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Deirdre - Gran 757

"So many frightening you today, huh?" I whispered, resting a hand on the tree trunks. Every tree within the Spirit Forest was a resting place for a wandering fairy or a lost ghost because these trees were filled with sacred, quiet power. It was that power, which blended together the mortal realm with others, that made the Forest hard to navigate for strangers. They needed the friendship of the trees, so that the trees would help guide them. "Is it another army?" The leaves rustled above my head and I sighed, smiling bitterly. An army had passed not long ago, marching through the lone 'mortal' path through the forest. "Do not fret. Your home will not be lost." Though I was sure they were not happy that so many new ones would join them in the trees. Particularly since their branches were already sagging from the weight. "I wonder…"

Curious despite myself, I carefully meandered through the various roots and paths, keeping a hand on the trees so that they would guide me. Truthfully, I should've long headed back to the village, but I knew it would be a while before anyone would look for me. Though they were vigilant about making sure I didn't break the taboo, they also did their best to ignore me. I knew many would be happy if the spirits who guarded the forest simply spirited me away. I had overheard them saying it many times. But the Catastrophe that loomed over us also made them keep an eye on me, a strange contradiction that simultaneously left me chained and free. Many times, I wondered why they didn't just kill me. Many times, I wished they would. Surely that would be better than…

The trees and leaves rustled and I smiled sadly at them, knowing they had sensed my thoughts and now worried terribly for me. I had heard tales of 'evil spirits', but the spirits of the Forest weren't like that. They were hesitant, yet kind, always wishing to assist and wishing happiness for the living. Those who were lost were lost simply because the spirits were shy, and because the lost didn't know how to listen for the spirits. So, if not for the spirits, I honestly might have jumped off from something very high a long time ago. But because I knew they would be sad, I didn't.

But such thoughts didn't stem my curiosity over just who was marching through the forest now, so I continued on my way until I reached the lone path, and then I carefully hid among the trees and shrubs to watch them. They were a strangely mixed group, most if not all riding horses. Some wore Verdanite garb. Others wore clothing like Lord Sigurd and Lady Alicia. Still others wore clothing I couldn't recognize, like the beautiful woman with long black hair who argued with the blue-haired rider she rode with. Or the adorable woman with pink hair who flirted and smiled with a man with short brown hair.

I nearly gasped when I saw Lady Alicia, mostly because her being here told me this was Lord Sigurd's army. She seemed more tired than she had in Marpha, which made me worry, but she laughed and smiled with the young man she rode with. The two looked alike, so much alike that I wondered if they might be siblings. I wondered what it was like, having a sibling. I only really knew due to watching the other villagers, but these two seemed to get along much better than the ones I had seen. They weren't screaming at each other, for one thing. The siblings in the village always seemed to be arguing about this and that.

Unbidden, I found myself looking for Lord Sigurd, and he was so easy to find. He was towards the front, talking with a man I vaguely recognized as Prince Jamke, while also pointing out various birds and squirrels to the young boy who rode with him. The young boy's eyes lit up at each one, and he asked all sorts of questions, with Lord Sigurd answered as best as he could, deferring to Prince Jamke when he didn't know. Watching over everyone with a bright and warm smile…

I quickly hid, covering my ears to block out the laughter and closing my eyes to try and dispel the image of that smile. I had tried to push him from my mind over these past few weeks. I truly had. But each time, I remembered his kind smile, his warm eyes, his soothing presence… I couldn't stop. He was all bright and warm, like the sun, and though I knew, knew, I had to be in the shadows… I couldn't help but long to walk in the light. More to the point, I wanted to walk in the light beside him, so that I could see his smile, hear his laugh…

"Stop being stupid," I hissed at myself, digging my nails into my scalp, around my 'protective circlet'. The one gift from the villagers and even though they hated me, I clung to it because it was the only gift I had ever had… "You can't…" But even as I tried to convince myself, I remembered how the other villagers had been worried earlier. Worried about a powerful magic user in Verdane's castle. Lord Sigurd and his army… they were marching towards that person. They could die…!

But I could help them. I had the ability to use the Silence staff, and I was good at resisting magic. I was strong, magically speaking, so I knew I could stop that magic user's power. I could help them. And I wanted to because I didn't want more people dying. I didn't want people to go through all that pain. So, if I could help, even a tiny bit, then I wanted to. It just felt like the right thing to do. If you had the ability to help, then shouldn't you?

Besides, this was Lord Sigurd's army. Based on what I saw, based on what I had heard, I knew his heart would break at the deaths and pain his army endured, which made my own heart keen. And the thought of Lord Sigurd being the victim… of Lady Alicia, who smiled so kindly… of Aideen, who told me so many stories… the pain was indescribable. They were such warm people. They deserved only good things, bright things… and if I could help them, if I could keep them safe… then I…

Hesitantly, I returned to the village to get my Silence Staff and my Aura tome. While I didn't know if I would… I did want to help, but what was 'helping'? Directly? Or hiding so that the Catastrophe didn't destroy them? I didn't know. I didn't know! But I… I...

Things were… a bit of a whirlwind, truthfully. But while I had been walking towards the army, still debating whether or not I should offer my assistance, I had actually run into Sigurd and Alicia. And the resulting conversation… I swore I was dreaming. Or that the villagers had finally killed me and I was in heaven. But learning that Sigurd and Alicia weren't romantically involved (and, in fact, found the idea so ridiculous that they laughed themselves to tears)? Learning that Sigurd, bright and wonderful Sigurd, felt the same for me as I did for him? Being invited and welcomed into the army? The very large army, where everyone smiled and laughed. Smiled at me. Seemed happy to meet me. That had never happened before. And I… uh… I really didn't know what to do!

"I swear I am going to collapse," I mumbled to myself, wandering the quieter portions of the camp. I found it hard to breath and I felt more than a little nauseous. There were so many people! So many! And their reactions to me were so different than what I was used to! "Okay, where would Alicia be…?" Sigurd was busy with army things, and… while I did want to try and find Aideen, I was at my limit. Oh, how was I going to get through this? And there was the ever-present fear of the Catastrophe… all these kind people… did I condemn them? By seizing my own happiness, did I kill them? I…

"Oh, hello!" A bright, young voice nearly made me scream, but I simply jumped back and blinked a few times. "Ah, I'm sorry!" The voice belonged to the little boy I had seen riding with Sigurd, and he smiled sweetly, and apologetically, at me. "My name is Shanan," he greeted, bouncing a bit. "You're Deirdre, right? Sigurd's fiance?"

"I… yes, I am." Fiance… that was right. I couldn't believe it, but hearing the word from someone else did make everything feel a little more 'real'. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too!" He grinned now, and it was such a warm expression. "Glad I found you. Everyone in the camp is super nice, but it can be really weird if you're not used to it. My auntie is still trying to adapt, and I tend to stick close to a few people."

"Hee… it is surprising how kind everyone is." I relaxed, glad that there was at least one person who understood. Even if that person was a child. "Though, perhaps it isn't so surprising, given how brightly Sigurd shines…"

"That's true. He's like a bright light in the dark and makes people want to match him. Or so I've heard. I think he's fun, though. Super fun and super nice." He laughed and I couldn't help but giggle. "Anyway, were you looking for someone? I know Sigurd is busy with leadership stuff."

"Ah, yes!" And Shanan wasn't too overwhelming to be around while alone… "I was actually trying to find Alicia."

"Alicia? She's in the infirmary." He grinned and took my hand. I nearly jumped because so few people had done that before. "Pretty much if you're looking for her, that's the first place to check! She's always working, because she takes her healer job super seriously. But she's really nice too and explains why she does the things she does when I ask."

Shanan continued to babble while we walked, hand in hand, and he pointed out other locations in the camp, such as the 'cooking tent' and the 'storage'. He also shared bits of gossip he had overheard while wandering the camp, and telling me more about the various bonds he saw. It was quite a bit of information, especially from someone so young, but it was clear he paid close attention to the world around him. Eventually, though, we came upon an area where people were quiet, and it was soon obvious just why that was. The infirmary tents were set up here, and people respectfully let the wounded and ill within rest.

Someone called for Shanan as we arrived, and Shanan raced off to help whoever it was. So, cautiously, I stepped into one of the tents, afraid that I would be interrupting something. But it didn't seem to be that way. Instead, the inside seemed perfectly… well, not quite 'calm'. There were people whimpering and sobbing from pain. Others growling in frustration. But I didn't feel like an intruder here, even as I stayed back and lingered by the entrance. Perhaps it was because of how calm and serene Alicia was as she checked on each of her patients, talking kindly and respectfully to the conscious, and checking the unconscious thoroughly. I honestly would've thought her too busy to notice me being there, but as soon as she checked the last one, she washed her hands and then came straight over to me, like she had seen me there the whole time.

"Were you overwhelmed?" she asked, smiling slightly. I could only smile sheepishly in return and nodded. "I knew I should've stayed with you. Sigurd had to deal with scouting reports and the like, yes?"

"Something like that, yes," I murmured, relaxing now. It was easy to relax around her, and not just because she understood what it was like to be tolerated. It was how she had declared firmly and with quiet yet fiery conviction, that she was certain that I was simply being used as a 'scapegoat' for the Catastrophe. I wasn't quite so sure, but to hear her say that and to see that she fully believed it… it had helped me so much. Between her words and Sigurd's, it gave me the courage to seize the chance for happiness. "Everyone is so bright. I fear they'll blind me."

"I think that once you're a little more adjusted, you'll shine along with them." Her smile softened further and I couldn't help but beam. I never really had a friend before, much less a 'best friend', like I had seen others in the village have. It was so much fun, and reassuring! I couldn't be happier! "Ah, here, I'll-"

"Hey, Alicia, sorry to bother, but have you seen… oh!" It took a bit of blinking to adjust to the new person in the entrance, but I had to smile when I saw it was Aideen. She looked much happier than before, and I was glad for it. "I knew it was you," she noted, smiling so brilliantly at me that I stepped a little behind Alicia to 'shield' my eyes. "Ethlyn was happily telling me about you and as soon as she told me what you looked like, I knew it had to be you." She giggled, perfectly delighted, and I tentatively smiled back. "Ah, I'm so glad… now I get to thank you properly for the apples. And Sigurd smiles so happily because of you, which just makes everything better." She clapped, stopping her own ramble, and I wasn't sure how to react. Save blushing and smiling because I was so glad he was happy, even if I found it so strange that I was the cause. "Ah, I'm going on and on and on. Would you like to have tea with me?" The answer was, of course, that I wanted to, but I was still feeling overwhelmed and everything.

Hesitantly, and hopefully furtively, I glanced at Alicia for some sort of assistance, and Alicia smiled softly at me. "Aideen, would you mind terribly if I joined you two?" she asked. Aideen was surprised for a split-second before she beamed, brighter than even the sun! "It might do the army well to see me not hovering over the ones hit with the spell."

"I'd be delighted! You've refused my last few invitations, after all!" Aideen laughed, clapping her hands again. I smiled thankfully at Alicia, glad she would help me. "Here, follow me! I know we don't have much time, but it should be fun nonetheless!"

It was actually a lot of fun. I never knew that something as simple as drinking tea would become fun when you did it with so many people. I was glad… so glad… that I had decided to help. It led me to the happiness I had always, always wanted. I just hoped… I just hoped that I could keep them safe and that the Catastrophe didn't...

Author's notes: So, have another Deirdre. The first scene is set during Chapter 6) The Spirit Forest and the second scene is set between scenes in Chapter 7) Silence.