Chapter 17

Trio and 2TH-LS had entered yet another cave, and this one was so dark they were practically invisible to each other.

"Evidently Red Leicester cheese is not conducive for lighting purposes."

"Whatever you say, Bud. I wonder what this third challenge is going to be." Trio said.

"Hard to say, given the other ones we've gone through."

As they advanced Trio suddenly paused and looked down at the feet he could not see. "Do you hear that?"

"I detected it 2.56 minutes before you did. There's something on the ground."

Trio shifted his weight a little. "Something crunchy. Heh. Maybe we're stepping on crackers!"

He reached into a pocket and pulled out a small lamp. Fumbling a bit, he managed to turn it on and pointed it at the ground.

They were standing amidst moths. Millions of moths, all of them mottled brown and gray with big ugly, feathery wings, bulging abdomens, and long fuzzy antennae. Why they were not flying was anybody's guess, but they were scurrying about on every inch of the cave, from the floor to the ceiling.

Trio hated moths. Something about the way they looked really sickened him. And they were everywhere! They were starting to crawl up his feet and onto his legs. He even thought he felt some getting into his hair. He started to sweat.

"Let's…get out of here." He barely opened his mouth, for fear a moth might crawl into it. He took a few steps and then, to his complete astonishment, he saw Astrid standing before them.

"Astrid! What on earth are you—?" He took a step closer, but to his perplexity Astrid made no move. She stood still as stone, her face expressionless. "Astrid?"

She then smiled and instead of making his heart flutter, as her smiles usually had, it made his stomach churn. His anxiety increased a hundred fold when she took a step towards him, arms raised as if to embrace him, and then her skin literally began to rot away. Before their eyes her body decayed and her clothes disintegrated. The muscles putrefied rapidly and her bones grew more exposed, until there was more bone than flesh. Her eyes sunk into their sockets until they disappeared altogether.

"HOLY…" 2TH gasped.

Before them now stood a living, half decomposed skeleton, as brown as vomit. Strands of skin and muscles hung loosely from the outstretched fingers. The intestines and organs still clung to its ribcage. And it kept walking towards them. And as it did Trio suddenly remembered the hairy moths that were now climbing up his pants and down his shirt.

He wanted to run. He wanted to get out of this place and never return. He wanted to scream and wake up from this nightmare. That was all he could think about. Yet he was rooted to the spot with fear. Meanwhile, the skeleton was getting ever closer. Two more steps and it could touch him with those horrible fingers, which were almost claws. Its mouth hung open, as if grinning broadly. Several yellow teeth dropped out of it.

2TH suddenly beeped, or more correctly blared, in a panic. "Those pests are getting into my circuits!"

The sound of his friend in trouble brought Trio back to life. He shook his head and lunged at the skeleton, landing a punch squarely on its horrid face. The creature reeled but recovered. It tried to counterattack but Trio caught its arm and pulled it onto the floor, killing perhaps a hundred moths in the process. He grieved not. The monstrous creature tried to get back up but Trio pushed it down with his metal foot. There was a sickening crack of bones. He looked the skeleton directly in the eye (so to speak) and the creature saw there was no fear in him.

And just like that, the skeleton crumbled into dust and the moths vanished. The two friends looked around in bewilderment.

"What in the name of science was all that about?" 2TH cried. "Was that the third test?"

"How about we just get out of here before those things come back?" Trio hinted. He leaned against a wall, breathing heavily.

"Good idea."

They hurried deeper into the cave, wondering more than ever what was coming next.

"You know, I don't understand these tests," 2TH remarked after a period of silence, after they had had a chance to calm down and think things over. "First you have to be nice to Terrible Terrors, then you have to insult a two headed alien, then you have to fight a skeleton and a plague of moths? What's the connection?"

"I've been wondering that too."

"I mean, the first test is, what, compassion? Then your wits are tested, and then your bravery?"

"Compassion, wits, and bravery." He shrugged. "That's as good an explanation as any, I guess. I wonder if that third test is somehow tailored to each person's fears…"

"You mean…"

"Well, I doubt if Alvin went through it he would've been scared by moths or the sight of Astrid turning into a skeleton. Goodness knows I sure was," he added shakily under his breath. "It must've been some trick of the Torque."

"So if I'd been the one taking the test, I'd have seen you turn into a corpse and been surrounded by a plague of screwdrivers and wire cutters?"

Trio smiled. "Yes Bud, that's right. Living screwdrivers come to unscrew your machinery and leave you in a hundred helpless inanimate pieces."

"Brrrrr…"

.

General Vast could hardly believe what was happening to him. A few minutes ago he had been sitting impatiently for something to happen and now the wife whom he had not seen in nearly 20 years was sitting before him.

It was all he could do to utter the word "What?"

Gobber was behind him and burst out laughing. So did the Terrors, while Heather was almost as stunned as the General was. She had never actually seen Valka Vast before: the kidnapping had happened when she was just a child, but she knew the story well enough to guess who the strange woman was.

Valka Vast was as unsure of what to say as her husband was. At length all she could say was "Hello,"

Talk about a poor way to start after a 2 decades long separation.

She suddenly turned to Gobber. "You could've told me he'd arrived!"

"It was more fun this way," Gobber replied mischievously.

"Fun! I had the whole scene planned in my head! It was going to be the perfect reunion, and what happens? I slip on a piece of cheese and land in a heap in front of him! If you'd warned me I wouldn't have come in that way!"

"And ya would've spent 10 hours doing your hair, no doubt."

"I would not! It would've been done in that many minutes!"

"So she says, but ya wouldn't believe how long she spends fixing her hair whenever she's thinkin' about reuniting with her husband." Gobber whispered to Heather.

General Vast coughed loudly.

"Oh yes," Gobber said, "I believe you'll want to know what happened, yes?"

The General faintly inclined his head. His eyes were still wide with shock.

"Well, that's quite simple. Ya see, Valka here—"

"Gobber, I'll tell it," Valka Vast said sharply.

"Oh by all means, your highness."

She shot a glare at him and turned back to her husband. "Stoick, I am so, so sorry about all that's happened, but you must believe me when I tell you it wasn't by choice!"

"Not by choice?" General Vast said hoarsely, a glint in his eyes, "20 years apart and it wasn't by choice?"

"No, it wasn't! I crashed here and there wasn't a way to repair the ship! And anyway," she gestured angrily to the Terrors, "they ate the fuel tank!"

The Terrors threw themselves at her feet, wailing, "Oh we are worthless! Miserable and worthless! Forgive us, Great Queen, for our bad behavior!"

"Although that stuff was pretty tasty," one commented.

"And I've never breathed such a fireball as on that day!"

"But it gave us stomach gas, remember?"

"This is definitely not how I thought this reunion would go." Valka said wearily.

"Same," her husband agreed. "Oh, would you little pests shut up!"

The Terrors back away, terrified.

The General looked at his wife. "Why do they call you their Queen?"

She shrugged. "They liked the idea of it."

"And Arsenic Loraine? What's that?"

"I was delirious. I think I was trying to ask for my mother Loraine, but it came out wrong. Either that or they misheard me." She looked at the Terrors, who were grinning. She could not help but smile fondly back.

"Why were you delirious?" asked Heather.

"From the crash."

"Crash?" General Vast exclaimed.

"Perhaps you should just start at the beginning," Gobber hinted.

"Yeah!" The Terrors cheered, "We want a story!" They fell silent again under the look the General gave them.

Valka cleared her throat. "I just remember leaving that charity dinner—you remember, of course?"

"Of course." How could he forget the last time he had seen her?

"Yes, I'd left with our boy because he was getting antsy, and then I felt something like a bug bite and the next thing I know I'm in a cell on a ship."

"How did you get out?" Heather asked.

"I picked the lock," she sounded fairly pleased with herself. "But the alarm was raised sooner than I'd hoped. I got to an escape pod and took off, but they opened fire on me just as I was starting the Hyperactive drive. I was thrown off course and drifted through space for…oh, I still have no idea how long it was. I was half dazed and half starved for so much of it. Finally I came to this moon."

"The Torque guided her here." Gobber declared.

There was a pause. General Vast said "and then?"

She shrugged. "The ship was damaged beyond repair in the crash."

"Just like mine had been," Gobber added.

"And I've been here ever since." She said sorrowfully.

There was another, much longer pause. Again, General Vast was the one who broke it. "What about our son? What about Hal?"

His wife turned paler than she already was. "You didn't find him? I'd tried to, but once the alarm went off and I had to flee alone…" she looked down, her face contorting. It was clear she had wracked with guilt for years over whether or not that had been the right decision. "…I'd planned to escape back to you and get you to send an army after him, or we'd pay a ransom or something. Even after I'd crashed here and couldn't do anything, I still thought you'd find him. Are you saying you never did?"

Her husband shook his head numbly. "I would've sent an army after him. I would've given my last coin to get you both back safe. But no ransom ever came and I never was able to find out where he was." He eyed his wife hopefully. "Did you never find out who your captors were?"

"Oh yes I did." She laughed miserably, "That ship had cargo with Alvin the Glut's personal symbol on it."

Her husband's fists tightened. "I should've known! I thought it might've been him, but I had no proof and you don't go up against a mobster like Alvin on a mere hunch…but why no ransom demand? Alvin would never do something for free—unless someone else was paying him…someone like Viggo!" he spat the name. "That monster! And I'll bet those two are laughing about it right now!"

"Don't you worry," Gobber replied, "Old Viggo won't be laughing for much longer."

"What d'you mean?" Heather asked.

Gobber grinned again, this time rather unpleasantly.

.

Astrid had gone to the Centennial Condor hoping to find Trio there. She hoped in vain.

"Where is he? Did he get frozen in butter again?" She threw herself into a chair and tried to think. She was half tempted to contact the author again, but…no, she did not like that notion. It felt like using someone as a crutch whenever things went wrong, and that was repugnant to her. She might also learn a few things that she would prefer not to know.

Still, as she sat and thought she could not help but conclude something: she missed Trio.

Shouts from outside caught her attention. An uneasy feeling came to her stomach as she hurried out to see what was going on.

The Separatists had gathered and many were pointing upwards. "Look! Up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!" a pilot shouted.

"It's a plane!" The Doctor cried.

"It's—!"

"Monty Python's Flying Circus?" asked Split dryly.

He was close, actually, for it was flying and it did sometimes seem like a circus, but No. It was (sadly) not that. It was the Federation fleet.

.

The Supreme Leader sat in a chair, sipping an orange cocktail. He pressed a button on the armrest.

"Planet Saturn Targeted." said an automated voice.

He quickly pressed the 'Cancel' button and pressed a different one. This time a person answered.

"Yes, Supreme Leader?"

"Fire when ready." He replied languidly.

"Of course sir…but…"

Don Viggo de Cappuccino frowned. "But?" It was never a good sign when subordinates used that word.

"Well, sir…you know Lord Snot?"

"Unfortunately," he mumbled.

"Well, Lord Snot thought he could negotiate with the Separatists and thought he could convince the Princess—"

Viggo tapped his fingers impatiently. "Just tell me, Mister Larsen."

"Well…he just took a shuttle down to the surface."

The Don sat up. "What?"

"Yes sir."

He was very tempted to tell them to forget Snot and start the bombardment anyway. But then he relaxed. Perhaps he could work this to his advantage. After all, Lord Snot could take a look around and report back on what he saw (assuming the Separatists let him return). And if he by some miracle brought back Princess Astrid as a hostage, well, that could be a useful gain. "All right, Mr. Larsen, we will let him spend time with his would-be girlfriend. I would prefer to avoid bloodshed if possible. But keep your guns pointed at their base."

"Of course sir…oh, and sir?"

"Oh, what now?"

"You remember Dagur?"

"Sadly. I hope you mean 'remember' as in he's no longer with us."

"Well, in a manner of speaking…"

The Don sat up again. "What's he done now?"

"According to the security footage, he's also taken a shuttle down to the moon's surface."

The Don slammed his fist on the armrest. "What! Lock down that shuttle bay—!"

As he shouted commands a dozen automated voices began speaking.

"Planet Earth Targeted."

"Oxygen Tanks Disabled."

"Toilet Flushing System Will Be Reversed."

"Self Destruct Will Be Activated In—"

He pounded the 'Cancel' button over and over again until the voices stopped.

.

Still in the cave, Trio turned a corner and stopped. Before him was a small chamber, and in the center was a thin silver rod. Sitting upon the top of this pedestal was a Stone, about the size of a fist. It was electric blue and sphere shaped, with hundreds of facets, each one like a tiny mirror. Though the cave was sealed off from the light of the outside world, the Stone glowed brightly. Strange wisps of fog and vapor eerily circled the floor around it.

Trio looked around carefully, decided there was nothing to fear (which was almost scary in itself), and took a few steps forward. When nothing happened he grew more confident and took a few more. 2TH watched from the passageway opening.

Very slowly Trio raised a hand and uncertainly moved it closer and closer to the Stone. 2TH beeped anxiously. Trio finally ran a finger against the Stone. Nothing happened and he put a finger against it and held it there. Still nothing happened. Growing bolder, he wrapped all his fingers around the Stone and gently lifted it from its pedestal. He had expected the Stone would be freezing cold, as most rocks in a cave are, but the moment he touched it he felt warmth run up and down his veins and thought the Stone's glow had grown brighter. He held it up and examined it.

"Look at it, Bud."

"I'm looking."

"I feel like I'm looking into the very vortex of Time itself. I'm holding the power of all creation in my hand. The Past, Present, the Future; all Reality is mine to control. Are you listening to me, Bud?"

"Yes, and I'm not sure I like what I'm—"

"I have the power to do anything I want! I could raise myself up as a God over the entire Universe! Everyone would worship me and love me and fear me!" He was speaking much faster now, "I decide who'll live and who'll die! I decide who should be rewarded and who should suffer! No other Will but Mine shall exist!" He held the stone even higher and his voice grew louder. 2TH backed away worriedly. "I'll be the Ruler of All Existence! And I'll start by destroying all the moths and Suspicious Characters! Then I'll make myself a palace of marzipan and live on sweets for the rest of my life without getting any cavities!"

"All right, now I know you're joking."

Trio dropped the dramatic pose at once. "Well of course I'm joking! Do you think I want all that power for myself?" He lowered his hand. "I almost feel like taking this Stone from here would be a bad idea. People commit murder for all kinds of gemstones; imagine how many throats will be cut for a jewel that grants unlimited power to its owner."

"That calculation comes out to—"

"I don't need the exact number, Bud. I think suffice to say this Stone mustn't fall into the wrong hands." He examined it again. "But now that we have it…"

"Let's at least keep it safe for the time being." 2TH suggested.

"Agreed. And if we use some of this power for good causes…I could still end slavery or universal hunger, maybe?"

2TH cocked his dome to one side. "How does it even work, anyway?"

Trio looked at the Stone's center and thought deeply. A few sparks cackled around it and a cup of buttermilk appeared on the ground.

2TH was astounded. "All the power of the Universe and the first thing you do is ask for…buttermilk!"

"I wanted to start with something tame and trivial! Besides, I'm kinda thirsty." He picked up the cup and drained it. "That's better. Well, we've got the Stone now. Shall we head back?"

"Can it teleport us back?"

"Let's find out." He clenched the Stone and thought of him and 2TH back in the cave with the Terrors. And just like that, the walls around them vanished…and they ended up flopping down in the middle of a cheesy crater on top of the Canyon of Doom.

"OK, so it's harder than I thought."

"Considerably," the Robot beeped irritably. "My best friend is an unthinking muttonhead…"

"And my best friend wants to be disassembled."

"You're brave, splendid, brilliant, full of surprises, a kind and loving—"

Trio grinned as he got to his feet. "That's more like it. Now, shall we try it again?"

2TH said "No." They made their way back to the cave on foot (so to speak, in the Robot's case.)