Thank you to all of those who left comments.

I wanted to finish Chapter 45, which is a transition chapter before much more difficult and emotionally heavy chapters. As a friend mentioned with foresight, 'we are close to the end'.

Chapter 45

Helena was deeply asleep, when a noise by the entrance of the house alerted him. He rose carefully not to wake her. He found Elosha in the main room. The tall old woman sat at the table, quietly as in prayer. Takashi sat across from her in the same quiet manner.

"How is she?" Elosha whispered, her piercing blue eyes looking at him in the darkness. It was the evening and not a lot of light was filtering through the caves. Takashi enjoyed the quietness of these troglodytes' houses.

"She is very sick, feverish. She says that Laura is speaking to her in dreams. That time has no meaning." He shook his head.

"She is connected with her, like in our history. Laura will come back as a guide, and a leader. She is her."

Takashi looked up to Elosha

"Laura died from cancer. I'm a scientist, Elosha. I don't believe that Helena is connected with her. And I don't want to believe it. She has pneumonia, clearly."

Elosha smiled gently at Takashi.

"You may be a scientist, full of knowledge, but there are many things you don't know about the universe. Your reality is just an illusion. Time is just another dimension and we all are connected in the universe. We're connected beyond our illusions of time and space. Our civilization is much older than yours. Our knowledge is deeper. Yes, all of this has happened before and will happen again."

"I'm so sick of this sentence! What does it mean anyway?" he whispered frustrated.

"It means that history does repeat itself. And that woman, back there, you love her more than you're willing to admit to yourself and to her. You cannot change the future, Takashi, any more than you can change the past. You have to live the moment."

They both turned to the entrance of the house, when they heard steps and muffled voices approaching. Takashi rose quickly and saw Evelyn, Liang and Sharon walking up briskly to the house.

"Thank God you're here" he said relieved. Evelyn put down her back and quickly took out her medical equipment, stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, a pressurized canister of oxygen and a mask and a couple of bacterial culture plates which were sealed in individual bags.

"How is she?"

"Not well, I think it may be pneumonia." Takashi answered to a worried Evelyn. She took a couple of wrapped syringes and an IV bag, full of saline out of her bag. Takashi led her to the bedroom where Helena was sleeping.

"Helena, wake up, Evelyn is here." Takashi whispered shaking her shoulder softly. She turned around, her eyelids fluttering, eyes rolled back in her head.

"Laura is dying." She said in a weak breath.

Evelyn immediately went down on her knees by her, lifted her shirt and listened to her lungs. She took her temperature. Without talking, she sprang into action with a sense of urgency that scared Takashi. She attached the mask to a tube, in a connected plastic chamber she emptied a dose of albuterol, and connected the tube to the oxygen canister, which she opened slowly, making the liquid bubble. She lifted Helena's head and placed the mask on her face. Without waiting, she took Helena's arm and placed a catheter in her vein to start an IV. Helena took a deep raspy breath and opened her eyes.

"Welcome back" Takashi said, as she looked for his eyes. When she started to cough, Evelyn was there immediately with a sterile gauze to collect a culture, lifting her oxygen mask quickly. She left with her sample. Conditions were certainly not the best for a sterile culture, but she swiped the culture dish with a sterile cotton tip coated with Helena's phlegm, barely opening the sterile bag for a few seconds and resealing it immediately.

"What are those?" Elosha asked.

"They're culture dishes coated with several types of the most common antibiotics. I placed her sample in each section of the dish and we will see which antibiotics kills the bacteria that may infect her. One section of the dish does not have antibiotics and it's a control. It will assure me that bacteria are indeed growing in this dish. These dishes are made for emergencies and they can grow outside of an incubator for 24 hours to give me an answer. Not as precise or efficient as what you would get in a hospital, but it will do here. When I have an answer, I'll give her the antibiotic, which will kill the specific bacteria that make her sick. Meanwhile, I'll treat her with broad-spectrum antibiotics, which are likely to help her. Time is of the essence here. She's very sick and I cannot wait."

Evelyn returned to the bedroom. Helena was conscious now and she was sitting up against pillows that Takashi had placed behind her back. She emptied a syringe in the IV bag.

"A nice little antibiotic cocktail for you," she smiled at Helena, "you rest, my friend, you will feel better soon." Helena's blood pressure was low. And Evelyn shot a worried look to Takashi, "stay here with her. Anything happens, call me."

Takashi sat next to Helena. "You are going to be alright." He said to her gently, as he draped his arm around her shoulders and allowed her to rest against his chest.

"Then why are you crying?' Helena answered lifting her head weakly to look in his eyes. Takashi brushed her damp blonde hair with his fingers, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. He bent to kiss her forehead.

"Because, I love you."

"Bill and I walked the corridors sharing our worries about Baltar and how his religious crusade would destabilize the fleet. By the time I reached his quarters, I had decided to go see Baltar. Bill was surprised.

'You want to see him?'

'I want him to see me.' I replied, mischievous. I had quite enough with him. It seems that he really had not understood yet how lucky he was to simply be alive. By all means, Baltar should have been executed for his crimes and treason on New Caprica.

He looked so weak and pathetic in his prison cell. I wanted him to understand how I was just so done with him. He was arrogant as usual. I was determined not to let him go under my skin. Truth is, I really didn't care anymore. I was emotionless. Baltar always stirred deep emotions inside me, anger, hatred, frustration. When I realized that did not care about his role anymore, that he could not reach me, when my anger morphed into contempt, I could look at him without emotion. I could just consider him no higher than a simple beetle on the floor. He had lost his power over me. He was surprised by my indifference; it unsettled him.

'I want you to look at me, Gaius, just look at me.' I was close to him. He looked up.

'This is a wig… I'm dying.' He looked at me, silent. I could see my words penetrating his consciousness and slowly instilling doubt.

'Now if you look in my eyes', I removed my glasses and leaned closer to him, 'go ahead, look…you can probably see it.' Destabilized, he was not sure where this was going. He whispered: 'I'm very sorry'. For a moment, his admission, sincere, almost brought tears in my eyes. I fought them back.

'No, no, no, no, I don't want your pity. I'm still doing my job. In fact, I'm going to aggressively pursue the men that attacked you and I am going to restrict the size of public assemblies to protect your people…' he nodded in agreement. I continued softly.

'But… I'm going to be slipping away from this life very soon and I've gotten kind of curious as to what that's going to be like, and so I did some research. And there are some people who say that, when people are getting closer to their death, they just don't care as much about rules and laws, and conventional morality.'

Baltar started to understand my point. My calm demeanor, my soft voice, scared him. I was cold. He knew then that I would act ruthlessly with him and his cult.

'Are you threatening me?' he asked, a cold sweat beading on his forehead. Fear.

'No, no, I'm just saying… have a quiet life and I'll die a quiet little death. And everyone will be happy. It's just that I am not in the mood any longer to indulge you. And that's…all' I looked at him deeply in his eyes. There was fear there. I rose.

'And you are being released, so stay safe' I left the cell, Baltar stunned and silent on his cot. This was really priceless."

"The next few days were busy. We had some quorum sessions. I wanted to move quickly and the quorum members were dragging their feet. Time was running short for me and, as my body became weaker, my resolve to pass a number of laws became stronger. Why did we need to debate absolutely everything? I was not going to let a bunch of insecure representatives slow me down. My frustration grew. I had a lot of work to do before my body failed me. I signed an executive order to limit public assemblies in an attempt to limit Baltar's cult and the Sons of Ares as well. Then, I went back to sick bay for another long doloxan treatment. Bill was there. As the poison ran into my veins, he started to read 'Searider Falcon'. I loved it. His low voice reading the poetry was bringing me back to a peaceful state. Those, I knew, were precious minutes. They were full of tenderness and his voice was lulling me to sleep. When I was done and Doc Cottle came to remove my IV, I felt pretty weak. Cottle told us that he would have my blood test back in a day and I had to come back for another session tomorrow. I was tired. No… exhausted. My whole body was aching. It's hard to explain the type of fatigue I experienced. Carrying my body weight was tiresome and I am not that heavy. But I have to stop complaining. This does not help me. I have to stop this self-pity.

Bill had to support me for the walk back to his quarter. I grabbed his arm like a lifeline, as I walked the corridors. He did not say anything and, when we got back, he just led me to the rack and allowed me to rest.

I whispered 'Thank you' and he moved by his desk, where he started to write in his log. A bit later, he served himself a drink. I had no strength to fight him. I knew it was hard for him. The devastation of seeing those you care about in the process of dying. I experienced that with my mother. I did not drink then. But occasionally I would light up a cigarette. I would have lovers and lots of sex. And I was forgetting my pain in the arms of men who did not love me. Most of them anyway, except maybe for Wally. Lust. Because I could not face the impending death of my mother and her ultimate torture. I had no right to judge Bill on his alcoholism. I had no right. I closed my eyes. Why did it have to be so difficult? If this treatment was not going to work, then what was the point? Really? What was the point? Delusion? Denial? A farce? Something Bill can say to others ultimately? That she tried everything, but the cancer was too widespread? That there was no hope of survival? There was no hope of survival! Not a question! A fact! The doloxan was robbing me of my body, even before death would reach me. To live a few more precious hours, which I would not be able to enjoy, because I would be so sick. No… I knew why I agreed to this ultimate torture. I knew that I wanted to bring my people to Earth. The dying leader shall lead the way to Earth… but not survive to see it. That was a little flame of hope. The very thing that gave me the strength to continue bearing this treatment, despite the pain, despite the fatigue. I would die, but not before bringing my people to Earth. I was so… so tired.

After I slept somewhat, I knew I had to return to Colonial One. We had quorum sessions tomorrow in the morning. I would be back in the afternoon for another treatment."

"Well this quorum session made me so upset that I don't even know where to start. My executive order to forbid public gatherings was challenged by no other than Lee Adama! Surprised? He could not understand really what a crowd control measure was. I was dripping with sarcasm. Of course! Because Lee Adama was not present on New Caprica to see the suffering of my people in the hands of Gaius Baltar! He was comfortably nested on board of the Pegasus, while we were dying down there, while people were tortured in prisons, while we lacked food and supplies… No, he would never understand what we experienced! All of this, because of Baltar collaborating with the cylons. I cannot even imagine what Baltar would do with blind religious faith, with a group of people following him irrationally into a cult. He had to be stopped. Lee was, of course, telling us that this measure could be used against religious minorities and was therefore against religious freedom. I had no intention to target anyone else, but Baltar's cult.

'My job, Mr. Adama, is and always will be to keep the people safe!' I said to him, making a point that Baltar was dangerous. But, it was too late, as soon as Lee started to speak, he opened up the door to a debate and other delegates jumped at the occasion to discuss repercussions of my decision. It did not matter how many times I repeated that Baltar was dangerous and reminded them what happened on New Caprica. They would not hear it.

'Everyone in this room experienced tragedy at New Caprica! Have we forgotten?'

They demanded a vote and I refused. Lee said that they would override me.

'You can override and you cannot let this stand Mr. Adama, then you open it up to a vote! And if you strike this down, you can all go back to your constituents and you can tell them what you've done and –we the people- will have triumphed! But think about what it's going to cost you, because every single one of you remembers what it was like when Gaius Baltar had political power.'

I remembered suddenly the tortures and the prison, like images flashing in my head, those who suffered, those who were killed. I still bore some of the scars on my flesh. And I was so angry and disappointed at them that my throat closed, as tears rose to my eyes. And, I had to hold myself together not to break down.

'And you should be terrified about what this man will do with blind religious devotion… So go ahead. VOTE!'

I turned around and left. Tory followed me. I was boiling with anger. Back in my quarters, I asked to be left alone and sent Tory away. I knew they would vote to remove this executive order. Our constitution allowed this. I cried tears of rage and disappointment. There would be one day a reckoning, a moment where the quorum would have to be much more careful. Sometimes, we had to make hard decisions, which were not popular, but necessary to avoid immediate danger."

"I needed to go back on Galactica and soon I boarded a shuttle to make my afternoon appointment with Dr. Cottle. On sickbay, Cottle had tough news for me. It looked like my day was going to get worse. The treatment was not working well enough, he said. Cancer markers were still raised in my blood test and, to compound this, my white blood cell count was low. He wanted to bring up the treatment to a higher dosage for a few days, and also give me immunoglobulins to boost my immune system. This would require me to stay a few days in sickbay. Bill arrived as Dr. Cottle was giving me the news. He immediately told me that he would help with the logistics of having me in sickbay for a bit longer and I could get my work brought up to me. Tory could organize my absence and honestly I was a bit relieved not to have to deal with the quorum delegates any longer.

'Think of it as a vacation' Cottle said.

'Really?' I replied as he secured the IV line and started the doloxan infusion.

Bill had heard about my burst of anger in the quorum meeting. The quorum, in my absence had voted in emergency to veto my executive order and, immediately, Lee had stopped the guards from preventing Baltar to re-enter his lair, letting him know that he could assemble again. He went down there personally. I was still agitated from this, still upset, especially now that I was aware that Lee had intervened to allow Baltar to go back into his cult.

Bill started to read Searider Falcon, but I could not focus on his voice. After one chapter, he stopped.

'Lee has no idea. He really has no idea…' I whispered.

'Have you heard anything I've said?' Bill replied, as I was continuing on my rant. No, I had not heard one word from Bill. He had stopped reading and talked about Lee. Some kind of justification for Lee's acts? No, I had not heard, nor did I want to hear. I was angry, a deep anger, a cold anger.

'There are pragmatic realities he refuses to face.'

Sighing, Bill took off his glasses.

'Well, that's a problem of course. He's doing what he thinks is right.'

'Well, yeah, he's Lee.' Lee, captain Apollo, righteous and fair warrior. Lee, which I loved like a son, but had betrayed me in the name of his righteousness, protection of the law and the constitution, when he was the one who admitted publicly that we were a band on the run, and that our legal framework would have to be thrown out and rebuilt to fit our new way of life. I shook my head.

'Thing is, it probably is the right thing, but sometimes the right thing is a luxury. And it can have profoundly dangerous consequences. And yet, it's almost as if he doesn't want that to be true.' I took a deep breath in.

'Okay I've got to stop this. I'm not supposed to get upset during treatment.' I exhaled and closed my eyes for a second, in an attempt to clear my thoughts and my anger.

'Will you read the next chapter?' I asked Bill with a small smile.

'I must warn you that I'm getting into the part that I haven't read yet.'

'Oh dear! Are you going to be able to continue?' I teased him gently, smiling. He put back his glasses on and I shifted on the bed to make myself comfortable, facing him, my head prompted on a pillow. I closed my eyes, when I heard his voice.

'Chapter Seven. The raft was not as seaworthy as I had hoped.' I started to relax with his voice, breathing deeply.

'The waves repeatedly threatened to swamp it. I wasn't afraid to die,' He paused.

'I was afraid of the emptiness I felt inside.' I heard his body shift, the subtle movement of his jacket as he lowered the book and he turned his head towards me. I did not need to open my eyes to know he had stopped reading.

'I couldn't feel anything. That's what scared me.' These words never were in the book.

'You came into my thoughts. You filled them. It felt good.' I could feel his gaze on me. I opened my eyes and we silently looked at each other, unabashed, our emotions intense. We had spent years together fighting for survival. We had shared pain, hard times and tender moments. Yet, we were still there, together, as I was fighting for my life. I extended my hand to him and he shifted to take my hand in his. He cleared his throat and reopened the book and continued reading. I closed my eyes again, feeling his hand holding mine."

Thank you for reading.

Please leave me some comments, that would be greatly appreciated.