A/N: Lo and behold I return at last! As to the reason for my absence, a number of anoymous guest flamers are to blame, Doommarine54 chief among them. But I've come back out of the abyss to revive my works!

...off we go! Onward with Not So Clever! On another note, we see a bit of a time jump in this chapter, hence why its so short. Consider it an interlude of sorts, a promise of all sorts of hilarity soon to come.

"Why would you even...?!"

"I was hungry."

"CLEARLY!"

~?

Calories are Bad

Choji never saw her coming.

And how could he?

When you were being stalked by the perfect predator, a hybrid born to hunt-to kill-a being that could blend in with their very surroundings at will...well, you didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. If you could find them just by glancing over your shoulder, that would defeat the entire purpose of being hunted now, wouldn't it? Thus, he paid no heed to the slim shadow following him home that night after practice. He never saw it cling to the shadows in dark alley-ways, never noticed the slight blur whenever he thought to look straight at it.

He'd never been a sensory type to begin with, after all.

Even if he did possess such an ability, he never would've detected her soft footsteps over the incessant crunch of his potato chips in his mouth. Again, he didn't feel threatened. It had been weeks, then months, almost a year, even, since the last disappearance. Everyone thought the killer/kidnapper'd had their fill and while some had their suspicions as to who the madman was, none could truly prove it. Even the Hokage found himself flummoxed by the killings. The murderer seemed to bear no distinction between victim and prey; every now and then one would be found days after disappearing, alive, but scared out of their wits.

Others weren't so fortunate.

Some claimed it was a large lizard, others a young girl, and still others a woman as time went by. No one could prove anything of course, and when the strange happenings eventually ceased altogether, the village was quick to fall back into a lull. The crimes were forgiven, perhaps, but not forgotten. Still, at leas they'd stopped and he didn't have to...to...

Choji froze as a shadow fell over him.

A small part of him knew he could fight, could try to beat back his attacker, fight them off and flee.

That part wilted when he saw the teeth. A girl shouldn't have a smile like that.

"Oh." the Akimichi managed through a mouth full of food. "Shit."

The last his saw were those eerie orange, slitted eyes.

"MEAT!"

(The Next Day...)

"Kiss."

Naruto slammed his head into the desk.

"Not now, Blue! I gotta focus."

"No focus." The voice in his ear whined. "Kiss."

"Aargh!"

Heaving a small sigh, the exhausted jinchuuriki wearily looked up from his desk, suddenly intensely aware of something warm and soft pushing over the chair and against his shoulders. A pair of lips brushed against the back of his neck, quietly at first, then growing more insistent; like a puppy demanding attention. Even after being ejected from the academy, he still held a regimen, of sorts, thanks to that damned horned bastard; one Blue was doing her best to disrupt with her affections. She didn't know any better, after all.

Time, work, chores, she understood none of these things. She knew only instinct, play, hunger and desire.

The last one seemed increasingly prevalent today.

It took a supreme effort of will on the teenager's part not to turn around and give in.

Today's list before him was an exhaustive one; he had been tasked with fine-tuning his chakra control, learning this strange "Rasengan" jutsu that horned guy had given him, and many other things. In a small way, he was grateful. Tasks like this kept him from remembering that he was never going to be a ninja. But ninja or no, that didn't mean he couldn't become stronger, right? There was no rule against that. And Uzumaki Naruto had a very good reason for seeking that strength.

He had thing-people!-to protect.

"Naruto~!"

"

Clever or not, she didn't care. She wanted attention, and would not be denied. Slim arms wrapped around him, tentatively tugging at his jacket at first, outright yanking when he ignored her ministrations. "Gah!" Being much stronger than him, this had the added effect of all but spinning him of the chair and sending him tumbling to the floor. His head smacked the corner of the desk as he fell, sending stars spinning before his vision. By the time he recovered his "pet" had all but pinned him to the floor with her larger body.

"Okay, whaaaaaa...

For a brief moment, his jaw dropped.

She'd grown.

Again.

Blue was evolving at a prodigous rate, one he didn't entirely understand. In the span of only a year she'd shot up like a weed. A very tall, voluptuous weed. He'd grown as well, but it was rapidly shaping up that Blue had long since overtaken him. In hip-hugging slacks and a tight white tee she almost looked...normal, if one were to ignore the slitted orange eyes and wild azure hair. At least he'd managed to convince her not to hunt people for the time being. He hoped.

Until he saw that sly, sneaky smile.

...why are you grinning?" he frowned.

The hybrid's only response was a kiss.

"Happy."

"Why?"

Blue liked her lips, snatching up a dried droplet of blood at the corner of her mouth with her tongue. Dark blood. One that hadn't been there before. Naruto swore.

"EH?"

Shaking herself like a wet dog, the young woman fixed him with an adoring smile. She kissed him again, purring like a contented kitten moments later as she pulled away, grinning. She'd been high as a kite since she'd discovered the human practice; she seemed to take the opportunity to do so whenever she could, much to the dismay of a certain Hyuuga.

Naruto still couldn't fathom why Hinata burst into tears whenever she saw them...eh, must be a girl thing.

"Wait, you're not hungry again, are you?" They were already hunting twice a day now!"

"Happy." she shook her head. "Not hungry. Ate something meaty."

"Oh, good, I guess..

Naruto froze.

Sniffed.

Turned.

Slowly.

"Meaty?"

"Yes." Her head bobbed jerkily. "The fat one was delicious."

"DID YOU FREAKIN' EAT CHOJI, OI?!"

A/N: And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be one and its utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face! Its unabashedly oozing fluff and all kinds of sweet, sugary goodness...!

(Preview!)

Tsunade squawked.

"What in the blue hell are you?!"

The girl beamed.

"Blue."

"How in the hell did you get-

"Wanna train." she said simply. "Have to get stronger. Have to protect."

"And just what makes you think I'd ever train youuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!"

That was all she manged before the deceptively swift girl levered her into the floor.

"Train." she deadpanned.

"Jeez, aright, alright...

It was all Naruto could do not to cackle from where he hid in the bushes.

"That's my girl."

Yup, totally went there. Sorry, folks! EVERYONE'S FAIR GAME HERE!

R&R~! =D