Mother's Secret

(One week, Six days Post-Incident)

Kane's eyes widened and he jumped off the floor, spinning to face the High Monk and grabbing the table for balance. Cursed?! My family was cursed! A tidal wave of questions crashed upon his tongue but he held them back with a closed mouth, waiting for Tan Keng to continue.

"I suspect your mother has told you nothing of this, but she was cursed with infertility by the Death Oni," Tan Keng continued, but Kane had to interrupt now.

"That's not possible," yelled a visibly distraught conjurer, "she has three children!"

"She is not the first to be cursed, Darksword, it has degraded over time," Tan Keng calmly corrected, approaching the wizard and placing a hand on his right shoulder. "Come with me to the foyer, and I will explain further over tea." Kane agreed and headed back into the sitting room, sitting cross-legged on a cushion before the table to await Tan Keng and the tea. He looked at the table's surface, mind wandering over the possibilities of this revelation.

If his mother was cursed with infertility, yet she had three children, she must have found a way to circumvent it. But how could she? Su-Ling was as skilled at magic as a snake was at flying; she had help for certain. Did Tan Keng help her? Defying the fates was generally frowned upon by the Moodha, Kane knew that much. But this also meant that he, and his older brother and sister, were never meant to be born. Would Death be coming after them too? Kane barely saved himself; he couldn't possibly protect his siblings as well! And if they were never meant to live, should he even bother?

Tan Keng interrupted these chaotic musings when he arrived, setting down a wooden platter with a clay tea pot and small cups. He poured the dark fluid into both, added a dried leaf to each, and handed one to Kane before settling down across the table from him.

"Long ago, when I was but a kid and learning the ways of Moodha, a young woman came to my father, then a high ranking monk in the order. Her name was Mu-Lang; your grandmother," Tan Keng explained, and Kane forced his mind to clear itself of questions, focusing only on the tea and the story he was about to be told.

"She came to my father seeking prayer and peace from the Moodha, for her heart was torn. She loved a young man, but that man was not approved by her father; she was to be wed to another man of greater affluence, a prominent rice farm owner. The man she loved was a field worker for her fiancé, too poor to gain her father's favor. My father told her the only thing he could; what Moodha wished was that she obeys her father for he sought the best for her."

"I'm going to guess she didn't," Kane surmised. Tan Keng smiled.

"You do not get your stubborn will from your father, Kanukata, I assure you. She indeed failed to follow the wisdom of the Moodha and continued seeing her lover, even after the marriage. It didn't take long for her husband to discover the affair, and one day he confronted the young man and killed him. Mu-Lang was distraught, wracked with such terrible grief that she did the unthinkable, the inexcusable. She turned to necromancy, and in her grief tried to resurrect her lover."

"Did she have any training in magic before she tried it?" asked Kane, choosing the most important of many questions on his mind.

"No. Until she attempted the spell, her magical talents were unknown to all. Regardless, there is no one to train her in Necromancy in Mooshu; you know very well it is a black art for our culture. But she tried it anyways, finding the spell I know not how. Predictably it failed, and for her misguided foolishness she was cursed by the Death Oni. For her transgression against fate her womb was tainted with death. My father found out about the curse when she came to him some time later, bleeding profusely. She had been with child, and miscarried. My father, in his wisdom, knew he could not help her, but the hopeful arrogance of youth convinced me I could. It took many years, and many children," Tan Keng paused at this to look at the floor and sigh, shaking his head, "before your mother was born. She was sickly for much of her childhood. But she was the only child your grandmother birthed. There were a few after Su-Ling, but none of them survived."

"This sounds like a personal curse to me, sensei," Kane interrupted. "I don't see why this would have extended to my mother, or the whole family."

"There is a reason your mother was the only child, young one. The Death Oni is thorough in his work, and sought to ensure that not only Mu-Lang, but her descendants, would learn their lesson. It was a generational curse, passed down the female line until the lesson is learned." Kane put down his tea and tensed.

"Does that mean…" Kane struggled to ask. "Is Mu-Ling-"

"Your sister is safe, and has borne two healthy sons to her husband so far," Tan Keng assured him with a smile. "She was freed from the curse by your mother."

"How?"

"Your grandmother, no doubt in shame, hid the curse from her family, even Su-Ling. Your mother found out only after her first child died during labor and came to me for guidance. Knowing of the curse, your mother wisely chose to forsake her magical potential, and despite her grief did not try to resurrect your father when he died. The lesson was learned, and the curse was broken," Tan Keng smiled. Kane's body relaxed and he sighed with relief before a thought occurred to him.

Kane frowned and leaned forward, resting his good elbow on the table to hold up his contemplating face. So my mother does have magic in her… and I have Necromancy in my lineage. Kane had always known he got his Conjuration talents from his father, but if his mother had a history with necromancy, that could explain why he was drawn to the art.

"So… Am I being hunted because I chose to pursue Necromancy despite the curse?"

"No, young Darksword, you owe no debt to death due to your own faults," Tan Keng admitted, his shoulders sagging. "The fault is mine."

Kane sat up straight and incredulously stared at the High Monk, eyes scanning his body language for any sign of a lie. "Explain." The tone was abruptly rude and demanding for addressing an elder, but the High Monk didn't fault the wizard.

"As a generational curse, it would weaken as it passed into the next of kin. Your grandmother could only birth one survivable child; your mother, therefore, could birth two children." Kane wasn't an idiot; he could figure it out from there.

"Narichiro and Mu-Ling were the only children the curse would allow her," Kane finished for Tan Keng solemnly. "I was never supposed to be born. I was fated to die before I ever lived!" He suddenly slammed his fist on the table, knocking over his tea. He ignored the spill, angry tears filling his eyes. This can't be true! My life…

"I warned you the answer would not be pleasant," Tan Keng said softly. "After her first child died, Su-Ling came to me for every child she carried. I cared for her throughout, and when your siblings were being born she insisted I handle the delivery. 'I have a good feeling about this one, but just in case' she always told me. It was no different for your birth, and you died in my arms just minutes later, failing to take a breath."

"How… Why…" Kane stammered.

"Please try to understand, Kanukata," requested Tan Keng, sorrow flooding his voice. "I was younger then, just a young monk of Moodha trying to follow in my father's hoof-steps. I was foolish, arrogant, blinded like your grandmother by years of death at the hands of this curse. I longed for the day when I could save a life from that wretched magic, rather than praying the next child would be allowed to survive. So when you were born alive… when I watched you die in my hands; you were such a small babe, barely larger than your mother's breast," a tear rolled down the goat's cheek. "I saw you dying and thought: 'this is it, this is the chance I have prayed so long to receive'. I hastily made a potion from healing herbs and a piece of fruit from the Tree of Life I had saved for such a time, and poured it in your mouth and you lived!"

"And you paid for that, didn't you?" Kane inquired. "What was your curse?"

"I grew sickly after that day," admitted the High Monk as he nodded. "I knew soon after I had made a mistake. My body has been slowly dying since then, and my sight was taken from me a year before you became my student," Tan Keng frowned and looked off to the side. "I have not been allowed to see the man you have grown to become. But I do not regret the decision I made that night," Tan Keng looked toward Kane again and held his arms out to the young man. "I am proud of what you have done with the life I have given you."

Kane hesitated before rising from his cushion and moving around the table to Tan Keng. He knelt before the goat and they embraced, Tan Keng carefully avoiding his wounds. Kane was crying as they hugged, but he could not tell if he was crying from sadness, anger, fear, or something else. He tried to take this news like he would anything else, but this news meant that his whole life was an affront to nature, a story that never should have been told.

"Sensei…" Kane softly addressed the monk, though neither of them broke the embrace, "I am conflicted. I… do not know how to take this news. How should I react? What should I do?"

Tan Keng pulled away from Kane to put his coarse furred hand on the wizard's cheek, feeling the contour of his face. His other hand went to Kane's chest, resting over his heart.

"Look here for the answers you seek, child, for it is in the heart the Moodha resides. He will guide you, if you open your heart and mind and listen. Do not fear these emotions you feel now, as they must be felt if you are to heal from this. You must grieve for yourself before you can move on."

"You talk as though the Moodha would even care for me," Kane's temper flared up as he removed Tan Keng's hands and wiped his eyes. "Even though my very existence he likely disdains."

"Such is not the way of the Moodha, Darksword," assured the monk, "Moodha cares for all things living, even those not meant to live. Judgment and discrimination are not His way. Meditate on all you know now, and you will understand the path you must take."

"Very well," Kane sighed, rising and finally paying attention to the mess he had made. "I will do as you request. I apologize for my temper, and the mess I have made in your home, sensei." He went to clean it but the goat waved him away.

"Pay it no heed," Tan Keng insisted. "I will deal with it. You have more important matters to attend. Such as your mother; no doubt you have many questions only she can answer." Kane did not relish the thought of returning home, but the monk was right. "Go to her. She will be happy to see her son again."

"She always is," Kane murmured as he headed back to the medicine room to get his shirt.

"And now you understand why," Tan Keng stated with a smile.

Tan Keng assisted Kane in bandaging the wounds again, and with his help the shirt and sling were a lot easier to put on than they were to remove earlier. Once he had his things prepared for departure the two stood on Tan Keng's front porch in the last vestiges of sunset's light, the darkness of night quickly approaching.

"Are you certain you will be safe, traveling to your village by nightfall?" Tan Keng questioned, reasonably hesitant about letting an injured man travel alone at night on the roads of Mooshu.

"Don't worry, sensei," Kane smiled and patted the monk's shoulder. "I have my magic, even if I don't have my arm. And I should go home as soon as possible, before I change my mind," he muttered the last bit but still got his head smacked by the High Monk's staff.

"I heard that, Kanukata Darksword! Don't make me have to contact your mother to make sure you arrived" chastised the old goat, but Kane just chuckled half-heartedly.

"Don't worry sensei, you won't have to. Thank you for… well… everything," Kane was sheepish. How do you thank a man who did the forbidden to give you your life? He wondered.

"It is, as always, my pleasure," Tan Keng embraced the young man once more before shooing him off the porch. "Now go before it gets too dark!"

Kane mounted his gryphon when he reached the Palace gates and the mythical beast launched into the night, flying through the bamboo forests of Mooshu towards Kane's birthplace. The majestic creature needed little guidance from Kane, avoiding trees and rocks without direction. All it needed to know was which way to fly.

This afforded Kane some time to reflect on what he had been told, and he hoped it was wrong. But in his heart he knew Tan Keng wouldn't lie to him, not about something like this. Hiding the truth was one thing, but lying was something Tan Keng just couldn't do. Even with that knowledge Kane found his trust in the spiritual goat waning.

He was only taken to Tan Keng to be a student of the Moodha by Master Hinneko –the master Samoorai of the Water Dojo- who believed that all Samoorai needed an understanding of the teachings of Moodha to truly be honorable warriors. Kane hadn't been interested in those teachings in his preteen years; he aspired only to be a great warrior, to prevent his death when he inevitably was sent to a battlefield. He had been a difficult student, refusing to perform the charities and humilities the Moodha required. Despite Tan Keng's non-violent teachings, Kane continued his physical training in Tan Keng's own house and gardens, openly practicing violence in a place of peace.

He was, and in some ways still was, a violent being at heart. Full of rage and fear from his father's death, Kane just couldn't open his heart to the compassion of the Moodha then. And the emotions he felt now mirrored his heart after his father died. Then, like now, he fought hard to deny the reality of his situation.

But logically, it was hard to dismiss. As a theory, being once dead explained so much of Kane's life and present predicament. It would definitely mean his soul belonged to Death, and should have been in Death's possession for over two decades now. It helped explain his mother's tendency to be more protective of him than his siblings. It gave reason for his frequent illness as a child. And gave Kane rationality for his borderline obsessive fear of death; if his soul already felt death once and regained life, it would move heavens to avoid feeling the touch of death again.

But the idea that his life shouldn't have happened, that Kane was a walking violation of the laws of nature disturbed him to the core. For a man who worked with the foul and unholy, this sort of thing should be easy for him. But necromancy wasn't unnatural; death was just another state of being, as natural as life, and undeath was another state of being between the two. Kane was none of those things, however. There was a balance to life and death that few recognized or even cared to consider outside of necromancers and theurgists -and even they didn't fully understand the duality of their magic.

Just what effect did Kane's continued existence have on that balance? It was a hard question to answer, one Kane suspected he could never truly discern without divine assistance.

He broke from his musings when the gryphon arrived at the edge of the village of Hamusiri, his home. It was a human settlement in the countryside of Mooshu, ruled by the only human nobleman on the world: Lord Hiirosu, his brother-in-law. It wasn't exactly a large village, nor was it the only place the human race lived in Mooshu, but it was officially the center of human Mooshian culture. Kane stared for a moment at the dark village and then guided the gryphon along the side of the rice fields. He was on his family's property now, a few acres of soggy rice leading up to the large wooden house of the Darkswords.

Kane stopped halfway through the fields and dismounted, dismissing the gryphon. He didn't need the noise from the beast alerting them; he wanted to face his family when he was ready. Slowly Kane approached the looming estate, the light from the windows casting golden beams onto the standing water of the fields. He could hear the sounds of laughter; tonight must be a game night, or some other special visitor was staying the evening since he heard more than two voices.

For a few minutes Kane stood just outside the front door, doubting himself. Do I really want to go in there, and disturb their laughter and joy with my problems? Do I really want to confront Ma about this curse? Or tell my brother and sister what happened? Do I want to tell anyone what's been happening to me lately?

No… They have a right to know. Kane stepped forward and knocked firmly on the door. For a minute he worried they wouldn't answer as he heard the house go quiet, but then someone opened the door. It was a tall young man with straw colored hair and brown eyes wide set in a square-jawed face. And that jaw dropped.

"Hey Narichiro," Kane smiled.

"Kanukata?"