Lister, David: U-12H
"I loved ya, ya stupid smegger!" Lister threw the can at the wall where a picture of Rimmer hung, proudly displaying his 'Employee of the Month' award which he'd given himself after the accident that, so far as the records and his own conscience agreed, he had caused. The irony wasn't lost on the Scouser and it made him angrier. "How could you leave?" he whinged, sinking to the floor, throwing another can, and finally succeeding at knocking down the frame, the sound of cracking glass somewhat satisfying. He was careful as he extracted the picture out from the wreckage, only to clutch the photograph to his chest, tears finally falling as he let out his sadness. He wanted the Ionian back, he wanted his friend!
"Holly, ya still got tha hop drive?"
"Yes Dave, why?"
"An' can ya make it go random, not just parallel universes?"
"Yes Dave… you're not going to go after him, are you?"
"I damn well'm gonna try."
— — —
Rimmer, Ace: U-56S (In G-39K)
"Three down and six to go Arn." Wildfire hummed.
"Thank you. I'm surprised I haven't had to save the day yet."
"You say that and it might—" A sensor klaxon went off loudly.
"Oh smeg, what's that mean?" Rimmer balked, biting his fist; of course the moment he thought he was fine, things would go wrong!
"Stop worrying and help me steer, I don't want this other ship to hit us!" The AI snapped, her voice no longer very sultry or alluring.
Not wanting to upset her further, he grabbed the yoke and, finally seeing the ship they were on a collision course with, turned left to avoid and pushed down to avoid the crash, barely missing the other craft. Once stable again, something he wasn't sure how he did until it was all said and done yet knew instinctively, Rimmer took a moment to examine the ship and gasped. "That isn't my Starbug, is it?" There was a hopeful tone in his voice, one he knew was rarely used.
"No, it's from universe Y-T92. I've already had this Ace, got lost trying to get back home… I wonder what it's doing here," Wildfire asked rhetorically, and he actually recognised that for once. "Sending handshake… handshake accepted and we're being allowed to dock. Slow and steady there Arn."
He took that as instructions and piloted the ship into Starbug, not sure how he felt about how natural it was to do so. Was this really what all those dreams were for, making it so he could do all the fantastical things he'd seen and heard the original Ace talk about without a moment of actual practice or training? It was as if he were some kind of savant, and that only unnerved him as well as made him believe that perhaps he was making the right decision to harness his inner coward and go back home. Sighing, he got out of the cockpit and went back to the door, jumping as it opened and a familiar figure held a bazookoid.
"Ya aren't my Ace," Debbie Lister growled, cocking the weapon and holding her stance better. Rimmer put his hands up, and feeling ridiculous with the wig still on, took it off and threw it over his shoulder.
"No, I'm not," he confirmed, speaking calmly and not moving. She looked angry and sad, but considering her equipment, he wasn't about to make any sudden movements.
"Wha' happened to her?" Lister tried to keep her voice from cracking, gritting her teeth as tears threatened to spill, but she was unsuccessful; it made Rimmer's heart ache.
"The computer says she got lost on her way back."
"Oy, whassat mean?"
"She was lost Debbie, during a mission on the way back to you. I had to get a new Ace by myself with a proxy. I'm so sorry, I tried to find her."
"How many dimensions did she 'ave left 'fore she was home?"
"The next jump would have been home." The sadness in the cabin was palatable, and as Lister let the bazookoid drop to her feet, Rimmer closed the space between them to wrap her in his arms, her face burying in his chest as she cried. It was awkward and he had to fix their positions a few times as she dragged them both to the floor, but when she was finally curled up in his lap, crying against his shoulder, he gave a sigh of relief. He ended up rubbing slow and hopefully comforting circles on her back, not daring to try and say anything soothing that came to mind because, honestly, it would be all lies.
"How long was she away an' how many since then?"
"She was Ace for seven years before my chronometre showed it had been four of the promised five years for you, and we started on our way back then. Took us almost eight months to get to that final mission because she couldn't find a replacement she liked. Your Arlene was very particular about the kind of Rimmer she wanted taking over. As I said, I had to use a dummy to get the replacement, so I wasn't able to be so picky. This one is the twenty-first Ace since then." Both of them watched each other warily, tension building, until Lister gave a soft turn of her lip to Rimmer.
"So she might still be alive?"
"Being a hard-light hologram, unless something has damaged her light bee, she should be fine," the computer said, not wanting to answer affirmatively. "And, since we're on the subject, this is the same dimension she got lost in."
"Wait," Rimmer scowled at the Scouser, "this isn't your dimension?"
"Nah, after she was late a year or so, I hooked up the Holly Hop Drive to a Starbug and we've bounced around at least five times now."
"So it's just coincidence we ran into you?" He didn't want to call it fate.
"Guess so," she sighed.
"Wait, why don't I have any memories from her Ace?"
"By the time I realised she was lost, I was too far away to make a backup of her memories. She isn't the first that's happened to," the AI had a melancholy to her voice and Rimmer thought he could imagine what Yvonne would have looked like had she actually said it, like disappointment in failing at one of her duties. He remembered that McGruder was very thorough and liked to complete all her tasks perfectly the first time―it's also why she was boxing champion―because when she put her mind to it, she excelled.
"The Dog and Krystal are probably waiting for us though, we should go let them know we haven't found her yet." Lister sat up, rubbing the back of her neck, locks falling over a shoulder.
"I'm—"
"Don't you dare say sorry smeghead," and she sounded so much like his Lister, he almost smiled.
"How about we try and find her together?" He waited for her to look him up and down, more than once, before she nodded.
"Yeah, you're the epic space hero, you should be able to help just fine." He was glad she approved, although his reasons weren't as altruistic as she might believe.
"Wildfire, how long ago, in this dimension's time, was Arlene lost?"
"Two years. And we're about ten light-years from the planet she was lost on."
"Send the coordinates to Starbug," he ordered, helping Lister up and walking out.
The craft was exactly like his had been, although it wasn't so grey inside the craft, and he had no trouble getting to the cockpit, where Dog was sitting, leg in the air and face in his groin. For a moment, Rimmer missed the Cat. Krystal, the female equivalent of Kryten but with a Southwestern American accent and nipple clamps hidden in a slightly larger front chest panel, was at the comm station but stood to greet Rimmer.
"Oh Mr Ace sir, we're so glad to see you!" She beamed. "Would you like me to make you something to eat or drink?"
"No Krystal, I'm fine for now, but thanks for the offer old gal." He affected the Voice around these two, vague memories from the first visit creeping to the forefront of his mind from an Ace who was still alive at the time. As he turned to say a greeting to Dog, the canine beat him to it, rubbing his head against Rimmer's shoulder and then licking his cheek.
"Hey buddy, nice to see you again! Did you bring treats like you promised?"
"I seem to have left them back in my ship, so once I get us headed in the right direction, I'll go get them for you, okay Pupper?" He had no clue if that was true or how the reaction to the pet name would be, he was solely out of his depth at this point.
"Aw, I knew you would remember, thanks!" Dog flopped back into his seat, scratched behind an ear, and started looking at all the charts. "So are these numbers the ones I gotta head for Ace?"
"Yes indeed," he confirmed, sitting and checking to be sure. They certainly looked like the coordinates Wildfire had sent, but getting there would be the real test. Whatever was waiting for them on that planet, he hoped it included a happy ending for this Lister and her Ace, if only because he felt it would be a good omen as he made his way towards his own. At least, that's what he told himself to stay optimistic.
— — —
Lister, Deborah: G-39K
When Deb Lister first joined the Space Corp, she didn't expect they would allow men and women to room together, but the JMC were penny-pinchers until the end and, unless a complaint was filed or there was other issues, they had no qualms whatsoever about opposite sex cohabitation among officers and employees. Other than the extreme circumstance that practically pushed her into joining, she didn't really care much so long as she got back to Earth eventually and with more money in her purse than she had when she drunkenly left. Of course, once she was finished signing her name, the first thing she did was chuck out the now expired travel visa for Edward Berkenstein, thus feeling as if she were putting the whole getting stuck on Mimas smeg behind her. However, after she met Arnold J Rimmer, she briefly reconsidered, thinking that it probably all was one whole mess until she got home again.
He was aggravating, annoying, petty, and too clean―how the hell anyone could clean when there was no dirt to be found and still make it look cleaner was beyond her―but he did it spectacularly. If Lister were to be honest, his offbeat perseverance in passing his exams was admirable, but she could tell that he would never pass, not just because of his issues with maths, but also his troubles revising, the man spending more time on his revision timetable than actual revision. It'd be funnier if it wasn't rather sad, and yet every time she tried being helpful, he got ruder and more annoying until she left him to it, actually laughing after he failed for writing I AM A FISH four hundred times, which she regretted after he returned from the infirmary, not that she'd have said.
While she wasn't usually one to let a pretty girl turn her head, Kristine Kochanski wasn't just pretty, her pinball smile bright and contagious. Of course when they first met, Kochanski was seeing another officer, Tim if memory served, but after the fish incident, they had broken up and Lister was eager to try wooing her. It didn't take long either, they'd already become friendly and Lister had made Kochanski laugh on many occasions, so that when she finally got the navigation officer into bed, it was like they were on cloud nine. For a whole fortnight, no one and nothing could ruin the high that Lister was on, not even the green-eyed monster that came out in Rimmer, who was even more anal retentive about her work than ever before, holding the third technician to standards even he couldn't possibly live up to. Afterwards, when it all ended, she felt the crash wasn't worth the high.
That was why Lister picked up Frankenstein on Miranda, not exactly trying to get put in stasis but for the likeable company. Of course she didn't expect Rimmer to find out, nor to help keep her pet secret, the second technician falling in love when the feline flopped against him on the bed, purring away as if he were fine company to be around. There was a change in their relationship after that, the bunkmates finding themselves more friendly towards one another since they met and working together seemed to go smoother as well. The two of them didn't think too much of it, but sometimes at night during those six weeks, Lister wondered if she and Rimmer might actually become friends because of a sweet cat. Unfortunately, not only was Frankie pregnant, but Holly detected her and the two of them were called into Hollister's office.
As they were both walked to the stasis booths, the decreed punishment, she had to ask, "Why did you stand up for Frankie?"
"She's an innocent cat, I just cannot stand by and let her be killed," he answered as if it were obvious.
"Well, see you two in eighteen months," Todhunter nodded, closing the doors and setting the system.
Of course it was much longer than that when they finally were released by Holly, and at first, their tentative relationship was rocky at best over it. After meeting the Cat and finding out they were the Cat Gods―Lister for chaos and Rimmer for order, their names a bit garbled unfortunately―she decided to fully embrace the humanoid feline into their lives, doing her best to try and get the full pet experience but finding that hard, what with the Cat being much more independent and self-centred than her ancestors, but Lister persevered. Rimmer, however, kept his distance and threw himself into taking care of the ship, clearly feeling some guilt over being in stasis when the accident happened and believing that, had he not been, he would have been able to fix the drive plate as ordered. No matter what she said, however, convinced him otherwise, especially facts like how they never should have been given the task at all or that it should have been automatically reassigned upon their punishment and thus it couldn't be their fault.
It wasn't until after they met Kryten and she began rebuilding him that Rimmer started to thaw; the first sign was when she was cleaning a part at the table, him laying out on his bed with a book on Alexander the Great (who he claimed to have known in a past life) but he wasn't reading it, simply looking over the top edge at her working, an intense look in his eyes. There were a few times she saw, but she never let on, even turning on some Rastabilly Skank to see his reaction, disappointed when he didn't leave right away, staying until sometime during the third song at least, and when he did, it was clear he didn't really mean all the grumbling.
After that, he was more easygoing like before, he even was nice to the Cat on more than one occasion! Sometime later, long before she was finished with Kryten, they went to a parallel universe where Rimmer was a woman, she was a man, the pet they once kept a dog named Dracula who evolved into their pal aptly named Doggo, and Holly was named Hilly. They spent the night there and Lister almost slept with her counterpart but something stopped her; something in the pit of her stomach told her it'd be wrong, that someone would be hurt in the morning, which she assumed was herself, but when she saw Rimmer's face when he only thought they did does she realise. It's almost like a slap in the face, how it hits her, but when she stopped to think about it, the signs had been there―he had been there―and now she didn't know what to do.
When they got back to their dimension, Lister went to climb into her bunk but for some reason, couldn't do it, and instead flopped into Rimmer's, and his response to finding her there, unlike before, was as much a surprise as her recent realisation. He pushed her over against the wall and laid down with her, an arm going around her waist to make sure that he stayed in the bunk. She didn't say anything, just wrapped her arms around him, which involved wiggling one under him, and tucked her head under his chin, sighing happily as she had a need filled by such close human contact that Lister hadn't realised she'd been missing. It seemed to work for Rimmer too, and although she didn't have the nerve to confess that night, sleeping together just holding one another became the new normal. During the day, she rebuilt Kryten, and at night, they comforted one another, becoming closer now that they could just whisper all the things they used to tell one another when she was in the top bunk.
Eventually she finished the mechanoid and he got right to work cleaning up again, something both of them were grateful for, although the Cat took issue because, in her words, "No one else touches my clothes but me!"
After a week, Kryten got both Lister and Rimmer to sit down for a talk, choosing to set it up during dinner that night, and bluntly told them both that, after discussing it with Holly, he was suggesting they change quarters.
"Why would we want to do that? I like these quarters," Rimmer sounded put out.
"Because the lower bunk isn't big enough for the both of you and I care about your safety. There are at least three bunkrooms on the ship with a larger bed that are the same size as this room."
Lister wasn't one to blush often, but like Rimmer, her face was heating up.
"Oh dear, I've embarrassed you both, I'm sorry ma'am, sir. Why don't I leave you both alone to talk about this," and he left them.
"Yeah, I'll give you two some privacy too," Holly nodded, the words PRIVACY MODE in big blocky letters replacing her face.
Neither of them moved, both avoiding eye contact. After about five minutes, Lister broke the silence with a large sigh, "What is going on between us?"
"I don't know, I try not to think about it." The blush was working its way down his neck and over his ears.
"Do you at least enjoy how we've been lately?" She turned towards him, watching carefully to see his reaction.
"Yes, of course. Even your insults," he looked away completely at that, like it was a dirty secret he didn't mean to reveal.
"They aren't really insults you know, and neither are yours anymore."
"I know, I haven't meant them in a long time."
"So…" Lister watched as Rimmer closed his eyes to take a deep breath before turning back to face her, a determined look in his eyes.
"I think I…" The look faltered but she knew what he meant to say.
"I love you." It felt amazing to say. "And I know you love me too."
"I… I do love you, like I've never loved anyone else." He seemed to release whatever tension he was holding onto, face going back to its normal tone, and he leaned forwards slightly, almost waiting for something. Lister wasn't about to disappoint, bridging the gap to kiss Rimmer. It was soft, sweet, and over too soon.
"You didn't even need to try any of those horrible pick-up lines on me either," she joked, smiling brightly.
"Well, you did say they never work," he smiled back.
— — —
Rimmer, Ace: Y-T92 (In G-39K)
Dawn on the unnamed moon was purple, the sun blue, and the sky was turning green, which made the colours of the flora, fauna, and even her traditional adventuring suit look funny. Not funny ha-ha, funny weird. But exploring wasn't why she was there, a distress call was. The voices sounded strange, like a weird mix of her Ionian tones and Lister's Scouser twang, and it was what made her investigate it the most, not just because she was duty bound regardless. Sometimes being the immortal space hero 'Ace' really made Arlene Rimmer annoyed, especially when she wasn't having luck finding a replacement and had lost contact with Wildfire as she got closer to the distress signal, thus leaving her on her own. It was not that she wouldn't be able to handle things by herself, but having a little help had saved her numerous times, from both a second death to revealing that she was really a hologram, Ace's dirty little secret.
The mountain range she had been walking towards for the last five hours was finally close enough for her to tell just about how high they were, and it also afforded her a view of the ship sending the distress call, the side declaring it was Starbug 04. Trying not to feel panicked, she hurried her pace. There didn't seem to be too much damage, given the materials the vehicle was made from, but that didn't mean the interior was in good shape with how crashes in these damned things were always much harsher to the passengers than cargo. When she found an opening to get in, she gave a moment's pause to examine the immediate surroundings. It seemed as if the ship had been there for some time, the ground around it settled, and she wondered idly how they got food, having not noticed anything edible since arriving. Granted, she didn't tend to notice that sort of thing very often, one of the 'perks' of being a hologram.
Ace knocked on the side of the empty doorway, the door being used as a ramp instead, and waited to see who might come looking. She'd been slow and firm, hearing the sound reverberate and echo throughout the ship from the outside, so it wasn't like no one wouldn't have heard unless they were dead or slept like it. After nearly five whole minutes, Kryten came to the doorway, gasping at seeing her.
"Miss Ace?" he ventured.
"Hello there Kryters, I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." She didn't know if this crew had ever met a female Rimmer as Ace, but she decided not to say anything and let them tell her however they wanted.
"Do you want to come in ma'am?" The mechanoid turned to give her room to pass him, and as she stepped inside, she got a better view of the interior. It wasn't as banged up as it could be, but this was just the cargo bay thus far, there was much more ship yet to see. Lead up to the mid-section, although she was already somewhat familiar with the ship, Ace assessed any and all damage and finding none inside. It was either because there never had been or, more likely, it had been repaired. The closer they got to the operations room, the more she was sure she was hearing things because it sounded like her Lister chatting with someone she didn't recognise, but that couldn't be. When she finally saw the woman, sitting with her legs up on the table like usual, it almost felt like too much, and Ace let out a choked sob. The sound caught the Cat's attention, and she stood in surprise.
"Who's this Butterpat Head?"
"Miss Ace Rimmer, don't you recognise her?" At that introduction, Lister turned to look at her, but it was clear there was no recognition, and Ace realised this wasn't her crew.
"We've never met a female Ace before, wicked!" She jumped up and went over to the hero, hugging her without reservation. "Arn won't have to be jealous this time."
"What won't I have to be jealous of?" Arnold Rimmer poked his head out from the cockpit, a smear of grease down one cheek.
"Look Arn, Ace came to visit." Lister kept an arm around the hero's shoulders, showing the woman off for her male alternative to have a good look, his face going from annoyed to surprised.
"Hello," and he stepped out of the cockpit, giving a better view as he did. She saw where most of the damage on the ship was. No one the ground was settled, they'd been there some time repairing it.
"Hello," she responded, dropping the strange accent she used as Ace.
Suddenly a great commotion came from the gantry to the sleeping quarters and a pair of young boys, no more than twelve or thirteen, rushed into the room, hooting and hollering as they fought one another. It took Rimmer no more effort than to simply grab one by the collar while Lister hooked the arm of the other and pulled them apart, both boys indignant. Ace got a good look at them both: one was taller, though not by much, but was the only one with actual dreadlocks and tanned skin, while the other one held back in a queue, though it wasn't very long, and his skin was darkest where it'd been exposed while they worked outside; both of them had looks of annoyance and slight petulance.
"Oy, whassa matter Mum?"
"Dad, you can let me go."
"Both of you need to welcome our guest," Rimmer motioned to Ace, who stood at attention as they both looked her over. "This is another version of me. You remember what we told you about the multiverse and a version of me that travels through them?" Both boys nodded. "It looks like the Rimmer women travel as Ace too." He smiled at her and it was high praise indeed.
"This is Jim and Bexley, our boys," Lister declared proudly, pointing out that the one she had still in her grip as Jim, a few strands of hair coming out of his queue, and pointing to the one now straightening his shirt next to Rimmer as Bexley, a dreadlock tumbling over his shoulder. "And we've been stuck here for the last two months, give or take, because someone decided they could land Starbug after a single flying lesson," and she glared at Jim, who had the decency to sheepishly shrug.
"I said I'm sorry Mum."
"If this is how we lose the Dwarf, I swear you'll never get anything Mexican ever again, you hear me?"
Jim's face paled and he nodded enthusiastically. "Yes Mum."
"Good, now you two can come help me with these repairs," Rimmer announced, leading both of them towards the cockpit with a hand on their back. "While your mother entertains our guest," he added, smiling at Lister. If she didn't already know how often, throughout the various dimensions, Rimmers and Listers got together, this couple would have proven it just by the way they looked at one another.
Since Ace had lost contact with Wildfire, she convinced Lister to help her search the next morning, but by evening the next day, they had walked all around the small moon and couldn't find the dimension hopping vessel anywhere. It hurt, knowing she was stuck, but the crew made her feel wanted as she helped them repair Starbug and get back to their home, which thankfully wasn't too far off if one didn't count everyone but her and Kryten going into stasis for a few years. Once aboard, Ace became Aunt Arlene and helped around the ship, taking charge and even teaching the boys a bit here and there about various things, from fixing a vending machine to an engine to one of the radar satellites outside the ship. She helped out Kryten as well, including with some repairs he needed that Lister hadn't yet figured out, although that knowledge was more from previous Ace's than her own. The Cat also seemed to like her, which was surprising given she wasn't the biggest fan of Rimmer's. At the end of the day, however, she kept hoping to one day come across another Ace who might take her home.
— — —
Lister, David: U-12H (In ?)
When Lister set up the Holly Hop Drive, he wasn't sure it was going to work again, either to find his Rimmer or even take him to another dimension like the Wildfire did and not just a parallel one, but when he arrived and saw how different the nearby planet was from the one he'd just been near, he knew it had worked. Unfortunately, popping into a dimension with life teeming on a planet that had been barren meant he was subject to queries about his arrival. The ship that contacted him seemed normal, the people seemed average, and while it was the first step to finding the man he loved, it was nice to have this break where he was surrounded by people again, if even for a short while. What Lister didn't know, however, was that his first stop to finding his Rimmer was his last stop as well.
— — —
Lister, Deborah: Y-T92 (In G-39K)
"There's nothing here," Lister lamented, trying to keep the tears pooled in her eyes from falling. Dog and Krystal gave them privacy, but Ace couldn't just leave her to cry alone and he sat beside her, resting an arm around her shoulders and just giving her a moment. "Do you think she's happy, wherever she is, if she's even still alive?"
"She's definitely alive, but she won't be happy until she's reunited with you."
"How do you know?"
"Well, I feel the same. That's why I'm helping you, because I don't deserve to go off to my happy ending if I don't make sure you two get one too."
She snuffled and laughed. "Wow, that's really honourable of you."
"From my understanding, that's what it means to be Ace Rimmer."
— — —
Rimmer, Arnold: X-R59
"For the last time, I don't know what you're talking about, that wasn't me Frank! I've been at work all day on base, I couldn't possibly have hijacked a Space Corp ship to rescue those scientists." Rimmer felt exasperated, having already answered these same questions to John and Howard already.
"Well, my boss wants to meet with you anyway, to figure this out. Apparently, as far as the record states, you are now a captain."
"But…" he floundered, "I'm just a flight instructor!"
"Who seemingly went in and saved a group of important scientists. Does it matter how or why, you've gotten a promotion Arnie." Frank sounded vexed, and really, Rimmer couldn't blame him. It seemed too good to be true.
"Okay, I'll head up now. But when this all goes to smeg, I just want to still have my job in the end."
"I will do my best. See you soon."
That meant twenty minutes, the youngest Rimmer taking a quick shower before running across the base to the main office, the receptionist letting him through without his saying a word. When he entered the office, Rimmer didn't expect to see more than the general in charge of the base with his brother, but there was another general and an admiral. He also felt underdressed, everyone wearing at least their second or third best uniform and he was just in his flight suit, the golden Space Corp wings shining on his lapel.
"So this is the great 'Ace' Rimmer," the admiral hummed.
"No one calls him that," Frank smirked.
"My students do," Rimmer countered darkly.
"And now so do a group of scientist it seems you saved from a group of simulants a week ago."
"I swear Admiral Bartholomew, that wasn't me." He stood straighter, trying to show his honesty.
"I know you didn't Captain, but the Vice Admiral looked into your record and decided that you would retain the rank your doppelganger was granted for a variety of reasons, the primary being your flight skills."
"Barty, you can't be serious?" Frank seemed rather upset, if a little confused, but the admiral wasn't bothered by it.
"Not my call, although I agree if it were."
"Sir?" Rimmer wasn't sure he heard right.
"Your flight entrance exam were the highest of your brothers, even John, and you've shown increase in skills over the years you've worked on base. It was some great luck Frank asked you to be retested on your written exam, otherwise we'd be in a completely different situation here." Rimmer stopped himself from saying he'd likely have taken that job on the Red Dwarf if he hadn't been taken the exam again, giving him the opportunity to get his current job of flight instructor, but likely that was all in his record as well.
"Will my duties change at all sir?" If they were going to insist, he might as well accept.
"Not right away, but we shall be thinking up a few tests for you in future, to see what your real potential is," Admiral Bartholomew said as he left, Rimmer giving his standard Rimmer salute in his wake, and Frank following, handing off an envelope as the two brothers shared a good-natured nod.
Once back in his office, a small pile of paperwork having appeared while he was gone, and he let out a deep breath. He opened the envelope, finding a disc inside, and set it up to play on his computer, watching the footage from the station where the mysterious and amazing Ace Rimmer had dropped off the scientists. Heaving a sigh, he realised there was some logic to allowing him the rank, the twist of the plan was a trick few had ever mastered in the Space Corp, and currently he was the only active member who could. Apparently, wherever this other version of him was from, he could too, and yet he was almost grateful for the chance it afforded him. Finally his hard work was paying off, even if another Arnold Rimmer got their attention.
— — —
Rimmer, Arlene: E-674B
When she got into the hopper, wig trying to come off as her curls underneath rebelled, Arlene Rimmer didn't expect to see the most gorgeous woman she'd ever laid eyes upon at the wheel, and her mind completely forgot her destination altogether.
"Where ya going?" The goddess asked again, her accent as beautiful as she was.
"Um… well, that is… I've forgotten," she frowned, suddenly self-conscious.
"Well damn, all the other astros have gone," the driver whistled, disappointment evident in her voice and body language.
"Well, if you'd like, I could, and this is only if you'd like that is, maybe you'd let me take you to dinner?" Arlene knew she was being exceptionally forward but it was a once in a lifetime chance she didn't want to let pass her by.
"Are you sure? That's quite an offer" The woman turned around, arm straddling the back of the front seat, and she had an obviously sceptical look on her face.
"Please, I'd like to make up for my forgetfulness." And get to know you, she secretly added.
"Yeah, sure; that sounds pretty nice of you…?" She inclined her head, eyes hopeful, and Arlene raced to introduce herself, heartbeat jumping. When Deb returned the introduction, she couldn't help beaming. "So where ta?"
"How about your favourite place?"
"Don't have one, not been able ta really been around much."
"What about a place you know is popular that you've wanted to try?"
Deb looked back at her with a questioning look again, this one much less sceptical than before, and it gave Arlene hope. As the hopper took off, she happily rode the bumpy ride if it meant getting to know the wonderfully interesting woman behind the wheel. It was certainly was more high-end than she'd expected, but Arlene wasn't bothered and wanted to ensure that Deb had a good time. They were shown to a private table, curtains framing the small alcove, and ordered what amounted to a feast, the table eventually laden full of various dishes and the enigmatic woman tasted from every plate as she told her story, from growing up in the roughest part of Liverpool to how she got stuck on Mimas. Her meal ticket (who was well aware she was being used but did so gladly at that moment) listened with rapt attention, the need to help growing with each bite.
"Why don't you join the Space Corp, then when you get back to Earth, turn in your notice?"
"What are you on about? I have no skills Rimmer."
"You don't have to, not really. There is a few open spots on my vessel if you wanted, the lowest on the ship with least responsibility, but it would get you home. I could go with you when you sign up, help get you in."
"Why would you do that for me?" Deb looked sceptical again and it was a look Arlene wanted to kiss off her face someday.
"Because I want to help you."
"Yeah, I get that, but why?"
The Ionian sighed, looked the Scouser in the eye and said with every bit of honesty she could muster, "I like you and I want to help you."
There was a long pause where they stared at one another before Deb smiled and nodded. "Okay, I'll do it."
With the remainder of their feast boxed up, they made way to the Space Corp offices on Mimas, Arlene taking off all her fake medals on the ride there, tossing them in the trash before they entered, much to Deb's amusement. Once it was all said and done, they went to where Deb's locker was, grabbed her stuff, and made way back to the docks to grab a shuttle to Red Dwarf.
"I don't know where you'll be staying or working on the ship, but I expect we'll see each other often enough with me only being one peg above you." She still felt nervous coming clean about just being a second technician, but clearly her companion didn't care.
"Yeah, course we will. And once I have some money, I can take you for a drink to thank you for all this," she indicated the bag of food in her hand.
"There's no need for that, I wanted to get you that."
"To thank you for helping me get home then, maybe just because I want to, but trust me Rimmer, I'm going to take you out for a pint sometime." There was something in that promise which made the older woman's heart race.
When they arrived, Deb was lead away to finish her paperwork, including the detailed brain scan everyone went through even though most wouldn't ever be booted up as a hologram, so Arlene went back to her quarters, going over everything said to figure out how to endear the other woman to her without seeming too pushy. Of course, her mind kept going over and over everything and she was starting to doubt herself as Anderson knocked on the doorway to get her attention.
"Yes?"
"You have a new roommate Rimmer, meet Deborah Lister." The two women stared at each other a long moment before both burst out laughing, Deb crossing the room and, dropping her bag on the ground, gave Arlene a hug. "I take it you know one another?"
"Yeah, she's why I'm even here," Deb grinned.
"I guess I can leave you to showing Lister around, right Rimmer?" Without missing a beat, Arlene did a quick half Rimmer salute and nodded.
"Of course sir, you can count on me." Deb giggled behind her and after Anderson left, they locked the door and sat on the bottom bunk.
"Did you know they'd put me here?"
"I had no idea, I swear."
"Well, I'm glad they did. Now I won't have to figure out how to find you."
— — —
Rimmer, Ace: U-56S (In G-39K)
"We should take a walk around the moon again, I want to search for clues," Ace declared at breakfast the next morning.
"What good will that do?" Deb asked, body language and tone despondent.
"I have a feeling there is something out there for me to find."
She just shrugged but he wasn't bothered; were their situations reversed, he was sure he'd be worse. Krystal decided to join him, claiming the need for fresh air but really, she just seemed interesting in learning more about him. She kept asking question after question about his life before taking the mantle, sometimes remarking on the differences between him and Arlene. He didn't mind, it helped him understand the woman they were searching for, a topic he knew Deb wouldn't be able to handle talking about. He was recounting the events, and his massive failure, of Wax World when they came across old skid marks in the ground leading up a mountain and to a crater the size of Starbug. Upon closer inspection, they found paint chips and other signs that it was, indeed, a JMC ship that had crashed. Storytime ended and they went about taking readings to see how long ago the crash was and when the ship left.
When they got back to the ship, Ace and Krystal went over all the data they gathered to figure out a timeline for the crash site in relation to their arrival on the moon, and the results were completely unexpected. While they had just arrived to the dimension, Wildfire hadn't been back until now but that had been almost thirty years for the ship, yet the results claimed it had only been three, and the ship that had crashed, which likely had been another Starbug, had left about two years previous. That meant that not only could Arlene still be alive, but she likely was on that ship, helping that crew, and hopefully they weren't far off course to catch up. As Ace told Doggo and Deb, her eyes got bigger and wetter looking until she was crying happily.
"Wow, what a guy!" She looked up at him like he held up the moon in the sky, and he couldn't help blushing profusely.
"I'm just fulfilling my promise Deb," he looked away, embarrassed.
They hunkered down for the night, Ace sleeping inside his ship because being in any of the sleeping quarters on theirs was too much, and the next morning, they left the planet and followed the trail that Krystal identified as the ship's. While they weren't travelling at the fastest speeds for safety, it seemed the other ship hadn't been rushing their departure either, and a day later, they found a trail from Red Dwarf. This gave everyone hope because over countless dimensions, one thing remained constant in most of them: the old rust bucket was slower than molasses in January on Uranus. It only took a week for them to reach the ship, and when their handshake was accepted, Deb couldn't help doing a little dance in her seat.
A young man greeted them in the landing bay, his hair pulled back tight into a queue and uniform impeccable, and for a long moment, Ace felt like he was being laughed at, the face slightly different from what he remembered but still very much the Jim that he and Lister had to say goodbye to so long ago. No one else seemed to be bothered, which made the hero wonder if getting pregnant by an alternate version of herself didn't happen to Deb, but then he was speaking, instructing them to follow him. Once in the lift, however, he couldn't hold his tongue any longer.
"So is there a twin brother?"
"How did you know I could have a twin brother?" Jim looked at Ace suspiciously, eyes narrowed
"I knew another set of twins once, James and Bexley Lister." He didn't say more than that, it hurt to think about that time in his life, back when he was soft-light and couldn't help his Lister with the pregnancy.
"That is my brother's name, yes." He still seemed on guard.
"And your parents?" Ace had to know.
"Are alive and well, waiting to meet all of you once this lift decides to travel faster than the speed of slug."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it," the lift grumbled back at him.
When they finally got off, Jim lead everyone to the drive room, where his mother was lounging back as she read an engineering book, his father was tapping away at a keyboard, Bexley was working on something that looked like a car engine in one corner, but everyone looked up after the young man cleared his throat. This new Lister quickly put a marker in her book and left it on her seat, rushing over to give Deb a hug, Ace's lip quirking as his companion looked over to him and Doggo with a look that screamed, 'Get her off me.'
"Debbie my love, let Lister go," Rimmer took his wife by the shoulders, pulling her back into his arms.
"But it's her Arn, the one Arlene told us about." She was beaming.
"You met my Arlene?" Lister didn't seem bothered anymore, but Ace wanted to know the answer as much as she did.
"Yeah, she'd been living with us since she lost the Wildfire. Helped up repair Starbug to get off the moon she found us on, then helped with repairs around the Dwarf, and also started teaching some stuff to the boys." It sounded like Deb's Ace had still been doing good even without her dimension jumper.
"Where is she now?" The woman couldn't seem to contain her glee and from the looks of it, the couple were just as happy.
"She and the Cat went to explore a few moons that came on the sensors a few days back, she does that often, but the Cat, she doesn't usually tag along. They took a Blue Midget yesterday morning, but we can see if they are in communicator range to call her back," Rimmer offered.
"Oh yes please, that would be wonderful." Deb was hugging Doggo now, and he hugged her back, licking her cheek affectionately at the attention.
Jim had gotten out some extra chairs, folding ones from a nearby storage closet, and set them out for the guests, and Bexley came out of nowhere with drinks for them, a cold can of lager for Deb, a chilled bottle of water for Doggo with bowl, and a bottle of white wine spritzer for Ace.
"If you're like Dad, this is one of his favourites," the young man winked before going back to the engine he was working on.
"What's happening dudes?" Holly popped onto the screen next to Deb, her blonde hair up into a messy bun.
"What is with the hair Hol?" Lister asked, getting her own can of lager from the mini fridge under her console desk.
"Thought I'd impress the guests with somethin' new."
"Hilly?" Deb swore that this AI looked just like the one she left back on her Dwarf when she went to get Arlene.
"Name's Holly, but I used to have a different face. Met a Hilly once, she was nice," the AI gave a fond smile.
"So you can change gender?" Ace refrained from mentioning that he knew about that and had seen it once before.
"Yup, I've got a few different faces in my themes but I like this one right now best, really suits me." Deb nodded in agreement.
"What the hell?" Rimmer's voice has a panicked tone to it and was typing madly away on his console.
"What's up?" Lister went over to check on his screen, her brows furrowed. "That's not possible."
"Well I've got no other explanation for it," he countered.
"Mind filling us in Arnie?" Ace got up and leaned on the counter, but gave them both the respect as crew not to look at the screen.
"Blue Midget isn't responding." From one Rimmer to another, Ace could tell that not only was this man worried, he was keeping his panic in, likely to save face in front of his children, but right then, it was almost as if he wanted to scream.
— — —
Rimmer, Ace: Y-T92 (In G-39K)
The Cat was a surprisingly friendly gal, even after finding out that she was just another version of Rimmer, but Arlene thought it had more to do with her being female like her and Lister, and how she never called her a moggy, even if she thought it from time to time. Her counterpart was still nicer to the felinoid than she expected, and while Cat didn't like him very much, there was some respect for him as one of the Cat Gods. That boggled her mind almost as much as her own Lister being a God, but after everything she'd seen travelling the cosmos and various universes, it wasn't the strangest. Still, here she was as a companion for this mission and she found herself grateful she wanted to tag along, probably because the feline was bored at first but soon, it seemed, she enjoyed the adventure of it all, especially after the battle with simulants on the second moon.
When she found the questionable data from the few moons on radar, it had been yet another excursion for her to find materials to help fix up the ship, including the mineral purification system that Bexley had made his sole mission when he found out how beneficial it would be to have the system running again. For the children of Arnold Rimmer and Deborah Lister were dedicated to the running and upkeep of their home, as instilled in them by their father and encouraged more as they grew up by their mother. It made Arlene a bit jealous to see the happy family and know she may never see the love of her life again, but she couldn't hold the smeggy circumstances against them either, not when helping them made her feel useful after she lost Wildfire, and that mattered a lot.
"Hey Ace Bud, you gonna help me land this thing? I can't do it alone," the Cat's voice cut through her jumbled thoughts and she clicked her tongue.
"Sorry, my mind was light years away." She took the controls for the landing gear and they moved into position to land Blue Midget.
"Yeah, you've been distracted lately. Wanna talk about it?" She never offered to be a sympathetic ear, but if she wanted to try now, the hologram would make it simple and easy for her.
"Just thinking about things."
"Those things include your home, with your Lister and that Dog thing you mentioned?" The feline scowled, the woman laughed.
"Well yes, they were my family."
"So why'd you leave them?" She sounded genuinely curious and Arlene sighed heavily, turning to look her in the eye.
"To prove myself worthy of her."
"You mean she didn't think you were already?"
"I never asked, but I feel like it wouldn't be enough if I didn't try and prove myself." The Cat just shrugged and turned back to the dashboard, going through the check system to turn the lander off, and Arlene appreciated that she didn't push for more, because it would mean admitting to being a coward.
They got out, checking the immediate area, and then went off to explore, the Cat very loudly calling out for mister Cats, as usual. She shook her head and focused on more important things, crashed ships and base minerals. The scans thus far looked somewhat promising, a few higher concentrations of minerals they hadn't been finding much of lately, but for the most part, much like the other moons, it lacked any crashed vessels. Ransacking deralics were how they got most of the good spare parts, regardless of a crash either by flying debris or flying into something, and even in the short time she'd been with this crew, she'd learned from the boys as much as she taught them. It made Arlene proud, knowing that these boys were the best of their parents.
Suddenly she heard a scream and, without a second thought, she rushed towards the sound, not surprised when she found the Cat being the origin. What did peak her interests was what he found: there, in a crater, was the remains of what looked like a Starbug, only it wasn't the right shape nor colour, and it was covered in simulant technology as well. From what she could tell, it had been through hell and back again, but not without damage along the way, and yet it still was flight worthy, the roar of the engines testament to that. The Cat was hissing at it, and she had learned quickly that her feline senses were almost entirely intact, which put her on edge as well. After she arrived, they weren't there long before a hatch opened and a simulant figure poked its head out, but when she saw the face, backing away in horror was her first reaction. The warped face in a permanent sneer, looking around as if hunting for something, and how the skin has a deathly skin pallor. Arlene couldn't believe any universe had a simulant that looked like any gender of Lister, but that reality caught sight of her and, in an unexpected burst of speed, the monstrosity was face to face with her, an upturn to the lips that told the former hero she was in trouble.
"Universe Y-T92, Commander Arlene 'Ace' Rimmer," the robotic voice wasn't anything like Lister's, and the shiver down her spine was cold.
"Something I can do you for?"
"You can come with me, and your feline can take a message back to whoever you're with. Tell them not to look for her, she's been Collected," and before she could react, its arm shot out to knock her out with an electric pulse, grabbing her arm so she didn't fall before throwing her unconscious body over its shoulder and sliding back into the crater to the updated ship. The Cat watched before rushing back to the lander, where he promptly curled up on a bed and slept, hoping somehow that when she woke up, Ace would not be kidnapped by the decaying simulant controlled Lister.
To Be Continued...