Chapter 15

The Separatists set up a defensive base almost immediately. They refueled and repaired their ships as best as they could while waiting for a Federation attack or the word to move out. Whilst they did so their leaders met to discuss the next move. Everybody wanted to head out and find the Stone, but first they needed to determine where to go.

And where did these preparations leave Trio? Out in the cold. Princess Astrid and the Doctor might have trusted him, but the rest of the Separatists did not. To them he was just a mercenary, and they distrusted such people on principle. He and 2TH were excluded from the meeting, and the lower ranking Separatists kept their distances from them. Everywhere Trio went as he worked to fix up his own ship he could sense suspicious gazes following him.

"Do you have something to tell me?" he asked one pilot who was watching him with a particularly scornful gaze.

"No, I'm just keeping an eye on all suspicious characters."

Trio gestured to the ground, "At the expense of not keeping an eye on where you're going. You're standing in manure."

"What?" The man leapt away and frantically looked over his boots. By the time he realized he had been tricked Trio was long gone. Annoyed at being labeled a 'suspicious character,' he walked towards the outskirts of the base and sat down on a large chunk of cheese to think.

"If it weren't for me and 2TH, they wouldn't even be here," he thought angrily, "And this is the thanks we get! 'Suspicious characters'. Hah!"

He was half tempted to just take his reward money and go. Heck, he was half tempted to just go. Only 2 things prevented him from doing so. The first was his desire to see this thing through to the end. A part of him very much wanted to see if this Stone existed and what it could do. The second reason was Astrid. As annoyed as he was at the moment, he found the idea of parting company with her now, and such a departure would surely create hard feelings, downright unpleasant.

He forcefully reminded himself of that old and overused cliché which nevertheless remained a fact: she was a princess. Princesses did not normally socialize with mercenaries, or whatever the heck he was. Even if they had feelings for each other—and he told himself unconvincingly that they did not—what use was all that? She was of one social rank, he was of another, and those lines did not cross without consequences. He might be willing to try enduring that sort of thing—it could hardly be worse than all the abuse Alvin had heaped upon him—but he was not going to let the princess be raked over the coals by a stuck-up monarchy.

He growled at the thought of high society. All that trappings and glitter and luxury sickened him. Then he suddenly felt inferior and pathetic. He had no parents, he had no home beyond a spaceship, decent people avoided his company, and he had hardly any money or valuable possessions to his questionable name.

"What've I got worth fighting for?" he asked the sky.

"Me, of course!" 2TH rolled over to join him.

True, he did have a robotic best friend. "That counts for a lot."

"Of course it does. So, what is my best bud thinking about now?"

"Oh, just the usual. Questioning my self-worth and feeling disgusted with the rest of the universe." He stretched his arms. "Any news?"

"The High Command is still talking. This could go on for hours."

"Bud, are we wasting our time here?"

2TH snorted, or at least that is what kind of sound the robot made. "If those Homo-sapiens had any brains they would realize that if this Stone contains as much power as everyone insists it does, that must mean an enormous amount of energy, which any competently built scanner should be able to detect and locate."

Trio sat bolt upright. "Bud, are you saying you could pinpoint its location?"

2TH was triumphant. "And I'll betcha the good Doctor can't! It's—"

But at that moment a ship flew over their heads and crashed into a hill of cheese less than a furlough away. Without stopping to think they hurried over to it. By the time they reached it the craft was smoking.

"Hang on, that's a Federation ship!"

"Then we'll take the survivors prisoner. While I check for any, you start putting the fires out." Trio clambered onto the ship's top. He could hear shouts from inside, so he moved fast to pull the hatch opened. A large man, with a face covered in black soot and surrounded by a mass of red hair squeezed his way through the opening.

"Thank goodness! Fresh air!" he gasped. "I thought I was gonna suffocate if those morons didn't annoy me to death!"

"Hey!" a blond android tried to poke her head out. "If you had just gone back for General Eret—"

"We'd all be dead and you know it!" shouted a woman whom Trio could not see.

"We all nearly died just now thanks to your steering!"

"Well if you hadn't broken the controls when you tried to turn us around—!" said another male irritably. Trio eyed the large man who had just climbed out.

"This has been going on the whole time," he explained wearily, "That nut of an android wanted to go back and fetch her lover and we wouldn't let her."

"Androids have lovers?"

"Let's not go there." The man looked at Trio curiously. "Do I know you?"

"I'm H. Trio, and the one dowsing your ship is 2TH-LS."

Now, after scuffling with the others in the cockpit, a black haired woman climbed out. "Trio. I know that name. Astrid's man?"

Trio nearly blushed. "Well…I'm the man who got her off the Shattermaster, but I'm not her man, I mean, she's not my woman, I mean, we're friends, I think, but—"

The woman laughed and gave him a knowing look. "But you're with the Separatists, right?"

"I don't quite know that myself right now," Trio muttered.

The large man stood up. Trio felt a bit intimidated. "I'm General Vast." They shook hands, after which he looked around, "So this is Eren'dor?"

The two androids were positively delighted to see that the place was all cheese, and they leapt into the stuff and threw it around as if they were playing in snow. The more responsible members of the group did their best to ignore them.

"What a strange place to find a Stone of the Torque." Heather remarked.

"Yes, well, we'd better rejoin the Separatists." The General said, "it feels like—"

"Like wot?"

Everyone spun around, weapons raised.

"Like someone's spying on us," Trio said.

They were looking at a man, a potbellied man with a large stumpy peg-leg and a metal arm. He had several false teeth and long, braided blond hair and an equally long and braided beard. At the sight of so many weapons pointed at him he cowered. "Ya needn't attack! I mean ya no harm!" He slowly cocked his head, like a bird investigating something. "I'm-a just a'wonderin' who ya are and what yer all a-doin' here."

"Are you with the Federation?" General Vast demanded.

"The wot?" the man asked playfully.

"How can he be?" Trio asked, "I thought nobody knew where this moon was."

"If nobody knew, what's he doing here?"

"Stranded," the man replied, "Stranded long, long ago, just like the other one. Are ya stranded too?"

Heather slowly shook her head, but did not relax her fighting stance. "No, we're looking for something."

"Something or someone? Coz if it's the latter, I would say you've found someone, eh? Eh? But if it's the former, help you I could, perhaps yes?" he eyed them eagerly.

"He might be able to help," 2TH commented.

"I dunno, bud, he doesn't seem like he could find his own shadow," Trio muttered.

The two androids were hardly following what was going on, nor did they really care: they were too interested in looking the man over. They found the idea of artificial and interchangeable limbs intriguing. Trio was prepared to take the advice of 2TH and Heather sensed it might be their best chance, but General Vast was unconvinced.

"What's your name? And what do you mean by 'the other one'?"

The man's beard twitched. "I'm Gobber. An' the other one would be the Queen of this moon and its dwellers: Arsenic Loraine."

"Queen What?" Heather exclaimed as the androids declared they liked that name.

"Well that's wot locals call her."

"Locals?" Trio repeated.

As if on cue a small, cat-sized creature poked its bulbous head out of a mound of cheese and scampered over to them. It looked like a bright green lizard except it had scarlet wings. It was quickly joined by several others, all green but with different colored wings.

"Unknowns!" said one.

"From the Unknown!" said another.

"Oooooo!" they all said together. They looked at the strangers in awe.

"Meet the Terrible Terrors," Gobber said, "the Locals."

Heather recoiled. Evidently she did not like reptilian creatures. Trio, on the other hand, said, "Cute little guys!" The Terrors perked up happily, like a group of prairie dogs.

"Cute little guys!"

"He thinks we're cute!"

"I like him!"

"We should serenade him!"

"I should—you'd made his ears fall off!"

"Would not!"

They started wrestling each other. The others joined in without provocation.

"Ha!" Nut 2 laughed as they squabbled and fought, "What's so 'terrible' about them? They're like the size of my—"

At his words the Terrors instantly stopped fighting. Taking great offense one leapt onto Nut 2 and bit him in the nose.

"YEOUCH!"

"That's wot's so terrible," Gobber said. "Oh, that an' they can breathe fire,"

"Cool!" Nut 1 said.

"Just like what we can do with the Condor," Trio remarked.

"You can breathe fire too?" the little creatures asked.

"Well, my ship can."

They chattered amongst themselves. "Ship? Ship? What's a ship?"

"I ship him!"

"Ship him where?"

"Here of course! Then we can play all day long!"

The Terror on Nut 2 had finished with the nose and was going for the ears.

"GET IT OFF ME, GET IT OFF ME!"

Nut 1 was laughing her head off. The Terrors were cheering their fellow on.

"Keep it up, keep it up!"

"GET IT OFF ME!"

"Not until you surrender and promise to be a good boy!" the Terror growled playfully.

"I surrender, I surrender! I promise!" Nut 2 cried. In reality, he was hardly injured at all. The Terror, at Gobber's prompting, ceased his attack and rejoined his kin, who had grown bored with the fight and decided to examine Trio's prosthetic leg. Nut 2 laughed vindictively. "Haha! I had my fingers crossed!"

"Why is your leg like the fat one?" a Terror asked Trio, "Are you two related?"

"Not that I'm aware of, little guy," Trio replied.

"Oi! I'm not fat!" Gobber said indignantly.

"He thinks I'm little! And I am!"

General Vast had been watching this with growing impatience. At last he could not remain still any longer. "Look, it's been nice talking and all that, but we have other things to attend to. So unless you want to come with us and leave this place, we'd best part company."

"Leave this place!" The Terrors cried.

"Part company!"

One grabbed Trio's leg and clung to it. "You're not going anywhere! We won't let you! We like you too much!" The little guy looked ready to burst into tears.

"No, no, no," Gobber said, "Ya will stay here. The Torque wills it!"

These words made them pause. "What do you know about the Torque?" Heather asked suspiciously.

"Can a man live on Eren'dor and not know about it…and the Stone?"

That put a new weight on the balance. "You know about the Stone?" Vast exclaimed.

"Course!" he smiled slyly.

"Will you take us to it?"

Gobber's sly smile broadened. "Ah….no. Maybe…no…yes…probably not. 'Tis not my decision to make. 'Tis the decision of the Guardians. Besides, you should meet the Queen! She'll be mad about ya, oh yes, simply mad!"

"Guardians? There are more people here?" General Vast shook his head in exasperation. "Well, where are they? Will you take us to them?"

He nodded. "But first, you come. We eat, we talk." Neither he nor the Terrors would take 'no' for an answer, so the party marched, rolled, hobbled, or scurried away across the desolate landscape of Red Leicester.

.

Astrid was greatly relieved that the meeting had broken up. It had mostly been the presentation of scientific charts and debating how relevant any of the information was. But at last they had decided a methodical search of the entire moon was the best option.

She passed by a pilot. "Hey there, Split. Have you seen Trio around?"

"Who?"

"The man who got me here. Metal leg, coat with blue rings on it? He might have a round black robot with him."

"Oh him…the mercenary," Split sounded disgusted to even think about it, "no, I haven't seen him anywhere."

"Why are you checking your boots like that?"

"No reason. No, I haven't seen him. Not a hair nor a hide nor a shoe." He was lying but he was not going to admit he had been duped, rather easily, by a mercenary.

"Neither have I." The Doctor rolled over to them. "Of course, that's because I've been with you, Princess,"

"He might have left," Split suggested, "Maybe he's a Federation spy and he's gone to sell us out! Or maybe he took his pay and bolted. They usually do."

Astrid shook her head. "He didn't and he wouldn't do that."

"Oh? And how can you be so sure? Perhaps you trust him more than you ought to?" Split suggested.

"He makes a good point." The Doctor said, "He has completed his mission for us. How can you be sure he hasn't left already?"

Astrid rolled her eyes and pointed. "I'm sure, Doctor, because his ship is still parked over there. And I doubt even he has figured out how to fly through space without a spaceship, so unless he stole another ship for some bizarre reason, he has not left. Ergo, he is somewhere here. So where is he?"

.

He was, at that moment, entering an underground chamber carved into a mountain of cheese. Aside from the material it was made of the cave looked like any other cave. Gobber gestured for the others to take a seat, while he disappeared and returned with a large pot.

"This is 'tagunnia'." He announced as he handed out small bowls made of scrap metal, "'tis the only thing we eat around here."

"You don't eat cheese?" Heather asked.

"If we did that, the moon would disappear, wouldn't it! Now eat, eat!"

Only the Androids did not eat, for they had no need to. Trio carefully sipped a bit from his bowl, shrugged, and had some more. "Not bad." He glanced up at the Terrors, who were watching him eagerly, "Not bad at all."

"He likes it!"

"And we like it!"

"And we like him!"

One Terror, bolder than the others, approached Trio and began to sniff his fingers. Trio very carefully raised his free hand and brought it down until it was slightly touching the Terror's head. The Terror stiffened at first, but quickly relaxed. Growing more comfortable, Trio began to pet the creature. The Terror decided he liked this very much, so he climbed into Trio's lap and curled up.

The other Terrors were delighted and envious. At once they followed suit and started climbing onto Trio, knocking his bowl from his hands.

The humans found this amusing and enjoyed the affection. But they could almost see the alarms go off in 2TH-LS. He had a very possessive nature. He zipped forward, his zapper out. "Hey! Get off him! This is my human! You've already got one! Off! Off!"

"Oh Bud, let them be," Trio said, "I don't mind,"

"Well I do!" But while 2TH did not like to share his human, he also did not like to go against his human's wishes. So he backed off, sulking.

The Terrors clung to Trio happily. "We like you! We like you very much!" they looked at the robot. "And we don't like you!"

General Vast was getting impatient again. "That's all very charming, but why can't we get the Stone now? We're wasting time!"

"Time is irrelevant here," Gobber replied, "Have some tagunnia and be calm." Vast ate, but he did not calm down. Seeing this, Gobber shook his head. "No patience, no patience. Jest like every human." He sighed. "Ya want the Stone? Why?"

"To save the galaxy from the Federation." Heather replied with her mouth full.

Gobber smiled for some reason. The Terrors stopped climbing on Trio and paused to listen.

"The Stone gives unlimited power to whoever uses it!" General Vast said forcefully, "So we've got to get it before the Supreme Leader gets it!"

The Terrors started laughing. Trio looked down at them in confusion, "what's so funny, guys?"

"Before he gets it!" they laughed over and over, "Before he gets it!"

"He won't get it," Gobber assured them, "'E has to pass the trials first, and he won't ever get past 'em!"

"What trials?" Nut 1 asked.

"Three tests. On'y one that passes all will get to the Stone."

"Tests!" Nut 2 screamed, making everyone jump. "What tests? Are they math related? I hate math!"

"Where are these tests?" General Vast asked eagerly.

Gobber eyed the Terrors, who shook their heads. He smiled ruefully. "I didn't pass the second one. As for ya, general, ya haven't passed the first."

"What? We're being tested already?"

"I haven't studied!" Nut 2 cried.

"All o' life's a test," Gobber observed. "So…" he turned to the Terrors and pointed to Trio, "What d'ya think?"

"Sorry?" Trio said, confused.

The Terrors raised their tails.

Gobber grinned. "Oh, so this is going to be charades, is it? All right." The Terrors dropped their tails and raised them again, then repeated the movements. Three words? Three words. First word—tail half raised means one syllable, right? Right—it's been a while since we've played this—first word, one syllable."

A Terror sat down. Gobber frowned, trying to solve the clue.

"Ya sat down—you're acting like a dog. Dog sits down. Dog sits—dog heels—heel!"

The Terrors chirped happily.

"Does that mean he guessed correctly?" 2TH whispered to Trio.

"Evidently."

Gobber squared up for the second round. "Next word—one syllable."

Another Terror flapped its wings and started zipping around. At one point it made an odd gesture with its tail.

"Ya look like ya were trying to sting something. Sting something? And you're acting like—like a bee!"

The Terrors chirped again.

"Heel Bee—all right, third word. Three syllables this time. Now what are ya doing?"

"He looks like he's trying on a suit," Trio commented. He had looked that way himself back on Tat-tooing, when he was formulating his crazy wardrobe.

The Terrors chirped. Gobber cheered.

"Suit! That's the word! Second syllable—very small. 'The'? 'An'? 'A'? 'A'! So the word is 'Suit-a-'…what's the third syllable? You're running around like a bull! Bull! Suit-a-bull! Heel-Bee-Suit-A-Bull. He'll be suitable! I've got it!"

The Terrors cheered and Gobber applauded. "Congratulations, Trio, you've passed the first Test and may proceed to the second one!"

Trio had been enjoying the game almost as much as Gobber, but once again he was confused. "What was that?"

"Ya may proceed onwards. If you wish to, that is."

Have you ever had a moment where everything suddenly seems to be moving too fast? This was how Trio and his companions now felt.

Gobber understood their perplexity. "Look, the first test was to receive the approval of the Terrors. General, ya were too impatient. Mister Nut, ya offended them. Ya did too, Miss Nut, when ya refused to eat to tagunnia."

"But I can't eat!" Nut 1 exclaimed.

"They don't know that. You, Miss Heather, have rudely avoided them, and you, Mister Robot, have tried to harm them. Master Trio, on the other hand, likes them and they like him.

Trio paused. "So what exactly happens now?"

"Now? Now you proceed down the Ravine of Doom and face the next challenge!"

2TH was alarmed. "Ravine of what?"

"Sounds awesome!" Nut 2 cried.

"Sounds a bit corny to me," Nut 1 mumbled.

Gobber went on, "That's if ya want to, of course. No one's a-gonna stop ya one way or another. Yer free to do as ya please."

Before he could give any response Heather rushed over to him. "Trio, I am begging you, you must do this! You must! We're desperate for a final victory! Retrieve that Stone and bring it to the Separatists and we'll…we'll…we'll triple your promised pay! Quadruple it! Maybe even—"

Trio angrily backed away from her. "I don't just do things for money, you know!"

Heather fell silent, afraid that he would now do exactly the opposite of what she wanted, just to spite her.

Trio turned to Gobber. "Where is this Ravine of Doom?"

Gobber pointed down a passage. "It'll open up to the air soon. Just keep following it."

Trio picked up his things. He said testily, "Fine with me. Oh, and don't worry, Heather, General Vast. The Suspicious Character might just succeed where the Separatists didn't—again." He gave them a scornful look and started walking away. He was just nearing the passage way when 2TH suddenly came to his senses.

"He's going to try a bunch of death defying challenges and who knows what without me to guide him? Oh, I don't think so!" The little robot rolled after his friend as fast as his mechanical parts could carry him. Gobber was aghast at this but it was too late to stop him.

"But the rules! The rules say—actually, come ta think o' it, I don't know what the rules say."

"They weren't conceived with robots in mind?" Nut 2 asked, slightly amused.

"Look around ya, lad. How many robots do ya think we have here? The only machines on this Moon are crashed spacecraft." He suddenly grinned at the General in such a way that made everyone suspect he knew more than he was choosing to tell. "Well, we'll just wait here for him to get the Stone or fail trying. The Queen will be arriving soon, and we'll have some pretty interesting conversations when she does. Until then, have some more tagunnia. It's very good and tasty, yes?"

"Yes it is," Vast mumbled. He and Heather had butterflies in their stomachs, and not from the meal but from wondering what Trio was doing now. They also had his parting words in mind, which left a sour sting. Still, they needed food, so they helped themselves to another bowl. It was pretty tasty, they had to admit.

At that moment a Terror entered the cavern carrying something in its mouth, something with many hairy and twitching legs. He spat it onto the floor and began munching on it.

"What's that thing he's eating?" Nut 1 asked. "It looks disgustingly awesome!"

"It's a tagunnia in its natural state," Gobber replied casually.

The humans paled and their eyes widened. They put their bowls down, suddenly no longer hungry.