A/N: A MAN LIVES!

A MAN RETURNS FROM SURGERY!

A MAN KEEPS HIS PROMISES TO THE FANS!

I've been running around like an absolute madman between my two jobs and its driving me up a wall. I'm also doing my best to update the ever recurring adventures of the "Not Going Home" series rather than do nothing at all. So here's an interlude for you all! I've been working hard to update all my stories as swiftly and rapidly as possible, but this dual job bit is keeping me quite busy. Any quotes and references belong to their owners. To them, I say! Not me!

Minor time skip of some time ahead here, so there's that as well. Sorry if its short, but I'm off to work. A man has bills to pay. Oh and remember to read "Clever Girl" if you're confused. That'll give you some much needed backstory if you're new to this silly little tale.

REVIEWS FEEDS MY ETERNAL ENGINE OF CREATION~!

Let the craziness continue, onward!

So in lie of a long conversation...

...or any other such thing...

...OFF WE GO~!

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

~Napoleon Bonaparte.

Shot through the Heart (Interlude)

Orochimaru considered himself a prodigy.

Nay, beyond a prodigy!

A genius!

For one who had forsaken everything for the sake of knowledge, there could be no greater glory. Wealth. Status. Peace. He'd given it all up, cast it all cast aside in his endless pursuit of immortality. No deed was deemed to heinous to achieve this most sacred goal; no action too vile so long as it produced results. He would happily indulge in a thousand failed experiments-and countless lives-if he could learn something new about the world and its inner workings. For this, he had thrown away his life in that wretched village and everything that came with it.

Knowledge was its own power, and in his firm belief, he who held all that power was the mightiest man in the world.

In time he'd used that knowledge to expand not only his repertoire of jutsu but to grasp the secrets he'd long since sought. What had once seemed little more than a pipe dream to his associates now belonged to him and him alone. Truth. Life. Immortality.

Eternity.

Everlasting life gained by casting aside one's body and focusing on the soul. Oh, flesh might decay given time, but the soul! It-his!-was eternal, free to hop from vessel to vessel whenever one host inevitably weakened-as all did given time-and now he would prove them all wrong and raze the village to the ground in recompense for their temerity. Shortsighted fools! They knew not the brilliance of his work!

But what was life without a proper vessel? No, to truly enjoy this gift he required a proper host. One above all others.

For a time he'd wanted an Uchiha to fulfill that role. Itachi would never do, not when he was ever on guard, thus he'd had to settle for a less...

...adequate container, of sorts.

Thus, when he encountered a strange girl in the Forest of Death, his first thought was to swat her aside-to strike her down-in his disguise as he had done the rest. He had no time for small fry and their minions; and while her blond-brat of a companion did prove interesting, his true goals lay elsewhere. Her appearance should've been his first warning; no human had eyes like that. Instead he foolishly overlooked her pale skin and wild hair, much to his later regret and thus, it came as something of a surprise when he tried to test her.

Least of all when she endured the blow and simply...stared right back at him.

It should've been a simple bite, a simple imprint of the curse mark.

Blue offered him a wide, toothy smile in response.

"What did the five fingers say to the face?"

Orochimaru's eye twitched.

"Why would they-

SLAP~!

The sannin's head snapped back on his elongated neck like a broken yo-yo, sending his body crashing into a tree.

He'd barely righted himself when she descended on him in whirlwind of blows; an elbow smashed into his solar plexus. Her uppercut hammered through his chin. A knee crashed into his chest, sending him tumbling madly to the forest floor. Not content to let him fall, she plummeted after him like a falling comet and smashed a foot into his ribs, hastening his uncontrolled fall.

And the ground greeted him like an old friend.

The impact didn't so much stagger as it did stun him; but it was the sight that awaited him when he opened his eyes that proved truly jarring.

"Are you having fun~?" her simple, guileless voice purred in his ear. "I am! C'mon, get up! Let's keep playing!"

Sitting happily on his chest, the hybrid beamed down at him, tail wagging like that of a pleased pup. In a fit of pique he struck out at her, unleashing a great gale of wind. In that moment Orochimaru glimpsed her eyes as she danced away, saw the red in them, blazing with a single pair of tomoe, and scowled. Slowly, erratically, he climbed back to his feet.

"You...you wretch...

No.

This couldn't be.

It shouldn't be possible.

And yet he knew it all the same.

"What's a wretch?" Blue tilted her head.

He hadn't believed-hadn't realized-Sasuke was truly dead until he'd snuck into the village during the exams; at first he'd thought it a rumor of sorts, some elaborate ploy to keep the last Uchiha under Konoha's control and out of his grasp. It was only when his spies-Kabuto chief among them-confirmed the decrepit ruin of the clan's compound that he realized his folly. He'd arrived too late. Not only had he been slain, but all traces of his body were eradicated. As if he'd simply been devoured by something, body and soul, until naught remained of him but a few errant stains on the walls.

It all made a horrific sort of sense, really.

They said the Uchiha brat had vanished. Even Danzo hadn't been able to properly explain what happened to the boy. He'd simply ceased to exist, and while there had been rumors, nothing was every properly confirmed so much as denied. The idea that he might've been devoured by this girl-this abomination!-was galling enough, but the notion that she might've somehow bastardized the boy's bloodline and made it her own-impossible as it might sound-was so absurd that he might have dismissed it out of hand were it anyone else.

Orochimaru was used to getting what he wanted.

For one who'd amassed power like candy, the snake wasn't used to being bested. Or even predicted at that.

And, like a petulant child throwing a fit when someone took one of his toys, he did just that.

Yes, he threw a right tantrum about it.

"DIE!"

The subsequent jutsu would've decimated anyone else; a great gale of wind that smashed through heaven and earth alike, ripping trees and soil and sky asunder. Another blast cleared the dust away, shredding through any possible survivors. Much to his dismay, he couldn't find the girl's corpse. No, he didn't even see so much as a hint of-

"Ha! You're it~!"

A hand tapped his shoulder and he spun, alarmed. How had she gotten behind him?!

"Hey, don't you know how to play tag?" his prey sang back, bounding on the balls of her feet as she gazed up at him. "You're not very good at this."

The ancient Sanin frowned and licked his lips with his grotesquely long tongue. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were making a threat."

A pale brow rose. "Well then? Do yooouuu~?"

"Do I what?" he spat, seething in silence.

Her gaze gleamed. "Know better."

He struck with frightful speed and she flowed backwards like water, hands still folded at her waist as the deadly blade of the Kusanagi swept just past her nose. Irritated by what he viewed as a slip on his part the sanin struck out again, dismissively flicking an elongated serpent at the girl's smiling face. She grabbed it and yanked him forward, hauling master and summon alike into her waiting grasp. The other shot out, slapped his feint aside and speared him dead through the heart with all the grace of a dancer.

She caught his retaliatory strike and and bent his wrist backward horribly; a twist sent it flying off entirely.

Only then did he see the hunger in those eyes, her gleaming teeth.

"Clever girl." Orochimaru hissed in silent horror.

Then his world became sheer agony.

He did not die well.

A/N: And you're to blame~! You give looooooooooove a bad name! Ah, I love that song. Sorry, not sorry! And there we go! I'm fairly certain no one has tried this angle, but after reading the actual Jurassic World novel, not the junior one, its a piece of crap-I felt kinda bad for ol' Blue. So I decided to give this a go! Hope ya like it!

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview and tell me what ye think! Thar be one and its utterly hilarious! This story's going to fly off the rails and laugh in canon's face! Its unabashedly oozing fluff and all kinds of sweet, sugary goodness...!

Now, I'm tired so I'm going to bed.

Enjoy the chaos below!

(Preview!)

Naruto groaned.

"Just eat your damn vegetable already, will you?!"

Her head shook violently.

"Blech! Don't want them! Tastes bad!"

"Hello, lunch."

Kankuro quailed.

Blue offered a rapid, startled blink.

"You'll have to do better than that, sweetheart."

Then their heel crashed into her chin and she found herself airborne.

R&R~! =D