Author's note:

Dear readers,

another chapter for you to enjoy. It is rated M, for it contains descriptions of a sexual nature. If this isn't your cup of tea, please skip this chapter. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting and/or following my story. It warms my heart ;).

Have a nice day,

Vani12

Chapter 8 – Heartbreaks can turn you into an ass!

James's room, Potter Manor, Countryside in Suffolk, December 1978

James Potter lounged sleep-riddled on his bed. His favorite house-elf, Tipsy, had brought him the morning newspaper minutes ago. He only read this drivel to be up to date with the gossip in the Wizarding world and the crimes of Lord Voldemort and his band of evil misfits, although the Daily Prophet didn't report as much about them as they should. It was a scandal that most wizards and witches weren't aware of the danger they were currently living in. Instead of reporting the missing Muggle-borns, vile attacks on Half-bloods and the sightings of the glowing Dark Marks in the sky above Muggle villages, the Daily Prophet focused most of his journalism on lashing out against the Ministry and writing home stories of the wealthy Wizarding families. If he didn't know it better, he would guess that the owner of the newspaper was in league with Lord Voldemort. Looking on today's front page, he nearly choked on his morning coffee.

His Hogwarts nemesis, Lily's ex-best friend, Severus Snape, had tied the knot with the beautiful, alluring Olivia Fawley? Damn, how come that this ugly, Dark Arts obsessed upstart, had managed to walk a stunning, happily smiling woman down the aisle before he could? He couldn't understand what all the hysteria on Severus Snape was about. Sure, he had returned to their sixth year in Hogwarts with a self-confident walk, muscled figure and washed ebony locks, but he had still been the socially awkward, angry teenaged boy with a bad temper, broken home and Pure-blood supremacy ideals. Hell, he might have been able to reconcile with his wealthy grandparents, the owners of Prince Potions, dress in new, fitted designer clothes, improve his body hygiene and land himself a new female best friend, but he had still screamed anger issue, Dark Arts obsession and being a slimy cunning snake. He might have been able to fool the goodhearted, naïve Olivia Fawley, who had had an inexplicable crush on him for years, his new mixed-houses group of friends and the majority of the Hogwarts's students, but he hadn't been able to fool the Marauders. They had known that his focus on his studies in Potions, DADA and Charms, his alienation from his evil Slytherin buddies and his new calm personality had only been an act to hide his nefarious actions.

Sure, they hadn't been able to provoke him into entertaining teenage duels in the corridors, lash outs against Muggle-borns and Muggles in the Great Hall and Dark Arts inspired pranks, but one hotheaded, Dark Arts obsessed, and angry teenager couldn't turn overnight into a relaxed, Voldemort cursing, and socially friendly Hogwarts heartthrob. Thus, Sirius and he had stalked him with the Marauder's Map and observed that he vanished into an unknown room in the Dungeons, oftentimes accompanied by his guardian angel, Olivia Fawley. They could only imagine that he had brainwashed her, seduced her to the dark side and was brewing nefarious dark potions and poisons with her. They had felt the urge to stop his dark deeds and rescue Olivia from his evil clutches. Thus, Sirius and he had followed the dots on their map, hidden under his Invisibility cloak and snuck a peek into the classroom thanks to some old spell that Sirius had found in the Black's library. He now wished that he hadn't been able to see through the door, for what he had seen branded itself in his brain for eternity.

Snape and Fawley had sitten on a dusty bench, fully engaged in a hot make-out session. Their potion had been kept under a Stasis Charm, cooling down and emanating a golden glow. But the loved-up couple had had only eyes for each other. Oliva had sitten astride on his lap, kissed him passionately and run her left hand through his shiny, ebony locks, while her right hand lifted up his shirt and exposed rock hard alabaster abs. He had snogged her senseless, moaned sexily and massaged her sexy bum with his right hand, while his left hand stroked her perky left breast gently. James had gotten turned on by Snape's moans and his muscular body. Who would have thought that he hid such smooth, muscle-ripped porcelain skin under his robes? Transfixed, he had looked longingly at his body and felt his cock harden. A tiny voice inside of his head had screamed to turn around, cancel the spell and run to the Gryffindor Common Room, for it was creepy as hell to observe a make-out session of his Hogwarts nemesis, intrude on the privacy of a loved-up couple and be turned on sexually by the bane of his existence, Severus Snape. But he had ignored the voice, gulped audibly and fantasized about Snape's sexy body withering beneath him in passion and moaning in desire.

His fantasies had only been interrupted by Sirius, who had canceled his spell and whispered in his husky baritone into his ear, "I think it is best that we leave Snivellus to his hook-up session and search a hidden alcove for us. I don't know about you, but I'm really turned on and want to suck your cock now." James had turned around abruptly, kissed his boyfriend hard on the lips and backed him into a hidden alcove. He had never been able to deny Sirius's blowjob offers, for he had a talented mouth and tongue and could take him deep throat. While Sirius had zipped down his fly, taken out his hard cock and engulfed it into his mouth, James forgot everything around them and was solely focused on his pleasure. He knew that he hadn't treated Sirius fairly, for he kept receiving blowjobs from him or fucked him senseless in hidden alcoves, empty classrooms or the Room of Requirement without showing him his love and affection daily in the Great Hall. Homosexuality was a taboo topic in the Wizarding world and men or women who publicly lived out their same-sex relationships were treated as social outcasts and criminals. Thus, the majority of the homosexual, bisexual, transsexual or pansexual wizards and witches hid their sexuality in dark alcoves at Hogwarts, shady, top-secret Wizarding clubs or shabby, dark motel rooms. They had only been able to live out their sexuality openly in gay Muggle bars.

James had known that he was attracted to men in his fourth year. He had always admired the fit bodies of his Quidditch teammates and Sirius's handsome face, but he had only noticed in his fourth year, that he wanked to mental images of a male muscular chest, round bum or erect cock. He had observed that he got a hard-on quicker by fantasizing about frenzied kisses with Sirius than fantasizing about Lily's naked breasts. He had realized that he was more attracted to men than to women, although he had had his first sexual experience with a fifth year Hufflepuff girl in his third year after a booze-filled Quidditch victory party. He had enjoyed the sex, although it had been over real quick due to his inexperience and alcohol-riddled mind and he hadn't experienced the mind-boggling orgasm his Quidditch mates bragged about. But he had thought that he would experience his toe-curling orgasms with practice, thus he had engaged in many sexual flings with various girls in his third year. However, although he had learned how to pleasure a woman with various methods and in manifold positions and started to enjoy sex more, he always felt that he missed something.

Only after he had come to terms with his sexuality in his fourth year, snogged a gentle Ravenclaw boy hidden in a dark niche behind the greenhouses at night and engaged in his first homosexual affair with him, he knew that he was more attracted to men than to women. Naturally, he still had had a huge crush on Lily Evans and vowed to make her fall in love with him, marry him and bear his children, because she was a stunning, beautiful and feisty young woman with a good heart, gentle soul and keen mind as well as the ideal future Mrs. Potter. In his darkest hours, he had realized that it wouldn't be fair to marry Lily if he was more attracted to men and mainly used her to be his trophy wife and continue the Potter bloodline, but he hadn't been able to disengage himself from his childhood dreams. James had always dreamed about having a beautiful, kind wife and a house full of happy, Quidditch-obsessed and funny children. His attraction to men wouldn't destroy his dream. He would live out his homosexuality until he got married to Lily and learn how to be in love with her. Besides that, he would definitely love her as the mother of his children and his best female friend. He could try to enjoy their sex life and satisfy his needs for male anatomy with gay porn.

But he couldn't let the Potter bloodline die out with him. He had longed to be a dad and he could only achieve this dream with a woman. Tragically, all experiments with potions that allowed male couples to conceive had only ended in the death of the fetus at an early stage or the death of the carrier later on in his pregnancy. Thus, they sadly weren't an option for him. He realized that he could technically ask a friendly single woman or lesbian couple to carry his children, but he would need to come out as gay to his friends and family as well as co-parent his children with many adults. Most likely, his children would have at least two dads and one mum, if he decided to parent them with his male partner. He could only imagine that his children got confused and he needed to share their love with various parental figures. It wasn't an option for him, for he wouldn't commit public suicide by coming out as gay and break his old-fashioned, conservative parents' hearts. They had gone through so many hardships to conceive him, their miracle boy, in their late 40's, that he couldn't disappoint them. He would need to hide his attraction to men as well as love for Sirius and try to be happy in his family life with Lily.

James shook his head. How naïve he had been as a sixteen-year-old teenaged boy. He crumpled the newspaper and let out an anguished cry. How come that this slimy git can openly live out his love? He bet that Olivia Fawley would be pregnant in no time and give birth to Snivellus's dark-haired, obsidian-eyed brat as soon as next year. Merlin, they will probably have at least four children that will terrorize the teachers at Hogwarts with their know-it-all-attitude, nefarious pranks, and mad potions skills. He could only hope that they would inherit their mother's nose and sunny nature, for the Wizarding world couldn't deal to be settled with more hooked-nosed, grumpy Princes. He must admit that Olivia and Snivellus were valuable assets to the Order of the Phoenix with their expertise in Healing, Charms, Potions, DADA and Spellcrafting, but he preferred that he only had to endure Snivellus's presence once in a month at the Order meetings. It was pretty convenient that they lived in New York, finished their studies at the prestigious Merlin Institute and only supported the Order with their academical research, newly invented Potions and newly crafted spells. He knew that several Death Eaters had been captured thanks to Snivellus's Tracking Spells and Combat Curses, that various Order members had only survived thanks to his Blood-Transfering Spell and Internal-Injuries-Healing Potion and that the Aurors relayed heavily on his Wiretapping Charm and Communication Spells, but Severus Prince was in his eyes still the slimy, angry teenaged Slytherin.

James chuckled darkly. A snake would never change its colors. Albeit his track record might suggest that Snivellus was loyal to Dumbledore and fought for the victory of the Order, he didn't trust him fully. Sirius had mentioned to him that Snivellus was highly skilled in Mind Magic, Legilimency as well as Occlumency. Who could vow to one hundred percent that he wasn't a spy for Voldemort, read the minds of Order members and wiretapped their conversations so that he could disclose everything to his beloved Dark Lord? He could be playing them like a fiddle, hiding his nefarious motives behind his Occlumency shields and deluding the Order, Aurors, and Dumbledore with his nifty inventions. Perhaps, he was even brewing some deadly, dark poisons for the Dark Lord or teaching Dark Magic curses to the Death Eaters right now instead of enjoying his honeymoon. A tiny voice screamed inside of his head that his suspicions against Snivellus didn't make any sense and that he was turning into a paranoid, jealous and unhappy ass, who couldn't let go of his teenage grudges and hatred for Slytherin. But he squashed the logical part of his brain and wallowed in his jealousy and self-pity instead.

He missed Sirius's passionate kisses, his gentle touches, and his tight hugs. Their relationship had finally evolved into a sordid love affair after Sirius had kissed him passionately on the lips and confessed his feelings for him in their sixth year. He had had a huge crush on his best mate since his fifth year and been overjoyed that he reciprocated his feelings. Merlin, their final two years at Hogwarts had been filled with passionate, fantastic sex, long, intimate cuddle sessions in the Room of Requirement and hot, desire-filled make-out sessions in hidden alcoves. Only Remus had been aware of their tragic love affair and scolded him for stringing Sirius along as well as using Lily as his broodmare. In his darkest hours, James acknowledged that it hadn't been fair to Sirius and Lily to shag Sirius while he had been in a steady, committed relationship with Lily. Hell, he had even shagged Sirius on the morning of his marriage proposal to Lily. He realized that he had been a selfish, cowardly ass for cheating on Lily with Sirius. But he hadn't been able to resist his one true love, bask in his rough kisses, passionate love declarations as well as their mind-boggling love making and calmed his bad conceive by stating that he would break things off with Sirius six months before his wedding.

He knew that he had hurt Sirius deeply with his decision to marry Lily, for his best mate had always hoped that their love would be strong enough to withstand his unfulfilled wish to have children. Naturally, James had been open with Sirius from the beginning, confessed to him that he would leave him for a marriage with Lily in the end, because he longed to be a dad. Sirius had looked at him with sad grey eyes and suggested to adopt some children or find a lesbian couple who would be willing to co-parent children with them. But James had squeezed his dreams of a modern family and hissed at him, that they would never be able to live out their love openly in the Wizarding world. The Ministry wouldn't approve of a bisexual Auror and the Order would cast a gay couple out. If Sirius wanted to fulfill his dream of becoming an Auror and fight Voldemort and his Death Eaters till the end, they would have to hide their sexual orientation. It would be easy enough for Sirius to refute rumors because he was known as a heart-throb. His openly lived out flings with girls at Hogwarts would certainly squash any raised eyebrows at their close relationship. In the eyes of the Order, they had to be best mates who loved each other, trusted one another blindly and risked their lives for each other. They couldn't be more.

Thus, he had shattered Sirius's heart into a million pieces by leaving him for his chance at a happy family. His heart hurt like hell whenever he remembered Sirius's tear-stricken face, anguished cries, and outstretched hand. The Black heir had pleaded with him to not end their romance, betray their one true love and trap himself in an unhappy, loveless marriage. But James had suppressed his feelings, put on a cold mask and left his ex-lover as a crying, desperate mess on the couch in his flat. He knew deep down in his bones, that their breakup would crush Sirius. Merlin, thanks to the abuse from his she-devil of a mum and the dark secret about his true biological dad, Sirius had always feared that he was genetically a sadistic monster who couldn't be loved unconditionally, accepted completely and good from the bottom of his heart. He was prone to depression, anxiety and alcohol addiction. The reckless Gryffindor tried to drown his sorrows in hard liquor, meaningless sex, and risky duels. James knew that Sirius feared to turn out like his biological parents, mistrusted his inner darkness and searched desperately for someone who could chase away his fears, love him deeply and complete him. He had found that someone in James and yet, he had still left him in the end for someone else who could give him something that he couldn't – children.

Naturally, Sirius has coped with their romance gone bad with his old vices – having meaningless sex with men and women, indulging in too much alcohol and obsessing about ways on how to defeat Voldemort and his Death Eaters. He jumped into reckless Auror missions, risky under-cover work for the Order and dangerous duel sessions. James feared that he would receive a Patronus message of his brother Regulus or one of his colleagues with the news that he was hurt badly or killed in battle. He knew that he could only blame himself for Sirius's downward spiral and Lily's unhappiness. His desire to have a family threw the most important humans in his life into despair. He admitted that he was a heartless, cold ass for demanding of his ex-lover to be his happy best man at his wedding as well as his supportive, caring best friend. But he couldn't help himself. He needed Sirius in his life. And if he couldn't wake up to him every morning, enjoy laughter and caresses-filled movie nights with him and kiss him passionately on the lips every day, he needed to have his partner in crime by his side as his best friend.

The Potter heir knew that he was an unfaithful bastard to his fiancée Lily and that their marriage would most likely crumble down due to his lies, deceit, and unfaithfulness. He noticed that Lily wasn't blissfully happy in his company, gazed at him with lovey-dovey eyes and wanted to jump his bones whenever she saw him. On the contrary, she oftentimes seemed sad in his company, gazed at him with her stunning emerald eyes full of regret and refused to have sex with him before their wedding night. She stated that she wanted to make love to him for the first time as a married couple. James guessed that this was a common dream of Muggle-born girls, accepted her wishes and only engaged in awkward make-out sessions with her. Their kisses felt somewhat bitter-sweet and their close hugs slightly cold. He guessed that his love for Sirius influenced his desire for Lily and he suspected that his fiancée was unrequited in love with someone else. But he vowed to marry her, for she was his only chance of having a family without coming out as homosexual. Sometimes, heartbreaks were necessary to fulfill your dreams.