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Here is chapter 8! I see more and more people follow this story and I couldn't be happier :D Thanks for your support and kind words 3

CHAPTER 8 – The line in-between

Toshinori could only stare wide-eyed. Honestly, he had expected such an outcome, but hearing of it was still something. As a hero, he had had many occasions to gaze into death's eyes, and he himself had escaped the reaper more than once. But pro heroes never killed intently, nor did they try to cause unneeded harm to citizens as well as villains. They respected life above anything else, since it was the very thing they vowed to protect. Life and peace were what they pursued.

So when Philae told him that she had – not so – unintentionally killed a whole scientific team, even if those were cruel, heartless bastards, his first reaction had been to jump backwards and gasp. A stupid, instinctive reaction he had from years of trying to avoid the death of others at any cost. His student had summoned a dragon to erase a group of human beings from existence. They had beaten her brother, played with her child mind, manipulated and abused her mentally, and tried to turn her into a mindless weapon. And for that, she had murdered them all, with the clear intent of ending their lives.

All Might felt appalled, disgusted, and upset at that. He also felt compassion for her, and he was still angry at those bastardy people for pushing her to this. For it was not only her fault, he reasoned, and it had been an extreme outcome after extreme, unbearable conditions. Slowly, he tried to grasp what it had meant for a small girl to think this. He tried to put himself in the place of a child of ten-something, witnessing the daily tortures of someone dear to him. He tried to picture the scene in his head, and all the consequences on an immature mind. He felt nauseous, and yet he knew it was only a fraction of what Philae should have experienced at that instant.

If he was that shaken by all this, being a stranger, he could not imagine how the young woman felt. Hell, she was on the verge of vomiting at the mere memory of it! The blonde had not known her for long, but if his intuition was right, she had been tormented ever since it happened. He could not have been mistaken in sensing she could become a great hero, and so that she could protect life. She was not someone to kill so easily, he could not believe it.

Still, he could not come to terms with the fact that she had intended to kill. She had wanted death. It had been a choice, albeit a short-lived one. And this, above everything else, was unacceptable for him. He could reason all he wanted, All Might could not let it pass like that. After years of justice and peace and defeating evil, he was almost ready to clasp shackles around the pale wrists of the hands he had, not ten minutes ago, held so tightly with the wish to take away Philae's sufferings.

Why am I feeling guilty, like I'm too late?

A headache was beginning to make himself noticeable behind the former hero's eyes, its painful drum echoing his racing heart. His heroic self kicked and yelled at the wrongness of what his student had done, and his weaker, plainer self strangely found excuses for it. The more he thought about it, the more conflicted he got, and he wanted to hit his head hard against a wall for not knowing what to think.

Why does it have to be that way?, he lamented. Why can I not act like I always do?

He needed time to wrap his mind around all this, before he snapped and did something really careless and regrettable. His thoughts a whirlwind of nonsense, he jumped on his feet and rushed outside, nearly knocking Aizawa off his feet behind the door, and fled to his office. He vaguely heard his colleague ask him something, but he did not look back. He was too busy running and not feeling like a coward. Except he was, and he already loathed himself for it.

Philae saw him run away after her revelation, and grieving misery overwhelmed her. She knew he would consider her a monster, and he was right doing so. It still felt horrible to face this harsh reality, and it was as if she was a little girl again, bathed in blood and realising what she had just done. She could never forgive herself for this. It was not something that should be forgiven.

She tried gathering her thoughts to come to terms with the fact that she would have to go away, maybe to prison, maybe worse. It was inevitable, now. She comforted herself at best she could, thinking that at least she did not tell it to Naomasa or Nedzu, but to All Might, the one that had to know the most for all he had done for her recently. And she felt all the more horrible for betraying him after that. And he reacted just as she thought he would. She should have obeyed and been a good girl. She should have done nothing and let herself be used. Now look what it did to rebel. Look what it did to take justice into your own hands.

Aizawa stared in the direction he saw Toshinori flee like he had the devil at his heels, then turned to Philae's hunched and shaking form. He had left for less than two hours, and hell had seemingly broken loose during his absence. How his colleague managed such shit storms all by himself in so short amounts of time was beyond him. And who had to put things right? He had. Always.

The dark-haired teacher eyed his listless student and was torn between attempting to comfort her like the emotionally awkward being he was, or running after the blonde moron and making him hang upside down on a street lamp until he told him what had happened. Aizawa knew the other had to try and get information about the girl's past, but how had he reduced her to... well, that? And why the hell had he fled from her, leaving her in a mess? It made no sense at all.

The second option was tempting, really. He could picture the bony sack of dead braincells rock in the bleak light of a lamp hidden in a corner, begging for mercy. He wanted him to spill everything now and here, so that he had not to go into the infirmary and fish for clues from Philae. Then, he noticed she was crying again, and his temptation got snuffed out immediately.

He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. The noise alerted her of his presence, but she did not look up from her hands. She was studying her white sheets like it had kicked her puppy.

What did she tell All Might, for him to freak out like that?

Eraserhead sighed and sat down on the cooling chair next to the bed, and bent over to the young woman, not knowing what to say first. He did not need to engage, though.

"Please," Philae begged suddenly in a broken voice, "go away. You can't stay with me. I'll stain you."

He arched an eyebrow.

"Hah? Why is that?"

She sniffed.

"I'm a villain. You don't want to get near me."

Now that got his attention. As he recollected her doings, he did not find anything worth of of the word. That meant it came from her conversation with the blonde. Aizawa searched for reasons why she would consider herself a villain, and came with a list of crimes she could have committed. He began to eliminate them one by one quickly.

He scratched theft easily. It did not sound like her. She only worried about her brother, and he was apparently safe, cared for. She looked for someone with a helpful quirk, not something of value. There was no ground for theft.

Kidnapping, hostage-taking and terrorism were out of the picture too. Those kinds of villains did not even entertain the idea of becoming heroes, not remotely, and Philae's wish to become one was sincere, he was sure of it.

Lying, cheating, deception could be plausible options, as no one really knew her. Her past was a blank sheet for everyone – except All Might, but he had ran away and could not enlighten them right now –. Her intentions could be false, but then again, she could not have faked her dream-induced hallucination and panic attack. Recovery Girl confirmed it had been a real thing. Besides, the state the girl was in was to severe to pass as guilt for just deceiving people around her.

Shooting down crimes one after the other, Aizawa was left with one of the most serious ones. Murder. With a quirk as powerful as hers, taking a life was easy. Intentionally or not. Had she not released a dragon that had fired at the Noumu with a flame as large as an avenue? She had wanted to protect a child, but had someone been in the range of fire, they would have been turned to ashes without anyone being able to stop it.

It matched her current state. It also concurred with the way All Might had reacted, if he considered the blonde was a hero to the point the fool saw himself as a symbol, more than a living being. It was no secret Toshinori saw the world from such a biased perspective, through the lens of his duty as a hero, that he often ignored his heart and well-being as a person. Sometimes, his emotions took the better of him and he thought he could save the entire planet if he dedicated fully to it, and sometimes, he could not look beyond the deed. The paradox might have cost him dearly here.

Thus, if Philae did kill, All Might must have first registered the crime and all it implied, before remembering he knew the criminal and wanted to help her, before he learned of it. From this point, knowing him, Aizawa was sure the blonde's mind had been utterly messed up. He must have considered his student as pure as Midoriya, but he had forgotten that Midoriya was a special, unique case. Reality had bitten him in the ass and he could not accept it like that, with his human heart at war with his hero mind. And now, All Might had ran away and Eraserhead was here trying to put all the pieces back together, alone.

If the dark-haired teacher was honest with himself, he had to admit he had seen Toshinori take a greater interest in Philae than he should have, and let him do it. She was interesting as a person, that much was sure, but the blonde took things to heart much too quickly, and he had undoubtedly developed a softer spot for her than usual. Maybe the mystery surrounding her, her fragility, the hardships she seemed to have endured, had drawn the retired hero to her like a junkie is to a new drug. All Might could no longer be a hero, and in Philae, he might have seen another way to feel heroic. Maybe Aizawa should have warned his colleague. But to his credit, his worries would have fallen in deaf ears.

At least he had a possible reason for Philae's grief, and he was set on verifying it, albeit tactfully. If he did not, he would take all the blame from Recovery Girl later, and he did not want to cover All Might for his mess-up this time, thank you.

The young woman had not moved while he had been thinking, completely lost in thoughts. He cleared his throat to get her attention, but she ignored him.

"Philae," he called, "I don't know what happened here before I came, but I have some clues and guesses. I won't question in depths, but I'd like to understand the situation before I decide on what to do. Do you hear me?"

She nodded, still not looking at him. He hummed.

"Right. So, I know I'll be harsh asking this, but I need to confirm. Do you call yourself a villain because you committed a crime?"

She took a sharp inhale of breath, and he knew he was on the right track.

"Did you kill?"

He did not sugar-coat it. Better to get over with it quickly and head on. Philae gasped and curled up on herself, as if trying to hide herself from him, and he needed no further confirmation. He had nailed it.

"Okay, I see now why the idiot left. Last thing I want to know, and then I'll stop: did you have a reason for it?"

She did not reply for a moment. Then, in a tiny muffle, she whined, "No matter, it's unforgivea..."

"I'm not asking if you think it is forgiveable or not," he cut her off, "I want to know if you had a reason for it. I need to know."

"I... I-I didn't think straight. I thought it was the only way... that we could only be free if..."

She trailed off and did not finish her sentence, but Aizawa understood more or less. He had had a brief account of her hallucinating fit, and the dots connected somewhat. She had committed murder in the past, and felt compelled to do so, he assumed. It must have been the way she went from the moment when she had been abused, to the moment when she was safe with her brother and stepfather, or something along the lines. He did not need the rest for now.

Aizawa sighed quietly, running a hand in his hair tiredly. Maybe it was better that he dealt with this himself, after all.

"I understand," he began again, tone flat but not as bored as it usually sounded, "but I refuse to accept this as ground for villainy."

When her eyes finally snapped up to him in surprise, he continued, "The world is not all black and white. There are villains, and there are heroes to counter them, but the line in-between is not as thin as you might think. Killing is a crime that villains commit, yes, but you're not necessarily a villain every time you take a life."

"I don't understand."

"What I'm trying to say is, villains who kill, often kill consciously and intently, even though they have other choices. For them, killing is the fastest, easiest, most impressive way, and they feel no remorse doing it. They feel they have to do it for whatever reasons they come up with, or for pleasure, depends. And they do it again. Or they commit other crimes. And heroes like us are here to stop them. But sometimes, heroes happen to kill too," he explained, his gaze unwavering. "In most cases, it is by accident, because citizens got caught up in their fights against villains, or because they did not arrive on time to save endangered lives, or sometimes even because the villain they were facing did not survive the wound they gave him. All can be called murder, in a way, and they are felt that way by the heroes that experience them. But all in all, what separates them from villains, for the same act of taking a life, is what they hold in their heart."

"But I killed intently," Philae murmured desperately, "I saw no other choice, I thought it was the only way, I just wanted to get free, to stop having to be a good girl and obey. I couldn't... It was too much."

"Yes," he nodded, "that's what I'm saying. You didn't do it because you saw it as an opportunity to make a point, or because you enjoyed it. You felt compelled to do it. You felt trapped. And you regret it, but what's done is done. You can't undo it. Honestly, as a hero, part of me tells me to bring justice to this. That's what I do, that's my duty, and I take it seriously. But I'm realistic enough not to judge you only on that ground. It sounds twisted, and I may be mistaken, but I'm still human, and as a human, I think I understand why you did what you did, and I don't want to blame you. You were a kid and you were suffering greatly. You still are, whatever the age written down under your name. Maybe I would have done the same in your place, I don't know and I don't care. You come from another world, with another past, and I can't judge that. I'm interested in now and here, and in that aspect, I see a promising young woman with potential. I see a human being with her doubts and regrets and hopes. And I saw a goof fleeing this because he forgets that sometimes he is just the same as everyone else."

Philae had no words for that. Aizawa was a gruff and a demanding teacher, but deep down, he had a rational mind and an unwilling side of a mother hen, it seemed. How was that she had found so wonderful people, when she was...

"Don't think you're worthless scum, brat," he interrupted her thoughts abruptly, "I know you want to, but believe me, it's no use. The best you can do is coming to terms with it, one way or another. Shit happens. It passes. You move on. End of story. It sounds impossible, but that's just how it goes. I know that much."

She watched him questioningly. Something was showing under the surface, and she felt like he meant something else than what he said. Had he experienced this for himself? He did not say, but a kind of understanding passed between them.

He did not judge, and he did not tell her she could not be a hero anymore. So why did All Might go away? She did not understand, and her heart wrenched. She felt terrible.

Aizawa huffed and stood up, and she followed his movements absently. As he went to the door, he addressed her one last time.

"Rest. Recovery Girl will soon come back, so don't do anything stupid in the meantime. I'll go find the idiot that's your teacher, and explain him a thing or two about adulthood. If you see black and white, he fares little better."

With that, he was off, and Philae remained there, puzzled. Her nervousness soon came back, but she tried to hide it as much as she could, and if the nurse noticed anything when she came back, she did not comment it.

Now, we wait.