(2 weeks later)

As much as I hate to admit it, I felt like shit. Since I got back, I've only been able to get about an hours sleep each night. I kept getting terrible nightmares about my past, and the kings. Sometimes the kings were just spectators, while other times they were the ones causing the torment. During the day they plagued my thoughts. I felt as though my heart was ripped out of my chest. There was a constant nagging pain in my chest that spiked at random points throughout the day. That was nothing compared to the agony I felt when Caius and Aro were having sex with their wives.

That pain was a raging inferno in my chest that crawled over my mind. There was tingly sensation and a feeling of utter betrayal that made me stop functioning. Through the bond I knew which one was doing it. Sometimes I could even catch glimpses of the woman and the sensations they were experiencing. Like her smell, her touch, or her moans. It was unbearable to witness. I felt ugly, pathetic, and unwanted. From the glimpses I caught, I figured it was their wives they were sleeping with and yeah, they were just as beautiful as Marcus's wife was. There was no way I could even compare. What's worse is how fucking often Caius and Aro do this and how long each session takes. Several times it happened during school. I would barely get through the day. A couple times I was sent to the nurse because they thought I was having a weird sort of anxiety attack. Ugh Caius and Aro are assholes. I feel like they do it specifically because they know how it affects me. Once they both did it at the same time, I dropped to the floor while screaming. Good thing I was at home during that episode. With that being said, I refused to break. I just put on a heavy dose of makeup, and met the world with a smile on my face.

The Cullen's were kind, and after they apologized, I started to let them in again. It was almost back to normal, but it has been difficult hiding my pain from them. I didn't want to explain what was going on. I explained how I had tricked Aro and escaped, which earned me a high five from Emmet, but I kept the whole having sex with Aro and the other kings out of the picture. It was just too sensitive for me to bring up.

Instead of going to them about my problems, I went to sleeping pills. After three days of the pills not working, I turned to booze. The first night I tried it I drank a bottle and a half of fireball cinnamon whisky before I passed out. When I woke up screaming the next day, I was pleased to find out I had slept a good 4 in a half hours. Although the down sides to this was the cost of the booze and the splitting headaches in the morning.

Today was a decent day. It was a Saturday, so no annoying school to deal with and it was sunny which lifted my mood a bit. I went out fishing with Charlie and Bella in the morning (although Bella just sat there), then we ate breakfast/lunch together. Charlie was a dad I never had. It annoyed me sometimes with how quickly Bella seems to be ready to throw him away. She wants to become a vampire so badly. I would give up immortality in a heartbeat if it meant having a dad like him. I didn't really know who my father was. Probably one of the many experiments I had to kill because they were so loyal to the doctor.

After breakfast, I waved goodbye to Bella and her dad and started over to my car. She was still grounded, but it was nice of him to let her see me. I drove the back roads leading to my cottage when all the sudden I felt a burning pain in my chest and mind. It was Caius and his wife. I pulled to the side of the road and sat there for a good twenty minutes, clutching my chest in agony. Then I accustomed myself to the pain, like I did plenty of times before, and continued my drive back.

I opened the door and was greeted by my amazing two cats, Space Junk and Teddy Bear. Teddy Bear was a lovable babe with a pure grey short coat. He was 15 years old but his meek meows sounded like they came from a kitten. Space Junk was a confident and spunky tabby cat with pure white on his hind legs. He was much younger than Teddy Bear, but they got along as if they were brothers. I stayed for a few minutes petting Space Junk while he rolled around on the floor before my cell phone started blaring.

It was a relief when I heard Melody's voice on the other side of the phone. She was my older, crazy, party friend who loved singing as much as I did. There was a party going on and she made sure to emphasize the karaoke machine while glamorizing it. I agreed and ended the conversation there. It was hard to keep my voice level when I felt like I was being burned alive while someone tells me how ugly I am. I laid on my comfy brown couch and watched T.V until the pain subsided, which was about two hours after that point, then I ate and practiced piano on my keyboard.

Edward told me I really needed to practice doing it two handed, which was frustrating to learn. On and on I practiced the boring song he assigned me for a good 30 minutes. Space junk made sure to help me out by jumping on the keys every now and again. He honestly sounded better than I did. Afterwards I just kept as busy as I could to keep my mind off of the kings. I kept wondering how they were and if they missed me. I could basically hear Aro and Caius laughing at me for how much I've crumbled in the course of only 2 weeks. Definitely a lot harder than I thought.

I asked Carlisle to write down their address to me. I claimed it was because I left a picture of my little girl there. Although he seemed suspicious, he gave me the address anyways. Several times I sat at my little work desk trying to write a letter. Some were full of apology and offered a chance to try and work through it while others basically told them to go jump in a vat of acid. Each one ended the same though, crumpled up and thrown in a trashcan. What a waste of paper. I considered turning my failings into an art piece. I could rip them up and glue them together for the background and draw me over it cradled up in a ball of frustration. Each time I dwelled on the idea I shook my head. It was better for them to be overflowing my tiny trashcan right now.

Finally the time to get ready for the party. I put on a black laced top that showed my midsection, a large red jacket, dark blue jeans, and knee high boots with buckles up the sides. When satisfied with my attire, I put on some eyeliner and burgundy lipstick. I kissed my cats goodbye and drove to the next town over where apparently the party of the month was raging on.

When I arrived at the party I parked in the yard alongside some other vehicles and called my friend. Every person 30 and under in every town in the area was here. This really must be the biggest party of the month. The house was basically a mansion that you would see in movies. Super nice, even with a bunch of beer cans littering the ground. God, most the people here were drunk and it's not even dark out yet. With how I've been lately, these are my kind of people. Thankfully it didn't take very long to locate Melody and her boyfriend, Fry. Her long black hair graciously swept around her as she raced to hug me. She was pretty with a wonderfully loud personality. Fry stood to the side all tall and lanky, but gave me a wide smile. He was an energetic person who basically did everything with Melody. For some reason, they seemed to like hanging out with me. Maybe I was enough of a dampener to rein in some of their crazy.

"We need to get you drunk!" Melody boasted. I laughed and nodded my head.

Fry nudged me playfully. "We should start with a drinking match. I think I'll win against you this time Amaryllis!"

"Oh, we'll see about that!" I shouted in response. I felt the bass from the music pump through my chest. The room next to the entrance was full of people rubbing up against each other. We made our way to the bar and ordered 20 shots each. Melody got through 9 before she stopped, Fry got through 15, and I finished and ordered some cinnamon whisky. "Jesus, you…you could beat world record!" Fry yelled. We made our way through the house and started dancing.

Everything got a bit fuzzy as Fry and I took turns dancing with Melody. I pushed her too him so they could dance together, while I wiggled through the crowd to get another drink. Hands grabbed either side of my hips and forced me to start swaying. I turned to find the owner of the hands and saw a tall man with a large smile plastered on his face. I smacked his hands off then continued my journey.

At my destination I guzzled down 2 more shots- letting the world sway gently around me. I felt really good right now. I went back to my previous location to see the lovebirds grinding together. When Melody saw me she rushed over as fast as her wobbly legs could take her.

"We gotta sing man!" She grasped my hand and led me to the machine. We waited for our turn, dancing to the out of tune music the people before us were creating, then we hobbled up the little platform and picked out song. Even drunk Melody could hold a note like a champ. I prided myself that I was the same way.

After the first song, the people cheered for more. We ended up singing 4 songs before we returned to the crowd. It was amazing. "You should get laid tonight!" Melody giddily jumped up and down at me. I shook my head. Since meeting the kings, even the slightest desire I had beforehand to do the dirty with, was gone now. Don't get me wrong I still had a sex drive, but it was solely focused on the leaders of the Volturi. Masturbation while remembering our night together did little to help either. Nothing felt like it did with the kings. I missed Marcus's kisses, Caius's growl, and Aro's eyes. My body was aching for them. I was literally shaken out of my thoughts by Melody.

"Girl let me do this for you. I got a hot guy to hook you up with!" If only she knew she was saying that to a 17 year old I thought sarcastically.

"You're not my match maker," I laughed back. Then the searing pain returned. It was Caius and Aro this time. I caught glimpses of the women. Wait…were they…human!? The first one had hair similar to mine with wide chocolate brown eyes. Her skin was more freckled and her nose was a perfect little button. Unquestionably prettier than I was. The other one also had big brown eyes with features that reminded me of a mouse. Very cute. She had shorter wavy coffee colored hair. The first was Aro's. She looked equally afraid as she did aroused. His hand was on her cheek holding her much the same way he did with me. Jealousy raged within me at that. The second was turning red because Caius was freaking choking her. It was disturbing to see.

I dropped to the floor like a bag of flour, clutching my head while trying to hold in a scream. I couldn't take this pain and jealously anymore. I was going to ruin them. Determination over road the agony I was in. I pushed away any images and noises from what those assholes were doing and focused my attention on the very drunk and worried match maker.

"Whoa girl, you that far gone?" I shook my head and gave a shaky smile. "I actually would love to meet that guy you mentioned." She looked me over for a moment then helped me up.

"Alright let's do it!" Melody maneuvered through the crowd like a pro, and eventually I was upstairs being introduced to a tall tan guy with sandy hair and green eyes. He was talking all buddy buddy with Fry. We chatted but I wasn't really listening to him. Nothing against the guy, but it was hard to make small talk while feeling like shit in a loud party. I pulled him over to dance and started rubbing up on him. Hopefully what I was doing was attractive. It seemed to work because I felt him harden against me.

"How drunk are you?" I asked in his ear.

"I'm only 3 drinks in. I got here late!" I smiled up at him. "Maybe we should take this party elsewhere. How far is your house from here?"

"About 25 minutes." I nodded while tugging him away. We waved goodbye to our friends. The trip to his house was pretty fun. We blasted music and sang along to whatever came on. The pain stopped about 10 minutes in and was now back to the level it was before. In my drunken state, it felt like an irritating itch that I just can't get. The idea of sleeping with this guy was repulsive. Not his fault or anything, but I found myself comparing him to the kings in every way possible, and let's just say there was no competition. I needed to be much more inebriated if I was going to go through with this.

We came up to his driveway. His house was cute- very small and surrounded by flowers. "You garden?" He did not seem like the gardening type. More like the surfer bro guy who was better to look at than to talk too.

"Eh not really. It was my ex-girlfriend's hobby." Ohhh, well I wasn't going to open that can of worms. I don't really care about his history.

"Please tell me you have booze here." He laughed as we made our way inside. The inside of the house had a feminine touch everywhere I looked. It was quaint. The guy, I should probably learn his name, left and returned with a couple bottles. One was rum while the other was whisky. He handed me a glass and we started drinking together. Our conversation was pretty fun. At one point we theorized what would happen if a zombie apocalypse started. He thinks he would live a long time and have a bunch of babes on his arm. I thought I'd be the one to kill him in a zombie apocalypse so I could steal his rations.

My mind dipped deeper into my drunken haze and I could no longer speak properly. I moved over so I was straddling his lap on the couch and started to sloppily make out with him. He grabbed my hips and ground me against his body, causing me to moan. None of this felt good. That familiar pain seeped back much worse than before. Every fiber in my being was telling me to stop but I was determined. I would fake it and put on a great show for the kings. I hoped they caught glimpses of this and felt the hurt they caused me.

We had a lot trouble taking off our clothes. He had to help me with my pants and underwear. The whole time we were kissing everywhere we could. We returned in our previous position and we guided each other until he successfully entered me. I sat completely on him until my body adjusted itself, than I started rocking and bouncing on him. It started out slow but I gradually was able to increase it. As much as I wanted to close my eyes and imagine it was one of the kings, I kept my attention solely on the guy under me. I wanted his face to burn in their minds. The guy who looks and acts nothing like them, is the guy I'm fucking.

The thoughts of Caius being furious with me was arousing. It helped me get really into what I was doing. I just wished it was his burgundy eyes I was staring into instead of this guy's green ones. I wanted to feel Caius's cold body beneath me. He'd be grabbing my hips and slamming me down on to him, watching as I crumble. Then he'd change positions so he was on top, and growl in my ear as he pounded into me with his incredible speed. I'd be a mess that couldn't do anything but chant his name. I'd grab on to his silky platinum hair while desperately grasping at his taught body. The tan man's moan reminded me of what was really happening.

He patted my thigh and I lifted off of him just in time for him to cum on me instead of in me. Afterwards, he nearly passed out. I should've felt satisfied, but I was far from it. I was infuriated that I felt like I betrayed the kings. It was so unsatisfying and left me feeling weak and pathetic. Why do I feel like this!? They obviously don't. They freaking sleep with everything under the sun! Caius and Aro were such bitches to have a problem with me being a human, and then turn around and fuck other humans. What hypocrites!

I wanted to contact them somehow to give them a piece of my mind. It became my number one priority. I dug around my purse and squealed in delight that I had Carlisle's note still. Now I needed paper. I put on a shirt I found on the floor and wobbled back over to the guy, shaking him awake.

"I need some blank paper and a writey thing." I coaxed him off the couch and he begrudgingly went and got me paper. When he was trying to walk back to me he fell on the floor. I dropped down next to him, took the items and started writing. I just freaking went off in my letter.

"What are you doing," the tan boy grumbled while rolling onto his stomach. I moved so he couldn't see what I was writing. "I forgot to tell off this dick of a person something. They don't have like an internet or a phone." He looked with sleepy eyes at me with his head being held up by his hands. I have to admit he looked cute.

"This is a weeiird time to do that. What are they? Fucking from middle agers?" I laughed at how close to right he was. Shoot, maybe the kings did have phones or an email. Carlisle didn't mention it though and I didn't want to push it. I think I wrote something in here about how the kings were fucking ancient pieces of shit for not having any technology. I didn't bother trying to read what I wrote though. I just kept scrambling away every thought that popped in my head. I finished my letter and then flicked the tan guy on the forehead. "Get me an envelope surfer boy. Oh, and a stampy thing." He shook his head, but did try and stand up. When that didn't work, he started to crawl away which got another round of laughter from me.

When he took forever to return, I was starting to worry that he had passed out on me, but sure enough he returned with an envelope and a page full of stamps. "How'd you know I surf?" He asked while collapsing next to me. I shrugged. "I thought you mentioned it."

I looked at Carlisle's fancy hand writing and spent what felt like hours, trying to carefully transfer the information onto the envelope in a way that was legible. When finished with all the information, I put on a stamp and tried to get up. My legs were like jelly so it took a couple times before I was able to stand. The world was rocking back and forth around me as I wobbled to the closest wall and made my way to the front door.

"Babe are you leaving me?" I heard his voice coming from the living room. "Don't call me babe surfer boy. No I'm not leaving. You promise me right now that you will let this mail get sent." I stood in the opened doorway, waiting for a response. "Don't call me surfer boy than beautiful. My names Justin. Sure, I'll let it get mailed." I shook my head which caused me to nearly fall.

"Bustin!? That's your name!? What a dumb name-Buuuusttiin. Surfer boy is better." I didn't wait his response as I trudged down to the mailbox. I ended up crawling back and found Bustin, sound asleep on the floor. I snuggled to him, letting the world rock me to sleep.