Chapter 3: Goodbye & Hello

November, 1979

Lydia had known, since she was a little girl, that she was different.

She was sitting on the couch in the little waiting room of the ICU in the dreary, sad hospital, idly listening to the sound of a long, loud beep that suddenly came from the nurse's station across from the waiting room.

She looked up briefly as a few of the nurses rushed out of the room and down the hall.

She was coloring in her coloring book when her mother walked up to her.

"Mommy! You're all better now!" Five-year-old Lydia jumped up and wrapped her little arms around her mother. She paused and looked up at her mother's dear face. "Mommy? Why are you so cold? It feels like you've been walking outside in the winter without your coat on."

Her mother crouched down to her and hugged her back, fiercely.

"I know I'm cold, baby. I have something to tell you. Come sit down here on the couch with me so we can talk, we don't have much time. Your daddy will be out soon."

"Where's Daddy? Why didn't he come out of your room with you? Is he packin' your stuff up so we can go home now?" Lydia looked up at her mother, confused.

"No, Pumpkin. Daddy's still in the room, and he needed some time before he came out and saw you." Lydia's mother's eyes teared up, and Lydia watched, wide eyed, as the tears began to fall.

Her Mommy never cried. Even when the doctors told her she was really really sick, and she was going to die and leave her and Daddy, her Mommy hadn't cried, she just looked sad and nodded and told her and her Daddy that things would be okay. Mommy was the strong one in their family, and Lydia wanted to be just like her. Her Daddy always said she had her Mommy's hair and her eyes, and that she was strong like her too.

"Lydia, sweetheart, I'm not all better now. I'm not hurting anymore, though."

"That's great, Mommy!" Lydia smiled, happy again. She knew her Mommy had been hurting an awful lot for awhile. Even though she was good at hiding it, Lydia could tell.

"Honey, listen, we don't have much time. Baby, I'm... I'm not alive anymore. I passed on, honey. I'm not going to be able to stay around to help you and Daddy." Lydia's smile left her face, as she listened to the words her mother told her and tried to process them.

"How are you here then, if you're not alive?"

"Because I was allowed to say goodbye, sweetheart." Her mother's voice hitched as she tried to hide a sob that came out of her throat. "I have to go now, and I'll be watching you, sweetie, but I won't be allowed to stay with you anymore."

Lydia knew her Mommy had been very, very sick for a long, long time, and she and Daddy had warned her that she was going to have to go away, but she'd obviously hoped they were wrong. People were always saying to her that "Doctor's don't always get it right, and if you pray real, real hard, sometimes people got better". She had been praying every night, and during the day, too, but her Mommy hadn't been getting any better. She didn't want her to go, but she knew, deep down, that she didn't have a choice in the matter, and neither did her Mommy. She could put up a fuss, but it wouldn't make it any different. Lydia started to cry quietly, determined to be strong like her Mommy.

"Will I see you again?"

"Yes, sweetie, someday, you will, if you want it to be. I know it's different for different people, but good people like you and I will always wind up in the same place eventually."

"You mean Heaven, Mommy?"

"Something like that, Pumpkin. You and I, we're different. I've always been able to see what lies ahead of us, and things around us, that other people can't see. Some people go to "Heaven", some go someplace in-between. You sometimes have a choice of where you go and sometimes you don't, it all depends on the person. But people like us always eventually go to the same place. You and I will see each other again, someday. But for now, I want you to grow up, big and strong, and see everything that you can possibly see with those big eyes of yours." She hugged little Lydia close.

"The same big eyes you have, right?"

"Yes, baby, the same eyes I have. You'll be able to see and learn things that others can't. Remember that, okay? It'll always help you."

"I love you, Mommy. I'm happy you're not hurting anymore, but I'm going to miss you so so much." Lydia held onto her mother's waist as hard as she could, not wanting to ever let go.

She felt a few tears fall onto the top of her head. She thought it was strange how her Mommy could feel so cold, but her tears still felt warm on her head.

"And I'm going to miss you, sweetheart, so so much." Her mother hugged her as close as she could. "Remember I love you, Lydia, I'll always love you, no matter what. Remember to be a good girl, listen to your Daddy, and see everything around you, keep your big eyes open. Don't close yourself off. I promise we'll see each other again. I have to go now, baby. I'm so sorry I won't be able to be with you and Daddy anymore. Remember what I've told you, and always, always remember I love you, more than anything."

"I love you too, Mommy." Lydia was crying hard herself, now, still holding on to her hand as her mother slowly and reluctantly stood up off of the couch and broke their embrace. "I won't forget you, and I'll remember what you said."

"Always remember the light in your heart and your eyes, baby. As long as you know and remember that light, you'll be okay. Nothing that ever happens to you will ever be able to take that light away."

"I will Mommy. I love you." She couldn't stop crying, even though she wanted to be strong.

Her mother bent down and placed one last, long kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Be well and safe, baby. I'll always be there when the Fates say it's the right time, okay? I love you."

Lydia looked up, and her mother was gone.

She sat on the cold, hard vinyl covered couch, and grabbed a few Kleenex out of the box on the table next to her. She wiped at her eyes and blew her nose. She felt a deep, deep loss. She felt something was now missing. She knew also that her Mommy was okay now, and wasn't hurting any longer. She took a deep shuddery breath and looked around her. She saw a nurse behind the open partition window at the nurse's station, looking at her with wide eyes, as if she were afraid. Lydia didn't know why the lady would look at her like that.

"Wasn't my Mommy pretty?" She asked the nurse who was still staring at her. "She was always so pretty. I'm happy you got to see her like she really is, not when she's all sick and stuff."

The nurse stared back at her, and finally managed to talk to the little girl.

"I'm sure she is, honey. Who was it your were just talking to? An imaginary friend?"

Lydia looked at the lady like she had two heads. "There's no such thing as 'maginary friends. Everyone knows that. That was my Mommy." Lydia stopped, and thought hard in her little head for a moment as she tried to process the scared and strangely sad look on the nurse's face. "You didn't see my Mommy when she was sitting here on the couch with me, huh?"

The nurse quickly and nervously shook her head. "Uh uh. Honey, are you okay? You seemed like you were really sad..." The young woman trailed off as the nurses who had left the room came back into the station and looked over at Lydia, and bent down to whisper something in the lady's ear. Whatever they said made the lady's eyes go wide as she continued to stare at Lydia.

Lydia looked at the nurse, and knew her Mommy was right, she was different. She knew the nurse hadn't been able to see Mommy like she had. She knew right then if she ever saw another dead person, that unless she wanted to get stared at like the nurse was staring at her, she was going to have to be quiet and not talk to them while Living people were around.

She was still crying a bit, feeling the emptiness inside her chest she knew was her loss, even though she knew Mommy was out there, somewhere. It was better this way, knowing that Mommy hadn't just stopped being. She still was someplace, and not hurting anymore, even if she couldn't be with her and Daddy. She looked away from the nurse's station as she saw Daddy coming down the hall, his hand held to his eyes, obviously crying.

Lydia reached over and grabbed another few Kleenex as Daddy sat down on the couch next to her and handed them to him. Charles took them with a sad little smile, and wiped his eyes and blew his nose, too, just like she had. Lydia reached over and wrapped her arms around him.

"It's going to be okay, Daddy."

"Pumpkin, your Mommy... your Mommy's..." he broke off, sobbing, as he looked at his little daughter who looked up at him with tear filled eyes so much like his wife's.

"I know, Daddy. She's "passed on". It's going to be okay."

Charles looked down, letting out a sob. "Honey, how did you know? Was it the nurses? Or the doctors? If they talked to you, I'll..."

"No, Daddy, Mommy came out to tell me she loved me and that I had to remember my light. She came out here to say goodbye just now before you came out. It'll be okay, we'll see her again someday."

Charles looked at his child and knew she was a gift. From whom, he didn't know, but she must have taken after her mother for more than her big eyes. He gave up trying to hide his tears and pulled Lydia onto his lap and just held her as they both cried.

That was how Lydia found out she was different.

The first ghost that she talked to was her mother.