Author's Note: For Harriet, who pestered and pestered me for this, so I finished typing it up on the coach down to hers, so we could both go to the Torchwood premiere. Honestly, you will love Children of Earth. Also, huge thank yous to everyone who has reviewed this story, your response has been wonderful and so encouraging, this is the first story I've ever done that's passed 100 reviews, so thank you so much.
Erm, tissue warning.
Jack turned a pen end over end, tapping it every second, counting down the seconds to half past one. Realistically, he knew that he could call now. Ianto would probably be free and waiting for him to call as he was waiting to call, but... Half past one came and he tapped it away.
His eyes strayed to the phone, definitely not to the photo of Ianto still leaning against it. He closed his eyes tightly, focussing on the details he needed to give Ianto to get this conversation over and done with, and groped blindly for the phone, picking it up and pressing the Downing Street speed dial.
It rang twice, and then a painfully familiar voice answered it, cutting through his careful plans and focus and ripping his composure to shreds. "Prime Minister's Office, Intelligence and Security. Ianto Jones speaking."
Jack swallowed and licked his suddenly dry lips. "Ianto." His voice came out strained and uncertain. "It's... Well, you know it's me."
There was silence for a little longer, long enough for Jack to start twitching and worrying, when Ianto said, "Jack. How are you?"
His breathing eased, but also sped up, and he leaned back in his chair, winding his finger in the phone cord. "I'm... I'm fine. I heard you got hurt though?"
"Yeah, nothing serious though." Ianto sighed heavily. "You weren't supposed to know, I didn't want you to worry."
He swallowed and closed his eyes, fighting back a montage of images of Ianto hurt, injured, worse. His voice, when he found it, was a breaking whisper. "Please, Ianto, please be careful. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that you're safer there than you were here. If you're not, I'll..."
"You'll what, Jack?" Ianto sounded guarded and weary.
"Ianto," he whispered, "I'm not making threats. I couldn't cope, knowing that you're in danger and I can't..."
"Protect me?" Ianto bit out.
"Care for you." Jack finished quietly. Ianto really seemed to think the worst of him. Had he just been blind to their relationship failing all along? "Look, Ianto, you... I thought we were alright, I thought you were happy. Did I, did I just not see you? Were you... Ianto, was I making you unhappy?"
There was a terrifying silence, during which Jack felt his heart contract even further. When Ianto finally spoke, it sounded like he too was crying. "No, Jack. You made me so happy."
"Then why?" Tears flowed freely down Jack's face now, and he wiped some of them with the heel of his free hand.
"Because one day you will lose me, Jack, whatever happens. I wanted to be here, to make sure there's someone to take care of you when it happened." His voice dropped to a whisper that was barely audible over the phone. "You weren't supposed to love me."
"How could I not? I do, Ianto, I do. I love you." Jack sobbed, stopping to compose himself again. "And now I've lost you, and I don't even have memories to keep me going, because I feel like I did something wrong, I failed you. I failed us." He squeezed the bridge of his nose tightly. "Ianto, I don't want taking care of, I just want you."
"I'm sorry, Jack."
Ianto sounded terrible, and jack's heart broke a little bit more. "Don't be. Ianto, your life is too short. Just have a fantastic life. That's all I need."
"I... We should do this report." Ianto changed the subject.
"Yeah, yeah." He grabbed the file he'd set out and dragged it towards himself, reciting the case details from the week with surprisingly calm detachment. When they reached the end, he flipped the folder shut and put it away, resting his forehead on his open hand. "You have got Tosh with you, haven't you? I meant to ask earlier, but..."
"Yes, well, technically she's been borrowed," he clarified, "by the Prime Minister."
Memories and scenarios flicked through Jack's consciousness and his voice held a trace of panic. "What did he was with Toshiko?"
Ianto, however, chuckled. "Lunch, I think. He doesn't seem to do much work, really. At least he brought the kitten back before he took Tosh."
Jack managed an almost convincing laugh and picked up the photo he'd got Tosh to print out of Ianto and the little black and white kitten in Ianto's apartment. "Tybalt, yeah? He's adorable."
"Yeah, he is." Ianto agreed. "Currently pestering me for attention by being as adorable as possible."
"Yeah?" Jack chuckled. "Succeeding?"
"I distracted him with a ball of paper, it seems to have done the trick I just need to keep half an eye on him and make sure he doesn't fall off the desk again."
Jack managed a real laugh at that and put the photo down, leaning back and putting his feet up on the desk. "Seriously, though, you take a kitten to work?"
"Yeah, well." Ianto sounded slightly uncomfortable. "The first time, he wouldn't let me go without him, so I sort of smuggled him in and had Ally try to hide him."
"Ally being your PA?"
"Yeah, that's her. Didn't work though, Gordon came in to chat to us for a couple of minutes, Tybalt made himself known and Gordon walked off with him. I think he'd object now if I didn't bring Tybalt with me. He meets me as soon as I arrive every morning to collect Tybalt. I understand he had a tour of the House of Commons yesterday."
"So it's, ah, your boss's fault?"
Ianto chuckled, "Yeah, I suppose it is." Then he sighed deeply and regretfully. "Really, Jack, how are you?"
"I've been better." He smiled sadly, a pale imitation of his usual cheerful self, and put his feet on the floor again, leaning forwards. "I haven't slept properly since... Well since whenever we last slept together properly. We'd been so busy, it feels like forever."
"The last full night's sleep we got was two and a half weeks ago."
Jack digested this and sighed again. "You too, huh?"
"Yeah, me too. Of course, me too."
"What would it take to get you back?"
"I'm not coming back, Jack." He'd known, he'd known since this whole mess started that he'd lost, but hearing it said like that still stabbed like a knife. They held on in pained silence for a while, that felt like an eternity, then Ianto sighed again. "I should... I should go, Jack. I'll... Take care, Jack."
"I'll be fine, remember?" He forced a smile and smothered a sob. "Look after yourself."
"I will." They held on for a moment longer, then Ianto hung up, leaving Jack listening to the empty tone of a disconnected line, subconsciously constructing elaborate analogies. He put the phone down slowly and picked up the photo that leaned against it, the last photo taken of him and Ianto happy together. They were in this office, just talking, with Jack's hand on Ianto's hip, taken by surprise by Gwen's new camera. He brushed a fingertip over Ianto's frozen smile and wiped free-flowing tears away with the other hand, trying to be happy that, for a while, he'd put that smile there.