Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your reviews. I am going to reply individually, probably in half an hour or so. Ish
Mornington Crescent, please don't tell me that's not how you play Mornington Crescent, it's how I play Mornington Crescent - which is probably wrong but damned entertaining.
You just lost the game
Credit to Caz Malfoy, who wrote the amazing Email My Heart emailfic and sort of inspired this.
Onski!
07.07.08 – 15.53
T. Sato to I. Jones
Ianto,
You twit, Jack says he'll talk to you on Saturday. He was worried you didn't want to talk to him, but I persuaded him to make the call. You're such an idiot. Why did you leave?
Anyway, we're all fine. You've not exactly been gone long, have you? They want to know if you'll be going to the UNIT Ball with the PM? If you do, we'll all go too, if not... Jack will probably send Gwen and Rhys, or me and Owen and mope in his office all night. Hint hint, you'd better go!
Gwen says she'll sic the PM on you to get you to go. So there.
Gwen: Ianto! We miss you! Owen's the only one who's not caffeine withdrawn, but he's a Philistine and drinking instant muck. Hope things are going well for you over there. Is it still raining? The sun's come out here. Of course, we can't enjoy it because we're underground and Jack's not exactly in the right frame of mind to let us enjoy it :(
Tosh: Me again. We've used Gwen to get out a couple of times, but he always looks so down the next morning that it's worth staying late, just to try and cheer him up. Actually, we've done shifts a couple of nights, to make sure he's not alone. He hasn't noticed, I don't think. He really misses you, more than the rest of us put together, and we miss you enough.
I'm sorry, I wasn't going to mention him, you've got enough on your plate and you probably already know, but you hurt him badly. We're happy you got out of Torchwood, in a way, because you're far too young for this shit, but once the dust has settled we're going to give you Hell for what you did to him. I've never seen him so lost and hopeless.
(I think being left is a novel experience, to be honest. He seems a bit surprised as well.)
Anyway, that's my last word on the subject for a while, I promise. And he did appreciate the muffin, and he knew it came from you.
Are you going to C Sharp House tonight?
Love Tosh.
07.07.08 – 16.04
I. Jones to T. Sato
Tosh,
I know, I'm every kind of idiot under the sun and you should rip seven kinds of shit out of me for it. I wouldn't have blamed you if none of you had ever spoken to me again. There's a lot of things I should have done that I didn't, and a lot of things I shouldn't have done that I did. By the end, the only thing I could do to protect him from getting more hurt was leaving, not just him but Cardiff completely.
God, Tosh, he deserves someone so wonderful – why on Earth did he have to pick me? I would give anything to love him the way he does me.
Anyway...
I miss you all too, but if you're after coffee, Mackenzie's does good take-away – try a Choffee for Gwen, Cinamuffin for yourself, Builder's for Owen and an Arabian for Jack. When he's upset, get him a Rocky Road from there, he loves them. Provide baby wipes though! He gets it everywhere.
I'm not going to CSH tonight; I'm going to Ikea (joy of joys, but I need a few bits for the flat) and out for a meal with the head of HR here. She's called Melissa, she's very nice, and she fancies me a lot. But it's OK, because she thinks I'm gay, and I'm not going to tell her otherwise. She's helping me to settle in, I think. Anyway, she's recommended a restaurant that she thinks I'll like, so I asked her to accompany me to say thank you for helping me handle my first firing.
Oh, and yes, I am going to the UNIT Ball. Not sure about the wisdom of that yet, but Gordon has told me that I have to do his introductions, and in return he'll help me fend off the ladies by making them think I'm his toy-boy. I think he was joking.
Interesting report, by the way. You could have mentioned that you didn't reply for two hours because you were chasing a Floxian around Cardiff City Centre. Do you want me to do media sweeps from this end?
I haven't left Torchwood at all, have I? Just moved.
Ianto.
07.07.08 – 16.23
T. Sato to I. Jones
Gordon, is it?
I'm kidding, I know how much time you've spent as a go-between for him and Jack. If you weren't on first name terms I'd be worried. He seems alright, I suppose. Owen's not a fan, but when is he ever?
If you could do the media stuff it would be great, thank you Ianto. Gwen's good at feeding them the lines, and I can do the scans, but I'm not as good at the rewriting as you are.
Get back here now!
I'm joking, mostly, I think. We do really miss you, but if you're going to be happy there, we're happy for you.
I'm popping out to Mackenzie's now for the coffee run, you'll probably have gone home anyway – lazy civil servants hours. What are your hours anyway?
Love, Tosh
07.07.08 – 16.46
I. Jones to T. Sato
Yep, I have lazy hours. 8 til 4 Monday to Thursday, finish at 1 on Friday and then 10 til 3 on Saturdays. Having said that, it's now quarter to five and I'm still here, even if only just. Just spoken to Gordon again, he wanted to tell me that my job includes not telling him stuff he doesn't need to know. At my discretion. I like him even more.
My team (and yep, that will always feel weird) work until 5 though, so I suspect I'll probably work 'late' every day. They finish early on Friday too, fortunately, and I only have Analyn in with me on Saturday. Apparently she's pretty much my PA, which will be brilliant as she has a fabulous case of foot-in-mouth disease. I've promised not to bite her head off for it, which she seemed quite relieved about, and I suspect that she's extremely practical underneath the candyfloss. We shall see.
Are you all pulling another late one? (Stupid question, of course you are.) I'll be online when I get home, give me an hour to navigate the underground. I think I'm going to introduce my team to Mornington Crescent – they seem to be the sort who either won't have encountered it and will be completely baffled or will all be experts and will play me off the map.
Opening with Canary Wharf. And off I go.
Ianto
07.07.08 – 17.48
T. Sato to
Cardiff Rules? London Bridge.
Dunno what you're doing now, Ikea or a meal with the lovely Melissa?
We're all here, but Gwen and Owen are heading home. Owen will be back in in a few hours to keep an eye on Jack, until then I get to play with my translation programme unmolested. If you're online, go on MSN, I'm bored and need amusing.
Tosh
07.07.08 – 18.57
I. Jones to T. Sato
On my way home from Ikea. I have book cases, will go on MSN when I get back. Driving, ttyl
Embankment
Ixxx
Toshi says: Ikea fun?
006, Jones, Ianto Jones. Make my day says: Ikea busy and smelly. Book cases essential though. How's Torchwood?
Hmm, need to change my name...
Toshi says: Torchwood is un-busy and smelly.
Why change your name?
A grade-A moron says: Need I say more?
Toshi says: Oh Ianto *hugs*
A grade-A moron says: *hugs back*
And let's leave that there, shall we?
Toshi says: OK.
What's your office life then?
A grade-A moron says: It's seriously gorgeous. Massive oak desks and chairs that look like they've been there for centuries.
and a carpet so deep you could get lost in it
Toshi says: Lol, me maybe, you're too tall.
A grade-A moron says: Lol, probably. Want to see my flat now?
Toshi says: ooo! Yes yes yes.
A grade-A moron: Have pictures. Taken on my phone, so not great quality, but good enough
Toshi says: wow, Ianto. That's gorgeous. Definitely worth the commute.
A grade-A moron says: Hell yeah.
But, and I admit this in the highest secrecy, it's bloody lonely already
I miss living with Jack
I may even have to get a cat.
Toshi says: Ianto.
You're a berk
Ianto says: I know, and my sister was asking questions about my name.
Actually, I think I may get a house rabbit. They're less fussy than cats. I've always wanted a rabbit.
Toshi says: Grrrrrr. I am going to hack your computer, get your sister's email address and tell her what you did.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You don't deserve it. Save your sympathy for Jack
Ianto says: I know. And I... Oh you know I hate myself for it
I've been a total idiot from start to finish
Toshi says: HE LOVES YOU!
Ianto says: I know.
So much for changing the subject, huh?
Toshi says: Grrrrr
Sorry, Ianto. I know you are having trouble dealing with it, but you haven't seen what it's done to Jack.
Ianto says: :(
Toshi says: I'm going to go feed chocolate to Jack and get him to heck some translations for me
Should be fun, I think I'm a bit out, judging by what I've got
Ianto says: OK, thanks Tosh. I'll email you from work tomorrow, going to get an early night I think
Toshi says: H'ok. Oh, and change your name. Ianto is boring.
Sir Humphrey Appleby says: Ianto is boring is he?
Toshi says: :P Night!
08.07.08 – 07.27
T. Sato to I. Jones
Ouch, why am I here this early? Sleep well?
My turn I think... Riverboat to Cutty Sark
Email when you get in. Or else!
Ug, I hate aliens.
Toshi
08.07.08 – 07.55
I. Jones to T. Sato
No, I slept terribly. I'm getting a cat on the way home.
Tower Hill. Going to introduce it to the team when they get in. Wish me luck.
Ianto
08.07.08 – 12.34
T. Sato to I. Jones
Aliens. Mad. Flying email on my mobile between spots.
Victoria
T
08.07.08 – 13.45
I. Jones to T. Sato
Don't worry about emailing me, just keep safe.
And I'm sorry, but I'm out. They're playing me to death here. We got to Skipton in 5 moves - via Cracoe. They are serious players.
Need to brush up on my rules, then introduce them to Hub rules. See how they cope with random TARDIS attack.
Ianto
08.07.08 - 14.03
T. Sato to I. Jones
OK, I HAVE to ask, Cracoe? A) Where is it and B) what?
08.07.08 – 14.12
I. Jones to T. Sato
Cracoe. Once a year they run a direct train from King's Cross to Cracoe Quarry for Grassington Christmas Fair. And, apparently, seasonal routes are fine.
So I tricked them to Huddersfield and stuck them on the Folk Train for Shepley Festival. That took a bit of research, but it lasts three rounds and I'm already prodding them back towards the Dales for a poetry reading on the Keighley and Worth Valley Railway.
And, because I know you were wondering, Ally has called me out twice for brooding. Every so often someone will call a station that reminds me.
Oooh, we've arrived in Keighley, right on my move too. Ally stuck this time. Score one to the Jones-meister.
The King of Mornington Crescent, Ianto Jones.
08.07.08 – 15.15
T. Sato to I. Jones
Only you, Ianto Jones, only you.
Do I have permission to jump that on the team at some point? Only if Jack drops the Intergalatic Rules on us though.
Things seem to be winding up on us here, just the mopping up to do. I'm donning my magnolias. Metaphorically, of course. Gwen's looking grumpy, so I assume she's got the hard graft. Owen's disappeared. What a coincidence, NOT
Tosh.
08.07.08 – 16.07
I. Jones to T. Sato
You make me miss Cardiff so much. Yeah, you can use it. I've got two of them in Nidd, and one on the Poetry train. Now to re-entrap Ally. She's far too good at this.
Ianto
08.07.08 – 16.12
I. Jones to T. Sato
She got me! The little madam put me on a line that was planned but never built. Think I may have to invoke TARDIS to get out of there.
Ianto
08.07.08 – 16.32
T. Sato to I. Jones
LOL!
I like Ally already.
Tosh
08.07.08 – 18.56
I. Jones to T. Sato
I'm home! Home, with cat :D
Adorable kitten, cute as anything, currently prowling around the flat and getting to know it. Have been thoroughly checked out by the RSPCA, am safe for kittens. Have pasta and small fluffy animal. Life is good.
Kitten just attacked my foot. So small I didn't notice until I crossed my leg and it managed to cling on to my shoe for just long enough for me to catch him.
Stopped short of calling him Jack, that would be desperate, wouldn't it? He's called Tybalt. Went across the hall and asked my neighbour to name my cat. She seemed surprised, but invited me in for a cup of tea and waxed lyrical about Shakespeare.
I'm on the media stuff.
Ianto and Tybalt.
08.07.08 – 19.32
T. Sato to I. Jones
Pictures! I want pictures! Hello Tybalt
Thanks for the help there, it made my life much easier. So much easier, I'm now going home. Yippee!
I want kitty :(
Can I has kitty-cat?
Toshy-woshy. Wanting a Tybalt
08.07.08 – 20.04
I. Jones to T. Sato
Toshy-Woshy, I love you. Tybalt loves you too, he's dancing across my keyboard.
Look: mkmnyubtvtrcerxwxnyk
Tybalt – the Shakespearian influence isn't quite coming through, but I'm sure he'll get there.
Oh, Mornington Crescent, by the way. I got out with the TARDIS, but only went as far as Melbourne. Made Tiffany (never Tiff) wait 3 turns for the first settlers to come by so that she could barter passage back to the UK. In retaliation she sent me to John O'Groats on a seasonal bus. Got back to Glasgow and used the Torchwood line to get back to London. Then Gordon wandered past and got a taxi to Mornington Crescent. We're not sure whether he won or lost, but as he bought us all a drink, we can cope with that.
Shock horror! The Prime Minister drinks (whisper it) Cointreau! I know, the shock.
Right, am going to settle down with Tybalt for a bit and make sure he's settled, then watch CSI with him. Then early night again.
Tybalt has wandered off, so I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Ianto and an absent Tybalt
08.07.08 – 22.34
T. Sato to I. Jones
I still want photos!
09.07.08 – 10.16
I. Jones to T. Sato
Sorry, Tosh, mad morning. Tybalt woke me up at about 4, and I ended up playing with him until shortly after I should have left. Damned kitten. (He's in the office. I snuck in before the team, so far only Ally has found him. Shhh)
Have reworked the archiving system here – we're all up to our elbows in files and whatnot. Surprisingly good fun, the team are brilliant. We're now playing the word association game.
Going back to work, TTYL
Ianto
09.07.08 – 10.18
T. Sato to I. Jones
Ianto! Picture me up! Gwen and I want to see kitteh!
Tosh
09.07.08 – 12.47
I. Jones to T. Sato
OK, pictures below.
Pictures
That's me and Tybalt; me, Tybalt and Sandy across the hall; me, Tybalt... Do I need to point us out anymore? Gordon (yes, I went there, I introduced the kitten to the Prime Minister), Melissa (the head of HR), Ally (yes, she's under the desk, so was Tybalt) and the whole team. Tiffany, Ally again, Jacqui, Martin and Peter. Awesome team, and none of them screwing each other.
Yet. Ally and I are working on Jacqui and Martin. Subtly. Ally doesn't do subtle, it's hilarious.
Ianto, Tybalt and Ally.
09.07.08 – 15.02
T. Sato to I. Jones
Jack caught a glimpse of the picture of you and Tybalt on my screen and insisted that I show the whole team, so we had a good 'aww' over you both. Jack joked about you having moved on quickly, Owen said you were desperate. Jack said "Good". I think he wants a Tybalt.
Everyone says hello, and now we're going to go save the world again – antiques shopping fun!
Tosh et al
09.07.08 – 18.49
I. Jones to T. Sato
Everyone needs a Tybalt. I got so much attention on the Tube every time he poked his head out of my jacket.
I'm lost for what to do with myself now. May get him to help me with a jigsaw. Or maybe have food. I'm suddenly hungry. Right, feed self, feed Tybalt, then jigsaw. Brilliant.
Ianto and Tybalt.
09.07.08 – 20.17
T. Sato to I. Jones
Dear God, Tybalt has domesticated you!
09.07.08 - 22.43
I. Jones to T. Sato
Very funny.
10.07.08 – 08.43
I. Jones to T. Sato
Be alert. Watch out for Henry Jackson. Sending you his file. Don't let Jack know, I don't want him to know the arsehole's around.
He's UNIT trained, and the guy I fired from here on Monday. I had Tiffany watching him, but he slipped her nets sometime yesterday, we don't know when, and we don't know what he'll do. Once she finds out when he went, she might be able to find him again, that's our best bet. Likelihood is that he'll come after me or Jack. If I find out one way or the other, I will let you know, but if he come after me he'll probably be intending to go after Jack afterwards.
Do not let him get to Jack.
I'll deal with him.
Ianto.
10.07.08 – 08.51
T. Sato to I. Jones
Be careful, Ianto! Be so careful.
10.07.08 – 16.56
T. Sato to I. Jones
Ianto, I'm really worrying now. We're doing shifts again to keep an eye on Jack, he won't be left alone, so call the office and let us know you're alright? Jack knows something's up.
10.07.08 – 17.43
I. Jones to T. Sato
I'm fine, everything mad this end, UNIT on the case, can't talk.
Lazy hours? What lazy hours? Tybalt looking at me funny.
10.07.08 – 17.53
O. Harper to I. Jones
She said call, Jonesy, not email. She's gone home for a bit.
Look after yourself mate.
10.07.08 – 23.17
I. Jones to O. Harper and T. Sato
OK, I hate aliens, but I really, really hate humans.
Still alive, not got him yet either. Staying at Number 10 though, because Gordon agreed that it's too dangerous for me to go home. Security has been stepped up for me. I feel special.
As far as we can tell (which is with 99% certainty) he hasn't got to Cardiff yet. Still on it. My team's working around the clock, I told them they'll get used to it.
I'll send you a message when I can. Right now, going to grab shut-eye for a bit. Tybalt has the right idea, he fell asleep in my in-tray.
UNIT gave me some funny looks.
Ianto
P.S. Tell Jack that Martha Jones says hi.
11.07.08 – 7.12
I. Jones to T. Sato, O. Harper and G. Cooper
On it again. He's still in London.
11.07.08 – 13.00
I. Jones to Torchwood 3
Situation contained.
Love Ianto.
Ianto watched Tybalt trying to climb up to join him on the sofa with a tired smile. Soon, the little pest would figure out what his claws were for, and then they'd all be in trouble, but for the moment he was just adorable.
The doorbell rang and he groaned upright, picking Tybalt up and trying to persuade him to sit on his shoulder as he went to answer it. "Tosh?"
Her face lit u and she took a moment to fuss over Tybalt – who was making a concerted bid for freedom – then hugged Ianto gently. "I read UNIT's report. You know, one of the points of you leaving was so that you wouldn't put yourself in danger for Jack any more."
He held onto her a moment longer, then detached Tybalt and placed him in her waiting hands, padding through to the kitchen to make coffee. "I didn't put myself in danger for him, Jackson came after me, not Jack."
"But you didn't have to fire him, you did that for Jack, and for that he came after you." She was sitting at the kitchen table, stroking Tybalt absentmindedly and ignoring his occasional dabs at her hands. "And I've read the report, I know how close it got."
Ianto leaned heavily on the work surface, keeping his weight off his right shoulder, which was bandaged up under his shirt. "Yeah, they wanted to keep me in over night, but I discharged myself. I've had worse. I was right about Ally though," the coffee finished and he poured it, carrying it across to the table one mug and a time and sitting down across from Tosh. "There's steel in the candyfloss, and she's a damned good shot."
"So what happened, how did he get to you?"
"Triggered an alert in Buckingham Palace Gardens, I took the team out to deal with it."He smiled, "Her Majesty was most reassured when she found out that I was in charge. Anyway, he was waiting for me. Nearly took me out but, like I said, Ally came through and dropped him."
"Dead?"
"Yep." He sighed, "I would have liked to see him in a UNIT cell, but as long as he's not around, I'm happy."
"Because he can't hurt Jack anymore." Ianto was silent. "We told him that you'd been hurt, before we knew whether it was serious or not. We were so worried, and he'd picked up on it, and we couldn't leave him wondering and worrying, so I told him that it wasn't serious, that you'd had an accident at work. Damnit, Ianto! Why? The chocolate, the concern, the secrets, the lies... How many different reasons have you given for leaving? You've told me two different versions." He averted his eyes and stood up, moving to the window. "Ianto, why? What's the truth? Why did you leave Cardiff?"
He whirled round to look at her and yelled back, "Because I'm scared!"