Chapter 18
The Separatists leapt towards their guns and their ships, but they knew it was probably already too late. Still, they were prepared to go down fighting.
"Why haven't they opened fire on us yet?" The Princess wondered.
"Not that we're complaining!" The Doctor added hastily, his eyes glued to the Shattermaster that glided above them like a great beast.
They watched two shuttles fly emerge from it like remoras leaving a shark. The first came in for a landing. The second, which was some distance away and behind, flew westwards, causing some pilots to snicker.
"They're going the wrong way!"
"Wonder why?"
"Federation navigators, most likely. Those bozos couldn't navigate their own butts into a chair."
"And yet they managed to find us somehow."
"Well—"
Their attention returned to the shuttle that was landing before the Separatist base. Ray guns were pulled out and primed.
Princess Astrid could not understand it. If Viggo had wanted to fight on land, surely he would've sent an entire army against them, not just one shuttle. And if he had not wanted to fight on land, what on earth was this shuttle doing here?
"It's not Heather, is it?" she wondered. Nobody there had learned of Heather's escape or knew her current whereabouts.
The shuttle doors opened and then they understood. A few Federation soldiers emerged, rather nervously, and Lord Snot, the former Ace and current Second Man in the Federation (and a Traitor), came down the shuttle's gangplank. He wore a black cap that looked several sizes too big for him. One soldier held up a ragged white flag.
The Doctor could practically see the hackles rise on his compatriots. Nobody liked a traitor. Had it not been for the Flag-of-Truce, Snot would've been filled with bullet holes in an instant.
Lord Snot gazed around, trying to look both intimidating and indifferent towards the cold reception. He spotted the Princess and began advancing, but Doctor Ingerman at once positioned himself between them.
"She doesn't want to talk to you, traitor. And neither do I," he growled.
Lord Snot held up an apple. The Doctor recoiled. Snot grinned smugly. "An apple a day keeps the Doctor away! Now, then, Astrid—"
But Dr. Ingerman pulled from a plastic bag an onion that had a scent so noxious everybody within 10 feet of him, including Lord Snot, took large steps backwards and began wiping their eyes. "And an onion a day keeps everyone away. Let's see you get around that, 'my Lord'!"
His Lordship scowled at him. "I just want to talk to the Princess."
"And I just want you to go jump in a cauldron and cook yourself to—"
"That's enough, Doctor," Astrid cut in. "I'll speak with him, alone." The others looked ready to protest. She mumbled, "It might buy us time."
"Time for what?"
"Think of something." She gestured for them to step away.
Lord Snot came forward. "Look how beautiful you've become."
"Oh give it up already!" she yelled.
Stung by the outburst, he struggled to maintain his composure. "You know what I've come for."
"A Stone of immense power and my body, and not necessarily in that order!"She snapped. "And you're not going to get either!"
"I have the power to see that you're spared," he said fiercely, "Viggo's gonna wipe everyone out! You don't have to die with them! I don't want you to."
"That's very sweet," she said dryly, "but I'd rather die with the Separatists."
Lord Snot grew very angry. "It's that Trio. He's turned you against me!"
"You did that yourself."
Lord Snot ignored her. "But he won't take you from me!"
"Oh give me a break! I was never 'yours' to begin with, Snot! And now that you've become the very thing I'm fighting against, I like you even less!"
"Ast, you're breaking my heart!"
"Awww…but you need to have a heart before it can be broken," she spat.
He drew himself up. "I do too have a heart! A heart that beats wildly when I hear your voice! A heart that loves only two people in all the universe (and I'm one of them)! A heart that knows which side is winning side!" he looked at her eagerly, "Think of it, Ast! If we had the Stone, we'd be more powerful than the Supreme Leader! We could overthrow him! And then we could rule the galaxy! We'll bring peace and freedom to our new empire!"
"'Our new empire'! That kind of talk is like your brain: they're both a big pile of fungus!" She stroked her chin. "Still, I wonder how Viggo will react when he hears you talking about overthrowing him."
Lord Snot paled. "He'd…he'd insist you're telling lies to turn him against me!"
"Or he might just throw you aside."
"He wouldn't! He promised me you and all the power in the galaxy after himself!"
"Snot, The Supreme Leader is a liar! That's what people like him do! They offer you whatever you want so you'll use your power to help them, and once they're satisfied they dump you. Rather like what you'd do to me if we became a couple." She added darkly.
"I wouldn't!"
"You would—but that's a moot point because we're never going to become one."
Lord Snot's face went red. "Now look here, I've given you a fair chance of coming with me willing, and this is my final offer! Come with me right now or you'll never live to see another day!"
She smiled coldly. Even then, Snot found her so beautiful he tried to force her to come with him. She twisted his arm, knocked him to the ground, and pinned him down with her foot firmly pressing against his ribcage.
.
Up in the Shattermaster, The Supreme Leader had grown impatient. He pressed the button on the armrest.
"Fire at will, Mr. Larsen."
"Sir, my uncle is a good man. He doesn't deserve to be—"
"Not that Will, idiot! I meant fire whenever you want to!"
"Oh."
Viggo waited a few minutes. Nothing happened. He pressed the button again.
"Mr. Larsen?"
"Sir?"
"Why haven't you fired yet?"
"Well, you said whenever I wanted—"
The Supreme Leader's ferocious response nearly blew out the microphone speakers. "EXTERMINATE THEM!"
.
As was custom, the gun crews began crying excitedly, "Exterminate! Exterminate!"
.
On the Moon, the Separatists began pointing upwards. Astrid's eyes shot up and she saw the guns of the Shattermaster turn towards them. A few pilots ran to their ships and others for cover but she knew it would not make any difference. Snot's mouth fell opened. He simply could not believe his master was opening fire when his own apprentice was in the targeted area. Astrid felt a little triumphant that her point had been proven, but it was a hollow victory now.
Everyone braced themselves and drew what they knew could very well be their last breath.
And then a loud and cheerful voice rang out over the whole base.
"Goooooooooood Morning Eren'dor!"
It was Trio.
.
Now, about the same time that Snot was having his talk with Astrid, Trio and 2TH had made it back to the cave, where they were greeted by an anxious group of people, all of them asking "Did you get it?" Trio smiled and held up the Stone.
"It's ours."
"Yours." 2TH corrected.
"I haven't felt this relieved in years." Heather commented to General Vast, who looked like he had not breathed for a long time.
"This will be a day long remembered. I find my wife and end the Federation."
2TH was looking around. "Where have those androids got to?"
As if on cue Nut 2 wandered into the cave. "Hey guys, since when do the Separatists have an exact replica of the Shattermaster?"
The relief vanished. Heather nervously asked him what he meant.
"Well, the Shattermaster is up in the sky right now and I assumed—"
Everyone rushed past him outside to see for themselves.
"I can't believe it! They found us!" General Vast cried. Then his gaze brightened. "So much the better! This saves us the trouble of going after them. We can end this here and now! C'mon, Val, let's go decaffeinate Supreme Leader de Cappuccino!"
"That's exactly what the Torque wills." Gobber said.
At those words General Vast rounded on him. "All right, out with it! What is it you're keeping from us? Val, what's he talking about?"
Valka shrugged. Gobber held a hand up. "A story for a better time. But rest assured, the Torque is leading Viggo to his destruction!"
"How?" Nut 2 asked.
"A story for a better time."
"Sorry, but I think a few tips right now couldn't hurt." Trio hinted.
"A story for a better time!"
"Could you at least tell us the ending?" Nut 1 asked.
"A story—"
"—for a better time!" the Terrors exclaimed gleefully.
"Maybe we should just contact the author again," 2TH mused. "They might tell us,"
Trio looked at his friend. "Contact who?"
"Or we could just go and find out by experiencing it." The General snapped. "Come! Let's rejoin the others!"
"Indeed, lets." His wife agreed vigorously. "Let's win this fight and go home!"
"I've kept your study exactly the way you left it, by the way."
"Really? Have you been cleaning it?"
"Um…say Trio, do you think that Stone could clean her study?"
"I think we have some higher purposes to use it for, actually" He replied.
"Like ordering a cup of buttermilk." 2TH said snidely.
"Just listen to them," Nut 2 remarked to Nut 1, "they sound just like us when we're talking. We're going to get on so well with these people."
Heather cleared her throat loudly. The others got the point and at last began exiting the cave.
General Vast was in his element. "Now, when we return, the plan will be—"
"Not so fast!" All of a sudden, Heather's brother Dagur stepped out from behind a cheese mound. His whole body was tingling with excitement. He held a laser sword in one hand and an electric shield in the other. The Separatists instinctively tensed up.
"It's Lord Dagur! He's come to deactivate us!" the Androids screamed.
Heather ignored them and stepped forward. "How'd you even get here?"
Her brother grinned. "I took a shuttle when we arrived. That ship you stole still had a working tracker. I've been waiting for you."
"Clearly."
"We meet again at last! When you left me I was out of power. Now just give me the Stone and I'll be the Master!"
"Oh really? You mean you'll get a TARDIS and a Sonic Screwdriver and everything? Will Doctor Ingerman become your arch enemy?" Trio asked carelessly.
Dagur was confused. "Doctor who? What? What are you talking about?" He raised his laser sword. "Oh it doesn't matter. Just give me the Stone!"
"Hah!" General Vast stepped forward but Heather held up a hand. "I'll take care of this, sir. You and the others head back."
"You sure?"
"This is a family matter." She said coldly.
Trio pulled what looked like a CD disk from his pocket and tossed it to her. "This might come in handy."
She caught it uncertainly. "Um…thanks?"
Dagur laughed. "What's she gonna do? Play music so irritating it makes my head explode?"
But his laughter was stopped when Heather unwittingly pressed a button and the disk suddenly expanded to the size of a trash can lid. A trash can lid with spikes sticking out of the rim. It was a retractable shield.
"Cool!" Heather said brightly.
Dagur was outraged. "Hey! Mine doesn't do that!"
.
They left the two siblings to settle their family matters and hastily rejoined the Separatists. None of them were pleased to see Snot there, but it was hardly the time to talk about it, as the Shattermaster about to open fire on them. 2TH produced a microphone from a compartment, which Trio grabbed and yelled into.
Everyone stared at him, but to their surprise the Shattermaster's guns stayed silent.
.
Trio's words also startled the people on the Shattermaster, as did his sudden appearance, mostly because it seemed crazy that a man would walk into an area targeted for bombing. That and the fact that Alvin the Glut was screaming his head off at the sight of this man. His shouts were so loud that even Viggo could hear them clearly, and he thus deduced who this newcomer was.
From the Shattermaster observation window the Supreme Leader looked down curiously. So this was the boy he had heard so much about. He noted how every Separatist was looking at the boy, who seemed cheerfully dismissive of whatever danger he might be in, with perplexity mixed with some relief. Evidently this boy had some scheme up his sleeve. Don Viggo noticed he had a hand behind his back, as if to conceal something, and his heart leapt. He at once ordered the bombardment cancelled (to the disappointment of the gun crews) and reached for his own microphone. This was connected to a very powerful speaker, so that everyone on the ship and the moon below could hear what he said.
"Am I speaking to Mister H. Trio?"
"That's right," was the boy's answer.
"Remind me, what does the 'H'—"
"It stands for whatever you want. And I take it I'm talking to the Supreme Leader Don Viggo de Cappuccino, Morten's son—phew, say that fast six times."
"That is…correct."
"Good. I have a proposition for you." He revealed his hand and held up a large blue Stone. Viggo's heart leapt again. "I have here the Stone of the Torque and I'm not afraid to use it. So, you give up your power and call off your attack, and you get to live. Refuse and I'll use this stone to turn your ship into a piece of scrap metal and you along with it. Deal?"
The crewmen looked at each other nervously. They were clearly hoping Trio would not include them in the scrap metal mixture.
The Supreme Leader smiled. "Bold words. Now you'll hear me. You give me the Stone and I'll spare your lives. I'll even name you as my successor. You'll be the second richest and most powerful man in the galaxy, and you'll have everything your heart desires. How does that sound?"
.
"That's what he promised me!" Lord Snot exclaimed indignantly.
"Told ya he's a liar," the Princess retorted.
.
"Why should I believe you'll keep your word?" Trio asked, "You are, after all, the Head of Government."
Don Viggo frowned. This boy was smarter than the others who had fallen for that promise. "Those are my terms, my friend. Take them or leave them. As a reasonable man, I am willing to do what needs to be done to keep the peace. But when it comes to the action, I'm as good as any. I detest bloodshed—everyone make a note of that for the next press release—but I'll do what it takes to keep my power." And obtain more, he added mentally.
"And if I refuse?" Trio asked.
"Then I'll bomb your base and pluck the stone from your cold dead corpse."
"Can you do that before I use this Stone to blow you to smithereens?"
"Can you learn to wield that Stone before I transmit the order to fire?" The Supreme Leader asked icily.
"Your overconfidence is your weakness,"
"Your faith in your friends, cause, and yourself is yours!" Viggo retorted.
"Mine's Lord of the Rings," a crewman said.
Another raised his hand eagerly. "Oooh! Oooh! Mine's Van Gogh artwork!"
"Robin Tunney, I mean, she's so beautiful!" said yet another dreamily.
"I like those chocolate bars with the slightest dashing of peanut butter and marshmallows—"
"Shut up, all of you!" the Supreme Leader snapped, "Try to remember I have a reputation to maintain!"
.
Down on Eren'dor Trio stroked his chin thoughtfully. "So we have reached an impasse."
"I'm afraid so," was the Supreme Leader's response.
Trio hid the nervous feeling he now had in his stomach. He had no idea if he could make this Stone damage the Shattermaster before she bombarded them, and the likelihood that her crew would probably die if he did damage her struck him as repugnant.
Trio turned to General Vast. "How powerful is this guy? Physically, I mean,"
"I could've killed him easily if that traitor Snot hadn't distracted me." He glared at the boy, who looked away quickly.
"So he's not much of a fighter?"
"No."
Trio smiled and picked up the microphone again. "All right, Viggo, I have a new proposal: single combat. Select a weapon and fight me. The one who survives gets the Stone."
Astrid was appalled to hear this. "What? No! Are you crazy?"
"Don't worry; I know what I'm doing. Well, Viggo? Shall we settle this once and for all? Of course, you can always refuse. Some might even say you have no need to fight me. But I really can't believe the All-Powerful Supreme Leader would turn down the chance to fight against a mere mercenary and a suspicious character."
Split looked away shamefully at the look Trio gave him as he spoke.
.
Up in the Shattermaster it was Viggo's turn to smile, though his fists were clenched. "Clever, boy," he said to himself, "if I refuse, my authority is weakened. But am I a match for him? Probably not or he wouldn't have challenged me. He's so certain he's going to win…and if I lose this I lose everything…"
Staring down at the moon with a cold, souring glare
Aimed at those traitors who'd caused him such woe and care
For he knew how these traitors thought he was cruel
And would love crushing his exemplary rule.
"And they're arming their weapons, that most pitiful band!
The battle to end this war now is at hand!"
Then he clenched his gray teeth as if angrily grinning
"I must find a way to keep my foes from winning!
For if I lost, I know, no more work would be done
The workers would skip work, each and ev'ry one!
And then! They'd have fun! They'd have fun! FUN! FUN! FUN!"
How he loathed others who had FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!
Then the liberated would sit down and they'd dine
And they'd dine! And they'd dine!
And they'd DINE, DINE, DINE, DINE!
They'd dine on egg pudding and rare, aged, yak wine!
That was a wine that Viggo would not give to swine!
And THEN they'd do something he'd hate even more!
They would gather in groups of a thousand times four
One by one his statues would start disappearing
And his subjects destroying them would start cheering!
They'd cheer! And they'd cheer!
AND they'd CHEER! CHEER! CHEER! CHEER!
And the more Viggo thought about how they would cheer
The more Viggo thought "I must stop this right here!
Why I've been far too kind to that lot up 'til now!
I must stop that side from winning!...But how?"
Then Viggo got an idea. A nasty idea. Viggo got a terrible, nasty idea!
"I know how to win it!" he chuckled, "Yes I do!
"Very well, then, Trio; I'll be down in a few!"
.
"I can't believe he decided to agree." The Princess said, "And I can't believe you were foolish enough to challenge him!"
"Relax, milady, I can take care of myself," Trio replied.
"Like you did when you were frozen in that stick of butter and I had to—"
"Let's not talk about that. Everyone's entitled to being bested once." He said hastily.
"More than that in Snot's case," the Doctor remarked with a snicker. Snot gritted his teeth. Astrid took her foot off him, gave him a kick, and walked towards Trio. A particularly plump Separatist soldier came over and sat on Snot.
"Well I have complete faith in you." 2TH said to his friend.
"Thanks, Bud," Trio replied.
"Although the odds in your favor—"
"What were the odds of General Vast finding his wife here after 20 years?"
"Well…"
"Exactly."
"Wait a minute!" Astrid exclaimed. "That woman over there is the General's wife?"
"Yep. So, bud, I think this time the odds are in my favor."
They watched as yet another shuttle came in for a landing. It was considerably larger than the previous ones, but Trio assumed it was Viggo's private shuttle, probably loaded with lots of luxuries for the leader. He started walking towards it, but Astrid grabbed his arm.
"Why are you doing this?"
He smiled airily. "Why not?"
"A week ago you didn't care a thing about this rebellion, and now you've bet everything we've gained on a single fight! Why?"
He became serious. "You did once ask me 'why not use your talents to help people?'. Well, milady, I've made up my mind to."
"And what brought this on?" she demanded. "What happens if Viggo wins?"
Trio shrugged. "I'm sure someone else will find a way to finish him before he can learn how to use the Stone." He was tempted to give it to Astrid for safe keeping, but something about Gobber's words held him back and he kept it in a pocket.
"And you'll be dead!"
He shrugged again. 2TH paused and started re-calculating the chances of Trio winning, hoping very much his first calculation was incorrect.
"Hiccup, staking your life and everything which the Separatists have built on a single, one-on-one death match—"
"Well do you think I'd stake it all if I doubted the outcome that much?" He interrupted. "You know, less than an hour ago, perhaps, I saw someone I care about decay right before my eyes. And since that time I've been holding something extremely powerful in my hands. Such experiences make a person think about their lives and what they regret not doing. And you know what? Here's one thing that's not going to be on that list." He flung his arms around her and kissed her on the lips, hard. He pressed forward with such force she bent backwards, her back arching like a gymnast's. Everyone who could see them gaped at them and Snot most of all.
"Hey! Stop that! Stop it I say!"
They ignored him. If anything, Snot's words made Trio clutch Astrid even tighter and kiss her even more passionately.
How long the kiss lasted nobody knew, but it was certainly a lengthy one. When Trio finally pulled away from her he was beaming. He gave Astrid a confident salute and strode off to meet his opponent.
As soon as he left Snot started rambling. "Ast, are you alright—I'm so sorry he did that—must be so embarrassing—see what comes from mercenaries—the guy's a complete animal!"
Astrid was standing half dazed, a drunken smile on her face. She spoke with fervent breathlessness. "Yeah…such an animal…"
.
Trio stopped a short distance from where the large shuttle was landing.
"And just what are you going to fight him with?" General Vast asked, "The Stone?"
"The Stones not a weapon. Or it shouldn't be, anyway." Trio pulled something from a pocket. It was the hilt to a sword.
"That's it?" Valka Vast asked, trying to conceal her disappointment. "I mean…it looks nice and all that, but…"
Trio pressed a button. A blade rose out of the hilt and erupted into flames.
"You've got a fire sword?" Valka exclaimed.
"Do any of our weapons do that?" the General asked a pilot. Trio smirked at the stunned reactions and turned towards the shuttle, which had just finished the landing stage.
"Remember what Gobber said," Vast muttered to Trio, "You can win this, lad."
Trio took a deep breath and twirled his sword around as a warm up. Granted, he was warm enough already. He had just kissed an intensely beautiful woman and he was holding a sword of flames.
"And if you lose, we'll plant a bouquet military style on your tomb."
Trio spared him a sidelong glance that had 'please tell me you're kidding' practically written on it. But his attention was caught by the ominous sound of scraping iron. The shuttle's doors were lowering like a giant, menacing drawbridge.
And from it emerged a monstrosity on wheels. It was a gigantic tank, larger than two locomotives strung together side by side. It rolled forward on 8 wheels, each one the size of a boulder. Turrets bristled from each and every side.
"Look at the size of that thing!" The Doctor exclaimed.
"Size matters not." 2TH retorted.
"Um, in this case I think it does."
Snot yelled gleefully, "Hah! I knew you guys would never win! That monster will crush the guy into a plate! It's huge! It's bigger than my—"
"Oh shut up!" 2TH zapped him in the leg.
"You menace! I hope it squashes you like an orange!"
2TH zapped him again.
On top of the tank a hatch opened, and Viggo's head and torso appeared. "You said 'Select a weapon and fight me'! And so I select the Red Death, the biggest and most formidable tank in my Federation armies! Attack me, if you dare, boy! Of course, you could just give me the Stone now, and I'll grant you all semi-painless deaths."
The tank rolled forward, squelching the cheese beneath it. Spectators backed away quickly.
Trio took a deep breath and raised his sword. 'What have I gotten myself into this time,' he thought.