Warnings: Mentions of New Caprica drinking and Herbal Smoking (legal disclaimer to any of my students/boss who may have found me here: I do not support any type of smoking or substance abuse) and New Caprica sexy times.

Chapter 10

Helena worked through the night, as she often did. Human activities ceased around her and she could hear only the wind incessantly moaning on the mountains, the sound of insects and animals in the night. It was a comforting song of nature, just like a lullaby, which let her reach through the writing for the meanings of the foreign words. It was a transcendent feeling of communicating with the spirit of this woman long gone through the ages.

"I return to the lake at every possible occasion, when I have enough time to climb up there and when the weather allows it. Sometimes, I just sit by the spring, when it is too cold to swim unlike that time. I stay, read or write and listen to the water running. I am thinking that I would like to live by that lake. I would like to build a cabin there, right by the water. I would want to spend the rest of my days here quietly in peace surrounded by this beauty. The lake and its feeding stream, emptying on the far side in a small waterfall, surrounded by rocks and a small forest, are my cathedral, my temple, and my refuge. I do not need a temple to pray, candles or statues, I have it in the nature all around me. The more I think about it, the more I'd want to share it with Bill. He has been on my mind for weeks. At first, I discarded those ideas. The mere thought of a relationship with him seemed preposterous. We are friends with a deep affection, born from the struggles shared. But as our lives are settling in normalcy, I often catch myself off guard, wishing he would be there with me to share those moments.

Today, I have started to draw a sketch of what my cabin would be. It would have large bay windows facing the lake and opening up on a patio. It would be small, and simple. The big room would be full of light, filled by sun, and there would be no doors to separate it from the other rooms. A flight of stairs would take us to the mezzanine where the bedroom would be located right under the roof and opening over the bay windows. We would wake up and look over to the lake and see the first light of the sun reflected on the water. We… It would have a kitchen in the back, under the bedroom, with a wood stove and Bill would have diverted part of the stream to provide running water. We would have the chief install an electrical generator to provide us with some power and hot water. We would have a bathroom with a large tub. It would be for us. Us… a place to rest and retreat and retire. A place to be in communion with nature. A place to love and be loved. I want to live now. We have seen destruction and death. If this is it, our journey is over and we can now rest, Bill and I. We do not have to be responsible for the fate of humanity anymore. I want to live my life with Bill, simply exist. He is the only person, I feel, can understand me. I am not sure how he feels about it. He has been for months now the guardian of the lighthouse, keeping watch over us from Galactica. He does not come to the ground very often and I know he will not leave his ship to live with me unless he decides to retire and leave his command to his son or another trustworthy officer."

A woman, getting older, just yearning to retire in peace and enjoy life: what was so wrong with that? Helena mused. With her mid-fifties approaching, Helena often wondered what she would do when the time would come to stop working. She had no family, no children, and nobody to live by her side. Her work and her research was her passion. She had traveled all over the world studying civilizations, decrypting languages, in hot deserts, far east dense forests and cold tundra. She was more familiar with old graveyards and temples, than human beings. Her only friends were researchers like her, some of her graduate students, other professors, and, well, books. Being a woman in such an academic career was difficult. Aside from the blatant sexism she felt each day, residing in a profession where there were only maybe two or three women engaged in such research, maintaining such a high level of publication, top quality research work and funding was taxing on any personal life. Helena had been published in the highest research journals; she had on-going research grants with the National Science Foundation, some teaching assignments and graduate students, which all of a sudden found themselves without their mentor. Grants needed to be renewed constantly, and thus, data had to be presented. When she was not on the field, she was spending her life writing. She had speaking engagements, which she canceled for the year to be able to work on Laura's diaries, and a book in the making, which she stopped working on. She knew that she would be speaking about this discovery for the next few years, once it became public. She could already anticipate the press circus and the non-stop interviews and conferences. It seemed obvious that she would not do anything else anymore but research on this project, and talk about it until her retirement age; that is, if she ever retired. And Takashi… They had known each other since graduate school and remained friends, despite the obvious attraction. He had been married. She had known and esteemed his wife, a younger woman, daughter of a CEO of Kyoto. Akemi Inoue was a reserved woman, dedicated to her husband's career. She had a brilliant intelligence and done a lot of work, as an academic researcher also. And she had stepped down to take care of her family when she married Takashi. They moved to Tokyo. Akemi had been everything Helena was not. And she died tragically in a car accident with their young son in the back seat. Takashi never recovered. He abandoned his research for two years and disappeared from public view. She had not heard from him much since the accident, until he called her with the present assignment. Such was life. Despite their mutual attraction, Helena knew that she would not be more than a friend. First out of respect for his lovely wife and then because she knew she would never measure up to such a love.

"It is sometimes dangerous to dream. I dreamed of a life and it did set expectations. When that happens, it makes the reality more difficult to bear. In those moments, where all of my worries melted in the sun and I thought of a life that could be, a cabin, a lake, Bill, and me, I got so happy. But then the reality of New Caprica comes back and slaps me awake. I have to stop doing this to myself. The planet is not very pleasant and life is difficult, even if in these few months, tremendous progress has been made in our farming abilities. President Baltar is not taking the measures that he should to develop the land. Fearing his popularity slipping, he started this campaign to promote himself in a series of events with the only purpose to lift the people's spirit, instead of taking care of the real pressing problems. It is unrealistic of me to think that everything will go away, just because we wish it to be."

"Today is Founders' Day. One Gaius Baltar self-serving made-up holiday marks the ground breaking to the soon-to-be New Caprica City Hall. I simply refuse to attend this charade. Instead, he should be working on keeping the people fed and guarantee our colonial traditions. But, he is taking the people on a self-gratifying trip of navel gazing. It will not be long until we have a "Baltar, the Savior, Day". I'd rather stay put in my tent and work on grading my students' papers. I will join the others later, when Baltar has left the grounds with, likely, one of his groupies, ready to frak him on one moment's notice."

"Yesterday's afternoon, after the ceremony, I made my way outside searching for the admiral, which I heard had come down from the Galactica. I found him bare feet playing in the sand, 'the alluvial deposits', as he corrected me. I knew he would be invited for the celebration. I put that red dress that I traded on the street market. I wanted to be less presidential and more like the woman I used to be… a long time ago. Bill had never known me before my trip to the Galactica, on the -then- official function, which became permanent. And after the attacks, I kept my official demeanor and restrain, because I had to be the president, in power, without any time or luxury for being a woman. I wore day after day the same three suits, which I had with me in my luggage, until the fabric was completely worn down. Honestly, I was way too preoccupied by our immediate fate and survival to worry about my physical appearance. Here, it was different. I was not president anymore. I just could be myself. I knew he would like that dress. We had not seen each other for weeks. And I was worried that I had let my imagination run wild about him and would pay the price. Absence does that. Longing does that. Yet, as soon as we saw each other, we reconnected, the memory of our goodbye kiss as fresh as if it was yesterday. All he had to do was to give me one long appreciating look all over my body and my worries disappeared. We sat next to each other in the comfortable silence only true friends share. There was an unabashed happiness at seeing each other again, something true and genuine that we read in each other's eyes without the need to speak it out loud. I leaned against him as we soaked the sun on the riverside. Then he turned to me, smiled and took my hand to help me up. We walked side by side in silence to the buffet where our friends were partying. It was simple, really. It was just being together, happy and carefree. We drank. We drank a lot. We smoked that weed that grows up on the hills, which I collected on my way up the lake and had been experimenting with on my solitary trips. The music was playing loud in the background and laughter was echoing everywhere. My head was buzzing with happiness, little bubbles of consciousness popping like sparkling wine from Virgon, floating like a balloon on dancing scented smoke. I never felt that happy in my life. I could tell he felt just the same way. And then we got rid of Gaeta, who was lecturing us about his future plans. He never realized he was not talking anymore to the Admiral and the ex-President, but only to Bill and Laura, who were already quite high.

We felt good, good with one another. It felt natural to be with him that way, as a friend. It was something we had not allowed each other to be ever before. I used to be the president. He was the admiral. In the wake of the attacks, there was only space for our duties and the fate of humanity we each swore to protect, I as a civilian, and he as an officer. But here… here it was different. I was back on the ground stripped forcefully of my responsibilities, a simple teacher again. I could be myself for the first time in several months. If anything, Baltar had allowed me this brief respite and cured from cancer, I was allowed to enjoy life.

Pleasantly happy with alcohol and smoke, I told Bill about my little refuge up on the hills, the stream and my hopes for a cabin, I would like to build one day. We ate and drank some more. People were dancing to the music. I must have been drunk not to curse Baltar on that day, but thank him graciously for the lovely time, keeping my thoughts for myself. Baltar was parading like a Peacock in heat in the middle of what he called 'his people', talking, laughing and being a king with his court. Bill must have seen my look of disgust, because he took me gently by the arm and said 'let's get out of here'.

We walked in silence out of the tent village, a place that Baltar pedantically called 'New Caprica city'. Bill was looking at me, worried, as if he could read my mind. 'Are you alright?' he said. I did not answer, but chose instead to talk about the dreams, the desperate hope I was holding on to survive the bitter disappointment of my loss of power. I talked about my cabin, the wish that I would lead a normal life and enjoy it. Hopefully not alone. 'I love the lake up there. It has a big flat rock on the eastern bank. When the weather gets very hot, I go and swim there. Nobody ever comes.'

I started to think at the water sliding on my bare body and wondered if the weed had properties I had not yet explored. I could not help but start to giggle at my thoughts and the look of his face, as I said this, and the slow blush that started to color his cheeks. I added:

'Then I just sun-bathe on the rock and let the sun dry my skin'. I had trouble restraining my thoughts and I laughed again loosened by the alcohol. Feeling this freedom was just delightful.

'I want to build the cabin right there, on the east bank, close to the stream feeding it.' I said. I looked at him, and I saw him smile at me a little, restrained, deep in his thoughts, his cheeks still reddened by his blush. I took his hand and held it in my hands for a minute, delighted at the feeling of his fingers on mine. Dizzy, I could only whisper 'come'. And I led him up the hills. We walked up there very fast in the sunny afternoon, and soon we were out of breath. The music faded in the background and soon was replaced by the funny sound of these New Caprican birds and our heavy breathing. I ran up there the last few hundred meters and stopped at the sight of the lake, my heart pounding in my chest, not just because of my fast hike. It took a little bit longer for Bill to catch up to me. The water was clear and you could see multicolor pebbles on the bottom and tiny little fish swimming. The lake was bordered by a forest on the western bank; but on the south side, it was emptying into a waterfall over the edge of a cliff. From this angle, it looked as if the water was merging into the sky, suspended in the heavens. I sat on my flat rock and took my boots off to dangle my feet in the water. Bill joined me silently, sitting next to me, and did the same. It was peaceful, perfect. The sun was reflecting on us and warming us, although it would have been already too cool for a swim. 'It's beautiful' he stated. Not looking at him, I continued with my dream.

'I want to build a cabin with lots of windows right there, so that the light can come in all day. I will have a big room, with a deck going right on the lake, and a bedroom with bay windows located on a mezzanine over the big living room. So that when we wake up, we can see the sun rising behind the hills and over the water.'

I turned a look at him. Maybe it was the alcohol, the weed, or the beauty of the site, I felt overwhelmed by emotion.

'Laura' he whispered, his voice chocking a little.

'Yes' was my only answer, in a giggle. He wrapped his arms around me. This time the kiss was not as chaste as our goodbye kiss. It was heated by happiness, uninhibited by alcohol, and loaded with desire. We kissed for a long time, not paying attention anymore to our surroundings, but only to the feelings threatening to take us. The sensations of his lips and tongue on my open mouth, and his hands gliding in my hair, brushing against my neck, sliding down my back were overwhelming. He slipped the wrapped long sleeves shirt off my shoulders and his fingers found their way under my camisole to caress the heated skin of my back, my waist, and my breasts. It was as if he sent electricity through me and I involuntarily moaned against his lips, pushing myself tight in his arms and shivering at his contact. He broke the kiss suddenly and looked up at me, his blue eyes burying into mine, with honesty and tenderness. 'Laura, I have to go back to Galactica tomorrow. I cannot settle with you here right now. I still have responsibilities.' His voice was low and sweet, and slightly slurred by the alcohol still in his body. I knew he did not want to hurt me. He did not want to make a promise, when he did not know he could keep it. He did not want to mislead me.

'I know, Bill', I replied trying to ignore the painful lump that just formed in my throat and my emotions rising uninhibited by the alcohol and weed. 'I am not asking you to let go of your ship. I just want to enjoy life a little; it has been such a long time since we have been living as real human beings. I don't have cancer anymore. I survived! For what? I want to enjoy life! Don't you think? We have been trapped in these tin cans for months, without sun or fresh air, without seeing the color of grass. I want to enjoy today, Bill, and not think about tomorrow. I want to be a woman again.' He looked at me and wiped the tears that I never noticed I had shed and kissed me again very slowly. The sun was setting and soon it would be too dark to find our way down the path. I suggested we made our way back down to the village before we would get trapped without shelter or food. The fall was coming and nights were getting cooler, up there especially. When we got to the village, we found some food again and people were still dancing and partying. It was nice to see everyone happy."

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