Note; I know it has been a really long time. I have not forgotten this story. I was diagnosed with grade 2 brain cancer in July and the tumor was partially (unfortunately they had to leave some in there due to its location) removed in August after a very long surgery. I went back to work almost immediately in September to take care of my students. It is hard, but I feel much more valuable being with my students. I did not want to let them down. Before I started chemotherapy, I wanted to take care of some very important and special projects and I am happy to say that this was quite successful. I just finished the first round of chemotherapy, experiencing the whole gamut of side effects. You can be sure that my description of Laura's ordeal is medically accurate.

Please pardon any mistakes. If I catch them I will fix them later. I wanted to post this... It has been way too long. Sending love to all. Keep me going with some positive reinforcement... Thanks...

Chapter 48

Takashi watched the stretcher lift slowly to the helicopter, Helena's blond hair floating in the wind. Two pairs of strong arms, gowned in biosafety suits, grabbed the stretcher and pulled it into the helicopter, and Takashi watched Helena disappear inside. The line was lowered again and the medical doctor put the harness on, and hooked the line.

"Take care of her. I'll be calling" Takashi said to him gravely and the doctor nodded, right before being lifted up also. They watched the helicopter, carrying Helena, fly fast north. Takashi stayed looking up long after the helicopter had disappeared on the horizon. His eyes were stinging from unshed tears.

A few minutes later, the second helicopter took its position and one after the other, two doctors were lowered to the edge. They both were wearing biosafety suits, two women. They waved to the helicopter, which left.

Takashi walked back to the center of the cave, followed by John and Liang, who patted him on the back sympathetically and the team of doctors. Everything all of a sudden was going so fast.

The doctors introduced themselves as tropical infectious disease specialists from the World Health Organization, who happened to be visiting the United Nations headquarters in Nairobi. Joanne Caspar was French and had been visiting from Geneva, where she studied rare tropical diseases, and Nathalia Kamau was a Kenyan specialist affiliated to the United Nations in Nairobi. Both women were in their late forties and had tremendous experience with infectious diseases from Africa. Their first order of business was to dispose of all contaminated blankets, bedding, fabric and clothes that Helena had touched or slept in. They pulled everything in red bags. Then they interviewed everyone who had been in contact with Helena very carefully. Takashi and Evelyne repeated to them all of the information that they already had given to the first doctor. Evelyne and Takashi were the most directly endangered individuals as they had been exposed to the virus. They were told to avoid direct physical contact with the other members of the group, since the virus seemed to spread only through body fluids and was not airborne, but they did not have to be isolated unless they developed fever and symptoms. There were about 300 villagers living in the Gemenon village and it was taking time for the doctors to talk with everyone. They were very well organized. They recruited some of the villagers to pre-screen their friends and family, and establish a list of all the members of the community and redirect possible cases to further investigation. Both Joanne and Nathalia also took blood samples from everyone in the team and gave strict instructions to all of the population. If any of them would start being symptomatic, they would have to immediately call the headquarters and isolate themselves. After thorough checks of all of the villagers, making sure nobody else was displaying any symptoms and collection of blood specimens, the doctors had removed their biohazard suits, as they felt there was no more risk of contamination. They informed them that the incubation could be up to 10 days and that in this region, they knew only of the Rift Valley virus a mild form of hemorrhagic fever, spreading from livestock. However, Helena's illness had started with respiratory symptoms, which were not typical of the Rift valley virus and so both doctors wondered if she had caught a mutated form of the virus in this remote region. Without further characterization, they remained very cautious. For Helena, they said, it would not change the outcome, as they could only provide support to her condition, hydration, control of the fever, in the absence any known cure or immunization. When Takashi asked, they told him that fatalities were over 50% with hemorrhagic fever.

It had been a hard day. Helena was gone and Takashi knew he would not have news for a few days at least, maybe more. After her departure, he had been answering questions from everyone, gathering members of the cave village and had Sharon translate the doctors' instructions to the population. He had been busy at first. But as the afternoon progressed, and everyone was involved in screening and receiving instructions from the doctors, there was nothing left to do but wait. Food was brought up by the villagers for the group. Joanne and Nathalia were welcomed in the village and sat around the campfire with everyone. They would stay for the night.

Emotionally exhausted, Takashi escaped from the group and walked alone to the entrance of the cave, by the ledge overlooking the rainforest. He stood there, looking at the stunning landscape, the hundreds different shades of green from different tree species, the sharp rocks plunging below. The sky was starting to turn orange as the sun was setting. He let emptiness invade him. He sat slowly cross-legged on the rock, breathing evenly to soothe the pain he was feeling, taking in the beauty of the landscape. He pulled his beads out of his pocket, a simple old Japanese mala, hundred and eight beads of black onyx, terminated by a simple red guru coral bead. It was worn and had been rethreaded many times. The smooth stone under his fingers comforted him, as it had comforted him when he lost his wife and son. Whispering, he started to recite a mantra, moving each one of the hundred and eight beads with each recitation. "Teyata, Om bekanze bekanze maha bekanze radza samudgate soha". He continued bead after bead, becoming with recitation part of the forest, part of the landscape and part of the universe. The sky plunged into dusk, its deep indigo color filling him.

When tears came, he did not try to stop them. Birds were calling in the dusk, the forest was waking up with cries of animals, and the loud singing of crickets. Takashi, his hands closed in prayer in front of him, wept without shame or restrain, while praying. He did not try to avoid his pain; he felt it. There was no escape, nor did he want to find one. He breathed slow, focusing on the present moment, feeling his fear for Helena and his love for her. He bowed slightly, having reached the hundred and eighth bead, dedicating his recitation to her and all who suffered. It was almost completely dark outside, when he perceived a presence and turned his head, to see Elosha walking slowly towards him. He wiped his face and wrapped the mala around his left wrist. She sat next to him, looking into the abyss in front of them in the darkness of the night, which had fallen onto the mountains and the rain forest. Cries of animals could be heard in the distance. The trees were lit by a faint moonlight.

"You were praying."

He nodded and whispered: "Meditating and praying, yes. The Medicine Buddha mantra, to heal all."

"I see." She replied softly. They both relaxed in the darkness, listening to the life of the forest in the valley beneath them, silent for a while, enjoying each other's company just like old friends.

"The quorum met and I have decided to release Laura's diary to all of the villages. It is our history. We all have the right to know, even what you have tried so hard to conceal from us." Elosha said quietly. Takashi smiled.

"The cylons?"

"Yes, that we are in part cylons. That Hera was born from cylon and human. We needed to know. It is who we are. It is part of our ancestry. We cannot be afraid of it." She sighed. "Our history makes a lot more sense now. Some parts of the book of Hera and the later writers have been clarified by this knowledge. We have to get a fresh reading of our history books and maybe a re-write." She smiled and looked at him.

"It is good," he said, "I prefer honesty."

Elosha stood up and motioned him to come with her. He stood up as well and started to walk beside the old woman.

"Our people do not catch these diseases." She said to him slowly. Takashi looked at her, wondering what she meant.

"They do not get sick." Elosha insisted, smiling.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed. "Thank you. Elosha." And he turned around, running back into the cave. He went back to the house where he found Evelyne in discussion with Nathalia.

"They do not get sick! They are immune." He told them, panting.

"Yes," Evelyne replied, "Sharon said so… They…" She interrupted herself and looked at Nathalia. "We need to get their blood and just make an anti-serum, for Helena… and for us."

Nathalia got up immediately and went to find Joanne. They pulled out their phone and called up the headquarters, requesting additional high volume blood collection material.

"We will collect blood from the villagers. But it needs to be sent to a lab and screened for HIV and Hepatitis, which will take only a few hours with a quick test protocol. We are not sending this to the hospital without the proper screening. They will come in the morning." Joanne explained, already planning ahead.

"The morning agenda was almost finished already on Colonial One, when I received the visit of Lee Adama. I was still tired with my treatments and I was not really in the mood to indulge his self-righteousness.

'Madame President, it has come to the attention of the press that you have been spending nights in the Admiral's quarters.' He said, his tone of voice, sharp and incisive, dripping with contempt.

'This is nobody's business.' I replied without stopping reading the document I was holding in my hands.

'It is the press' business, Madame President, if you are having an affair…'

I snorted, 'an affair?' And removed slowly my glasses and looked at him.

'This is not a joke, Madame President. Tom Zarek is saying that the presidency is in bed with the military. He is undermining your credibility by circulating rumors about you. Are they even rumors?' Lee was raising his voice in anger.

'I am getting treatments in sickbay. I cannot always travel back the same day to Colonial One.' I replied strongly.

'Madame President, I can't even tell you how much your authority will be compromised if you're sleeping with my father…'

'Oh, is that what it is about? Your unresolved issues with your father?' I looked at him, ice cold anger washing over me, 'I suggest, Mr. Adama, that you cool your head and do not bring your personal problems with your father into this office. I have and always will have in mind only the best interest of the people.' I put my glasses back on.

'Is that all, Mr. Adama?'

'No, it's not. I have a recording from the latest Baltar broadcast.' He put a tape recorder on my desk and turned it on. We heard Baltar claiming that I shared visions with the cylons, from unimpeachable sources he claimed. My stomach turned over; I closed my eyes and leaned back on my chair. I remained determined not to show any emotion to Lee. I needed to know who this was coming from. Nobody knew about this. I had not shared my vision with anyone. Not just this, Baltar also knew that I was sharing vision with Sharon Agathon and Caprica Six. Disgusted, I shut down the tape player.

'Oh No… That's not that easy, Madame President.' He said.

'No? You should try it sometime.' I replied.

'Most of the population heard that broadcast.'

'I would assume that's the point' I looked at him.

'Look, I take no pleasure in putting this before you. In fact, they practically had to push me through that door.' His temper was rising, in frustration, again. The irony of his statement was not lost on me.

'Well, I'm sure you're quite happy to stay' I replied, sarcastic.

'I cannot put one foot in front of the other without someone blocking my path asking me what the hell is going on!' He screamed at me. This, of course, had also something to do with my alleged 'affair' with his father, no doubt.

'For the welfare of the fleet…' He continued, angry. I wonder if he ever got it. Did he even know what the fleet meant to me? How I was willing to sacrifice my own life for the survival of this group of people, what was left of humanity?

'Excuse me' I said firmly without raising my voice. 'As long as I am in this office, the welfare of the fleet is not something you need to worry about.'

'You owe the people a response!' He stated. The people! The same people, who followed Baltar, who rallied behind his acquittal. The same people who were delighted in a nice piece of gossip upon learning I had spent a few nights in company of Bill. The ones who were measuring how many weeks I would live with cancer… My body did not belong to the people. My life belonged to me! To me!

'I owe the people?'

'That's what I believe' he replied.

'What if suddenly all your beliefs were called into question?' I asked him.

'Madame President…'

'Up is down. Black is white. Scripture is fiction. Home is thin air instead of solid ground. Etc.' I was trying to make a point. Nothing is as we believe. Our world has been turned around. Lee did not understand. No, he did not get it. Not yet.

'You know, I'm really sorry for everything you've had to endure. I really am.'

I looked at him. He was so young. Just a child really. Acting from his righteousness, he completely was missing the point.

'But the people, they deserve a response.' He continued.

'Do they?' I replied.

'Is there any truth to this broadcast?'

'And what would you do if I told you the truth?' I said. I saw him waver. I pushed further. 'what if it were you instead of me and all that's left of humanity had just been told that you are sharing visions with the enemy. What would you do Mr. Adama? Would you think that the Gods were testing you?'

He leaned forward stunned, pursuing his interrogation nevertheless.

'So Baltar is telling the truth?' I did not reply. He already knew the answer. 'Is it true?' He pressed.

'Yes!' I replied. He looked at me… There was almost fear in his look. I could see the questions formulating in his mind, his anger suddenly dropped. I, Laura Roslin, human, was sharing dreams with the cylons, hallucinations with a common theme. Almost every night and sometimes even during the day, I shared the same dream, running after Hera in the Opera House, along her mother, only to find the child in the arms of Caprica Six about to enter the theatre, with Baltar. I was sharing visions with the cylons. What to make of that? I could not explain it and now Baltar knew. Baltar… who told him? Part of me wondered if he was experiencing the same visions… after all, all of the actors of these dreams did! I needed to find out. Lee having obtained what he wanted, some answer from me, left promptly and returned to Galactica.

I remained alone at my desk, wondering. I felt a shift inside me, as if the universe had somehow moved. I could not explain why, but that feeling that something was about to happen. I had felt it on New Caprica, and the cylons had come back. I was not sure it was about danger or darkness, rather about a change, a shift in the energy surrounding me. Something deep and strange, that I could not explain and yet I felt it was connected to my vision. I picked up the phone and asked to be connected to Bill.

'I just had a lovely visit from Lee. There are apparently rumors in the fleet about you and I sharing quarters.'

'What do you want to do?' He replied.

'I need to move into my own quarters on Galactica. Cottle is starting a new round of Doloxan today. Let's put these rumors to an end right now.' He agreed and, immediately after hanging up, I called in Tory to prepare for my temporary move. We selected files that needed immediate attention, projects I was currently working on, some stationary, some office supplies. In my room, I packed a few days' clothes. I had so few clothes left anyway. I was due to Cottle for another round of treatment in late afternoon.

By midafternoon, we were ready and we had packed up a shuttle to go to Galactica. Most of our little trips from Colonial One to Galactica and back always were uneventful, except this one. We were half way between the two ships, when a cylon basestar jumped in the middle of the fleet. Our pilot panicked as he saw the fleet activate the rendezvous coordinates and jump away. It was the usual protocol, whenever we were under attack. Preset coordinates were distributed for everyone to meet after a FTL jump and get away from the attack. Our pilot had seen the basestar and was cursing. Our tension immediately increased, as we saw our fleet disappear. Galactica was waiting for us to land and our pilot accelerated, hoping that we would not be hit before we landed into safety. We were an absolute naked target, with limited FTL capacity and no weapons. We saw vipers zooming past us towards the basestar. When we finally reached the Galactica, I was able to release the breath I was holding. Tory was pale. There was no sign of battle, however. Clearly, this was very unusual. We nearly ran to CIC following the guard, as we heard the vipers being recalled. Moving to a temporary new office would have to wait.

'It's the Demetrius, Kara and the others. They brought back a cylon basestar. They are claiming that these cylons are on our side.' Bill announced as soon as he saw me, a frown on his face. He added, 'they're coming over'. Immediately, Bill sent colonel Tigh and troops to secure the basestar and bring back Kara, Athena, Helo and all of the others. Lieutenant Gaeta had been shot and they transported him from the Demetrius to sick bay. I heard he was in bad shape. We would have to find out what happened exactly. Was he shot by cylons? Was there a fight? Now it even looked like Cottle would have to perform surgery on him immediately. My treatment would have to wait. Bill increased security measures throughout the ship, as they were waiting to the shuttle from the basestar to land. And we moved to the conference room, the war room as they liked to call it, to wait for them. We were tense, all of us.

A Six cylon model came to talk with us. It is incredible how they all look alike and at the same time manage to each be somewhat different. This one had darker hair and a much more open demeanor. She seemed sincere, but with cylons it is hard to tell. They are expert manipulators. She narrated a tale of civil war among the cylons, divided in between models. And for the first time she talked about the final five cylons. Final five cylons? We knew of seven models. The first one was Cavil, we knew of Leoben, the number two model, Sharon was model number eight. D'Anna was model number three. The model number four, Simon, and five, Doral, sided with Cavil, according to her. Nobody ever mentioned of the model number seven, which remained a mystery to all of us. She was talking about five additional models. If this was true, this news was indeed frightening. To think that all of this time another five cylons were pretending to be human was a danger to our security. These models, the Sixes, Twos and the Eights, had broken from the other cylons in their quest to find the final five cylons. We learned that the Threes, D'Anna, were boxed after the fight on the algae planet, because they had been able to see the identity of the Five through the Eye of Jupiter, but never had the time to share their identities with anyone. The D'Annas consciousness had been stored and their bodies deactivated. According to this Six's testimony, this was a taboo subject among the cylons. She said that the Five were coming from Earth and knew the way there. That really, now, had my attention. There had been so much manipulation of information with the cylons that it was very difficult to know if what she was saying was true, or if she had a hidden agenda. That Six model's goal was to go and unbox the D'Anna's cylon line, to revive one model and make her reveal the identity of the Five. The Six was asking for our help, having their fighters destroyed, claiming to be hunted by the other group of cylons. In turn, these cylons offered to lead us to their resurrection facility, a ship that they call the resurrection hub. It was coordinating resurrection and download of all of the cylons. It was where the D'Annas were stored and, if we destroyed it, no cylons could ever be able to resurrect. They would become mortal enemies. Their advantage erased finally. The Six was convincing, appealing to me, talking about vengeance. It was hard to believe that any cylon would be willing to trade their resurrection ability for this. But what that number six model was saying made logical sense. They were hunted, they had nowhere to go. By destroying that hub, they also were winning that civil war of theirs. Yes, it made sense, but we knew that the power of the six model to convince us was very strong. That model had seduction gifts that were out of the ordinary. We could listen and needed to take that information without losing our critical ability to protect ourselves. It was all about strategy. Was she telling the truth or was it another trick to fight us? Bill asked her for the coordinate of the hub. She refused, saying that she would take us there. That was it. If they were unwilling to yield the information, there was no more negotiations. It was over and Bill ordered her to be removed. As the guards were escorting her out, she called 'Wait' and asked him if he was true to his word.

'You have my word' Adama said, strongly. She wanted to find the Five and she told us that they were among us in the fleet. She said that it was the reason why the cylon raiders turned around in the nebula and spared us. They would have had to be there all of this time. It really did not make sense. Why now? Still, imagine… five cylons in our fleet, their identity concealed. They could be reactivated at any moment and destroy us. Maybe they knew they were cylons, or maybe they were dormant agents, in all appearance human, indistinguishable from us. Maybe they did not even know they were cylons. A complete nightmare. I felt we were inside a complete nightmare."

"I needed to be seen by Cottle. I was very tired and cold. I started to shiver and Bill took me to his quarters. I was hoping that I was not getting a fever. That is all we would need right now! I could not get sick in the middle of this crisis. I sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket and sipping steaming hot tea. We heard that the quorum had an emergency meeting called by Tom Zarek. They had heard rumors and demanded answers. We had kept Lee Adama in the dark, so he would not disclose any negotiations with the cylons. Yes, I knew the quorum would be going insane. We had no time to take care of their extra sensitive feelings. We were in a unique crisis. There was no time to play the political game. This was a military operation. We had a strategy meeting in Bill's office. We had no way to know if that Six was telling the truth. Bill sent a raptor to the hub coordinates and verified its presence. They jumped back before they were detected. That part at least was true. They wanted the Five cylons. They wanted to find Earth. So did we. Tight, Helo and even Bill were basing their thinking on the fact that she was telling the truth, going along with the plan. Tigh was just interested in destroying the hub without even bothering looking for D'Anna. I was more cautious. We needed to talk with D'Anna, but there is nothing that even guaranteed that she would tell us who the Five were, especially if we just had destroyed their only way to resurrect and be alive. There were no guarantees about anything really, because we did not even know if the Six was telling the truth. We didn't know if the D'Anna knew truly who the Five were and if I remember well her personality, when we encountered her before, even back on New Caprica, she was a very arrogant and difficult model. I seriously doubt she would even begin to cooperate. We left our meeting with no good resolution, more a wait and see approach, based on a mutual distrust of the cylon. And for good reasons! But certainly, we needed to identify who the Five were, we needed the information on how to go to Earth. Maybe we could even take them and keep them, instead of releasing them to the cylons. The fact they had not been identified before was indeed scary. It meant they were likely sleeper agents."

"I rested a bit more after Bill dismissed Tigh and Helo. When everyone was gone, Bill sat next to me. He looked at me gravely.

'I may not have the best of news for you, Laura' he said softly. I looked at him, surprised. What else could possibly go wrong?

'Your assistant, Tory, has been spotted by my crew spending significant amount of time in Baltar's lair, down where he has his group of followers. I heard that she goes there each time you are on Galactica.'

I nodded silently. Tory had been disappearing for hours when we came on board. That did explain a lot of things. I imagined she would pass a lot of information to him, probably sleeping with him. She did not know, however, about my dreams. She was not responsible for the information leak. It occurred to me that Baltar could be a cylon, after all he was in the dream too. Could I be one too? Oh, Gods, no! No I wouldn't be. I could not let my mind even go there. Someone else was sharing the confidential information about my dreams. I needed to find out who it was. I lowered my head, for a moment, grieving the loss of Billy. I could not trust Tory. I never really had a complete confidence in her. I always held back with her. Bill put gently his hand on my arm.

'Are you okay?'

I shook my head and took another sip of the tea in my mug.

'What do you need?' He asked gently.

'I don't know, Bill. Everything has gotten so complicated. And, I feel tired. I do not know what to think. If there are five cylons in the fleet, this is a nightmare. Gods, Bill, it could be anyone.' My hands were shaking and I was cold.

'It's getting late, are you hungry?' He said.

'No. I really can't think of eating right now.' I knew I had to set my quarters before the night hours and sleep there. I did not want to wait until I was too tired to even function. I certainly was feeling it.

'Would you help me set up my office?' I asked him.

'Certainly' he replied getting up and offering his arm for support.

He led me to the place and his crew delivered my document boxes and personal belongings. Another soldier brought some linens for the bed and blankets, which Bill immediately started to set, while I was going through files. It was an officer's typical quarters, with a desk and a rack, well a bed (I never have grown accustomed to their terminology). It is really all I needed. Bill helped me unpacking my files. I felt my anger toward Tory growing slowly and settle at the pit of my stomach. My disappointment was so deep it became physical. I tried to focus on the simple task of setting up my temporary office. One step at a time. Breathe… to contain the anger, the hurt, the anxiety. I had put my bag by the sleeping area. And I organized my office with Bill. We worked well together almost in silence. Bill was unpacking boxes and passing folders to me, which I would file according to topic and urgency. We set up a nice working area. In the sleeping area, I put a few clothes in the drawers under the sleeping rack and set up my very sparse toiletries in the bathroom. I was grateful Bill had dressed the bed. I set up a few pillar candles and several books, most of them coming from Bill's library. The events of the day were weighing heavy on me. I was not well. The fatigue, side effect of the Doloxan, was pulling on my bones as if my limbs weighted a ton. I felt as if I was made of lead. The day had brought severe anxiety of top of this. The thought of food was making my stomach churn, yet I knew I eventually needed to eat something. I was losing weight rapidly, according to Cottle. My thoughts and fears were pulling my restless mind in all directions. I sat on the bed with a deep sigh.

'Why don't you remove your wig and your suit, and put something more comfortable' I looked up at Bill. I was so caught up in my own inner turmoil, I almost had forgotten he was there. He was observing me gently, his head tilted to the side with a smile.

'Yes… you're right… I should do that.' I whispered.

'Let me help you.' He stepped forward and softly lifted the wig from my head. He pulled a drawer, placed the wig in it, and took a scarf and my pajamas out.

'Here.' His hands were soft on my scalp as he placed the fabric on my skin, focused on tying the knot properly. I do not know what did it, the gentle caress of his fingers on my neck or his kiss on my forehead, I looked up into his eyes and barely chocked a sob.

'I'm sorry' I whispered putting a hand to cover my mouth and then to wipe the tears that had started to roll. I slipped off my jacket and walked off quickly to the bathroom to change. Once alone and changed in my pajamas, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Doubts. We had five cylons in the fleet, hidden. My assistant Tory was lying to me. No, she betrayed me with Baltar. It was hard not to take it personally. I had to reconsider everything I had told her, even if I was careful from the onset. Loyalty was always first in my book. Disagreements are normal and to be expected. But betrayal… no. There had been too much of this lately. I was oscillating between shock and anger. Wiping off more tears, I finally came out of the bathroom and proceeded to lay my suit pants flat on a chair. I was finding comfort in every day little motions, folding the pants nicely, setting the jacket on the back of the chair… In my apartment, back on Caprica, I used to water the plants and straighten out the place when I was upset, picking up every piece of junk mail to recycle, arranging pillows on the sofa until they were perfectly straight, cleaning up the kitchen. When the place was clean, I would only then allow myself to think about whatever problem was bothering me.

Bill approached me.

'Laura, it was a very hard day.' In his tone of voice, I heard tenderness, understanding and compassion. He pulled me up and wrapped me in his arms. I held him tight, burying my face in the fabric of his uniform. I let the tears fall, while his hands rubbed my back. I felt defeated, sick, incapable of holding food in my stomach and so so tremendously tired. Without letting go of me, he led me to the bed. There was no shame and there was no judgment. His fingers wiped my tears and he slowly lifted my chin to kiss me. I melted into this kiss. For that moment, there was nothing else, but the feeling of his lips on mine, his taste, the connection of our two bodies, the connection of our two souls. I could allow myself to show weakness in his presence. I could allow myself to feel honestly the emotions going through me, good and bad, terrifying or elating. I kept my eyes closed, when we broke the kiss, our lips still barely touching, my hands on his cheeks, breathing in unison.

'Thank you,' I whispered in one breath, our forehead leaning against each other's.

'You should sleep,' he whispered back. I nodded slightly. 'It is going to be…'

'No' I replied, kissing lightly his lips, 'I don't want to talk about this or anything else.'

He moved and turned off the lights, and helped me lay down. With only the side lamp on, he picked up 'Searider Falcon', sat next to me and started reading, while stroking my arm and back lightly with his right hand. I listened to his low voice, soothing and eased into his soft caresses. Sometime later, I felt a blanket pulled over my shoulders and a kiss on my forehead. I smiled.

'Goodnight, Laura' he murmured as he put the book on the shelf.

'Night' I whispered back. He walked slowly out and I head the soft click of the hatch closing.