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Ya'll know I can't keep to a posting schedule to save my life, are you even surprised anymore? (i'm so sorry)
Perhaps Sakura is a martyr like Itachi, but there is one thing...Itachi is a pacifist...Sakura is not. You've been warned.
WARNING: Light mentions of torture, blood, and death. Nothing as heavy as any previous chapters but we're not chasing rainbows or anything here.
Title: If I Live
Author: ALightLit
Beta: - MIA (as in Missing In Action)
Type: AU
Status: Incomplete - Ongoing.
Rating: T (Rating may change due to maturing characters.)
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto!
Pairing: Undecided.
Word Count: 3,524
Intro: It took one minute, one choice, and one girl, to mess all of Orochimaru's plans up. Sakura Haruno managed to beat fear – with love. She moved in front of her crush as a last resort. However, every victory has its price.
R&R
"If you stay here, you become lost. And no one can find you.
I like lost."
― Ally Condie
Sakura stands across from Sasuke in a moonlit clearing. The air is cool on her skin as she stares the boy down from where she stands, taking note that there's no pain in her neck, nothing hovering over her shoulder as she takes in his hunched form. Sasuke tilts downward, the wide open collar of his blue shirt giving her the perfect view of black ink staining alabaster skin.
Sakura's heart seizes, something unexplainable taking root as Sasuke begins to laugh crazed and loud and feral. The sound rings in her ears, and it sounds so familiar. "He's giving me the power I need, the power they never could," Sasuke says, red eyes gleaming in the dark of the night, like a demon's. There's a single pause that passes through the tree's, her breathing echoing like a waterfall in the quietness.
Her body moves on autopilot, until she clears the distance between them, crashes into him, forces her hands around his pale throat. Sasuke's smile doesn't drop until Sakura squeezes hard enough to begin to collapse his airways, green eyes wide with rage as tears spill over. She had to stop him, he couldn't leave, he couldn't-
Lifeless black eyes, free of that devil red, lax pale limbs, no cursed seal under her hands.
Sakura wakes up in a dark room, blood in her mouth, a scream on her lips that never quite escapes, and curls in on herself.
A nightmare. She steadies herself, hands shaking. Just another nightmare.
165 Days Earlier…
What remains of Team 7 stand in front of a two-story home, the two boys clutching to each other as their Sensei unlocks the front door, and holds it open for them. It's Naruto that goes in first, stepping through the threshold and into the home that belonged to their missing member, he had always been the braver of the two, and Sasuke was always spurred on by him. The Uchiha slowly follows after the oddly subdued blond, none of them remove their shoes in the parlor.
Kakashi vanishes upstairs, likely to inspect the rooms before the boys can get to them. Sasuke takes his time, despite the itch that's beginning to form under his skin, a place he'll never quite be able to reach but will have to suffer from all the same. It is a familiar feeling to him. Naruto goes on ahead of him, upstairs to where they know her room is.
Sasuke stands in the kitchen of what was likely once a cozy home, he looks at the box of family pictures haphazardly thrown in - likely in a fit of upset, as some of the glass was cracked or entirely broken - he sees the smiling face of a young Sakura in-between her parents and notes how the glass of the photo is absolutely shattered, old dried blood staining the jagged edges. There is a fine layer of dust on every surface, from the table to the kitchen appliances, hinting to the fact that Sakura likely hadn't felt at home in the house even when she did live here.
The second to last stair creaks when Sasuke steps off it, which he notes absently, before stepping into the room he knew was Sakura's. Naruto stands alone in the room with his back to the door, shoulders shaking with silent sobs, holding something in his hands.
Sasuke walks forward slowly, noting how the room was perfectly organized, the bed made neatly, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Naruto is holding the photo of team 7, hands clutching the wooden frame so harshly that it splinters beneath his tan hands. Over the photo, in the glass, is a crack running straight across Sakura's smiling face. It is perfectly formed, only marring the once bright girl and touching neither of the boys nor the Sensei, almost as if it had been done on purpose.
Sasuke took a step back and looked away from the picture as remorse churns in his stomach, and he's looking at himself in a cracked mirror, broken into spider-web like pieces. Is this how she saw herself? Sasuke wonders as a chill runs down his spine and-
"She said to tell you that she was going home and that she doesn't want you to follow." Ino looked up from her hospital bed at the two boys who stood in the room, Naruto was trembling with either rage or sorrow, but Sasuke was perfectly still. The blonde girl is wrapped in bandages, a cast on her left leg and arm from where she'd landed after Sakura dropped her from the tree, skin blotchy with an ugly shade of yellow and green as bruises heal.
"She was…that wasn't Sakura...that was a monster." Naruto stomps from the room, up to the roof where he howls his rage, but Sasuke stays. The Uchiha look's into Ino's eyes, see's fear and maybe hatred and maybe the same remorse he feels, and knows it should have been him.
Later, when it's just Sasuke and Naruto hunched over bowls of ramen, Sasuke's best friend - and wow when did that happen? - tells him they'll find her together, they'll bring her back no matter what, that they'll save her. Maybe she's saving us. Sasuke whispers back, and Naruto doesn't reply, doesn't want to face the truth that lay in those four words.
Sasuke didn't think it was possible, but the Haruno household now haunted him just as the Uchiha's did. It was full of untold stories, silent suffering, and ghosts.
165 Days Later...
They're moving bases.
Apparently, it's something Orochimaru does exactly every three hundred and sixty-five days, cycling through his laboratories and bases with the practiced ease only a missing-nin with a healthy dose of paranoia can manage. Sakura wonders idly if this is something she'll have to do by herself some day, and then she carefully pushes the thought away.
Her room is bare, it had already been anyway, and her meager bag was packed. The girl tiredly pushed pale pink hair from her eyes and chanced a glance in the mirror before heading out. In the short time she'd come here, Sakura had a growth spurt, making her look rather gaunt as her body fought to keep up with the sudden take in height while managing the grueling workouts she endured under the hand of Orochimaru.
If he continued training her at this level, Sakura was unsure she would have to wait longer than three years to act on the rage that's been burning in her chest since that first day, but she won't allow her emotions to rule her when it comes to this.
Tugging at the high collared, dark purple shirt he'd insisted she wore, Sakura figured it was okay enough. She opted out of the ugly half skirt and large purple ropes - as much as that seemed to irk Orochimaru - and settled on just long black Ninja pants and high Ninja sandals that she tucked her pants into. It was simple and comfortable enough, and she'd managed to avoid the majority of his questionable wardrobe choices.
Sakura leaves the room and knows she won't miss it.
[If I Live]
"Sakura-chan," Orochimaru greets, cold fingers dancing from her hair down to her neck possessively as they brush over her cursed seal. The girl stares impassively at him, keeping her face a perfect mask of cool indifference even as bile rose up in her throat. She hated when he touched her. "The mark." He says in the same soft, almost loving tone.
Sakura grinds her teeth but unleashes the cursed seal without a word. Part of her training, he had said. Use it as often and as long as she could manage every day. Every night, after Sakura turned back into the humanized version of herself, her chakra pools feel a little larger, and she feels a little stronger, but her mind shatters even more. Sometimes she's worried she'll lose herself totally to the seal, the happy memories she'd once used to pull herself back to the surface no longer worked, now she had to list the names of those she was going to kill.
[If I Live]
The base they were relocating to was as far from the Land Of Fire as it could get. The Land Of Zati'wati and the Land Of Bootwu were separated by three kingdoms, Salo, Jumi, and Motwee, along with the Shuchu Republic. While Bootwu was more of the climate of Kohona, Zati'wati was connected to the much larger, uninhabited Land Of Penguins, which was known for it's freezing climates. It was with great disdain that Sakura realized the base sat right between the two cold Lands, and that didn't even count how awful it was to just get there.
Starting off in the Fire Sea, the group had to sail until they hit the Salo Gulf, choosing to pass through and port off of the Zubunure Sea to avoid more land travel. The ship ride took three weeks, and then once they were on land it only took four days to reach the base.
Sakura watched the rolling waves of azure whenever she could during the first two weeks, her favorite time is at dawn, just as the sun was peeking over the horizon, inky black blending with grey and orange as the colors reflected off the water. She pretended the sight didn't remind her of them, that it didn't make her homesick. She pretended until she didn't have to anymore.
Sakura didn't watch the ocean the last week, instead, she watched the dark walls of her room sway, and she felt nothing.
(It was better this way, safer.)
296 Days Later…
"Your last mission went smoothly…" Drawled Kabuto, standing behind Orochimaru's throne. Both men were dressed considerably warmer in the cold, underground throne room, and Sakura kneeled before them, head bowed. She wore the same outfit as earlier in the year, only opting to add a long sleeved black undershirt, and switching her open-toed sandals to snow boots. Her pink hair had grown, falling to her shoulder blades, long bangs hiding green eyes from view.
"The kill count was all twenty-five targets, nicely done, your training will continue as scheduled." Kabuto went on, shuffling papers as he spoke. "Do you have anything to report, Sakura-chan?" He asked in a sickeningly fake kind tone, but she declined and kept her head bowed.
"Very well...dismissed." Orochimaru finally spoke, molten eyes watching as she swept from the room, shining with an ill form of pride.
[If I Live]
She stood under the spray of water, ignoring the cold as it washed over her - she hadn't bathed in warm water since they left her homeland - and stared at her bloodstained hands. No matter how hard Sakura tried, she could never get the smell of death to leave her, the smear of blood to rub off her skin.
You cannot change. The shade stood behind her, flickering in and out of existence, voice morphed to sound like a demon, distinctly feminine. You'll always be a monster. Sakura cut the water off with a shaking hand, skin as pale as the white walls that surrounded her, sickly looking even.
"I know." She said simply, snagging a towel and drying off with robotic motions. How many of the people that she'd killed been innocent, how many dealt a dark fate. I know.
325 Days Later…
Kabuto stood with Sakura in the lab, standing across from her as she stared down at the man below her, strapped to a cold metal table with grooves carved into its surface. Better for collecting blood, she'd been told. The man had begged for hours now for them to stop, that he'd given them all he had to give, but Kabuto kept pushing her on. Part of her training he'd said. Sakura switched her scalpel to the bone-saw Kabuto urged on to her, kept her face carefully impassive, and kept cutting.
The screams rang in her ears for days afterward, but eventually, they moved on to a different form of training.
(Only after Kabuto was sure Sakura knew how to take someone apart with skilled precision, only after he was sure she stopped showing mercy, and she did.)
365 Days Later…
She was on a mission in the Land Of Bootwu, following a lead that had been cycled through to Orochimaru about some bandits in the area. One of the nearby towns had paid a large sum to them to take care of the problem, which is really the only reason she'd been sent. Kabuto had said it was a solo mission to judge what level she was at, Sakura had five days to complete the mission and return or they'd send the Sound Four after her.
Sakura was anything if not punctual, and thus on day three, she was cutting down the bandit camp with ill ease, ruthlessly murdering all living souls that resided in the camp that was so large it could have been a small town. There was one tent left, the biggest one that sat in the middle of the camp, and Sakura stood in the entryway, soaked in sweat and rain and blood, katana extended and dripping as lightning flashed behind her, illuminating her shadow in the surrounding darkness.
The was an ancient looking man sitting on the dirt ground in the middle of the tent, a huddle of children clustered around him, and Sakura felt her carefully cultivated mask crack in the face of the mortality that surrounded her.
"I was hoping you'd come." The old man said suddenly, his voice deep and gruntle and not as frail as she had suspected, surprising the girl into a flinch. "Before you kill us, you should hear about the darkness that's coming." He spoke slowly, and when the man looked up at her, his eyes were the same color of crimson that stained her blade.
"The eyes continue to watch; the shadows continue to stare. Something is drawing closer. What are you going to do, little bird? The fight will never be fair." He spoke calmly, and yet his voice was like a crack of thunder, echoing with the screams of children, echoing long after she's left.
[If I Live]
"Another mission went smoothly…" Drawled Kabuto, standing behind Orochimaru's throne once more, a scene that's becoming boringly familiar. Sakura kneeled before them, head bowed, clothes still stained with blood. She keeps her eyes down, pale pink hair obscuring her vision.
"The kill count was a total of sixty-five targets, no injuries on your part, your training will continue as scheduled." Kabuto went on blandly, shuffling papers. Sakura wonders if he ever grows bored of this existence, of this bloody life. She wonders if he'll ever get free, or if he plots like she does. "Do you have anything to report, Sakura-chan?" He coo's, expecting the same answer as always.
Sakura thinks of red eyes and strange words and dead children before she looks up to meet Kabuto's grey eyes, she steadily ignores Orochimaru's snake-like gaze and speaks with the same sense of calm that comes before the storm. "No," She murmurs, voice void of all emotion, burying a lie is so easy when your whole life has become a lie.
"Dismissed, and happy birthday, Sakura-chan." Orochimaru crackles.
Sakura stands stiffly and leaves the room, a list of names on the tip of her tongue, and the promise of death weighing in her bones.
(A darkness is coming, he'd said. Then let it come, she hissed, killing for the first time without remorse.)
Sakura didn't have time to save other people, she was already busy saving the only ones that mattered.
[If I Live]
"So," Drawls the Hokage, chin lazily, hazel eyes shining as the early morning sun peeks in through the windows and reflects off glass. "You want to be a medic." There is a tone of finalization in the short sentence, but otherwise, she is painfully netural in all senses. Two boys stand in front of her, tense and unmoving like one of the great trees outside the village walls, he jerks his head once in a sharp nod. Tsunade leans back in her chair, linking in hands together as she seems to analyze him, eyes surprisingly sharp and calculating for someone who had been sipping from a bottle of sake nearly all day.
"Why?" She asks shortly, pointing to the first boy, making no move to draw out the exchange longer than necessary. The boy seems to deflate some then as if he'd been hoping she wouldn't ask such a simple question, as if he thought he could get away with such a major request without having to explain his thoughts to her. He thinks of Ino, sitting in a hospital bed healing from a fight she had no hope winning, shadows under her eyes and in her gaze that had never been there before, and Shikamaru Nara doesn't waste any more time in answering.
"I want to be there next time...when it's time, and I know it'll happen." He says, back straight and - this is all so troublesome and he's going against his very nature as a Nara, because this will all be so much hard work but god, he has to do this - "I'll be there when we bring her back, and I'll keep them all alive." There was a look of steel in his gaze, something that screamed even if she turned him away he'd find another way to do this.
"And you?" She says to the other boy, who finally looks up to meet her gaze. His dark eyes shining in the morning light with an unspeakable intensity.
"I'll be there to bring her back as well, but unlike Nara my intentions are selfish, I want the power you have in order to bring my family back together." Sasuke Uchiha looks like he wants to say more like he's tempted to tell her he's been chasing after a ghost his whole life so what's one more, but instead, he cuts himself off there before she can deny him due to his self-destructive plan. Tsunade looks at two young boys who each remind her of herself at different stages in her life, she can see the shadow of who she was hovering over who they are and the woman can't bring herself to say no.
Of course, in the years to come, she'll always say she was drunk when they'd asked, and that the brats were just lucky she didn't take back her promises.
.
.
.
tsuzuku
Today is my birthday, so have a birthday present on me.
Time skips are hard, so I'm sorry if this like? totally sucks? but then again if it does then it's On Brand for me so like, oh well.
WARNING! Everything from here out on is as AU as AU can get without it being a crackfic. The whole war arc with Madara and all that bullshit? We don't know her and we don't stan in this house.
PLEASE let me know what you thought of this chapter!
Question for this chapter: If Shikamaru is taking the 'medic' route, what do you think Ino will end up doing?