Part IV: Streamline

Chapter: End of an Era

The next day Myers didn't show up in work. Kat was worried, and thus cranky to everyone who dared to approach her.

"I think we should check on him." she kept on insisting, when sitting down to have some afternoon tea in Broom's library with Red, Abe, Jay and Andu. "He left without a word yesterday, and I haven't heard from him since. Except for that one email, where he sent his report."

Hellboy raised an eyebrow.

"Just let him be. I'm sure he just needs some time to himself after… you know."

"Yes." stated Abe. "It must have been a shock for John, to find out who was behind Margot's death. We are all shaken by it. I can imagine he needs to ponder on it for a while."

"You're not hearing me!" Kat snapped. "That's all the more reason not to leave him alone!"

"It's not leaving him alone, but giving him some privacy." Andu said. "The past days have been hard for him. It might be, that only after what happened yesterday, John can finally face his grief. It'll do him good to take a few days off."

"Yeah, we can start investigating this Goddess case, even if the Boss is not in the office." stated Jay.

Kat shrugged, but couldn't shake off the feeling that something wasn't right.

"Alright, maybe so. But I still think someone should check on him. This thing isn't over as long as that bitch of a Goddess is still around. Something might have happened to Myers."

A short moment of silence followed Kat's words.

"You might have a point." Andu said finally, with a dark tone. "I can go, with Jay, just to make sure."

"No, I'll do it." Kat replied. "Besides, if he's thinking about doing something stupid…"

She didn't want to finish that sentence. That if Myers was about to kill himself, it would be better if it was her reasoning with him, than the twins.

"Why do you speak of such a thing?." Andu stated. "I doubt John would harm himself."

"You think?" Hellboy raised an eyebrow. "We found him pointing a gun at his head, after Margot was killed."

"Really?" asked Abe, and blinked his black eyes a few times. "I knew he was mourning, but-"

"Nah, he's not going to kill himself." Jay stated matter of factly. "Not as long as that damn Goddess is on the loof. That doesn't mean you shouldn't check on him, though, sis. You definitely should."

Only a few moments later, Kat materialized in front of Myers' front door - and this time obediently pressed the doorbell.

She waited for a while, but no one came, nothing moved except for her own reflection on the window, as she pulled her black hair behind her ear trying to take a peek through the glass. Her image made her frown - with her pale skin, and the extra dark shadows under her eyes, she looked more dead than alive.

But that was to be expected, she thought. Myers wasn't the only one who'd had a rough past few days.

Kat had barely slept last night, even if sleeping was usually easy for her. But now… she had laid on her bed, awake and restless, stared at the darkness, listening to Red's peaceful snoring. A few times a thought had hit her, that she should pick up the phone and call Margot, that perhaps she was awake too - and then, the painful realization that it was impossible. That she could never call Margot again, never hear her voice on the other end of the line, her laughter that had always made her feel better, no matter what.

Kat reached to press the doorbell again.

The house was eerily quiet, and Kat tasted the fear on her lips.

It was bad enough to lose Margot, but if they lost Myers too-

Don't think about that! Not yet. Just get inside and find that moron!

Kat left the front porch and went around the house, to the back door.

All too well Kat remembered as Myers and Margot had bought this house, twenty years ago. It was on a peaceful neighbourhood, not too far from BPRD, a cosy yellow house with enough room to raise a family. On the back yard there was a nice little garden and a swimming pool for sunny days.

Margot had refused to raise her kids in 'the dungeon' as she sometimes called BPRD. The house was lovely, a real family home. You could see Margot's touch in every part of it - the overgrown lawn of the garden, the horrible little garden gnomes on the back porch, the old and worn furniture on the porch, where she and Kat had sat on many nights having a beer and talking about everything there was, of love and dreams and hopes and fears, of all the things Kat knew she now had no one to talk to.

And suddenly it hit her - the unbearable loneliness of being immortal.

This was the first time she had lost someone she'd truly loved, and it felt worse than she could've imagined. It was like she'd swallowed a dagger, and it took her breath away.

Don't think about that, not now! What's the matter with you, stay focused, damn it!

She reached the back door, and tried it - to notice it was open. No need to teleport inside.

"Boss?"

Her voice sounded somehow too loud on the too quiet house, and it stirred her nerves. No one answered, as she stepped inside and walked to the kitchen, calling for Myers again.

There was a cup of coffee on the kitchen counter top, that told Kat that Myers had been up and about at least this morning, which was a relief. But there were other things too, that Kat noticed.

Margot's spiderman sweater on a chair, a magazine and a half eaten chocolate bar on the table, her hairbrush and a lipstick on the desk of the hall, her shoes on the floor… it was clear that Myers hadn't moved any of her stuff, and it made Kat feel weird.

Yeah, it had only been five days, but still. A half eaten chocolate bar? Kat picked it up, and threw it to the garbage bin. She'd have to talk with Myers about Margot's things before the twins returned home from Hamburg. It would do no good to them, to see the house like this.

Turning her thoughts to more pressing concerns, she walked through the empty rooms towards the staircase. She sure didn't like the fact that there still was no answer to her calls.

"Boss, you here?" she inquired, as reaching upstairs, but still no one answered.

She searched every room, before finding Myers on the bathroom.

He was sitting on the floor, surrounded by dirty laundry, holding something in his hands, something that looked like Margot's blouse. And he was crying.

He cried so hard, that his whole body was shaking, his shoulders trembling. Tears ran down his unshaven face to his neck, his nose was running and his eyes red and swollen.

Immediately Kat realized, she shouldn't have come.

A man crying like this… it was a private matter. It wasn't meant for her to see, and she surely didn't know how to handle it. Damn, she wished it was Red who was here now!

She made a split second decision, to teleport away, but just as she was about to, Myers looked up from his hands and noticed her standing on the door.

"Christ, Kat!" Myers cursed. "How many times do I have to tell you to use the doorbell?!"

"Hey!" Kat protested. "I did! You didn't answer."

Myers shrugged, and tried to get his crying under control. For a while he sobbed, wiped his running nose to his sleeve and closed his eyes, leaning his back against the wall.

Kat went through her pockets, to find a napkin. Luckily there was a clean one, that she could pass to Myers. She waited for him to clean his face before speaking up.

"I'm sorry… but you didn't show up at work today. We were worried."

Myers sniffed, and shook his head.

"Like I've been of any use in there, being like this."

"You could've called. Or at least answer the phone when I called."

He gave a long sigh.

"Yeah… you're right, I guess. I'm sorry."

Kat sat down by his side and tried to give a small smile. It felt phony on her lips.

"Well, it's good to see that you're okay. I was afraid that something had happened to you."

"Okay?" Myers gave her a sideways glance. "You call this being okay?"

Kat made a face.

"Well… I thought you'd be feeling a bit better after yesterday. You did waste Lucien."

"Yeah, that… It was a revenge, nothing more. It's not gonna change the fact that Margot's never coming back."

"I know. It's just… it still doesn't feel real somehow. I can't get it, you know."

Myers was silent for a while, and he looked like he was about to start crying again. His fingers clenched tight on Margot's blue blouse, so that his knuckles went white. When he finally spoke up, his voice was thin and stretched, like a rubber band that's about to snap.

"Feels real enough to me."

Kat didn't say a thing. What was she supposed to say to a thing like that? Again she wished that Red was here - he could take Myers to have a beer and do something guys did when everything was miserable, something that included a lot of beer and not that much talking.

Or maybe she should've brought Abe.

Abe was a talker, he would've known what to say.

He would've known what to answer to what Myers said next.

"I feel like… I feel like I should just kill myself."

"Come on!" Kat exhaled. "We've been through this already. I'm never gonna let you do that stupid ass thing!"

"I know." Myers shrugged. "And I wouldn't… for Sean and Amy. But I would want to."

"Yeah."

That was all Kat could say. She understood alright, she had seen Myers by Margot's dead body, had seen how he pressed the gun on his temple.

They sat silently for a long while now. The only sounds in the room were the silent sniffs Myers still made, his uneven breathing. He kept holding Margot's blouse, feeling the texture with his fingers, as if it was the most precious thing he had ever held. The rest of the laundry basket's contents were still scattered all over the floor, and Kat did her best not to pay attention to it.

"You know, I'm nothing without her." Myers finally broke the silence.

It wasn't self pity, it wasn't drama - he stated it as a fact, as something that just needed to be said.

"That's not true, John."

Myers didn't even notice, that Kat had done the rare thing to call him by his first name.

"It is. All that there was good in me, she took with her. There's nothing left, Kat."

"That's ridiculous!" Kat argued. "You were awesome before you ever met her, and you're going to be awesome again, when you get back to your feet. Just give it some time! You can't expect to feel normal so soon, after-"

"You don't understand." Myers interrupted her. "You can't. It's not like with normal people. We shared everything. Our thoughts… our hearts. Souls too, if such a thing exists. She was the better half of me, and now that she's gone… what's left but an empty shell?"

"You're not an empty shell, but you are an idiot!" Kat snapped. "I get it, alright! I do. But you were my friend before you met Margot, and I know you. I know this is bad, but you can get through this. You are a great guy, and you are my friend. You're not alone!"

But it felt like talking to a wall.

Myers kept staring at his hands, at Margot's blouse, and silently shook his head. His face was pale, the shadows under his eyes dark, and he looked way older than his years.

"Kat, I've been thinking…" he said after a few moments.

"What is it?"

"It's better that I won't come to work for a while. I'm going to take some time off."

"What!?" Kat was shocked. "You can't do that! We just found out who was behind Margot's murder! You can't just leave now, we need to catch that bitch and kill her for good!"

"Come on, Kat!" Myers snapped. There was so much desperation in his voice, that it managed to shut Kat up. "We can't kill her! You know we can't! We've tried that two times already, and she keeps bouncing back. She is a Goddess. She is immortal. There's no way to permanently finish her."

Kat was angry now, angry at Myers, angry at Margot for being dead and leaving her here with that idiot of a man, and most of all angry at that goddamn Goddess who just wouldn't stay dead, no matter how many times they wasted her!

"I'm immortal, you know." Kat stated. "And I can be killed."

"That's different and you know it. You have a body."

"So does that bitch, again, otherwise she wouldn't be causing us trouble! She stayed dormant for thousands of years before that horrid Connelly fucked everything up. And then, it took her 20 years to get back here after I ripped her heart out, so even if we can't kill her, we can slow her down. For another 2000 years, if we're lucky."

"Seriously, Kat. When are we ever lucky?"

That remark almost made Kat smile, but just almost.

"Seriously, Myers. You can't leave. You are the Boss!"

"Yeah, and I'm incapable of doing my job right now. I managed to keep myself together until yesterday, but now… I'm a mess. I cannot stay here, Kat. I cannot stay in this house. I see her everywhere, I hear her voice in the shadows, and I can't sleep. It drives me crazy, and how am I going to help my kids if I lose my mind? I have to go, and I have to go now." his face was hard as a stone now, like marble, and he sounded so resolute Kat knew she had lost.

"But… Myers, come on! Who's going to lead this investigation if you leave? Who do you think is capable of getting Jay under control? Who can get Red to work by the book? You can't leave this on Abe - he's invaluable, but he's no Boss."

"But you are." Myers replied. "You can do all that, and you will. I'm assigning you as my replacement, until I'm fit to work again."

Kat was speechless. It took her ages to manage to form any words.

"You can't be serious!"

"And yet I am."

"Me?!" Kat gave him a stare. "As the Director? Really?"

"Who else?" Myers shrugged. "You said it yourself. No one else can get Jay or Red to work. Besides, I'll be back - someday. I just don't know when. So don't you dare to get too comfortable behind my desk."

"I can use your desk?! I can use your office!? I've never had an office before!"

Myers went through his pockets, and pulled out a set of keys. "There you go, it's yours. But try not to make a mess. Don't eat pizza while using the computer. And please, don't let Jay alone in there."

Kat raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to know why?"

"Trust me, you don't." Myers replied. "So, it's a deal then?"

She stared at the keys dumbstruck for a moment, but then her curiosity got the better of her, and she snatched the set off Myer's fingers.

The keys were small, an ordinary looking set, but they felt heavy on her palm. She could almost feel the responsibilities weighing her hand down. Instantly she felt more serious, more adult somehow, and it was both exciting and terrifying.

"We have a deal." she said, still looking at the keys. "And your part of it, is coming back to us. You can promise to do that?"

"I promise."

"And call us, once in a while?"

Myers gave a sigh. "Fine, I'll call you. But only if it's important, and that goes both ways. I'll have my cellphone, and you can contact me - but only if it's about that Goddess. The everyday business, I won't want to hear."

"So… where will you go? What will you do? And what about Sean and Amy, what are you going to tell them?"

Myers gave an exasperated sigh.

"To the first two questions, I don't know yet… but the kids? I've already told them. I called Amy."

"And what did she say?"

"That they're fine in Hamburg, and will stay there for some time. It's better that way… they don't want to be here either."

"Okay." Kat said.

Suddenly she felt very small, and very tired.

"Kat… what are you still doing here?" Myers asked after a few moments. "You're the Boss now. You can't afford to sit on the bathroom floor moping."

Kat made a small, halfhearted smile, and got up on her feet.

"Fine, I'll get off your hair, Boss."

"No, you're the Boss now." Myers replied, dead serious.

Kat offered him her hand, and helped him up. Their eyes met, and for a few heartbeats they just looked at each other, friends for over two decades. Suddenly Kat noticed just how much Myers had aged, that he was no kid anymore. The soft skin of his face had turned harder, there were so many scars, and lines and wrinkles around his eyes and his mouth. His stubble and his hair were turning gray.

Kat knew that she still looked like the 20 something year old girl she had, when she'd first stepped into the BPRD headquarters and met Myers.

She didn't age, she didn't change. She would not die, not of sickness or old age.

Suddenly that thought wasn't so uplifting. Instead it brought a foul taste to her lips, and made her heart ache.

It was the dagger she had swallowed, and it kept eating her alive. Was this how it was going to be from now on? That she would have to sit and watch, as everyone she held dear would grow old and die?

It wasn't like her to get emotional, but she just couldn't stop the tears that flooded her eyes.

"Hey, Kat… don't cry." Myers said, his voice soft and gentle. "I can take many things, but not that."

Kat wiped her eyes, and made a small laugh.

"Who's crying? Not me! I'm awesome."

"Yeah, you are." he said, and she knew he meant it. "Now, get going before BPRD falls apart."

She wanted to say many things to him, but hey all sounded cliche in her head, so she decided not to say a thing. A wave of her hand, and the last glance of Myers - who was still holding Margot's cloth, and she closed her eyes.

A loud 'bamf', a cloud of blue smoke, and she was gone.

This is it! The part IV ends here! I do appreciate every single review, so please take time to leave me one.

There will be a part V, so stay tuned. :)