!"
Tails bumps his coconut with Toadette's, neither of them notice as a shadowy figure snatches Tanya Ann away from behind them as they wander back to camp.
Toadette's braids hanging over her face limply, "The Doctor's death has completely tanked my game. I was really counting on the #AidsCarCrashAlliance to help us split up the couple next vote. Maybe Rouge does have my back to force a tie, but it's way more important to ensure the vote's off of me."
Tails and Toadette arrive back at camp with a pathetic amount of berries as Rouge is picking some meat off a tiny bone.
"What's that, Rouge?" Tails offering her a little red berry.
Rouge chewing to avoid a response, "There's tree-mail!" She pulls a card out of her tit, passing it over.
Tails unseals it and reads aloud as Toadette and Luigi crane to see, "Look up bitches."
The castaways all squinting their eyes trying to see in the dark, Luigi points a finger, "What's a-that?"
A huge shadowy descending ballsack shape approaches them from the sky, eventually the light of the fire reveals it to be Randy with a small parachute. Landing gracefully, he removes his helmet, "Congratulations final 4, the final tribal council will take place in two nights but before then, two more of you must go home. Dancing with the Stars is over so it's time for your next Immunity challenge… AT TRIBAL COUNCIL."
Chilling ethnic screeching in the soundtrack as Toadette is shown gasping. "We're going BACK?" Rouge places a hand on a hip. Tails instinctively grabs Luigi's dick and pulls him away.
"Tails, there's no time," Luigi smiling sheepishly at Tails.
"Exactly, we need to decide on a vote," as Tails gnaws on Luigi's dick through his pants. "I'm scared."
Tails wiping the semen off of his mouth calculatedly, "I can't afford to switch up the plan tonight, this vote must be exact. Luigi must see things my way."
Rouge and Toadette grabbing their torches by the shelter, Rouge laying down the law, "Girl, no games tonight. This is do or die we gonna have to go to fire. Unless it's no choice it HAS to be Tails tonight," her right tit shakes as she enunciates.
Toadette slinging her bag along her ovular body, "But what if it do?"
Rouge makes a poop face.
"Ayy, I don't have time to smack sense into this negrita," Toadette letting the latina come out in frustration as she holds a lemon, "Why does she trust that Luigi guy? I'd be retarded to jump ship now but if she sells me down the river it's back to the taqueria with me," her eyes glaze over with family trauma.
Luigi anxious as he's still putting his clothes on, "I have to try to win tonight, but I expect Rouge will win a third time. She really showed she's a physical threat by not having AIDS."
"I didn't get a coat hanger abortion to go home number four, and to the poor bitch I'm voting for," Rouge voice-over as the tribe is shown filing back to tribal, "I'll never lose to the likes of you."
Immunity Challenge
Night 15
It's now the middle of the damn night as bell chimes play in the soundtrack over ethnic moans, the light of the four remaining torches is visible in a long shot showing the approach to the charred remains of the Casinopolis.
Luigi's face lifts in surprise as he sees the jury already assembled on the benches, Randy giving a little shit-eating grin from his podium as everyone takes a seat. "Time to get to today's Immunity challenge, first things first Rouge I'll take it back," Randy wagging a finger at Rouge, she flies out of her seat landing gracefully in front of Randy for him to take the necklace.
"So I'm sure you've noticed our eight jurors assembled here, including Knuckles, voted out at the last Tribal Council," Randy explains over close-up of Knuckles smiling showing his grill, "You're gonna prove just how well you know them, we're bringing back last season's final four challenge, Jury Trivia. Each juror has prepared a personal question, you will all write down an answer and reveal at the same time, person with the most correct after all eight wins Immunity and a one in three shot at the thou."
"We're gonna be going in a top model backwards order, starting with Knuckles," Randy passes out whiteboards to the contestants and organizes his note cards, "At what number did Knuckles's debut rap album peak on the Billboard Hot 100?"
Close-up of Tails looking white and clueless. He eventually holds up '100' cluelessly, while Toadette guesses '34' diplomatically having no idea, Luigi holds up '67' wide-eyed, and Rouge confidently holds up '89'.
"Correct answer is 89, only Rouge got it right. Moving on to Noki, how old is she?" Randy puts a hand on his mouth scandalously.
Shot of Noki giving a little giggle as Rouge twists her face in confusion. She holds up '35', while Tails smilingly guesses '24', Toadette holds up '48' and Luigi, wincing, holds up '52'.
"Answers all across the board but Toadette gets it with 48, that's 1 point each for the ladies. Next question, where is D.K. from?"
After a moment, "Everyone reveal." Luigi's whiteboard reads 'Jungle Japes' while Toadette holds up 'Atlanta' with uncertainty. Rouge giving D.K. a little wink as she holds up 'Baltimore'. Tails holds up 'Africa', D.K. shown scrunching his mouth up on the jury bench.
"Correct answer was Baltimore, again only Rouge gets it right, pulling into the lead with two. Our next question is from Tikal, what is her daddy's name?"
Toadette incredulously mouthing "What?" as she rocks on her stool, hopelessly writing 'Mr. Tikal." Luigi similarly having no idea holds up 'Don't know.' Rouge shown scribbling out her first guess, then writes 'Papachacock,' while Tails being nerdy holds up 'Pachacamac'.
"Rouge is close, but spelling counts, Tails is on the board with one. Peach asks, what is my favorite beverage?"
Shot of Peach smiling on the bench looking fabulous in a purple mini-dress. Rouge frowning not knowing what white people drink, holds up 'Iced Tea', while Luigi guesses 'Lemonade'.Tails and Toadette both smile knowingly, remembering that moment after the mutiny, and hold up 'Fiji Water'.
"Tails and Toadette both score another point with Fiji water, tying it up with Rouge at two, Luigi still not in this. Onto the next question, who did Sonic say was his hottest ex?"
Sonic shown sitting back on the jury, tapping his foot to show off his new designer kicks. Toadette shrugs as she guesses 'Luigi', Rouge holds up 'Tails,' Tails writes down 'Elise', and Luigi, running out of time and blanking on the name, scrawls down 'Princess '06'. Shot of Sonic all "pfft" at the ladies' answers having no intention of relinquishing Tails or Luigi.
"I'll accept Princess '06, the correct answer was Princess Elise. Tails and Luigi both score, Tails pulling into the lead with three, Luigi trailing with one with the girls both at two. Everyone still in this with two questions left. Question seven," Randy narrows his eyes. "Bowser asks, how many Koopalings are there?"
Shot of Tails counting desperately on his fingers. He holds up '7', next to Rouge's '5', Toadette's '6', and Luigi's '1'.
"Again, answers all across the board, and the correct answer is…"
"Eight," Bowser cuts him off, snarling as he stands up from the jury bench holding up Tanya Ann, who he was hiding behind his fat body the whole time. "I sued the show for custody and won. And would ya look at this," he holds Tanya Ann's finger close to the light of the fire to show a large rock shining on it, Bowser is all like "Bwaa" as he spits flames onto Toadette's dinky engagement ring, burning it to ash.
"But who-" Tails whipping his head around in bewilderment.
"We just really felt a connection watching her little bro die," camera pans to the end of the jury bench where Knuckles waves a matching rock on his giant finger. Close-up of Toadette gawking sweatily as the blindside soundtrack plays. Tanya Ann nodding in hesitant agreement, refusing to look at her weeping abusive mother.
Randy bangs a gavel, "Silence jury, nobody got it right, with one question left and Tails leading you by two, Luigi you have no shot at Immunity you can put down your whiteboard," shot of Luigi limply tossing away his whiteboard in defeat. Randy glaring at the castaways, "Final question, from Daisy. What is her favorite horse's name?"
As Tails, Toadette, and Rouge write their answers, Noki is shown rolling her eyes on the jury. Daisy giving the contestants a meaningful look. Randy slow and dramatic, "Okay, everybody reveal."
Shot of Rouge holding up 'Sunset?' breathlessly, slowly panning to Tails holding up 'Cruiser', before resting on Toadette with a little smile holding up 'Adderall'. Shot of Daisy beaming.
"And the correct answer…" Randy pausing suspensefully as the fast music builds, "is Adderall, meaning Toadette and Tails are both tied with three points."
Toadette all like "I'm the best!"
Randy continues, "Seeing as Eggman is dead and his seat on the jury is vacant, there are no more questions to be asked-"
"What's that I heard? An empty spot on the jury and a tie to be broken? Never fear, Amy Rose is here!"
Amy's theme song My Sweet Passion plays as she struts into Tribal Council. "Excuse me Randy, but I heard the news of the Doctor's death, and seeing as I was the last person to go before merge other than Maria who also died, I've come to rescue you!"
"Sure okay," Randy shrugs, "What's your question for Tails and Toadette?"
Amy giving a huge smile, "Umm, who was my best friend in the game?" she runs over to Randy to whisper the answer in his ear before taking a seat on the jury bench.
Toadette's hair coming undone frantically as Tails gives a slight frown, both write an answer.
"Reveal," Randy commands. Silence as Toadette holds up 'Cream' and Tails holds up 'Sonic'. "The correct answer is… Sonic, TAILS WINS IMMUNITY!"
Tribal Council
Day 16
The sun is starting to creep above the horizon as Randy places Immunity around Tails's neck.
"Let's start off this Tribal Council, Tails do you feel good knowing the most about the jury along with being safe?" Randy gesturing to the jury with a hand, close-up of Sonic looking unenthused.
"I'd feel a lot better if you gave me my children back," Tails cuttingly as a shot of Tanya Ann still sitting with Bowser on the jury is shown. "It's been tomorrow Randy, where is Chaos 0?"
"He uh, got into our tent of items to be auctioned," Randy looking guilty, "And seems to have eaten something bad. We have to give him one last check-up but you'll see him soon emoji," he changes the subject. "Luigi, are you worried it's two against two tonight given your relationship?"
Luigi swallowing hard, "I'm always worried Randy."
Randy not accepting that, "Does that put you in direct danger tonight, because Tails is safe? Wouldn't the logical conclusion be for Toadette and Rouge to vote you?" Randy clearly interfering, Toadette shown nodding her head while staring at Rouge.
Luigi still not budging, "Maybe so."
Randy sounding incredulous, "Rouge, is the vote that simple tonight?"
Rouge with her legs crossed, "Vote's never that simple. But I know my decision tonight will be the best for my chances," shots of Luigi and Toadette both looking nervous are shown.
"Toadette, are you prepared for a potential tie vote tonight? Have you practiced making fire?" Randy quipping.
Toadette with a croaking laugh, "Oh I'm not worried about fire Randy, me and Miss Noki made just about every fire on Mushroom beach!" Noki shown looking unimpressed by Toadette's posturing. "But yes Randy, I am fully prepared for whatever happens, I have faith in the plans I made and I've shown my loyalty in this game," cut to Peach's mouth falling open in disgust.
"With that kind of attitude it sounds like it's time to vote, Tails any thoughts of giving up the necklace?"
Tails shaking his head politely, "No thanks Randy."
"Then you cannot vote for Tails. Luigi, you're up," Randy squinting from the daylight.
Voting music cuts in as Luigi nauseously hobbles over and writes down a name unseen. "I respect you mama. Sorry." Camera rests cryptically on Rouge and Toadette.
Toadette pulling her vest up sharply as she approaches the urn, she's shown drawing a little flame next to [Luigi] in fancy cursive. "You better get ready gringo, nowhere left to hide now."
Gruesome shot of Tails's gooch is shown to obstruct his vote from being shown, "Things have changed."
Rouge whispering sexily as she holds up a vote, "We've been through a lot together but it has to end like this… you're too dangerous." Ethnic moaning rises to a crazed pitch as a shot of Luigi itching his buss fades into one of Toadette biting a nail.
"I'll go count the votes," Randy retrieves the urn. "Person voted out will have to leave the Casinopolis immediately, I'll read the votes."
"First vote…" [Toadette], shot of Toadette giving a slight nod.
Randy pulls out the next vote, [Luigi]. "One vote Toadette, one vote Luigi." Camera rests on Rouge blinking. Luigi rounding his lips.
Randy unfolds the next vote, [Toadette]. "That's two votes Toadette, one vote Luigi, one vote left." Toadette rubbing her hands together, Luigi shaking his legs, shot lingers on a zooming-in shot of Rouge's right tit.
"Nineteenth person voted out and the tenth member of our jury," Toadette turns to shoot a look at Rouge before the vote is even read, [Toadette]. "That's three, and that's enough, I'll need your torch."
Toadette, looking pissed and a bit spun, accepts hugs from both Tails and Luigi. Rouge comes in for one, but Toadette pokes her chest and blurts "You're an idiot" before embracing her.
Rouge giggling, "We'll see."
"We will see," Toadette walking past the shocked jury with her torch, setting it down next to Randy. "Well, Randy?"
"Toadette, the tribe has spoken," he snuffs her torch. "Time for you to go."
Toadette turns around to wave and give a fake smile to the final three before turning, her unfurling braid flopping beside her, to walk into the blue light which looks stupid given it being daytime now.
"Well," Randy takes a deep breath as the camera shows Rouge smiling. "Looks like someone made a big gamble tonight. But congratulations, Rouge, Luigi and Tails you have made Final 3, as the sun rises over the beautiful Mystic Ruins you will be walking not yet back to camp, but instead on a morning hike of Rites of Passage to commemorate those that have fallen, before I'll meet you later today for the final Immunity Challenge."
Toadette still flustered on her way to Ponderosa, "Wow. The last thing I expected was for Rouge to do me like that, what a crazy bitch. But honestly, after how I did my girls, I may have had that one coming."
Cut to Randy in front of the cheering audience, "A shocking betrayal! We're just getting started here tonight, don't go anywhere!" he points into the camera as it zooms out to show all the ugly children screaming in the front row of the audience before cutting to commercial.