Trigger warning: Discussion of attempted suicide. Please skip from the first … break … to the end of the chapter if you'd like to avoid the subject.

The sun sank into the tall grass at the edge of the horizon, and the sky burned out in shades of indigo and pink, when Regina swayed as regally as possible into the hall at the centre of the village. She dusted herself down thoroughly, trying not to look as though she had been dropped into the dirt on the outskirts of town after Merlin poofed her out of his castle. Snow let out a little shriek and vaulted over a chair to reach Regina, and she clung to the queen with a fierceness and desperation that took Regina off guard.

Snow gripped Regina's shoulders and began shakily, "If you are here…" David sidled up behind his wife, putting his arms on her waist, in case the news meant that he needed to quite literally hold her up.

Regina's smile blew away all their doubts. "Emma's back. I watched in an enchanted mirror and saw her reappear with Killian. She was nearly frozen and gasping for air, but he kissed her and she recovered. I switched off the visuals after that, since none of us need to witness exactly how happy they were to see each other."

David had dropped his head onto his wife's shoulder in relief. He felt the start of tears when he returned his attention to Regina. "When did she get back? Where are they?"

Regina waved vaguely out the door. "They're out in the grasslands somewhere nearish by. The sun was still pretty high when Merlin banished me from the castle…"

"What happened?" Snow demanded. "Just tell me what happened! Could you see her in the past? We didn't get much out of Killian; he was mainly swinging his sword at anyone who approached him."

"Hook gave her True Love's kiss after nearly a month of refusing to do so." Regina shook her head. "Seems like it took Hook's kiss on one end and Killian's on this side. That sadistic shit of a wizard wanted to make it doubly difficult for them."

David grinned. "See? I told Killian that he wouldn't be capable of saying no to Emma for long."

Mac and Will rushed in from the village's only main road, skittering to a halt beside Regina to listen to the news. Mac looked Regina over and handed her his canteen of water. She thanked him and drank greedily.

"Oh, Regina, I'm sorry, let's find you a warm drink," Snow enthused, nearly bouncing on her toes in her excitement. She looked at Will. "Might you get a tea for Regina?"

Will rolled his eyes. "As her majesty commands, I'll just fetch drinks for the royals while you all take discuss the news."

"What news of Killian and Emma?" Mac asked breathlessly. Snow threw her arms around Mac and laughed, reassuring him that they were both alive.

Almost as one, they all sank to the ground and melted with relief. All the tension of the last weeks seemed to drain out of everyone at once. Will returned with Regina's tea and knelt on the ground with them as she took a grateful sip.

"I still don't like it," Regina admitted. "Merlin is still alive and well, still trapped, still angry and still dangerous. He has to split them up in order to be free, and he will try again. I just don't know how."

"I know I'm not volunteering for the trip to his castle again," Emma announced from the doorway of the village hall. Killian stood next to her, grinning ear to ear and keeping her hand locked in his.

David vaulted over his wife and friends to get to his daughter. He went to sweep her into a bruising hug, which caused Emma to take an instinctive step behind Killian. "Careful, Dave," he laughed, a friendly but insistent hand on David's shoulder to hold him back, "Please don't crush my daughter in your haste to welcome yours home." With that, Killian stepped aside and David gathered Emma into a tearful embrace. Snow joined them. From his position to the side, Will noticed that when the family swayed to the right in their three-way hug, Killian's body shifted with them, and when they swayed back, he followed them to the left. Emma's hand was still clasped firmly in his behind her back. When her parents finally let her go, Emma stepped back into Killian, tightening her grip on his hand.

Mac had gathered chairs for everyone, and they all sat in a circle. Will pulled the charcoal brazier into the centre for them, heating some skewers of meat. He knew that Killian had not eaten much for weeks, and Regina looked exhausted and hungry. Emma, on the other hand, practically glowed with good health.

"Princess, it seems that your pirate past took good care of you. You're looking excellent well," Will smiled. Killian pulled a skewer off the fire and started eating, all without releasing Emma's hand. "Careful there, girl, or pirate present will gnaw your arm off. He's not had a bite in days."

Emma's face drew down, and she looked worriedly at Killian, who merely shrugged and accepted the mug of ale that Mac was offering. She had had plenty of time to notice how thin he was this afternoon, and he'd told her about the headaches. "Don't fret, love," he squeezed her hand. "I'm eating now, see? I'll be fine."

David, Mac and Snow listened as Emma explained some of what had happened over the last few weeks. She had already told most of it to Killian, who ate nonstop through her story whenever Mac and Snow brought out more food. David then explained the situation in the village: the villagers were under Merlin's control somehow. One or more of them must visit the castle to carry out Merlin's instructions and cast his enchantments, but Regina said she had seen no sign of visitors while she was there.

"I am so sick of being under attack," Snow sighed. She saw Regina shift uncomfortably in the chair next to her, and she reached out to grasp her hand. "Regina, I know you started the attacks on us, back before Emma was born, but I cannot thank you enough for doing everything to keep her safe now."

"Aye, your majesty," Killian added, his hands stroking Emma's belly almost unconsciously. Regina could not place the moment it had happened, but Emma now sat securely on his lap rather than in her chair. "Any information you have gathered on the wizard will help."

"Help what, exactly?" Emma twisted in his lap to look him in the eyes. "What are you planning to do?"

Killian's eyes flashed briefly. "You will not deny me this, love. I'm not looking for another way."

Regina rushed back in before Emma could start an argument. "How, Captain? How do you plan to kill a wizard you can't get to?"

Killian smiled and toyed with the ends of Emma's hair. He scanned his eyes around the large, empty hall. He waved his hand to the door. "Anyone could be listening, and mirrors are never far away. Enough to say that whatever Merlin does next, I intend to use it to end him."

Emma and Snow both started in at once about how vital it was to find another way to defeat Merlin, short of killing him. Before they could advance the argument, David interrupted with a steady, certain voice: "We should kill Merlin."

Mac gave a curt nod and looked at Emma and Snow with sincere, Jones-blue eyes. "I agree as well. As long as that man breathes, Emma, Killian and their child will not be safe."

Snow and Emma swept their gazes across the three men. Will advanced no opinion either way, and Regina gave them a shrug that indicated that she also favoured killing Merlin. Snow rose from her seat and brushed off her gown with more care and attention than required. Her nerves steadied, she walked round the brazier and past Emma, patting her daughter's shoulder as she went, and continued out the door of the hall and into the night. David took a steadying breath, glanced quickly at Killian, and then followed his wife.

"Emma," Killian attempted a pre-emptory note of conciliation, "I do see your point, love, and I adore this about you, that you always want to avoid killing…"

"But you want him dead." Emma nodded, staring down at the empty spot on her left ring finger, the space that Hook couldn't believe he hadn't claimed. I don't own him, and he doesn't own me, she thought. We are allowed to differ, even in this.

"I do not desire his death out of vengeance or bloodlust, Emma. I simply won't feel that the baby and you are safe, until he is dead. He has people beyond his castle walls under his control. He has already proven that he can reach us anywhere, send us anywhere. Any time."

Emma stood abruptly, eyes downcast, now taking in his scuffed, dusty boots. Boots for walking long distances either after her or for her, for riding a horse, for leaving his ship behind and turning his back on his home and his family to return her… where? Some cursed town created by an evil queen?

She pressed her left hand to his chest, over his heart. "You owe me nothing else, Killian." She looked up and met his surprised and sceptical gaze. "How many times over have you proved you'd do anything for me? I believe you. I believe in you. And if you, and Mac, and David, and Regina, all think that this is the right course of action, then we end him." She pulled him closer. "We kill him."

Killian nodded. "So we shall, love." He kissed her.

Will sat back in one of the chairs, watching the pair with an unblinking gaze. They had stayed in some sort of physical contact since they walked into the hall. By now they were about as close as two people could be without needing a private room. Will knew trauma when he saw it, and these two, despite the bantering and strategising, were terrified. He'd seen Emma follow her mother's movement out the door with her eyes, and even though she clearly wanted to follow, she could not lift herself off Killian's lap. He knew, watching them, that they were simply getting in as much time together as they could before Merlin made plain his next attempt to drive them apart. It was heartbreaking.

Mac offered Emma a cup of tea, but he stood too far from her; she would have to let go of Killian in order to take the mug. She began to shake her head, not wanting to explain herself, when Will stood, took the cup from Mac's hands and walked to the few metres to deliver it to her. She smiled gratefully and then looked into the warm liquid, embarrassed. Will knew.

"What will you do, Emma, when we've killed that fucker?" Will asked, to change the subject somewhat. He had lost sight of the endgame some time back. He had what he craved in the Enchanted Forest: Belle. With Rumpelstiltskin a whole realm away, Will was in no rush to return.

Snow and David returned silently, hand in hand, and slipped into the circle in time to hear Emma struggle for an answer. Killian nudged her. "I swore I'd get you back to Storybrooke, love, and I shall. I know it's taking a while…" he sighed, and shrugged. "But that's what we've been struggling for, isn't it? To get you home."

Emma tilted her head and looked at him, then at Mac, Regina, Will and her parents. Storybrooke had not been home to her for long. The only member of their circle really from Storybrooke in any real way was Henry, as he had lived his entire known life there. "Home," she repeated, nodded. "That's quite the thought, isn't it? Where's home? I couldn't point to a town I'd call home. Never had one growing up," she glanced apologetically at Snow and David, who winced. "I suppose you have the Jolly Roger, and Mom and Dad – you have a whole castle. So do you, Regina. Mac belongs in Cath Harbour with Oona and his brothers and family. I guess it's just you and me, Will, with no particular place to be."

Killian frowned and turned her face to his. He spoke quietly, just to her. "Don't you want to go back to Storybrooke, love? It's the realm you know, cell phones and showers and coffee and modern medicine."

"The only home I care about is you and Henry, and Mom and Dad, and my friends. And I don't know if they want to live the rest of their lives in a town they only came to against their will, as part of a curse." She dropped her forehead against Killian's. "Wouldn't you rather live here, with your ship and your family?"

Killian had never been one to lie to himself. He had known after the night of the massacre, when his entire family had flocked to protect them without question or complaint, that he had arrived at home for the first time in his life. He only regretted that Liam had never seen it. The Jolly would always be a special place for him, but that house on Cath Harbour's market square felt … he didn't have anything to compare it to.

"I will live wherever you are, Emma, and I will do so willingly," he answered truthfully. "Of course this realm feels more like home to me, but I've never valued the Enchanted Forest and you know that. I've sailed away from it often enough when it suited me."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Okay, but if you took me out of the equation…"

"I can't."

"But assuming I'd go anywhere with you - because I would - would you honestly choose Storybrooke over the Enchanted Forest?"

He heard Snow and David stop breathing. They had wanted to return to their kingdom ever since the curse broke. Killian stopped to consider his answer, and Emma pushed her elbow playfully into his ribs. "Just answer, Killian. You're trying to consider every angle from my point of view. Stop it. Just tell me yours."

"Finding family here has changed my mind about this place. I would settle our family with theirs, as a first choice, if I could. In New York we would be alone, and our daughter would never know of her magic. In Storybrooke we would be isolated. It is not a place with a future, long term."

Killian braced himself, ready for Emma's reaction, but she beamed at him, the most heartwarming, genuine smile he could imagine. "Long term," she grinned. "I like the sound of long term."

Mac spoke to Killian hesitantly, keeping one eye on the King and Queen, "You are always welcome with us, you know that. For as long as you need. Henry and the baby, too, of course."

Snow, who had been silently cheering Killian's decision, sobered at once: "Cath Harbour is a long way from the castle…" she began.

"Not a whole realm away, though," Regina put in. "Killian's right, we can't expect to build a future for our children in a cursed town with limited interaction with the outside world."

David stood up and began to gather plates and mugs from around the fire. "There's no point in discussing this further tonight," he said with an authority that reminded Emma he was a king. "We all need to focus on stopping Merlin before he finds another way to drive Killian and Emma apart."

Killian already felt his eyes closing involuntarily, with the warm fire before him and Emma snuggled close and weeks of little sleep behind him. He stood as well, and Emma automatically rose with him. "I dragged your bed rolls over there," Will pointed toward the darkened end of the warehouse, a spot that would afford them a bit of privacy but keep them near enough for watching over.

Will would watch over them tonight, he vowed silently. Let them sleep, or screw, or whatever they needed to do, but he would try to keep them safe, try to stop Merlin's plan.

…

Killian waited until everyone else had fallen asleep. Apart from Will. Killian could hear Will's irregular breaths, and a quick look across the 10 metres of open space to his bedroll revealed his friend's fist wrapped around the hilt of a sword. He sat up in bed and nodded to Will, whose unblinking eyes were scanning the dark hall. Will nodded back, and silently returned to his watch.

Stroking down her face and arm, Killian slowly brought Emma up out of her sleep. She squinted at him, suddenly awake and afraid, but he smiled at her fondly.

"If you're waking me for sex," she yawned, "we're going to have words. Was three times not enough for you? I'm sore, Killian, and…"

"Emma, for godssake, I would not wake my exhausted, pregnant wife for sex," he retorted in disgust. "And no, the three times was not enough, but I would still never do that. Bloody hell."

Emma had pushed herself up onto an elbow by now, facing him as he sat cross-legged on his bedroll. The temperature had dropped in the night, and she felt him arranging another blanket around her shoulders as she sat up to face him. When he had her bundled up warm, he linked his fingers through hers and rested them across his lap.

"He's coming for me, love," Killian whispered. "We need to talk. Or rather, you need to talk."

Emma considered him in the faint light. "I know." She sighed and squeezed his hands. "I have to tell it all to you."

"He could have sent you to any one of a hundred moments in my past, but he chose a bloody battle. I probably killed more men in that month than I had in the 100 years previous. He looked carefully for a time most likely to shock you, when I was my most merciless self. If I wanted to break us up, to make you believe me to be a monster, that's the moment I would have chosen, too."

"He's going to send you back, isn't he? Into my past."

"Likely yes. And you need to tell me when."

Emma stared down at their hands in thought. "I've never been… so dark… not the way you were, Killian." She reached up to caress his face, to reassure him that she knew that's not who he was anymore. "I was treated pretty badly for most of my childhood, and I just thought I deserved it. So all my darkness was turned in on myself."

"When, Emma."

Her breath shuddered with withheld tears. "When I was released from prison. I had given birth to Henry six weeks before they let me out. I had nothing. No money, no education, no job prospects, no friends and no family. My boyfriend had betrayed me and I had given away my own child. All I had was the Bug. And even in Arizona, it was fucking cold at night. Do you know what post-partum depression is?"

Killian shook his head. He didn't want to interrupt her story. "Sometimes women can fall into a depression, after a birth, not just sad, but something you need medical help with. I didn't need much of a push. So I tried for a few days – tried living, I mean. I siphoned gasoline in carparks at night and stole food from behind shops and restaurants." Killian steeled himself – he knew that if he shed even a single tear, or pulled her into his arms, she wouldn't be able to continue. He rubbed his thumbs across her knuckles, and remained silent.

"But one night, less than a week after my release, I was in a carpark in New Mexico facing another cold night, and I hadn't had much luck with food. But I had these bottles of anti-depressants that the doctor in prison had given to me, because he was worried that I might get this post-partum depression thing. Maybe I did, who knows, maybe my life just sucked and that's depressing. He also gave me some drugs to help me sleep. So I had these two bottles of pills." Killian closed his eyes. He knew where the story was going, but let her keep talking.

"The carpark – it was a diner, nothing special, but nothing I could afford, either. But it had these big windows, and everyone inside was chatting, smiling, and they all looked so warm and happy. And the distance between them and me just seemed…" Emma sighed. "I thought I'd never make it from where I was to where they were. So I took all the pills, every last one."

Killian cracked and tugged her towards his lap, but Emma put out her arm against his shoulder and maintained their distance. "A woman came out, not long after. She was parked next to me, and saw me passed out. She rang an ambulance. They carried me into the diner to keep me warm. One of the people in there was a doctor… anyway, they saved me. I didn't have any money to pay for an ambulance or a doctor or anything, so once they'd stabilised me in the ER of the nearest public hospital, they kept me just long enough to make sure I'd survive, and let me go." She shrugged. "I was out of pills, so I just decided I had to live. I found a job in a diner – one had saved my life, so I guess I felt it was the way to go – and lived in the Bug until I could afford a room. Anytime in there, honestly, I was a mess. I have no idea how I held down that job. The thought of you trying to get True Love's Kiss out of me… it's pretty unthinkable, Killian."

Emma dropped her arm and let Killian pull her into him. "I know it's no good, me holding you now. I can't help you then," he murmured into her hair. "Thank you for telling me."

She breathed in his scent as he readjusted the blankets around her, as though he could warm up her 18-year-old self with enough wool. He was rocking her a bit for good measure. How lucky am I, she thought, to have found this man. She should have known that Killian would read her thoughts, "You're not lucky, you're tough. That's how you survived. It's still how you survive."

Emma smiled against his chest. "Now I survive because you're tough, too. And so are all my friends and family." Emma wrapped her arms around his torso. "But that's the moment, Killian. He'll send you there. I would."

…

Killian eventually rocked Emma back into slumber, and tucked her back into her bedroll. He checked again to make sure that the vials of potion Regina had prepared for him were safe away inside his coat pocket. When Will came over to check on him, Killian was fixing a dagger into his boot.

"Will, do you have any dollars? If I get sent to the past, I won't be able to use my credit card, and I won't have a bank account there yet."

Will dug through his pockets and satchel and come up with 17 dollars and change. The two thieves smiled at each other, and quietly lifted every cent they could find from Regina, David and Snow. Regina, in particular, proved well-funded, but even totalling everything they all had, Killian had just over 200 dollars.

Will gave him a good-natured shove in the shoulder. "You can take what you need when you arrive. Stealing's stealing and marks are marks, no matter the realm."

Killian laughed, too low to wake the others. "True enough." He looked over his shoulder just the same, to make certain that Emma still slept, then he turned back to Will in the darkness. "Promise me, Will…"

Will interrupted him in a low, sad voice, "Killian, you don't need to ask that of me. We will all protect her with our lives, every last one of us."

"If I can't come back, if I can't make her love me…"

Will threw his head back and laughed out loud, Killian watching him with a glare until Will calmed enough to speak. "You blind sod, Killian, that woman loves you, completely and totally. Her eyes wander after you every time you leave a room, and she sort of shifts around uncomfortably until you return. It's like she can't help herself, cuz fuck knows you're not the best she could do." Will leaned over and patted Killian on the arm. "She will love you, but neither of you will have magic, and we can't know how that will change your path back."

Killian tipped his head to the side and turned Will's words over in his mind. "Maybe, maybe not. I've seen Emma use magic in The Land Without, and I've seen my father do the same." A sudden smile lit his face. He reached across Emma's body, smoothing the blanket and stroking her hair when she stirred. As soon as her breathing settled again, he felt behind her neck for the clasp of her necklace and gently lifted it free of the blankets. "But just in case," he whispered, slipping the gems into this pocket, "I'll take along a little evidence."

…

The young girl crept in through the blackened doorway. The light from the brazier had long since died out, pitching the hall into an impenetrable darkness. The outsiders were stretched out on bedrolls strategically placed across the large room, but the little girl couldn't see the two she'd been asked to locate. Finally, she recognised them. Just as Merlin had told her, the two had set their bedrolls practically atop one another. The princess slept with her head tucked into the pirate's chest, and he slept with his arms loosely slung around her, one hand anchored in her hair, where it tangled over her back.

As the girl tiptoed towards her sleeping targets, she clutched the vial of powder that the wizard had tucked into her pocket. She had practised opening and closing the cork stopper to avoid problems.

She crouched before the man, watching him sleep, and she silently apologised. She had no idea what this powder would do to them, and the pretty princess looked so happy, cuddled up to the man. But the man was bad, Merlin had explained to her, and the princess had to be saved.

She dipped her hand back into her pocket and pulled out the vial. The powder was black and dusty and dull. Merlin had warned her not to breathe in any of it. She readied herself to take a deep breath and pop the stopper.

A hand short out from beneath the heavy blanket in front of her, and a strong hand covered in thick, silver rings gripped her leg. The pirate had both eyes open and he was taking her measure. She let out a surprised gasp and a little whimper from the pain and shock. His grip tightened in response, and he called out.

"Will! Mac! Regina!" his words rang through the space and reverberated off the ceiling and walls.

Merlin had warned her that the man might attack. She wasted no time, glad she had practised removing the cork so that she didn't forget. Quick as the lightning that flashed outside the doorway, she spilled some of the powder into her left hand, and she blew it ever so gently across the pirate and the sleeping princess.

The pirate tried to shield the princess from the powder, but the girl knew it was too pointless. Already, the strong hand on her leg began to weaken. His eyes narrowed as he tried to retain his focus on her, but the girl could see him slipping away. The princess was already under, the slowing of her breath and the disappearance of her smile convinced the girl that she had succeeded.

The girl could hear others waking, the clank of swords and knives as they came for her. She quickly placed her hands over the pirate and chanted the words that Merlin had made her recite over and over until she could do it without hesitation. When she finished the spell, sprinkled some dust from a second bottle over his unconscious body.

"I'm sorry, captain," she whispered to the pirate as the powder pulled him away. "I didn't have a choice." She plugged the half-empty vial with the cork and tucked in into her tunic. Someone caught her and held her aloft, while a woman was screaming, "Emma!" The little girl didn't understand. She hadn't hurt the princess. She would never do that. The princess still lay on her bedroll, asleep and safe and alone, now that the pirate was gone.