A/N: Lo and behold a new idea! If you've read my story "Clever Girl" then you already know I've been on an Indominus tear before this, but then I got to thinking; we all know how a godly Naruto can deal with deadly dinosaurs, that's almost too easy. But a regular, average Naruto just starting out of the gate? Now, I don't think that's been done before, neh? So an idea came to me, an idea of the Naruto we know from "Not Going Home" traveling to an alternate universe to visit his past self.
I say ALTERNATE UNIVERSE because as we all know, there are many, many different realms, several in which a single choice, as you'll see in this chapter, can dramatically alter the outcome of any given story. Naruto has literally said before "I don't fuck with time. Last time I did, it gave me AIDS." Implying he's been down this path before. In a sense, one could even call this a pre-sequel to the events of not going home. Try wrapping your minds around that XD
ALSO.
I wish to address something. The annoying matter of a hater/flamer I blocked some time ago, who continues to pester me through anonymous reviews. The name you ask?
DOOM MARINE 54.
This annoying little bugger has not only refused all attempts to talk-hence why he's been blocked in the first place, but all he seems capable of spewing is needless, vile hate. I've seen his work on other stories, these cruel, callous words that offer no constructive criticism at all, but as of late, he seems to have taken to targeting me and just about EVERY story I've ever written. Take his latest review for one of my few self-insert stories, "I am Not a Pirate. This is what he had to say.
"No more like this is your 400th self insert story since you other ones are self-insert that only vaguely resemble the characters their about. You're a real loser if you need to write hundred of stories with your ideal self as the protagonist dating cartoons just to make it through your vacant existence."
Now, isn't that friendly of him, ladies and gentlemen? I think we can all clap our hands knowing there is such a cruel person in the world. I'm amazed that some people can hate me so much for wanting to bring joy to others in the realm of fanfiction; because THAT my dear marine, is why I write. No such concepts as wanting fame, or pride, but because it makes people happy, and their happiness in turn, is what inspires me to go to new heights for them. Reviews are merely a way of letting me know what they think, something that I enjoy.
Well, now that we've finished with that little asinine prick...
...here ya be!
I PROUDLY PRESENT a branch off of the much-lauded "Clever Girl" story, otherwise known as...
...NOT SO CLEVER NINJA! On another note, a similar scene will of course happen in Clever Girl itself, but not to THIS version of Naruto. To keep things spoiler free, well...it'll make ya smile. Remember, this story is silly, derpy and strange, and not meant to be taken very seriously. It is meant purely as a feel good, fic for all you guys and gals out there. So...
LET THE CHAOS BEGIN! And if any of you have watched Dragon Crisis, well, that series did WONDERS to give me inspiration for this and YES, the Naruto we love from the "Not Going Home" series isn't quite finished with his alternate counterpart just yet...AND WARNING! I unabashedly make fun of Sakura and Sasuke in this chapter! REMEMBER! ALTERNATE! NARUTO! UNIVERSE!
"I'm doomed...
~?
Hello World
Raising a raptor wasn't easy.
As a matter of principle, it was nearly impossible. Raptors were pack creatures by nature; that is to say, they traditionally grew up in groups of three, sometimes four. Rearing one alone was not only difficult, but for a human, it should be outright unthinkable. Even imprinted, it did little to change the fact that a velociraptor was a wild beast. An animal that would kill and-or viciously maim you by the time you realized it was hunting you down. But Blue was special...
...very special indeed.
Naruto soon learned this lesson the hard way, when he woke to find his furniture shredded the next morning. At first, his sleepy mind couldn't comprehend the destruction his eyes saw; he wanted nothing more than to believe that the events of last night were nothing more than some terrible, awful dream. It would've been so much easier for him, if it were. A small cry put paid to that. Rolling over, he promptly received a mouthful of something most unexpected.
Bits of fuzz and feathers filled the air, several of which he'd just inhaled.
"Blech!"
Bolting upright, the whiskered blond spat the plumage out, becoming painfully aware of the weight settled on his chest. For a long moment, it didn't rightly occur to him what he was looking at. Shapes were still vaguely indistinct in his eyes, colors faint and wavy like the throes of an ever-shifting sea washing against the shore of his sleep deprived psyche. Stubbornly, he scrubbed at his face and eyes with the back of a hand until those whirling shapes shimmered into clarity, forcing the unwilling world to focus around him...
...and yelped.
Blue eyes widened to the size of saucer plates when he saw the raptor-Blue!-perched on his chest. That didn't frighten him. He knew and recognized her -as well as the tiny tether that was her mind- against him almost immediately. What caused him to cry out was something else entirely.
She was bigger.
The tiny nestling that he'd curled up with only just last night was now roughly the size of a...rather large house cat. She was looking right at him. Well, now! He didn't think her tail could wag like that. Veritably twitching with excitement, she did a little hop on top of him. Oomph! Knocked the air right out of his lungs!
"Blue?" he wheezed.
The little beast gave a triumphant squeak, standing proudly over the fallen corpse of a pillow-HIS pillow!-on his chest that was her prey. Naruto twitched, finally taking in the scope of destruction wrought by his-what he could identify her as he'd right no idea, he realized suddenly. A little hellion, she was. Had she lips, he was almost certain the newborn-awfully big for a newborn, now!-would had been grinning.
"Did you do this?"
'Yes. Hunt!'
She chirped softly in acknowledgement, sounding quite proud of herself despite her lack of distinct vocalizations. Her mind brushed against his like a feather's touch, subtle, yet proud. Hers was a tiny presence still, yet already it felt larger than yesterday. Stronger. It was so easy to just get lost in those images, the pure instinct she radiated...
'Hunt!'
"No!" he chastised! "Bad girl."
Blue whined, hanging her little head.
'Sorry...
The "Horned Stranger" chuckled one last time as he observed his younger self's plight from a nearby rooftop, overlooking the boy's ramshackle apartment.
"Well, I'll be damned! She listened to him!"
When a deity didn't wish to be seen, it was as simple as thinking it; just a thought, and it became reality; physics and sense be damned.
Shrouded by layer upon layer of barriers, he could sit back and watch the festivities unfold without a care in the world.
"Chip of the old block," Naruto sighed wistuflly, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye. "See? Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. He's going to be just...fine?" His words trailed off as he noticed the furious gleam in the eyes of his most cherished companion. She looked to be all of three seconds from going on a rampage through the village and destroying everything. Naruto didn't doubt for a minute that she could do it, too. Now that, however, would be a crying shame. After all...
It would ruin the game!
"Kill him...Kill him...I am GOING TO KILL HIM!"
"Oi!"
There were so many pranks to play, pawns to manipulate, paths to choose, doors to open and close as he watched his other self wreak havoc. Havoc that wouldn't be had if Indy went a rampage! He'd spent an eternity laying out careful plans, plans that he refused to allow to be disrupted. So thinking he pulled himself off his perch, hands raising placatingly. Flames flickered between her teeth, angry embers threatening to spew forth at the slightest provocation. Well, that was new!
"Honey...just...c'mon now...
Her eyes flashed a molten amber, a silver tail thudding into existence behind her. Naruto swore.
"Calm-
Fangs flashed.
"I'll show you CALM!"
Exhaling, he placed a soothing palm upon his wife's shoulder.
"Oi now, calm down. Breathe. In. Out. In?"
"Ouuuuut."
Indy glowered blackly back at him, scales shimmering across her face, struggling not to shift. "He yelled at her!"
"Like I did with you." A finger flicked out, poking her in the forehead reproachfully. "You promised me you'd sit this one out in return for coming here, remember? Have some faith. No one even noticed that he went into the Forest of Death in the first place. Not even the old man. Kinda pathetic of him, really."
Her lower lip trembled traitorously.
"But my baby...
...will be fine." Naruto finished curtly, patting her head. "If she's anything like her mother, she'll have everyone soiling their drawers soon enough. And that's when the fun really starts." As if to punctuate that very word they heard a resounding crash from below, followed by the boy's startled squawk. Blue's excited chirping nearly drowned out his worlds altogether:
"No no no no! Not on the table!"
Indy glanced back to the apartment, considering. In that instant, he knew he'd won.
"You think so?"
"I know so."
"What if he reveals her?" she demanded.
"Hey, this is me we're talking about." he replied, pulling her into an embrace, hands stroking small circles across her back. "The kid knows better than that. He's going to keep this a secret as long as he possibly can, if only to save himself the embarrassment of being made. Trust me. And hey, if he doesn't, I'll let you disembowel him yourself."
"So you say." but the words were without rancor.
Naruto chuffed softly.
"Told ya. Toxic like a hemlock sip."
Indy scowled.
"That's it, no more rap battles for you!"
Her husband whined.
"But I love 'em!"
Blue watched, and Blue learned.
Day by day, week through week, month after month, she grew and memorized everything her "father" had to offer. Which wasn't much, unfortunately. She understood that he too, was young, and that he had much to learn. But he was hers, and she was his. She learned from him, and through the bond, he learned from her. They understood one another. Theirs was a sacred bond, and she was certain that nothing could break it. He understood it too, papa did, and she understood him.
She also "understood" doors and the art of opening them.
Whomsoever dared to pry into the blond's sudden severity soon learned the hard way that he was not to be trifled with. Like the pink one. Always hurting him. ALWAYS. Something had to be done. A nighttime visit had left her gibbering for weeks on end, all but jumping at her own shadow. Shinobi thought they knew the meaning of stealth, of hunting. They'd never known a raptor. They never caught her, either.
And for a time, all was well...
...until the incident.
Naruto whistled softly.
"A little tug here, a poke there...
Indy frowned, peering over his shoulder.
"What are you doing now?" she asked, watching him make a few simple gesture in the air. "I thought we agreed not to interfere."
"Oh, I'm not interfering sweetheart," he hummed happily, tugging another string. "Just playing with the mortals...and removing an obstacle...
Sakura never saw the shadow until it was too late.
"NARUTO!" she shrieked, pounding her fist against the wooden frame! "You open this door!" Her voice was practically hysteric, her eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. "Open it right now!" she demanded! "I know you're keeping something in there! You can't fool me-
An orange eye regarded her from the window.
And then, to her disbelief, the door swung open. A dark shape loomed out at her, claws bared. Blue snarled, standing at her full, towering height.
"Grrrrrrr...
The pinkette froze. Squeaked.
"Wha-
CHOMP!
Indy whistled as the shrieking Haruno was dragged inside.
"Well done."
Naruto laughed, rubbing one of his horns.
"What can I say? I do damn good work."
"What did you do?"
Blue knew that tone of voice, and she immediately hung her head, trying to hide her bloodied muzzle under the bed.
Needless to say, she did not succeed.
At nearly five feet tall, that was easier said than done. She only succeeded in looking like an absolute fool, smacking her skull against the frame. Naruto's glower didn't abate in the least; she could feel it boring into her back despite her best efforts to evade it. Such shame, she felt! Nearly three years had passed now and somehow she'd managed to maintain the tedious balance between hiding during the day and emerging at night to "hunt" her prey. If Naruto had noticed, he hadn't said anything about her activities. It was their unspoken rule, of sorts.
Today, she had broken that rule.
"What. Did. You. Do." his anger snapped at her like a whip.
'Pine one hurts you. No more hurt.'
"What?"
'No more hurt!' Blue whined, pawing at her snout. 'Never again!'
"You didn't!"
The pink one had come to his door when he wasn't home, shouting. The pink one, who always hurt him. She claimed to know.
So today...Blue had hurt her.
Devoured her whole.
Despite his horror, his disbelief, Naruto could only wonder.
"OI...
Where was the blood?
As he turned, searching, he saw the note.
"You're welcome, shitty brat! By the way, took the last of your ramen. Ja ne!"
~Stranger.
A tick mark appeared above the boy's forehead.
"WHAT THE-
-HELL?!"
Indy flinched slightly as an explosive shout echoed throughout the village.
"You're babying him."
"Perhaps." Naruto shrugged to himself, absently tugging at one of his white hairs as he lounged atop a nearby awning. "I maaaaaaaaaay have cleaned up after Blue's little massacre. Hey c'mon," he continued at her admonishing look, "She had it coming! This Sakura wasn't a damn thing like the one I knew. Really, I did her a favor, goading her on like that. And it proved what you said. Blue's a born killer. She'll keep the kid safe until he's ready."
"Ready for what?"
Those eerie eyes seemed to glitter.
"Why, the ultimate prank, of course! That's one for Naruto, reality, zero!"
"Since when did this become a competition?"
"Babe, its always been a competition!"
Seasons passed and became years.
Naruto spent less and less time in class now, and more time training. Pranking, too. Blue failed to understand the point of these "pranks" as he called them. Feats of agility and seed she could understand, the need for one to stretch their legs and run, to elude their pursuers. But what point was there in deliberately identifying oneself when one could be caught?
By now it was almost common knowledge that Naruto was affiliated with something. It was impossible to guess, but the string of mysterious dissappearances surrounding him only put paid to those rumors, antagonizing the village to them further. Blue didn't care. She didn't need their meat.
Oddly enough their food came from the most unexpected place.
The Forest of Death.
Even with new-found skills gained through their bond, Naruto daren't venture too deep into those dreaded boughs on his own. There was too much fear there. But Blue was well capable of foraging for herself now. She treasured these rare hunts together, though they arose less and less as they grew older. Blue took comfort in his presence regardless, but today...
So much for that. Naruto had gone out again, and taken her comfort with him. He was always going out, always leaving her alone to be with the two-leggers. Blue felt cheated and bereft, like a child whose birthday had been forgotten. She didn't like this feeling. At all. It made her feel something strange. It made her...
...feel...
Indy felt a seed of warmth sprout to life in her heart.
"Here it comes...!"
"...fuck. Me."
Well, today had just gone to hell in a handbasket.
Naruto had left early to procure-steal!-supplies for a very special day. Today, was, by all rights, if he remembered correctly, the day of Blue's birth. The anniversary of the day that she'd hatched in front of him. The last few years had been so tumultuous that he'd nearly forgotten all about it. It seemed silly to celebrate such a thing with a velociraptor of all things, but he felt it needed to be done. A day that had been forgotten so many times, memorialized at last.
She was his partner, after all.
Everyone else thought he was strange, weird. A loser. Dead last. But the last person to threaten him was long gone, dead at her claws.
But now, hours later, after he'd gone out once more to procure-steal!-some food for the ever-growing reptile, he'd come back to find nearly everything in shambles.
Furniture overturned, windows smashed, curtains ripped to shreds; these were the things that awaited him upon his return. As if a tornado had somehow sprouted and ripped everything to pieces-not a single item of his spared the attacker's wrath. For a terrifying moment he feared someone had tried to ransack his home again, that another spiteful villager had tried to do him harm. But no, now that he inspected their damage, he soon realized that this was different, he could see the marks of claws...
And there, sitting in the midst of it all, was a girl.
She couldn't have been more than fourteen years old.
Dusky dark skin, framed by hair the color of deep azure, hiding slender curves and the slight swell of breasts, only just obscured by her deep blue tresses. Her head tilted slightly, noticing him, eyes hidden beneath the unruly mane of blue. A strange, exotic creature, one he had no name for, an entity he couldn't hope to quantify. And she'd trashed his apartment!
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
Then, at that exact moment, she lifted her head.
Bright amber eyes stared back at him, peering up from beneath those sapphire locks. Naruto froze. He knew those molten orbs.
Naruto's eyes.
Got.
Really.
Big.
Blue.
He was looking at Blue. He didn't know why, didn't know how, but in that instant, he simply knew. He felt her thoughts through the bond, a muddled sense of imagery and confusion, accompanied by an overwhelming desire to...to...speak?
Ha?
She yipped.
"N...
Keened.
"Na...
Chirped.
"Nar...
Squawked?
"Naru...
It seemed as though she were trying out several different sounds, trying to find the words. Her dark face scrunched in annoyance, thin lips visibly pursing in frustration.
"Na...
Her voice, when she finally found it, took his heart and twisted it into tangled red knots. When she finally spoke her voice was smooth as silk, if a little hoarse. Like a babbling brook, the sound of his own name washed over him soft, gentle, undulating and excitable. Then she pounced!
"Na~Ru~to~!"
Gah!
For someone so compact, she hit like a freight train!
Bodies collided, or rather, Blue collided with him, sending him sprawling across he scratched floors. By the time he rightfully regained his senses, she had mounted him-not like that!-her hands pushing down insistently upon his chest. Naruto tried not to look, he really did, but his eyes betrayed him. A thin like of blood sluiced down his nose. Oh dear. Oh, dear sweet kami, why was he cursed with such luck?!
"Naruto!" she chirruped, bouncing atop him!
"W-W-Will you stop that?!"
Blood rushed straight to his head-among other places!-as she realized the compromising position.
And there, of course, was a note now, one that hadn't been there before. It just haaaaaad to be within arms reach, didn't it.
"Dear, hyperactive, knucklehead, ninja-to-be:
If you've survived to read this by now, then Blue's probably hit a "different" growth spurt than before. By the way, she's going to grow quickly! And speaking of growing girls, I gave her Tora for a snack. She's got quite the appetite! Trust me, Indy was the same way at that age, and if her kid is anything like her, well..."
Good luck, kid.
~Stranger.
Naruto's eye twitched as he crumpled the note in his hand.
"I'm gonna kill him!"
Blue cocked her head.
"Naruto?"
Naruto froze.
"Wait...Tora? What the hell is a Tora?"
Across the room Blue swallowed, a furry tail vanishing from her mouth.
"BLUE!"
The girl whined softly.
"At least let me cook the damn thing, first! Gah, you need to learn how speak, too!"
"Naruto."
"No."
"NARUTO!"
"Will you get off?!"
It was the beginning of a life of infamy for someone who had once been called the dead last.
...and the beginning of the end for an-avenger to be.
"SHE'S SO CUTE~!"
Naruto face-palmed at Indy's unbelievable, unladylike squeal, rubbing sense back into his ruptured eardrums with agonizing slowness. It wasn't an angry sound, on the contrary, it was a cry of pure joy; the exultation of a proud parent. And, it was entirely, completely, WAY TOO LOUD! That shout alone could've killed Kaguya herself! Never underestimate loving mother! Rolling upright with an effort, he tried, and could barely understand the slew of joyful gibberish spewing from the hybrids lips.
"Oh, she has my eyes and she's so tall...
"Okay, I can see she's gonna be like this for awhile. Nap time...
Indy barely noticed.
"My baby, my sweet precious baby...!"
"Hmm."
Odd, had she just heard something, now?
Blue cocked her head to the side, considering, the motion sending the long curtain of her deep azure tresses bouncing ever so slightly as she regarded her prey. She'd been stalking him all the way back to the Uchiha compound, that long forgotten, dusty building that no one deigned to remember. Had to be careful. Quiet. Stealthy...couldn't be seen...
...why are you following me?"
Urk.
Uchiha Sasuke found himself wholly fascinated by the color. Mesmerizing. Her dark, dusky bronze body looked like it belonged in Kumo, not Konoha; that sun-kissed sweetheart seemed so wasted on Naruto. For the life of him, why? Naruto, the dead last, the only one who hadn't graduated. Naruto, who, rumor had it, now lived in the Forest of Death, training every day. Naruto, who the Hokage babied and allowed to do as he pleased, without thought or consequence.
Brown-nosing freak.
Not like this girl.
Her bright orange eyes ensnared him, this silent girl who never left Naruto's side. What was so special about him? Why did this sleek, powerful girl cling to the dobe, and not him? It should be him. The council had tried to enact the clan restoration act with her, and she'd just looked at them as though they were meat. Perhaps they were. Perhaps that was why she was following him. Had she reconsidered? Was she ready to leave that dead last, loser of a dobe behind?
Sasuke feigned a scowl. Ladies loved the scowl.
"What the hell do you want?"
Her smile grew.
"Food."
'Oh, it speaks! Wait, what?'
"Well, if its food you want, then I know this great takoyaki place-
She shook her head slowly, stepping closer.
"No."
"Whaddya mean no-BLEARGH?!"
Then she bit down on his neck.
Hard.
That was the thing about raptor teeth; no matter what form they came in, they were always deadly. A Uchiha Sasuke was dead long before Blue dragged him into the alley and finished the dead, grimacing slightly at the sour taste. All that remained to suggest his passing was a spatter of gore in the street, and the scent of blood. Careful to clean herself, licking her fingers clean. She had to keep this a secret, couldn't let Naruto know...
"Oi."
Damnit."
Blue froze as a shadow detached itself from the wall behind her.
Naruto frowned, glancing at the blood.
"You killed him, didn't you?"
She held her tongue.
In the end, Naruto simply sighed. Reaching down for her, he took hold of her wrist and tugged her upright. Then he started walking.
Blue blinked.
"Naruto?"
...let's get you washed up." he drawled, pulling her along behind him. "Before his fangirls come after you. So troublesome...
Blue was not deceived by this churlish scowl, even for a moment. Not in the least. She brushed her shoulder against his-their clothes briefly rustling-smiling at him until he was forced to smile back, just a little. She was happy, happy that he was happy, and so she capered about, glad at the prospect of a long respite. Her nose nuzzled into his shoulder as she purred softly.
"Happy?" she asked.
A long moment of silence passed between them.
"Yeah, guess I'm happy, too...
A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!
So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be two and they're utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face! Its unabashedly oozing fluff and all kinds of sweet, sugary goodness...!
(Preview!)
Blue frowned thoughtfully, her mind struggling to place the word she'd been taught by Ayame.
The strange horned man had told her about, it, too. She liked him. He smelled like Naruto.
"Love."
Rolling it around on her tongue, she said it once, twice, three times. Her finger-capricious things, these human bodies!-twirled clumsily through her shortened hair, the once curtainesque tresses now the shoulder-length locks. Short hair was good. It didn't get in the way when she hunted-FOCUS! Shaking herself mightily, the raptor girl sharpened her focus, refusing to be distracted. That pup had proved a pleasant enough meal, so she should've been able to focus with ease, but somehow the concept eluded her.
Love...who did she love?
"What're you muttering about over there?"
Amber eyes flicked toward Naruto, considering. Her mate. Her everything. Her all. Love. Blue grinned. The blond started slightly as she bolted upright, the motion sending her burgundy-colored dress swirling. In a single bound she reached him, alighting in an effortless crouch before him. Blue eyes bulged as she laughed, bearing row upon row of bright, pearly white teeth.
"LOVE!"
"Hey, what the hell?!"
In the next instant the hapless blond found himself bowled over by the slim form of the hybrid.
Humming softly, Blur buried her head in the crook of his neck.
"Love." it was a purr. "Love Naruto! Love love love!"
Naruto sighed helplessly.
"Hai, hai, I love you, too...
Yup, totally went there. Sorry, Akamaru! EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!
R&R~! =D