I hope you guys know that I do luv y'all because i'm going on vacation and I hate the idea of you guys having to wait longer for me to update. So if you haven't noticed I updated Grey Horse yesterday. So enjoy and happy Labor day. To those affected my the storm, you are in my prayers. Please be safe. Until Next Time...Muse.
X
A cool breeze crept up to her spine, making her awaken before dawn. She feels something is amiss, a soft gurgle in her stomach alarms her, a fear of dread swallows her.
In the past few days she has seen Fitz only one time. It's been oddly quiet without his subtle presences dominating the spacious room. Fitz is often quiet and reserved yet when they are together he's talking animatedly about life and she felt they connected on a level that their lips could never speak but what their souls felt. She knows he's still around only because Helen has mentioned him during the moments of quiet where no one knows what to talk about it if he's not the topic of conversation. How peculiar that must feel. Even when he's gone, he's still present. The conversation doesn't steer away from him though Daniel tries earnestly to do so.
This moment away from him has allowed Olivia to gain some perspective on this growing concern brewing inside her. Here she stands feeling the emotional absence of a man who is not her boyfriend, a man she barely knows. What exactly does this say about her? Daniel has his flaws but who doesn't. He's not typically aloof like this or cold towards others. The family dynamics in this house has her thanking her nonexistent one, but ever since the rose garden, Olivia has felt distant towards them all. In her unconscious, she has already sided with Fitz, they have all mistreated and hurt him. A hurt she is quite similar to; a pain she knows all too well.
"How are you doing, Olivia?" Jerry ask walking over to Olivia in the pool causing her to sink lower in the water as Daniel begins to swim towards her as they decided to swim around today.
"I'm fine, thank you." Olivia says shortly. Pretending is a new skill she acquired, but it's still a skill she can't muster when it comes to Jerry. After seeing his true colors, Olivia can barely stand to look at the monster. How can he be so cavalier when Fitz practically ran away to escape him, or was it her?
Jerry gives Olivia his winning smile before turning to Daniel. "We have a 5 o'clock meeting at the office."
"I'm taking the day off to spend it with Olivia."
"Reschedule. I'm sure Olivia could use a break from you." Jerry laughs hoping Olivia would laugh too but she doesn't.
"Actually, I would love to spend time with Daniel. I haven't seen much of him." And that's not true. Since Fitz's absence Olivia has been tending to Daniel while also enjoying the silence of being alone. She's gotten some work done but not enough when her mind kept revolving around these two polarized individuals.
"Come on my boy." Jerry says earnestly with enthusiasm.
Daniel looks between the two. "No. I'm staying home with Olivia. We are going out to dinner and having ourselves a date night." Daniel winks excitedly. Since returning home, he's felt the cold air between him and Olivia. He's felt her distance and he's noticed his own. Normally he would bend over and kiss Jerry's shoe to be in his presence and not have him yelling or complaining about Fitz but for the first time ever, he's doing something for himself. This is what he needs.
"Are we?" Olivia says excitedly
"We are."
Olivia kisses him warmly on the lips as Jerry stomps away upset.
"He's mad."
"Too bad."
/
Walking arm and arm, Olivia smiles as they enter Mr. Chow's restaurant on Beverly hills. The black and white checkboard title floors are sparkling clean. Escorted to the vip area of the restaurant. Olivia smiles at the chilled wine as the room is lit romantically with just two chairs placed under the white table cloth.
"Wow."
"You like it?"
"Yes." Olivia gushes as she looks around the five-star restaurant. "I've never been here before." Olivia squeals excited. In New York the two often venture out trying new restaurants and it's safe to say that with Daniel around Olivia never has to worry about going hungry.
"What do they normally serve?"
"I shouldn't say Chinese food but noddle's, ma mignon, their chicken satay is famous worldwide."
"hmmm." Olivia mumbles as she searches through the menu.
"I can't believe you did this?" Olivia smiles happily "how much did it cost you?"
"An arm and a leg, but…but it's worth it. You are worth it."
Olivia smiles at the compliment. "we needed this."
"We needed this." Daniel agrees.
"I'm surprised you did this especially with Jerry hanging around. I know how much you love him."
Daniel pauses for a moment trying to find the right words. "I wanted to be loved and my mother has always doted on Fitz; that left me Jerry…he's not perfect but he's taken care of me and…I think he loves me. He's basically my only parent."
"Daniel…" her words fail her. "Helen is so kind and…"
"She is" Daniel agrees. "But her focus has always been on Fitz…to be completely honest, Fitz is everyone's focus. She loves me don't get me wrong, she will still pick me in the end but her heart always smiles at Fitz and Jerry…while he hates Fitz for being defiant he still wants him to follow in his shoes."
"He's so cruel to him though." Olivia voices unsure if she should express her own feelings on the matter.
"Fitz, isn't this delicate flower everyone takes him to be. He's got his issues. And he's caused Jerry much grief with protecting him, which Fitz doesn't appreciate…but no more talking about Fitz or Jerry. It's just you and me."
And they talk while eating and they talk after eating while Olivia sips red and Daniel sips whiskey.
"Daniel, you need to watch this documentary it's beautiful and telling about racial profiling and our justice system."
"Olivia, I hate documentaries."
"No, you just hate emotionally charged ones."
"I just don't like them."
"You wouldn't say that if it was a marvel movie."
"That's because it's a movie." Daniel retorts.
Olivia shakes her head "you need to be watching this and take note of what's happening in the streets."
"Olivia…"
"You are going to have to be cultured, Daniel."
"Culture?"
"That means staying connected to the real world."
"And you are?" Daniel jokes
"More than you." Olivia quips back successfully ending the conversations.
Waiting for the check Olivia and Daniel make small talk until they see a familiar face walking in with a somewhat familiar face.
"Fitz?" whispers to herself surprised to find him walking in with a woman who looks like Sarah. Daniel taking note of Olivia's stare turns around to see Fitz walking into Mr. Chow. Shocked to say it modestly that Fitz would be in this expensive restaurant and how he managed to get on the list when it was down near impossible for him.
Olivia eyes the bright-eyed girl staring at Fitz as if he hung the moon. Her stomach churns at their conjoined hands. How did Fitz manage to afford this restaurant when he barely had enough money to last him? She shouldn't be jealous and she's not jealous. But Fitz is being careless. He has to live after tomorrow, how can he throw money away that he doesn't have to impress a girl?
"Fitz." Daniel says getting up to greet his brother and Sarah and Olivia follows suit.
The group shares an equal hello and introduction.
"Olivia, this is Sarah." Fitz says moving out of the way for them to speak finally.
"Nice to meet you."
"Likewise." Olivia says softly as she avoids looking at Fitz. So, she was wrong. It wasn't Jerry that made him run away. It was her.
"I had a feeling you were keeping Fitz away?"
Sarah looks at Fitz "Sarah insisted on having dinner and I couldn't refuse her. We are going to be catching up on everything we've missed out on." looking at their empty plates… "I see we missed the party."
"Olivia and I had a much-needed date to reconnect." Daniel says happily pulling Olivia in as she smiles at Fitz awkwardly.
"Of course." Fitz agrees "I'm sure you both are happy with the quietness in the house since I'm not there."
"Too quiet" Olivia says causing the group to laugh.
"How did you too reconnect?" Olivia asked not being able to control her own questions regarding this relationship.
"I had called Fitz wanting to meet up since we saw each other at Helen's party, it's been so long since we last saw each other and we started talking on the phone and…"
"It's been nice." Fitz agrees not wanting to elaborate or make anyone feel jealous.
"It's been more than nice." Sarah giggles
"Okay, it's been really nice." Fitz says causing everyone to giggle except Olivia who chuckles softly but not enough to actually laugh.
"That's good." Daniel says
"Well, we don't want to hold you guys up." Daniel says signaling for him and Olivia to take their leave.
"See you later." Olivia grabs her purse and jacket as Daniel escorts her out; turning around to look back at Fitz who never turned around, Olivia felt the sting of his rejection and it wounded her in more ways than one.
When they arrive back to the ranch they sit and talk to Helen who's having a night cap. With Jerry away at a late dinner meeting, Olivia's able to enjoy herself and feel at ease.
"What was Daniel like as a child?" Olivia ask
"Oh, very high strong and loyal. He always wanted to be like his dad."
"I had a brief case that I would carry around with me so I could go to work like him." Daniel says with a smile.
"and Fitz?" Olivia brings up wanting to put some pieces together.
"What about Fitz?" Fitz says walking in the door, kissing Helen on the cheek as he sits down beside her.
"What are you doing here? I thought you had a date with Sarah. Wasn't expecting to see you tonight." Daniel asked surprised by Fitz's return
"I dropped her off at home." Fitz says with a finality. "now, what was the question?"
"What were you like as a child?" Olivia ask again this time looking at Fitz.
With his head down, Fitz smiles fondly at the distant memories. "happy. Very happy." He says softly.
A moment of silence fills the room as no one can seem to talk after Fitz's testimony.
"Well, I'm going to bed. "
"Daniel, it's only ten o'clock?"
"It's 10:45, which means it's 45 minutes over my bed time." Daniel jokes kissing Olivia on the lips and Helen on the cheek.
"You going to bed?" Daniel ask waiting for Olivia.
Looking at Helen and Fitz, Olivia turns to Daniel grabbing his hand warmly "I'm going to stick around, if you don't mind."
"Not at all. Have fun." Daniel says walking upstairs.
"Daniel, always been an early bird and an early sleeper." Helen says with a laugh.
"He's predictable in many ways. He can't stay up late if his life depends on it. At the New Year's Eve party he took a nap because he couldn't do it." Olivia says causing the group to laugh
The three manage to stay up another hour laughing with Olivia mostly listening to Fitz and Helen talk. So many questions are brewing about how he came to be a part of this family and how he managed to attach to Helen when Daniel seems incapable of it.
Hiding her yawn with her hand, Helen rises from her chair bidding Fitz and Olivia goodnight.
"And then there were two…" Fitz whispers causing Olivia to smirk at his comment. Partly worried about being in his presence again after their enlightening conversation.
"You've been away." Olivia acknowledges moving to walk outside not wanting anyone to listen in on their conversation.
Without a word Fitz lets Olivia lead the way outside.
"I've been away, surprised you notice."
Olivia makes a face of hurt. "How can you say that? Of course I noticed."
Fitz doesn't respond and Olivia feels the iciness coming from him, it's unlike anything she's felt with him before. Even when he's angry he's always nice and kind…this time…maybe Daniel is right about Fitz.
"I tend to leave when I become overwhelmed; I'm sorry." Fitz apologies walking away towards his barn with Olivia following him.
"What does that mean?"
He licks his lips as he tries to find the right words to convey what their last encounter meant to him.
"That time we spent together in my mother's rose garden awoken a feeling I thought I had let go long ago…I don't talk about my mother…I don't talk about my upbringing or my family. I just don't. but …you…I feel vulnerable around you but not in the way I expected…it's as if... I want you to know me…to see me…and when I feel that I am getting close to someone I tend to push them away."
"Why are you pushing me away?"
"Because I can't have you." Fitz says simply turning to look at Olivia. "I'm not even sure what this means and why I feel the way I do about you but I do…and I'm struggling."
The silence is stifling, for what seems like eternity they sit in silence him by the window with the moon light shining on him, and her in the dark. Unable to endure the dark and remain in a room full of silence she speaks.
"Please look at me"
He sits motionless aware of her watchful gaze. He curses himself for casting glance at her. The sight of her dress, the curve of her back, dark hair drapes her shoulders; the smell of her sweet scent engulfs him and he knows he's completely under her spell.
"Did you have fun with Sarah, she looks like a nice girl." Olivia says attempting to move the conversation towards a more neutral topic that she would like to discuss.
"Yes."
"That's good." Olivia murmurs "she's very pretty."
"That she is." Fitz agrees causing Olivia's stomach to drop and her heart to sink just that further.
"Do you like her? Everyone seems to think you two would make a good couple?"
"What do you think?"
"It doesn't matter what I think?"
"I think it does."
"Fitz…"
"Answer" he pleads
And with a minute of silence, Olivia must decide whether to agree and send him to her doorstep or have him stay here with her and string him along further.
"Yes." She whispers
Fitz nods his head without saying a word.
"Why haven't you been home?"
"Where do you think I've been?" Fitz asked moving towards Olivia but not enough to threaten her space.
His emotions made little sense to him. Neither did his anger at wanting something with someone who's clearly wanting the opposite.
Jealously is an ugly feeling, that has left him feeling inadequate- never has he felt such raw emotions for a person.
She freezes at his comment, and silently withdraws. If he knew how highly she thinks of him, he wouldn't second guess how he's impacted her in such short period.
"Sarah, is one lucky girl to have a man like you." Olivia answers honestly
"Thank you."
"Fitz…why do I feel this distance between us?"
"Because I need it."
"I'm sorry for listening to your conversation with Jerry…if I knew…"
"Don't be sorry."
"I am though because, now you don't want to talk to me…you can't even look at me." She whispers softly as she tugs at his hand to move and face her.
"I'm glad you were there. You were meant to be there."
His voice is husky, his breath warm on her neck. His head lingers "and you're right I can't look at you." Olivia lifts her head up to look at him and she wishes she never did. But it's too late. In the week that they have seen and known one another, Fitz has managed to find a space in her heart that she didn't know was vacant.
"I can't stand Jerry." Olivia says causing Fitz to laugh loudly and not a generic laugh he does when trying to be polite but a real laugh that takes place in the distal part of his diaphragm radiating all the way towards his mouth.
"Well that makes two of us."
A moment passes where they both know they should part and go to their respective rooms but she can't seem to break away from him, regardless of how many times she tells herself too, it's fruitless. Like the countless women who stood before, Olivia's stuck like the rest of them.
She barely knows him yet Olivia has found herself dreading the time where she must go on with her life and not see him every day.
His movements cautious and gentle, he turns Olivia in his arms to face him. She studies him as his eyes wander her face, his own set in an expression of near affliction. He lifts a lock of hair from her eyes.
"Goodnight, Olivia."
He pulled back and she felt his withdrawal emotionally and physically.
Without a word, Olivia walks away to her room. She can't force him to talk to her, and she can't force herself to stay when he's clearly over the moment.
She tosses and turns throughout the night not being able to sleep. Not likening how their conversation started and more importantly how it ended.
In one week, she will go back home to New York with Daniel and with time she'll forget him. It's not hard to miss someone you barely know. It wasn't what Fitz said that wounded her but how he said it. Fitz never answered her question now that she thinks about it, then again does he ever question her if she's sleeping with Daniel.
Goodness, Daniel.
Olivia turns over and watches him sleep. He doesn't deserve this. This emotional bond she is forging with Fitz, isn't fair to anyone. Not to her. Not to Fitz and most certainly not Daniel. They all deserve better.
Grabbing her robe, Olivia walks to Fitz's pool house, knocking softly at the door Olivia waits for Fitz but he doesn't come. With the lights on, Olivia walks inside. She looks at the large room with a kitchen and separate living room. Though Olivia knows Fitz didn't decorate this house she can feel his warmth all around it. It's sincere. The summer breeze coming through the cracked windows, the dim lit lights giving the room a cozy atmosphere, Olivia stops at a photo of a young boy who she assumes is Fitz with a beautiful woman resembling him holding him tightly as they smile at the camera.
Olivia sees steam coming from under a door. And suddenly Oliva's heart stops beating. She needs to go; she needs to leave now, but the idea of Fitz calling Sarah to come see him rings in her ears that she has to look for her own peace of mind or her own insanity.
Gently she opens the door and finds him in the shower. Alone.
She blushes at the sight of him in the incandescent light. She turns quickly, looking away, she feels her cheeks heat up further as she does so. She berates herself for it. His body itself is a work of art; His massive shoulders, his sculpted back, his firm buttock, his wet hair still showing the signs of curls. Steam is covering the room and fortunately for Olivia she can't see Fitz's most personal part but every second watching him shower, Olivia finds the air becoming denser as she struggles to breath. The steam is rising and Olivia knows she's partially to blame for it.
Olivia watches him keenly, catching every action, every movement of his face, his hands that have dropped to his somehow hidden palace. Saliva pulls in Olivia's mouth and internally she's telling herself to run. To leave. To let this man have a moment to himself, but she's frozen to this moment of intrusion. Despicable is what she calls herself, Fitz deserves his privacy and still she can't even grant him that action.
He's moaning. No words are being expressed but occasionally he moans and curses as he rubs himself with his eyes closed. But this time he's breathing hard again, and he whispers a soft syllable that can't be Olivia.
She feels confused as more wetness pools between her legs. A faint blush rises to her cheeks at his brazenness at calling out her name in the heat of the moment. She blinks knowing he didn't say her name but he says it again and again as his voice drops an octave.
His eyes snaps open at the sound of the air conditioning coming on, and suddenly the blood drains from Olivia's face. Can he see her? Does he know she's there?
She doesn't run. Despite everything telling her to. He knows she's there. She can feel it.
With his head held high, Fitz stares at the mirror, gazing at Olivia as he begins rubbing and tugging at himself with more vigor and attention than before. Waiting several minutes Olivia looks up, and encounters that intense dark gaze that pins her to the spot. His expression is focused, his eyes burning with something she can't quite describe but whatever it is she feels it. She most certainly feels it.
He stares at her as he climaxes until he's no longer able to sustain the pleasure erupting through him.
He looks at her, a long look all over that makes her thighs shift uncomfortably as she throbs in time with her pulse. She wonders if he reflects her, if she looks as wrecked as he.
His ashen eyes meet her lingering gaze. Her gaze shifts slightly with uncertainty with what to do next. Her hand grabs the door handle, all it needs is the slightest push and she would see him. All of him. Her hands whiten as she holds the handle tightly, but she can't bring herself to open the door further and put them both out of their misery. But she can't and he doesn't expect her too.
Counting to five, Olivia forces herself to leave. Their conversations while always exceeded the common brother in law relationship, still had a platonic view of if they would cross the line, but today they have reached the point of no return.
Olivia has fallen, she's slipped desperately at his proximity. It's not him that's struggling to control himself but her. Chastising herself, Olivia is reminded that forming attachments of any kind regardless of their connection will lead to a sense of imbalance in her life that will be out of her control.
But it's too late.
The damage has been done.