Authors Note: WE HAVE A DISCORD NOW! { h t . t p s : / / dis co rd .g g/C Bs X 55 D } You have to take the spaces out, but that's the invite! I'd love for my readers to join and hangout! I post sneak peaks for next chapter and chapter updates there, along with fanart for the fics, among other things!
This chapter is not only dedicated to the reviewer under the name 'Guest' and their lovely long reviews, but also to the one hundred and seventy-three reviewers that have taken the time to read this story. I never thought we'd make it this far, and we aren't anywhere close to being finished, but this is a BIG chapter in the fic, and I'm so glad for all of your support. You ALL inspire me to keep writing.
Title: If I Live
Author: ALightLit
Beta: - MIA (as in Missing In Action)
Type: AU
Status: Incomplete - Ongoing.
Rating: T (Rating may change due to maturing characters.)
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto!
Pairing: Undecided.
Word Count: 4,278
Intro: It took one minute, one choice, and one girl, to mess all of Orochimaru's plans up. Sakura Haruno managed to beat fear – with love. She moved in front of her crush as a last resort. However, every victory has its price.
R&R
"But what if the monsters come?"
"Fancy." She looked away from the drama to stare at her sister, surprised. "We are the monsters."
― Dia Reeves, Slice of Cherry
So watch my chest heave
As this last breath leaves me
I am trying to be
What you're dying to see
What will you do, when there's blood in the water?
Sakura stands miles away from her village, the sun sparsely showering the Valley of the End with interspersed rays of gold. Her back is to her home, even as wind whips through her dark clothing and light hair, whispering for her to return, to not be consumed like this.
She ignores it, crouching to the ground, giving a simple tug of the fabric that keeps her hitai ate in place. The clatter of metal falling upon stone echoes in the valley.
The life of a missing-nin is fraught with peril and deceit, she remembers the gouge running through Zabuza's hitai ate, unmarked graves and an abandoned sword, she knows the world will go on without the tools those missing-nin had become without even blinking.
This is the path you are carving for yourself, Sakura reminds herself, raising a kunai to gouge her own line across her hitai ate, forever marring the metal with her betrayal. She had once thought the lines she'd drawn in the sand defined her, but this was her new line.
Anything for them.
Ahead of the girl, the silhouette of four shinobi outline the setting sun.
Twenty-Four Hours Before Revelation
Team 7 arrive at the Hokage's office late - of course.
No one is surprised in the slightest when the group amble in. Sakura and Kakashi had been cleared from the hospital mere hours earlier, the pair barely having enough time to return to their respective homes and change before the meeting took place.
Kakashi was dressed in all but his Jounin vest, the man looking oddly naked without the green armor he wore nearly everywhere he went. Meanwhile, Sakura was dressed in a pair of spandex shorts and the burnt orange shirt she'd bought that reminded her of Naruto so fondly. The color clashed awfully with her hair, but she was too tired to really care.
Upon entering the office, Sakura was greeted with the sight of the rest of the Rookie 12 and their respective Sensei's gathered and crammed into office.
Tsunade was all but glaring at Team 7 as they slipped in, lips pressed tight together as she gazed at the lot. "Finally," the woman bit out, "We can start." Everyone - except for the Sensei's - shifted awkwardly, the unease of why they could possibly be here gathering in the air around the teens. The only two people who seemed to gather what was going on were Shikamaru and Neji, the latter was slouching as if he could make himself shrink from notice.
"I've looked into the reports of the Chunin Exams," she began, resting her head on her chin in an act of boredom, even as sharp hazel eyes watched all the of Genin's reactions keenly. "Not just the battles and tests, but the reports of the attacks and what followed after as well. As much as I'd like to give some of you more field work as rookies, we took a heavy blow during the Invasion, and we cannot allow any village to exploit out sudden weakness, so!" Tsunade clapped her hands together then, the noise jarring some of the teens to attention as they registered her words fully.
"Shikamaru Nara, pass, you presented good judgment calls during the tests and battles, along with the measured decision to act as a distraction during an A-Rank mission to aid your comrades - don't roll your eyes at me brat, come get your vest - Ino Yamanaka, fail, you barely scraped by in the physical tests, train harder for the next exams. Choji Akimichi, fail, focus more on expanding your skill set than your next snack choice."
Sakura winced at how straight to the point the Hokage was, it was bordering harsh but on a more truthful level, she knew they all needed it if they planned to truly grow as Shinobi. On the woman's desk sat six Chunin vests - one of which had already been collected by Shikamaru, albeit rather reluctantly on the boy's part, he was still pouting about it.
"Hinata Hyuga, fail, you need to build more confidence in yourself and your skills before I can trust you to lead any missions, Kiba Inuzuka, fail, you think too rashly. Shino Aburame, pass, your battles were well presented. TenTen, fail, you need to expand your skills outside of just weaponry, Neji Hyuga, pass, despite your short-sightedness, that I assume has been corrected, you passed the written exam flawlessly and performed adequately in the physical."
Tsunade skipped over Lee then, and no one had to ask why. The boy was still holed up in the hospital, recovering from one of the surgeries Tsunade had personally run. He would recover, but she would not pass him for continuing a fight that nearly lead to his death.
"Sasuke Uchiha, pass, on top of you excelling at the written portion, you executed a perfectly run A-Rank mission that was given by your commanding officer in a time of crisis, and you carried it out with a clear mind." Several pairs of eyes flickered towards Sasuke then, the boy was practically puffed up with pride that would make him insufferable for weeks, Sakura was sure.
"Sakura Haruno, pass, not only did you ace the written exam and the physical, but you also successfully carried out an A-Rank mission by aiding search and rescue after the initial attack, let it be noted yourself and only one other Genin thought to offer assistance in your villages time of need, as such the village thanks you for your duty and sacrifice." And then, to everyone's surprise, and Sakura's mounting horror, the Hokage rises from her chair and offers Sakura a half bow. A tilt goes through the room instantly, eyes darting from Sasuke to Sakura, because so far no other team had more than one person promoted-
"Naruto Uzumaki, you are receiving a field promotion to Chunin, not only did you show the analytical abilities to decide to forfeit from a battle you were not fully prepared to fight during the Exams, but you participated in an A-Rank mission that was successfully run, and fought to protect your village when it was weakened, congratulations." Shocked silence fills the air as Team 7 freezes together, three sets of startled eyes set on their Hokage as a beat of silence passes and then-
"Well, what are you waiting for? Come get your vests before I change my mind, brats!" Instantly the three teens scamper forward to snag the Chunin vests from the desk, the entire room oddly tense as the promoted stand together with the failed.
"You all are the honor and glory of this village now, all eyes will be on you lot as the village repairs, you Genin will be the leading light of hope to the civilians as they watch you help build this village back up, and you Chunin will be the security blanket which they bask under, running and leading missions to show Konoha has not, and never will be, weakened by scum. Show the world your Will of Fire will never be diminished!" Her words heavy-handed and strong, and everyone stands a little straighter for it.
"Now get out of my office!" Tsunade snaps, fingers twitching towards the bottle of Sake she knows is stored in her desk drawer. "Except for you Sakura, stay behind for a moment."
As everyone filed out, congratulations and excited conversations picking up, Sakura watched her year mates exit the room with dull eyes. The almost-smile on Sasuke's lips and the gleeful shine in Naruto's eyes remind her why she's choosing this path and makes Sakura stand a little taller, even as the door clicks shut with an odd form of finality and the silencer seals that guard the room light up with life.
"Sakura, take a seat." The woman begins, pulling out her bottle of Sake and two cups from her drawer. At the inquisitive and slightly startled look Sakura shoots the older woman as she fills both cups to the brim and nudges one towards the teen, Tsunade merely laughs. "You're an adult in the eyes of the village because of your oaths, and you'll need it for this meeting."
And so Sakura tips back the contents of the cup into her mouth, face twisting in distaste at the flavor, and she easily declines the Kage as she swishes the bottle at Sakura in lieu of asking her if she'd like more. With a 'more for me' kind of shrug, Tsunade takes another swig straight from the bottle before she leans back, and lets out a long sigh.
"I have a mission for you, Sakura."
So take me and make me
Weakened and save me
This hate that you gave me
Keeps saying the same thing
Eighteen-Hours Before Blood Begets Blood
The Rookie 12 have a dinner that night to celebrate those who were promoted, and to lift the spirits of those who failed. Team 7 makes a brief appearance before heading out. Apparently, all three of them were given missions that will begin tomorrow.
Naruto was being sent on a courier mission to a watchtower on the eastern border, hauling supplies to those stationed there, it shouldn't take him more than two days, but the boy is eager to be running his first mission with Shikamaru and Neji at his side, though the Nara seems positively repulsed at the idea of being paired with someone who had so much energy, he doesn't actually complain much.
Sasuke is being sent on a medical run to a smaller village towards the northern border, with Hinata and TenTen as his team, his return date was also two days, though the Uchiha cockily threw out that he would return before Naruto even got to his post, and thus a bet was born between the two rivals on who could run their mission the fastest, much to the dismay of their teammates.
Sakura was being sent on a three-day scouting mission, supposedly there were rumors of bandit activity near the Valley of The End, she was paired with an unfamiliar Chunin named Nise, and Ino. No one mentioned the oddity of the two girls being paired with a stranger, and Sakura gave nothing away.
Naruto and Sasuke left at the same time the next morning, Sakura standing at the gate to wish the teams farewell and good luck. She gave each of the boys a tight hug that neither of them thought twice about.
"Naruto, Sasuke, when I get back, we'll get ramen together." She offers, ignoring how her gut twists at the words. Both boys offer her their own versions of their brightest smiles, and then they're off. Sakura watches them leave with a heaviness her on shoulders, a small, scared part of her begging for one of them to turn back and beg her not to do it, to see through her smile and understand- neither boy looks back once.
(So neither will she.)
Sakura goes home to pack.
I can not stand
Who I am, I'm this man
With this blood on my hands
In this blood I am damned
Three-Hours Before The Snake Strikes
Sakura packed the bare essentials to give nothing away.
The only thing she takes that she normally wouldn't is the sealed box that had been left on her window sill, packing it at the bottom of her bag under her mission supplies. Sakura pauses in front of the photo of Team 7 that sits atop her dresser. She had taken nothing personal with her one purpose, and so the girl lifts the frame into her hands and traces her finger across the glass, dedicating the picture to memory. Her finger glows with the soft blue hue of her chakra across the glass. When Sakura puts it back on the dresser, she places it face down.
(Anything for them, tears well in her eyes and her chest burns with the sob that she won't allow to escape. Anything for them.)
[If I Live]
Ino, Nise, and Sakura work well together as a team. All of the girls seem to want to return home quickly, and so the overall teamwork is clean and efficient as they drop from tree to tree, nearly halfway to the Valley of The End, where the supposed bandit activity has been the worst.
Nise is a quiet Chunin with skin too pale and limb brown hair that looks as neglected as the girl's human interaction skills were. Sakura knew the girl had been sent with her own mission, but it was a mission doomed to fail.
Green eyes catch sight of a small, white snake on the forest floor below, slithering across the mossy ground, and she moves.
The cursed seal takes less than a second to spread, and so by the time she is elbow deep in Nise's chest her hair is turning bone white, skin ashen grey, eyes a familiar shade of molten gold even as they were surrounded by black. The girl's eyes are dull brown as the life fades from them, and the part of Sakura that's not half-crazed silently thanks whatever Gods there are that this one didn't have blue eyes too.
Nise falls from the tree branch she'd just landed on, body cascading downwards before thumping solidly with the ground. The sight reveals Ino, who had been ahead of the two but turned at the sound of-
Pale eyes are wide in absolute horror as Sakura lets the heart she holds in the palm of her hand drop to be with the body below, flicking the blood from her fingers with such a callous carelessness it's almost as terrifying and as the smile that stretches across her face. Almost. Ino flinches as some of the droplets of crimson impact with her face, dripping and sliding down her pale skin. Sakura seems to watch the rivulets with fascination, sinister eyes shining. There's a long moment of silence, Ino seemingly going into shock at the sight of her childhood friend transformed and twisted into a-
"Monster," Ino whispers the word, not realizing she'd said it aloud. Sakura breathed evenly, blinking slowly as the word processed sluggishly in her brain.
Monster.
Monster.
Monster.
Orochimaru's words ring in her ears, the phantom of a shadow hovering over her right shoulder.
"When they see it for what it really is, for what you really are, they'll fear you. They'll fear you as they fear me, and when they do, I'll be here, waiting for you with open arms." And she could see it, the fear that was written across Ino's face, it was the same expression that was in countless eyes during in the invasion as they gazed up at the pale, villainous face of Orochimaru.
Sakura moved before the blonde could blink, the strike she landed on Ino sent the girl spiraling backward. Ino tries to twist in the air to fight back, or maybe just brace for the next hit, but Sakura is too fast. Ino's back collides with a tree branch ten hits later, a broken mess of the girl she once was, and Sakura stands over her, blood dripping from her fingertips. The warmth of the liquid is enough to cause the girl to regain some control over herself and keep her from killing Ino.
She kneeled in front of the trembling blonde, looks at how her eyes widen in fear, how she flinches back, how blood drips down from the side of her face, and Sakura feels something shatter in her chest.
Ino watches emerald green eyes lose their light, and become lifeless in the way her doll's eyes had looked when she was a child. Ino watches Sakura - the one she knew, the one full of life and love - vanish completely, and she feels as if someone has ripped out her heart, and she can't help but sound utterly heartbroken when she asks: "Why?" And Sakura, sweet Sakura, just smiles again, a slow, carefully calculated tug of her lips, and Ino realizes with a jolt that Sakura is beautiful, even like this, covered in blood and looking like a monster. Sakura is beautiful and Sakura is evil.
The pinket, who seems to have been able to read the other girl's mind, slowly lifts Ino up by the collar of her shirt, until she's dangling over the edge of the tree branch.
"Funny, isn't it?" Sakura hums, voice melodic as it carries through the trees. "How often being furious at the world gets you labeled evil as if the world has nothing to answer for." The smile tugs upwards further, lifeless green eyes twinkling with dark intent. "Of course, you can't be too emotionless either - then you're some kind of soulless monster - the only time they'll let you be is if you're muted, too exhausted to put up much of a fight...like you." Sakura gives Ino a little shake, and the girl is certain she doesn't have any idea what Sakura is talking about, not really. Was it the village she seemed to loathe? Her team? The answer was unclear but apparent in Sakura's half-crazed gaze.
"Th-this isn't you, please…" Ino begs, voice becoming hoarse towards the end as Sakura adds pressure to her old on the other girl's neck. Sakura breathes slowly, reminds herself that the world has enough heroes and that she knows her place.
"I'll be here to welcome you home." He had whispered, and even now Sakura could feel his breath fanning across the back of her neck, cool fingers brushing away her hair from her should, dancing across the cursed mark.
"I'm a monster," She says slowly, puncturing each word with meaning. "Tell them what you saw, tell them how vile I've become, and tell them I'm going home, and to not follow me." And she let's go of Ino, watches impassively as the girl falls to the ground below, and then - Sakura leaves.
And she doesn't look back.
This hate that you gave me keeps saying
Just let me burn,
Just let me burn.
There is blood in the water.
Sakura Haruno stands in total darkness, deep within the underground compound Orochimaru calls home. Kabuto stands to her right, the Sound Four to her left, and Orochimaru himself sits upon a throne before her, an absolutely sinister smile spread across his face. She'd arrived only moments ago, the trip here, to he- to her home, had gone surprisingly well after she'd dealt with Ino, and thus they'd arrived in record-breaking time. In another life, Sakura Haruno would have passed through the gates of Konoha an hour ago, given her mission report to her Hokage, and gone home to rest. In this life though, Sakura stands before a monster, a traitor to her village, allowing poison to sink its fangs into her very soul.
"You've been declared a missing-nin by the girl you let live," Orochimaru tells her in a matter of the fact type of tone, but he doesn't seem angry, and so Sakura notes this current boundary she can seem to cross and decides to poke the snake further.
"It was intentional," She says, tone boarding on bored despite the fear that had sunk itself into her bones. Orochimaru's chuckle echoes in the darkroom, and with it, he gracefully rises from his throne. Instantly Sakura's body coils and tenses, and the Sound Four and Kabuto fall into low bows before the dangerous man. Sakura remains standing, nails digging into the flesh of her palms until her own blood mixes with the dried blood that's flaking off of her skin.
The man towers over her, cold, pale fingers sweeping pink hair away from her neck, and brushing across her cursed seal. The girl grounds her teeth together as the pain erupts, but she squints definitely up at him through her agony and fear, and uses every ounce of self-control she's learned to keep the seal under control.
"That won't do," Orochimaru murmurs, molten eyes darkening at the resistance the young girl is showing. "Sakura-chan, you need not to fear me, this is your home now, you will be like a daughter to me, and I will raise you to become stronger than you could have ever dreamed." He spoke softly, practically cooing the words into the girl's ear, and she felt absolutely ill. Remember, it's for them! A desperate voice is screaming in her mind through the pain. Remember what you're fighting for!
"However," He says, tone deepening and darkening as his grip on her shoulder suddenly turns harsh, nails cutting into delicate flesh. "First you have to become the monster you were meant to be, first you have to submit to the power, to me." There is a beat of silence and then-
The pain that cuts through her then is like nothing she's ever felt before, like a thousand knives carving into her flesh, cutting her veins out one by one, stripping her muscle from bone with agonizing precision, like ice is encasing her entire body, and with a loud scream that tears from Sakura's throat, she collapses onto her knees, her cursed seal breaking free and consuming her. She clamps her teeth together after the first scream, refusing to let anymore loose. As the room darkens and dims all that can be heard is her haggard gasps for air and Orochimaru's soft words of praise.
Sakura doesn't notice until much later that the dark shape always dancing in the corner of her eyes vanishes when she's in the presence of Orochimaru.
(Anything for them, she whispers for three years. Anything for them.)
.
.
.
tsuzuku
WE HAVE A DISCORD NOW!{ h t . t p s : / / dis co rd .g g/C Bs X 55 D }You have to take the spaces out, but that's the invite! I'd love for my readers to join and hangout! I post sneak peeks for next chapter and chapter updates there, along with fanart for the fics, among other things!
WOW SO THERE WE GO! I seriously struggled for the longest time on how I wanted this story to go, did I want her to stay? Leave? Did I want it to be a more 'Family As Team' fic or more of a 'Sakura Takes Shit Into Her Own Hands Because The Adults In Her Life Are Kinda Slow Thus She Makes Questionable Decisions To Protect her Team That Is Also Her Family.) and well, we all know which way I chose. I also had to remind myself that I initially wanted this to be a darker fic, and so "Team as Family' would have been too soft for my starting plans. Honestly, the hardest part of this chapter was the interaction between Ino and Sakura, which I hadn't actually written at all in the first draft, but somehow Ino worked her way in and so here we are.
There won't be a major time skip! I may short each of the three years to one really long chapter or two decent sized chapters, but I'm not a fan of jumping over stuff and leaving blank spots for my readers to try and scramble to figure out, I've already added enough touch of mystery to this bad boy, don't wanna overdose ya know?
Question for this chapter: How far do you think Sakura will go to protect her team?