Chapter Four

He had told himself it was just a phase lusting after Sasuke, but the more they spent time together, the more Naruto started started to fall in love. He was surprised by his own change of feelings. After Hinata's death, he didn't think he could ever fall in love with another person, but Sasuke was proving to be different. As he sat in in the dining chair, the morning light peeking through the blinds hanging against the windows, he watched Sasuke gracefully maneuver himself around in the small kitchenette. It was quiet except for the clattering of dishes. The children slept in as it was a Sunday and their day off from school. Naruto couldn't help but feel at peace. For once, he really felt like he was home again. The tranquility of the morning, Sasuke prepping to cook breakfast, and the children sleeping, it was like they were a small family of their own. And that thought brought many emotions forward in Naruto. His heart pang in yearning for a future like now. If his life could remain like this forever, he would be happy, but then he wasn't even sure if Sasuke felt the same. The man was such a hard read. He bit back a sigh.

"I can feel you staring," Sasuke said.

Naruto blinked, caught off guard. "Huh?"

"I can feel you staring at me." The raven haired man set the last of the dishes into the dish rack and turned around to look at him. "Is something wrong?"

He stared dumbfounded. He couldn't fathom how Sasuke was able to read him when he honestly thought he did well in hiding his emotions. "It's..." I like you. The words wanted to fall from his lips, but he shut his mouth, stopping them. He sounded like a teenager, blushing at the thought of confessing. Finally, he shook his head. "It's nothing."

Sasuke seem to stare at him for a moment longer, then resumed to his chores. Naruto watched him for a second longer before he got up. He stretched his limbs a bit then walked toward the storage room. He opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it. The sunlight burst through the glass of the windows, heating the room in a cozy warmth. Naruto settled himself in front of the shrine. Lately, he found himself sitting before Hinata's pictures, stuck in a limbo. He knew he would never forget Hinata and would always love her, but there was always the guilt that if he loved another person, it was like cheating on her. This new feeling he was beginning to have for Sasuke was pulling him in different directions. He wanted to be with the other man, but he didn't want to leave the memories of Hinata behind either. He wanted to find happiness again, to be another family, but Hinata was his wife and she was everything to him. If he found someone else, would it mean he hadn't loved her as much as he thought? And there was Bortuo and Himawari to think about also. He took a breath, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. He chuckled humorlessly.

"Can I ask you this?" he asked quietly, hoarsely, suppressing a sob, "ne, Hinata? Or is it too wrong of me to ask you? Can I fall in love with someone else? Will you hate me?" He pulled his hands away to stare at them. He clenched them into fists. "Can these hands hold another person?"

He waited in bated silence, but nothing happened. He choked back a laugh. Of course there wasn't an answer. Life was never that easy. He sat quietly, unsure of how long he stayed in the room until Himawari knocked on the door. She came in quietly, walked over to him, and sat down. He glanced down at his daughter, noting how much she was growing.

"Breakfast is ready daddy," Himawari said, turning her blue eyes toward him.

"Okay. I'll be there in a second, okay?" he told her as she got up.

"Okay...daddy? Are you crying again?"

"...no...no, I'm not."

"Mm...daddy, I don't think mommy will want you to be sad all the time."

Naruto was surprised by her words. "And why is that?"

Himawari shrugged. "I just don't think mommy will be very happy seeing you cry. I don't think mommy will be very happy seeing me cry too, that's why I will always find a reason to smile. For example, I smile because daddy is still here; I smile because big brother is here too. And now, I have big sister Sarada and Mr. Uchiha to smile about too! With everyone here, it's like we're a big family and I'm happy!"

Himawari was smiling brightly, her eyes shining in pure joy. Her smile in turn brought joy to Naruto; he returned her smile with one of his own. He stood, his heart set in determination to follow what would make him happy. He walked over to Himawari, bent down on his knees, and hugged her tightly. "Thank you."

His daughter giggled and then she was pulling away from him and telling him to hurry up. Naruto stood up again to follow after her. As he stepped out and turned to close the door, for a moment, he caught a silhouette in the room. The bright rays of the sun seeped through the translucent form. Black, short hair and a gentle smile. A sudden sadness and peacefulness fell over him. A faded smile and a nod of a head pushed him on and then she was gone as if she was just a figment of an imagination. Or maybe she was and Naruto was just seeing it because he wanted to. He didn't know anymore, but he wanted to believe. He smiled as happiness spread through him. He bent his head just as tears spilled from his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, "Hinata."

When he entered the kitchen again, Himawari was already sitting down next to Sarada. His eyes caught on Sasuke who lifted a questioning brow at him. He shook his head and went to sit down to enjoy another day filled with laughter.

Later that night, he and Sasuke were once again drinking while the children slept. Instead of wallowing in their own pity, Naruto made them remember the moments when their wives were alive and all the days they were happy together. However, Naruto was curious as to why Sasuke had mourned for Sakura for seven years. He didn't want to ruin their good mood, but he wanted to know and pushed forward with his question. "You mourned her for seven years. I know losing someone, grieving over them isn't something that will go away...it doesn't get better, it just...becomes manageable, but...I wonder, seven years is long..."

"I never got to say good-bye, you know. I wasn't exactly...the greatest husband," Sasuke replied, his tone bland, but for once Naruto caught the briefest look of pain.

"How is that possible? I mean, you're great at cooking, brushing the girls' hair, and all that fashion stuff that keeps them happy."

Sasuke's lips lifted to one side. "I wasn't that great at it in the beginning. It took me a while to get it, but I had to...Sarada only had me. I...lost my family when I was young. I grew up in an orphanage and moved out when I was seventeen after I had saved up enough money. I met Sakura in high school and started dating her near the end of my third year. I knew she had a crush on me since our first year-"

"Yeah, and I'll bet you had plenty of other girls chasing after you too. You even probably had the whole 'cool and mysterious, bad boy' look going on." Naurto muttered, a tint of jealously slipping into his tone at the thought of girls going after a young Sasuke.

Sasuke chuckled at his words. "Yes, quite so, but I was young and stupid, as are all boys when they are at that age."

"Not me." Naruto folded his arms across his chest like a petulant child.

The raven haired man huffed a laugh, his eyes dancing in amusement. "Oh really? Somehow, I get the feeling it's very different from what you said."

"Hmph! Anyways..." Naruto waved a hand for Sasuke to continue his story.

"So we started dating and even went to the same college. But...even though we were dating, I wasn't exactly always around. Sometime in the middle of our second term in college, Sakura got the news that her parents died in a car accident during their vacation over seas. She took it hard and despite knowing I had to be there for her, I wasn't. I was living alone and so, I was working a lot to pay for rent and food. I didn't even go to their funeral. Yeah, I wasn't that great of a boyfriend either. I always thought Sakura was strong, that she didn't need much coddling or a clinging boyfriend...so I never bothered much. But then she stopped coming to class and even signed to drop out of college. For once, I actually felt like I was going to lose her. So I went to visit her and...it was bad. Sakura was an only child. She lived with her parents and she hadn't even started working yet because her parents were supporting her. But with them gone and most of their insurance money going to the funeral, Sakura lost almost everything. The house was the last thing that was going to be taken away too. She tried to act strong, but I could see she was distraught. Seeing her trembling while trying to smile, it broke something inside me. And so, I told her to come live with me. It seemed that took her by surprise. I guess that surprised me too. I didn't like being around people much and having someone live with me, I never liked that idea. But somehow, I fell in love with her before I even knew it. She came to live with me and we got married. A year later, Sarada was born. It was just the three of us. We had no other living relatives...so when Sakura passed away, it was just me and Sarada."

It was a painful story. Naruto wanted to reach out and hug him, comfort him with sweet words, and promise him that he wasn't alone anymore; it didn't have to be just him and Sarada anymore. He wanted to be there too and he was sure Boruto and Himawari wouldn't have minded. He held back, watching as Sasuke stared into the distance, his mind else where. His body moved on its own. He wanted Sasuke back in the present, not lost somewhere in the past. He pressed forward, blocking Sasuke's vision. He knew the moment Sasuke came back, his eyes registering Naruto's presence in front of him. Confusion flicked through the black onyx eyes, then settled on him. Naruto inched closer, watching for any movement, but nothing. And then he closed in the final distance between them, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. He flicked his tongue, running it across Sasuke'e bottom lip asking for entrance. When his mouth relented, Naruto dove in, swiping his tongue along the roof and gliding over a hot tongue. A second passed. Then Sasuke was returning his kiss just as fervently. Eyes slid close, letting the mood sweep them away. Naruto leaned over more, covering Sasuke's body with his own, straddling his lap. The kiss turned soft to heated, sweet and passionate. Aroused, he needed more. His hands slipped under the white t-shirt, tracing up the grooves of taut muscles. Sasuke moaned under him, waking up a primal hunger in the pit of his stomach. Naruto growled. His fingers found themselves on soft nipples. He pinched and rubbed the nub till it hardened beneath his fingertips. Another pinch and then Sasuke was pulling away from their kiss, a gasp on his saliva slicked lips. Naruto was in dazed awe as Sasuke rolled his head back, resting it against the seat of the couch, exposing smooth white skin on his neck. Naruto licked his lips. He dipped his head, flicked his tongue and licked from the hollow of the collar bone up to the junction of his jaws. He stared hungrily at the slick trail, sucked and nibbled on pale skin underneath chin, licked up another trail till he was kissing Sasuke again. Hands flew to grip his shoulders tightly. Naruto gingerly trailed his hands back down, farther south, tangling fingertips through the patch of coarse hair below belly button leading to his destination. His fingers twitched near the elastic band of Sasuke's sweat pants, so close to dipping inside.

"Daddy?" Himawari's voice echoed through the house.

Naruto's eyes fluttered open. Blue eyes met black eyes. The kiss broke, his hands flew away and he pushed himself off too fast. His back slammed against the edge of the coffee table. Beer cans fell over from the force, clattering on the surface. Naruto yelped in pain, crumpled into a ball while his hand gripped his mid back where he had hit it. He groaned in pain. Another hand was on his injury in seconds, rubbing it soothingly.

"Daddy?" Himawari's voice was closer now. "Are you okay?"

Sasuke was leaning over him—the other hand happened to his. "He hit his back on the table, but he's fine. Was there something you needed?"

"Ah, no..."

"Nightmare?"

Naruto couldn't see, but he assumed Himawari nodded her head. He bit back a groan as he sat up. Himawari was walking to them, her head tilted downward slightly and her shoulders pulled up. Naruto could see she felt embarrassed, but he didn't think she needed to feel that way. He opened his arms to her, a soft smile on his face. She was in his arms in seconds, pressing her face into his chest. He felt the hot trickle of tears stain against his shirt, her little body trembling. He hushed her, humming soothingly in her ears to calm her. In a few minutes, she was asleep in his arms. Looking down at her, Naruto smiled gently. She was growing up, but she was still his baby girl. Sasuke leaned into him, brushing stray strands of black hair away from Himawari's face.

"You should take her to bed," Sasuke whispered.

"Un." Naruto agreed. Carrying her as gently as possible, he stood up. He looked down at Sasuke, suddenly unsure of what to say to him. "You should head to bed too..."

Sasuke tilted his head back, his gaze on him. "...I think I should take the couch this time around."

"Oh. Okay." Guilt tugged at him. He wanted to delve deeper into what had occurred between them, but Sasuke seemed reluctant to. Naruto turned and headed back to the room the children were sharing. He put her back into bed, then checked up on Boruto and Sarada. The two were still sleeping peacefully. After making sure all three were tucked in, he went back to the living room. Sasuke had settled onto the sofa, eyes closed. His chest moved steadily with each breath. Naruto wanted to go back to him and resume what they were doing earlier, but seeing Sasuke pretending to be asleep was a cold rejection. He was a little hurt by it. He turned, instead of going back to the living room, and went to his bedroom. As he got into bed, he turned off the lights and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, but it felt lonely to be in a wide bed like his with no one to share ir with. Eventually sleep pulled him with his final thoughts hoping that tomorrow wouldn't be awkward between him and Sasuke.