Note: I updated this chapter because of a continuity error in the modern story! All good now.

Thank you for all of those who have reviewed chapter 45. It really motivates me to continue, so please leave me some notes and comments.

We are now starting to slide down into difficult time, with Laura's cancer progressing. You know where it leads and I want to make it as realistic as possible, having seen my mother (just like Laura in Faith) endure breast cancer and very fortunately survive it. She is 90 now and well.

Chapter 46

Helena slept for a few hours. Reassured that she was resting, Takashi left to find food and stretch his legs, while Evelyne took his place nearby Helena, disconnecting the now empty saline bag, but leaving the catheter in case she needed to have another infusion. Takashi walked down to the center of the cave and sat by the fire. He was cold. The humidity had increased in the cave. He knew that these mountains were pretty high in altitude and located facing east, where clouds rising from the Indian Ocean were bringing frequent rains. Spending hours at Helena's side he had lost track of time. A full day had passed and it was late into the night. He ate slowly out of a wooden bowl a kind of porridge made of various grains and vegetables, which was filling and delicious. The fire was warming up. Little rodents were scurrying in the far side of the cave; he could hear their chatter. He heard a shuffling and out of the shadows he recognized John, who came to sit next to him.

"Hey…'

"What's up, John?"

"How's Helena?"

"She is resting now. It's too early to know if the antibiotics will make her feel better." He took a long drink of water out of his portable container, staring in the darkness.

"That really sucks…" John continued. "Look, while you were up there, I continued the conversation with Elosha and the members of the quorum. Now, I have talked more with Sharon. They believe Helena is carrying the message of Laura; that she is kind of an embodiment of her."

"In a sense, she is. She has translated Laura's diaries; she has her knowledge and somehow has connected with her… That is my feeling as well. I'm not too surprised, they are saying this. Embodiment? I do not think so."

"When I was talking to the colonists…"

"Is this what we are calling them? Colonists?" Takashi smiled at John.

"Well, they are hardly natives, if you think about it!" John joked. He continued, "so when I was talking with them, Elosha told me that she agreed to show us some of the technology from their distant past. Elosha was going to have Sharon show me the location of the caves. I am just worried that I am going to discover more cylons."

Takashi nodded, deep in reflection. He was silent for a while. He already knew that they must have had more technology, especially after it was revealed that the colonists had gathered back to regroup after hard years, as Elosha had revealed in their previous conversations. He was not sure however if any was left in working conditions after millennia. Finally, he answered.

"Understood… I am going to ask you to wait before you explore further."

John started protesting, Takashi held his hand up.

"Think, John. I have used the SAT phone to call Evelyne and it is very likely that it would have been picked up. We are overdue for a visit by the UN and UNESCO forces in order to report our findings. You know that it is only a matter of time before we are asked to report and, truth is, we should have done that already. There was never any question: we should report our findings. This is a heavily funded mission. That is what we do. Some briefings will be required. We have this great excuse that signal is very poor in these mountains and in these caves, if anyone asks. True is, uploading a lot of data via satellite link would just not work. If Helena doesn't get better, she will have to get evacuated to the nearest hospital, which is at the UN base in Nairobi, hundreds of miles from here. I am pretty sure, they wouldn't put her in Dar es Salaam, for security reasons; they will have to come and get her by helicopter." Takashi paused worried, looking at John. "Evelyne and I made the assumption that she has some kind of bacterial infection. There is no evidence yet that this is the case"

"Evelyne tested her, no?" John asked.

"Yep, it'll take another day to find out." Takashi continued, "I held her in my arms, while she was sick; we were all together, all of us. Whatever she has, we all have been exposed to it. In the worst-case scenario, the place could be swarming with UN troops, maybe some medical doctors and some of our mission directors, investigating why she is sick and checking our data. They could scrap the mission entirely, if they worry about any kind of contagion. In the best-case scenario, they will just ask us for our information and reports, check on us for signs of illness. If Helena gets better, they probably will let her stay on, but I am quite certain they will send someone to investigate and make sure we're alright, which they should be. Thing is, John, I'd rather not know of any 'new' ancient technology. We cannot lie about something that we do not know. We may be able to prevent the cylon head to be discovered. We have to wait until this whole thing is over… and then we can explore more. Do you agree?"

"Yeah… This whole mountain is like Swiss cheese. There are tunnels everywhere. Our job is not finished here. I wonder how many more secret these hidden caves and galleries hold."

"We'll get to it, John. We should use that time to clean up our data, organize our files and write our reports."

Takashi smiled at John. John was young, he thought. He was excited by this expedition; he was not ready to give it up yet. Neither was Takashi, but Helena was now his priority.

They spent some time chatting by the fire. Sharon joined them and Takashi realized that Sharon and John were very attached to each other. He excused himself, leaving them some privacy and walked back up to the house. There he met Evelyne and Liang who were going over some of the data and pictures Liang had gathered in the Caprica village. Elosha had brought some food for them and water. The couple was eating and discussing their findings.

"How's Helena?" he asked Evelyne.

"She is quietly sleeping. Her fever has dropped."

"How are the cultures?"

"Well, nothing seems to be growing. Of course, it doesn't mean anything. It could be viral or it may be a bit too cold for bacteria to grow. We do not have an incubator here. I will keep her on the same antibiotics cocktail tomorrow. She seems to be a bit better." Takashi nodded and turned to Liang.

"What do you have here?"

Liang turned his laptop so that Takashi could look at the pictures. Liang had photographed the village and numerous artifacts that he found, which were very old and seemed to be coming from all civilizations on earth.

"This is fascinating. An absolute gold mine!" He said. "I cannot wait until I explore Gemenon and maybe the other villages. I certainly would like to go to the thirteenth colony, which, they said, was destroyed very early on by a wave of cylon attacks. There is so much material to process. But I think that the thirteenth colony may give us some interesting clues, since nobody has lived there for centuries."

Takashi replied, "I agree with you. There seems to be an aura of mystery regarding the thirteenth colony. Elosha and the others clearly do not want to talk about it." He sighed.

"I still think that the diaries of Laura will give us a lot of information."

"How far has she gone?" Evelyne asked.

"She is pretty close to the end of her translation. I have been reviewing her work and her early drafts from the last tablets translations."

Evelyne nodded and handed Takashi two ancient looking books.

"Elosha dropped a couple of books earlier today, when you were having your dinner. She told me that Rya, the chief of Gemenon had given them to Helena."

"Yeah, we had that discussion right when we got here. Helena showed the old prayer book to Rya and she recognized it. She mentioned translations." Takashi explained. Evelyne continued, "She said that the soft leather covered book was the translation of the Book of Pythia, their prayer book. It was translated from Gemenese into Caprican, and was copied over and over through centuries. The other, the thinner book, is the Book of Hera, which was passed and copied through generations. But, Elosha mentioned that Helena should have this version, which was kept in the Gemenon village; apparently, an earlier transcript of the writings on the cave walls. When Helena gets better, she will have a lot of work to do."

Takashi took the old books, smiling. Clearly they were old, but certainly not thousands of years old. They had been copied from ancient sources and they were written by hand in the same language that Helena had been translating all along. He would have to tediously photograph and catalog each page to make them available in their database. With this information, they now knew that the language of Laura's diaries was Caprican and that other colonies had different languages. Rya had mentioned ancient Gemenese before, but it was not an extinct language. He wondered if the other colonies also had their own language and if there were other books to be discovered. It was opening a realm of opportunities to study this ancient civilization with a life time of work, if more documents were discovered."

Evelyne and Liang retired together to their quarters for the night. Takashi took the books with him and walked into the bedroom. Helena was asleep, breathing evenly. He quietly changed into shorts and t-shirt, and grabbed their sleeping bags which he unzipped and spread over them like a blanket. The temperature had dropped and he did not want Helena to get too cold. He looked at her in the dim light of his pocket light, her relaxed oval face, a little pale, her blond hair which had grown a bit, now neck length, disheveled and sticky from her earlier fever. Abandoned in sleep, she looked vulnerable, younger than her 54 years. She hummed and turned towards him, a slight smile on her lips. Worried the light was bothering her, he switched it off. And she snuggled against him, her arm draped around his waist, without waking up.

"I'm starving" she whispered.

Takashi opened his eyes and turned to look at her. She was right next to him in bed, wrapped in blankets, her head resting on a pillow next to him.

"How are you?" he replied with a big smile, happy to see she was better enough to think about food.

"Hungry, tired and cold," she smiled softly, "happy to be here with you."

He looked at her, her deep green eyes, her tired features from the fever she had, her dried parched lips. He knew he loved her; he had loved her for months. She looked at him back, held his gaze, serious, intense. When his hand caressed her cheek, she closed her eyes, choked by emotion. He leaned over to kiss her, his lips brushing hers lightly.

"You'll be sick too." She whispered in a breath, barely audible, her voice breaking.

"Then, I will" he murmured, kissing her again, deeper. She opened her lips to him, kissing him back, letting his passion overcome her. His hands were in her hair and on her back, holding her close to him under the covers. Then, he just held her, so happy to see her better, alive. He had been so scared to lose her. She felt comfortable in the cocoon of his arms.

"I've been wanting to give you a proper kiss for a while." He said almost shyly. She smiled tenderly running her hand in his hair, just looking up at him with wonder. He could tell she was still very tired. "I'll go get you something to eat? Okay?"

"I think I would like to try and walk a little. I'm tired to be in bed."

He nodded, getting up and helping her out of the bed slowly. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"You should not get cold."

She was a bit lightheaded and he steadied her to help her walk to the latrines and then to the common room. Sun from the opening in the ceiling of the cave was filtering through. Helena was happy to see the bright light. They were greeted by Evelyne and Liang, John and Sharon, who cheered and clapped when they saw Helena. They gave her tea and sweet bread, and she happily ate while chatting with everyone.

"Elosha brought a Caprican translation of the Book of Pythia and an earlier transcript of the Book of Hera yesterday," Evelyne said, "I think you will have plenty to read while you recover."

"I have to go back to work," Helena replied, "There is not much time."

Takashi nodded, knowing she was referring to the probable visit of their hierarchical superiors. After she ate, he could tell she still was feeling weak. Her shoulders had slumped and she was growing paler. She wanted to wash and Evelyne helped her.

"I will bring your laptop over, but I think you should rest a bit more." Takashi said.

Evelyne got up, and went to her medical supplies.

"I would like to treat you more with that antibiotic mix. It worked well on you, and I do not want to take any chances."

"The cultures?"

"Negative." Evelyne answered. "Nothing grew. Of course, it does not mean anything."

Evelyne helped Helena back in the bedroom, let her lay back in bed, prompted up with pillows and reattached the IV with antibiotics to the line in her arm. Her fever was gone, but Evelyne could still hear congestion in her chest.

"I had to go back on Colonial One, organize my papers and pack up work and clothes for a few days in sickbay. I already had called Tory a bit earlier and she was on it. I guess they would have to deal with their president being absent for a while. Bill was silent. I smiled at him and gently kissed him on the cheek.

'Thank you for reading to me tonight.' It was more than reading. It was a thank you for speaking with his heart and soul, for soothing me like nobody else could. It was a thank you for his presence. He gave me a soft hug and I left.

I grabbed my bag and headed to the shuttle. Late through the night, I was still organizing my leave of absence. I was tired. And I was getting confused between the files. Was it possible that my cognition would just go that quickly? Did my cancer move to my brain? I tried to relax. It had to be just fatigue. I should sleep. My anxiety was building. The physical pain was one thing. Now, I was starting to doubt myself. I had misplaced some files, forgotten even that they were there. Gods! My throat tightened and my heart started to race. I got lightheaded. Pounding… my heart was pounding. I looked around me. Colonial One… My office seemed constricted, its walls, a few centimeters of metal and insulation separating me from the void of space, were closing down on me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, counting on inhale. I remembered these moments of panic from New Caprica, how I taught myself to breathe to dissipate them. One breath in, slow on five counts, holding the breath on three counts and exhaling on seven counts. Two count before inhaling again. Break, one more time. I moved to my quarters, forgetting work and got ready for bed."

"How long did I sleep? I was back in the Opera house, chasing Hera. Athena was running too on the other balcony. We both ran downstairs and we lost her. I screamed. I've had this vision for the past few days, weeks even, incessant. I picked the phone, getting a direct line to Bill.

'Did I wake you?'

'No, I was not sleeping. How are you?'

'I'm scared, I think.' He was the only person I would confess this to.

'It's just a few days. You will get treated. It will get better.'

'Bill, it won't get better.' I whispered, my voice breaking. He stayed silent. I didn't want to argue with him. Not tonight. Not now. I just wanted tenderness.

'Try to sleep. You'll be alright.' He added. Was he drunk? His speech was slurred a little. I hung up, feeling most utterly alone. I lay in bed looking at the ceiling, surrounded by silence. I did not even notice my tears, until I turned and my pillow was wet. I was alone and I was dying. I did not want to play games anymore."

"Tory helped me sort through the files I was leaving for her. For some weeks, she had been distracted. Now, it seemed she was back, more like her old self. I needed her help. I feel I unjustly blamed her for being different than Billy. She was not Billy and I resented that. She needed to watch over me. I asked her. I was distressed. I needed to be able to trust her. For this moment, these few minutes, I was scared not to be able to rule anymore and I asked Tory to guard me against the mistakes I could inadvertently make. She was gracious and helpful. She helped me pack up, and, with a bag of clothes and a bag of work, I traveled over to Galactica's sickbay.

Bill was on duty in CIC and Dr. Cottle gave me a bed, which had a bit of privacy, in a far corner. He scheduled me for a series of tests, another MRI, a full physical and they placed an IV in my arm. I felt there were so few good veins left; I was full of bruises. But I had only myself to blame, since I refused a central line. I went through the motions. Letting them examine me, detached in my fear. I was smiling back at them. I was pleasant. I was acting. I wanted to scream."

"I hated being stuck on sickbay. Hooked up to a line delivering doloxan or immunoglobulins, I felt trapped. Hell of a vacation, Cottle! With a higher dosage of doloxan, I was too sick to work. The anti-emetics were not working well anymore and I was throwing up non-stop. I kept a basin near me at all times. I could not keep anything in my stomach. I was pathetic. I was turned into a body with a malfunctioning digestive system and cancer growing. All I could do was lay back down and stare at the ceiling or the curtains around my bed. I would say I was bored, but the doloxan didn't let me get bored. There was nothing left to puke. But I still did. Water mostly. Bill had to be on CIC. He couldn't be with me at all times. I was not even sure I wanted him to be there. To make things worse, when I closed my eyes, I was instantly transported back to the opera house, running, running non-stop looking for Hera. In sickbay, time stood still. The seconds were so so so slow. Cottle was busy treating other patients. Ishay came to check on me once in a while. After the doloxan treatment, she hooked me to saline to rehydrate me, since I was throwing up so much. And twice a day, they gave me a nutritive infusion. I must have lost more weight. That infusion was supposed to keep my blood sugar stable and give me food, since my stomach couldn't tolerate anything without rebelling. I was not hungry. Everything was so still. There were a few nurses walking around.

I was looking at the curtain moving back and forth, when people were passing by. I was hearing bits of conversation here and there. I felt bereft. Left aside from normal life… Ah! Normal life! What the hell did that even mean? I was here in this bed on my way to death while the rest of our world was continuing along its miserable destiny. I wondered who was the luckiest, me who would disappear from this life soon enough, or them, who would remain trapped on these ships, for Gods know how long?

There was this woman on the other side of sick bay, who turned on Baltar's sermon on the wireless all the time. That piece of garbage was broadcasting them every day now. If only the quorum had listened to me. He would not hesitate at anything to get power. Now, he was turning his movement into a cult. He was truly despicable. Cottle told me she was a cancer patient, very advanced, terminal. She will not survive. Neither will I. He was treating her anyway. She was in pain. I heard her cry sometimes, when she thought she was alone. Other times, she got angry at the nurses, she cursed them out. In our relative misery, I was in better shape than her. I could still walk. I could still get up to use the toilet. I threw up every half an hour, but I was not yet a mass of flesh in a bed, shaking, sweating and screaming in pain. I just heard her and I knew clearly that she was at that stage where nothing could help anymore. I will be where she was soon enough. They catheterized her bladder earlier today. It meant she will never get up again. She screamed at the nurse. She was aware enough, it seemed, to know that this was the end."

"I walked over to her. She was listening to Baltar. She just had yelled at the young nurse, who had to stick me three times today to find a functioning vein. Not that I necessarily blamed her. It had to be hard to place an IV line in such conditions. I did not know why I chose to walk to her. Maybe, it was to find out who she was, or maybe, it was to shut off Baltar on the wireless. She was in terrible shape and we talked a bit until I tried to turn off the radio. Then, she got mad at me.

'Who do you think you are?' she screamed. 'Leave me alone!'

I retreated, ashamed of myself. I had no right. I had not right to reach out to turn off her radio, if that was the only thing that kept her company. She was dying. Yes, it was Baltar and I hated him. I hated him for what he had done to us on New Caprica. I could not stand to hear his voice. But I had no right to intrude in her life like this, that little bit of life she had left, barely a few days maybe. Had I become so selfish, so self-centered that I could not even see her pain? That I had to impose my opinions on her? Had I become so self-involved in my pain that I could not see others'? I could still walk. I could still get up and use a bathroom. No, I had no right. Next to her, I seemed healthy. I went back to my bed."

"My path to the bathroom would lead me right by her bed. She was asleep when I walked by. The nurse helped me disconnect the IV line temporarily so that I could shower. The water was refreshing. I changed pajamas. It felt wonderful to be in fresh clothes. The nurse reconnected me to the IV line and helped me walk back. On my way, I walked by her bed again and she called me over. She was apologetic, saying she had good and bad moments. No, I should have been the one to apologize. I attempted to lighten up the mood; no need to apologize. In the middle of her pain, she had taken the time to look for a present for me, a scarf. I retrieved it from the drawer where she kept it. That was so sweet. The silk of the scarf was so soft. I held it in my hands. I loved the color, a pale green with a flower print.

'This is beautiful' I said to her. I sat by her, holding the scarf in my hands, rubbing it softly under my fingers, like a blessing. Two women, who knew they were going to die…

'What color are you hoping for?' She said, 'when it grows back in?' I didn't want to think about it. I knew it would never grow back in. She knew it too. But there was no need. There was no need to say anything.

'Well, I was thinking, maybe blue, nice royal blue, change of pace!' I wanted to make her laugh. I had heard her cry for hours in the past days. She was there talking with me and smiling. She was alive, for now, just for now. And I had to listen, because time was precious. Was there anyone left on this fleet to listen to her?

'Oh my hair used to be… Now look at it! Feel it!' I tentatively placed my hand on her head, feeling the dry and damaged hair under my fingers. She was craving for the touch, for the human contact. Maybe I was too. She placed her hand on top of mine, keeping it there, while she said, 'it's gonna get a lot worse. Be prepared for that.'

Could she see how afraid I was? Was it so visible in my eyes? I nodded. There was no point in pretending otherwise. She was preparing me. I had to listen. Baltar started his broadcast on the wireless. I stayed there and when I moved my hand she held it in hers for a minute. I stood up and bent over the bed to give her a hug, as gently as I could without hurting her. When was the last time someone held her? When was the last time someone kissed her forehead? We all needed this simple love, tenderness, compassion. I sat back.

'Thank you' she whispered.

'No, I should thank you. You taught me a lesson. I had no right to criticize you for listening to Baltar. I'm just angry because of New Caprica.' I replied.

'I'd had thought you'd be ok there, being the previous president and all. I heard what happened to you there. I'm sorry.' She said softly. 'For all it's worth, I voted for you in the last election. And I don't like the way Baltar keeps ragging on you. That is not why I listen to him.'

'Why do you listen to him?'

'I had an experience that made me rethink all my preconceptions.'

'What kind of experience?' I replied.

'It happened the night after Cottle told me that my cancer had spread to my liver and I'd never be leaving this place. I was on a ferry crossing a river. And as we were approaching the other side, I saw all these people standing on the bank. And we got closer and I recognized them, my parents, my sister Katy who died when I was 12, my husband, my girls. I was scared for a moment. You know, how is this happening? But then, I felt it… this… this presence, hovering all around me, warm, loving and it said –don't be scared, Emily, I'm with you. Hold my hand and we will cross over together'

I was looking for a rational explanation.

'But a lot of people in our predicament have dreams like that, Emily'

'No. I was there. I felt the cool breeze coming from the water,' she closed her eyes, reliving the moment, 'the spray from the bow. Maybe he stumbled onto something, you know. He talks about the river that separates our world from the next. That there's more to this existence that we can see with our naked eye. There's a power that we can't begin to understand.'

We talked through the night. I was arguing that Baltar's God was the cylons' God. That it was different from ours. The river, just like our Gods, were metaphors. I never thought they were real. They did not really exist. They were ideas, representations that the ancient people put in images to share ideas. But Emily believed that Baltar's God was the one and true God and that it did not belong to the cylons only, but to all of us. How do we believe in those Gods, when they seem so unfair to all of us: killing humanity, destroying us, parking us on those ship, so that we suffer and die slowly and in pain? Emily had a point. The Lords of Kobol were not real. They were ridiculous really. But did it mean Baltar's God was real? I didn't think so. What was left for Emily? What kind of hope? If not for the hope of an afterlife?

'Your family's gonna get evaporated on an attack on the Colonies, but you'll survive three more years on a moldy compartment on a freighter till your body starts eating itself up alive…Those are the Gods that you worship? Capricious, vindictive?' She said. I nodded in shame almost. I nodded for having believed this. Me, the dying leader. What if that all was a fraud? What if Emily was right and there was nothing there! What if Baltar, ironically, the worst human being still alive, had stumbled on a truth. Surely by accident!

'But they're not meant to be taken literally. They're metaphors, Emily'

'I don't need metaphors. I need answers.' She replied, determined. Answers and quickly at that, because she was dying. Emily was a strong woman. Did it matter at the end? We would all die, no matter what our convictions were. The only thing it changed maybe was the level of peace we would feel, when approaching death. How much fear we would experience. How much distress. Emily was a strong woman with her convictions. I would not convince her otherwise and that was perfectly fine. I was not trying to change her mind, no. I was just trying to understand. I didn't know. I was oscillating between the atheism of Bill and the beliefs I grew up in. I was never really religious. But I had these visions. I had them and they corresponded to what the scriptures said. I believed what I saw. Emily reminded me of my mother. She was strong enough that her will alone would defy the old religion and demand answers. My mother, who died of cancer, like Emily will, like I will.

'you're like my mother. She wasn't satisfied with metaphors either. She was convinced that Aphrodite herself was going to swoop her away when she died. And she believed it.' My mother, whose beliefs were so strong, who was invincible. But she died anyway. And she suffered. She suffered horribly. I continued, 'even after the doloxan and the radiation failed to stop her cancer. She was a teacher. She was a… oh she was something to behold in- at the head of a classroom. And her students…' I stumbled, remembering her, her strength and her pain. A wave of tears overwhelmed me.

'Her students loved her. They'd walk through fire for her. And then you see this woman who seemed so eternal, oh, she withered away and…' I broke down in tears 'I find myself having to change her diapers because she couldn't even… and at the moment she died, there were no gleaming fields of Elysium stretching before her. There was this dark, black abyss. And she was just terrified. She was so scared.' I let myself cry, 'I'm sorry.'

'Laura,' She held her hand out to me. I took it. 'Laura, you were terrified. You saw only darkness. You can't possibly know what your mother experienced. You're…you're still searching. You're…' She started to cough violently, her whole body arching in pain. I called Cottle, screaming, holding Emily up. She was retching, grabbing my hand. He came right away, asking the nurse to bring him some morpha. She was moaning and screaming in pain, as Cottle quickly emptied a syringe in her IV line. I held her, hiding my tears in her shirt. She lost consciousness as soon as the morpha started to act. It was a large dose.

'All we can do for her now, is to try to make her comfortable' Cottle said somber. I looked at him, questioning.

'That's all?' I prayed, knowing the answer, hoping for a different one.

'I'm sorry, that's it.' He said calmly. She was going to die. This vibrant woman, who had a full conversation minutes ago was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.

'All right.' I said. Cottle left quietly, leaving me with her. She was resting now, her steady heartbeat on the monitor the only indication she was still alive. I leaned against her, my forehead touching hers as I cried without restrain. And I kissed her cheek tenderly. I held the silk scarf in my hands, as I cried and prayed. I do not know how long I stayed there, my body shaking with sobs. A terrible pain ripping my soul. Cottle came back later during the night. We were alone. She was going to die alone. At that moment, she was alone. At that moment, I will alone. And that terrified me.

'Laura,' he said gently, 'time to go.' He took my arm and led me to my bed. I fell asleep holding the scarf in my hand, tears running on my temples.

I dreamt of the boat, the ferry of Emily. She was standing there and I was with her. She was so happy and healthy, with her beautiful face, glowing with joy and looking ahead. Her smile was the most beautiful smile I ever saw.

'We're here.' She said, looking at people waiting on the other shore. I could feel the wind on my face, and like she had said, the spray of the water. When I turned to her, she had disappeared and a second later I saw her running on the shore and hugging her family, her daughters. She was so happy. I was so happy for her. The wind caught in my hair. I loved the feeling of my hair, brushing my face. That is when I saw them, my mother, my father, my sisters and a child holding my oldest sister's hand. She was eight months pregnant when she died. 'Mother' I whispered. I knew I was dying. Maybe I even was already dead. I cried looking at my mother. She was beautiful, lively and strong.

'You're okay.' I said to the wind. She smiled at me a warm welcoming smile. I shook my head, crying.

'I'm not ready.' I whispered. No, I am not. I have a job to finish. I have to bring my people to earth. I waved to her, shaking, losing my grip on the boat banister. And I woke up. The wireless radio was on and Baltar was talking about the river. I stood up on my bed looking over, got up and walked by Emily's bed. The radio was on and Baltar was talking about the shore and how there was more to reality than what we could see with our naked eyes. Just like what Emily had said earlier. Emily was dead. Her bed was empty, sheets cleared. I never heard her die, I never heard them take the body away or clear the bed. I was with her all along on the boat, crossing the river. I felt warmth and love surrounding me on that boat. And now… now that she was dead, I did not feel sad or distressed. I was fully expecting my tears to return. I was expecting to grieve. I didn't. I knew she was well. I knew she was okay. It filled me with joy and hope. She was happy now and I could feel it."

Thank you for reading... please let me know what you think. Faith is a heartbreaking episode and It was incredibly acted both my Mary and Nana Visitor. I cannot watch it without crying. I will finish the episode next time with Laura's talk with Bill.

Until then, keep me motivated :) and leave your suggestions, comments and notes. They are deeply appreciated.