Missing

Ethlyn - Gran 757

"Quan, put me down!" I kicked and struggled, but Quan kept a firm grip on me as he carried me into our tent. "Quan!"

"It's too dark to keep looking," Quan refused firmly. He set me down on the bed, but quickly blocked the entrance when I tried to rush for it. "Ethlyn, it's too dark."

"But they're not back yet!" And that was the crux of the matter, or whatever the hell the phrase was. After dealing with the aftermath of… that damn spell… Sigurd had walked off to think, and Miss Alicia had followed him. And now? Both were missing. "We need to find them! You'd think with-!" And I bit my tongue to stop the words born from venom and anger. And bit a… uh… a little too hard. "Ow..."

"Are you okay?!"

"Yeah…" I sighed and pulled off my boots before pulling my knees to my chest. This was just pathetic. I knew Quan was quietly freaking out too, but he was right. It was too dark. Even with candles and lanterns, you could barely see your hand in front of your face once you stepped off the path. "I was about to say something blatantly untrue just to get a barb in, and I bit my tongue to stop it." I wasn't a child, after all, and I loved Quan. I didn't want to hurt him just because my heart was keening.

"And you hurt yourself." He hid his smile by kissing my cheek, and he lingered a bit to quietly reassure me there were no hard feelings. He knew well why I was panicking. If he didn't have to focus on me, he might have been the reckless one. "Here, I'll make some tea. What kind?"

"The lavender one."

"Lavender?" He headed over to the corner where we had our little 'tea making kit' and looked through our teas. I pointed to the one set a little apart, in a plainer tin. "Oh, lavender herb!" He laughed and began making the tea, using matches and whatever else. I let him handle it. Matches made me nervous every since the burning building incident. "Where did it come from? Lavender doesn't grow well in Leonster without careful cultivation." No, it didn't. It did wonderfully in Southern Grannvale, though, and Verdane. Milder summers and wetter winters did that. "Did you buy it at the market?"

"Miss Alicia made it for me, actually."

"The whole mix? Because there's a bunch of things in it." He studied the mix curiously. "I smell fruit?"

"Yeah. She noticed I liked 'fruity' teas." It had surprised me, really. I had gone to her to ask if she had some calming teas, because though I was getting used to battles in Leonster, I just couldn't get used to people screaming and sobbing as I tried to save them. She had studied my expression and made up the mix, filled with various herbs that also helped new mothers recover from pregnancy, and then just things I liked. Even told me to let her know if she needed to change anything. "So, she added some to make the tea more enjoyable to drink. It's very healthy too."

"I didn't realize she paid that close of attention."

"Same." But it did make me happy. It made me feel like I was actually befriending her and making it past those walls she put up. Walls no doubt resulting from being the illegitimate child of a noble. However, all that just made me remember how she was missing now, along with Sigurd. Gods, why couldn't I ever help him when it really mattered? "Why did you encourage Miss Alicia to follow him?"

"Partly, I thought he wouldn't go too far if someone followed him." Quan checked the tea, to see if it was steeped enough. "As for why I didn't… while trying to reassure him, I misspoke and accidentally hurt him. And when he snapped back…"

"Tried to get…" No, Sigurd wasn't really like that. "He misspoke too."

"Yes, so I thought it would be better if I stayed back and let someone else ease his spirit before trying again. Miss Alicia happened to be near and looking for him, for some reason."

"Probably to let him know that the victims of that spell would be fine." I had no idea how or anything, but I knew Miss Alicia well enough to know that she wouldn't have left them if they weren't. And they had seemed fine when I'd checked on them. Tired and aching, but recovering. "And now, the entire camp is fretting again for different reasons."

"War is all about fretting. It's why I'm so skilled at it." He smiled at the joke and I did have to laugh at that. "Well, that and being Sigurd's friend for so long. This all reminds me of the last time he was 'missing'."

"...Yeah, I suppose so…" I remembered that time clearly. It hadn't been that long ago, after all.

It had been a few days after Quan and I had confessed to each other, and no matter what Sigurd teased, we hadn't really been dating-dating. I had wanted to tell Sigurd first, to make sure he heard it from me. And I had been trying to get him alone so that I could tell him, but Eldigan and Lachesis had also been visiting, so it was really chaotic. Fun, of course. But chaotic. I half-thought I'd have to make up some excuse to get Sigurd alone, and had been talking with Quan about a way to distract Eldigan and Lachesis when word came that a nearby village was flooding from deluge we were suffering. Spring-melt plus rain plus a dam breaking. It was bad. So, of course, we had gone to help, and when we learned that there were people trapped in the actual river? Sigurd leapt in without a second thought to pull them to safety.

There were a few seconds of that day that I'd always remember, even when I was old and gray. Lachesis and I had been treating injured. Quan and Eldigan had been helping Sigurd, mostly by staying on the ever-crumbling edge so that they could pull the civilians out of the water. Sigurd had just gotten the last one and had been reaching for Eldigan's hand to get pulled out himself. Then there had been a deafening roar, loud enough to make the ground quake, and Sigurd shoved Eldigan back just as the massive torrent of water engulfed him and… and he disappeared.

I still remembered the throbbing in my throat from all of my screaming. I still remembered Lachesis holding me while she herself sobbed. I still remembered Eldigan and Quan racing along the river, desperately calling for Sigurd. But he hadn't answered. He hadn't been anywhere in sight. Lost to the waters… I had been absolutely inconsolable, and I remembered still how Father had nearly collapsed. I remembered Naoise and Alec going on their own search, to see if they would be luckier. I remembered Arden heading out on his own, and Oifeye trying to sneak along, but getting caught.

What I remembered most about that whole thing though? Besides that horrible moment? How two days later, Sigurd just nonchalantly returned, bruised and bleeding and soaked. Right when Quan had kissed me in a quiet promise that he wouldn't give up on finding Sigurd, or his body. Sigurd had leaned against the doorframe with a raised brow and announced his return via a 'so, anything you would like me to know?'. And then had the gall to be surprised by how worried we were, damn it!

"Watch him return and be completely oblivious to how frantic we are," I grumbled, focusing on that part. He had to come back. He had to. I didn't know what I'd do if he… if he…! "I can imagine it so damn easily."

"If I didn't know him, I'd call it cockiness," Quan murmured. He brought me over the mug of tea, and steadied my hands to make sure I didn't drop it. "As it is, I think he just… I often think he's unaware of how loved he is."

"And how much it would hurt if…" I struggled to not cry. I wouldn't cry yet. Not until he was back. That would be the best revenge for this! "He's going to pay dearly for making you worry, Quan."

"Right, for my worry." He smiled slightly, knowing what I really meant. "As soon as there's enough light to safely navigate, we're going looking for them."

"Okay."

"I'm sure they just decided to camp and not risk hiking through the woods."

"Well, Sigurd wouldn't risk Miss Alicia like that." Himself? Sure! Others? Nope! "He is in so much trouble. Causing all this trouble for Miss Alicia as well…"

"Okay, Miss Alicia getting caught up is more my fault, but we'll handle blame later. When they're safe." Quan kissed me sweetly, lingering a bit. "Here, drink your tea and relax, okay? I'm going to make sure Aideen is okay."

"Don't bother her if Midir is there."

"I know the rules." He grinned and I did have to giggle. "There's the smile I've been missing. I'm glad to see it again."

"I love you, Quan."

"I love you too, Ethlyn."

Wouldn't you know it? Sigurd did, in fact, just walk up nonchalantly, completely confused as to why we were all frantic. Even more bizarrely? He brought his fiance. Fiance. I hadn't even known he was freaking courting someone and he just showed up from the woods with his fiance. I had wanted to know Miss Alicia's reaction to all of that, since she was also safe and sound (thank everything), but she was as calm and serene as always, making that pointless. She and Deirdre did seem close, though. But that didn't matter. All of this was just so overwhelming that despite having spent some time crafting the 'perfect' lecture… it all just went flying.

"Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid brother!" Or maybe the word I wanted was 'drowned', because all I could do was burst into tears and (lightly) hit his shoulder to punctuate each word. Sigurd simply let me scream, rubbing my back as I sobbed. "Stupid! Going off in the woods on your own like that!" Thankfully, we were in his tent and no one else was around. Aideen and Quan made sure of that, knowing that I'd need this. And, thankfully, Deirdre wasn't here either as I didn't want her to think I was mad at her. Far from it! "Why do you always have to worry me?!"

"Hmm… is that why I'm seeing gray hairs?" he teased. However, he shifted to properly hug me, kissing my head as I continued to sob. "I'm sorry, Ethlyn. I didn't notice how far I had walked. Poor Alicia had to throw something at me."

"Good." I took a few deep breaths to try and calm down and when I pulled away, Sigurd found a handkerchief and wiped my face. "Sigurd! I'm not five!"

"No, but I figured you'd want that snot gone as soon as possible." He grinned and I scowled. "I am sorry for worrying you, Ethlyn."

"You'd think I'd be used to it, considering how you are."

"I'm sorry." He led me to a chair and handed me the handkerchief before going to the jug of water Oifeye had left before I got here. I wondered why briefly, but figured it out when he pulled out another handkerchief and began wetting it. "When things calm down enough, let's go for a market trip. I'll buy you a few things."

"...And you'll let me pick you out new clothes?"

"Of course."

"Deal." I blew my nose and got the worst of the snot gone, and Sigurd returned to my side to use the damp washcloth to help clear away the tears. And help reduce how red and puffy I was from crying. "Deirdre is adorable, by the way."

"I'm glad you like her. It would be quite awkward if you didn't." His relieved smile said it would be more than awkward, and I knew why. He adored his loved ones, after all. "I hope you'll continue getting along."

"So long as she makes you happy." The second she made him sad, though? Well, I might give a warning first. Maybe. With Quan, Lachesis, Eldigan, and Aideen. Especially Lachesis. "If she does, then we'll get along fantastically."

"I have the sweetest little sister." He kissed my head again. "So, honest opinion, should I wait for Father?"

"For the wedding? We don't know when he'll come back, so I'd say 'no', actually." It was probably a bit mean, but Father hated ceremonies. He'd done his best to hide it for my wedding, but I could tell. Of course, Father had apologized for it, because that was how he was. "It'll probably actually be rather quiet for an heir's wedding."

"That might be better for Deirdre."

"That's true. And everyone knows that the bride is always right when it comes to her wedding." I grinned at him and he chuckled. He had indulged some of my more whimsical requests for my own wedding using that as the justification. "Can't believe you hid her from me, though. Me! Your little sister!"

"Well, truthfully, my plan had been to find you and tell you first, but for some reason, I got rushed." He grinned, but held up his hands in surrender when I glowered. "But, I promise. You were going to be the first one I told."

"Mmm… I'll take it. But I get to be the first person you tell when you have a kid." I gasped as I realized something. "Oh! I'll be an aunt!"

"Getting through this campaign first, wedding second. Then Deirdre and I will talk about children. At her pace." He used the damp handkerchief to take my snotty one and tossed both in the corner with the rest of his dirty laundry. "But I'm glad you're excited about that."

"I'm going to spoil your kid silly!" I frowned when I noticed something. His appearance… as per usual, it was messed up. "Ugh… okay, Sigurd, sit down."

"Hmm? Why?"

"Your hair is a tangled mess." I got up to hunt for a brush and pushed him into the chair. "I can't believe how much of a mess it is."

"Reminder that your hair tangles just as easily."

"Hush." I relaxed as I began brushing his hair, though. It was something that started after he and I reconciled, and he became far more open. He'd brush my hair and I'd brush his hair. A moment of quiet for us both. "Hey, make sure you make all this up to Oifeye as well, will you? He was doing his best to hide it, but I know he was frantic."

"I have a feeling I need to make it up to everybody."

"You are. But especially him. He thinks the world of you, after all."

"One of these days, I'll figure out why." He shrugged and I could only sigh, shaking my head with a small smile. Because I knew. It was so very obvious to everyone but him.

Though we called Oifeye 'cousin', his actual relation was second or third cousin or something complicated like that. His grandfather and ours had been brothers… and hadn't gotten along, leading to an estrangement that Father hadn't bothered trying to fix. Still, when Oifeye's parents died, Father had insisted we do our familial duty and pay our respects. And there had been talks about where Oifeye would go, now all alone in the world. People arguing about this and that, all over Oifeye's head. But Sigurd had taken one look at the quiet, shy, struggling-to-not-breakdown-in-public young boy Oifeye had been and did what no one else did. He asked Oifeye where he wanted to go. Oifeye hadn't known, so Sigurd had offered for him to come live with us. Oifeye had agreed, and so, Oifeye became part of the family, filling in the 'missing piece' left behind when Mother died. Not a perfect 'fit' of course, since Oifeye was so different. But still, making everything feel 'whole' again. And Oifeye had blossomed under Sigurd's care. Because Father was busy, Sigurd more or less took over raising Oifeye, being some sort of fatherly-brother figure in his life. Sigurd encouraged Oifeye to pursue his interests, and when those interests turned to tactics and knightly codes, taught him personally. He taught Oifeye swords and how to ride, made sure Oifeye always had new books to read. Not quite spoiling, but certainly doing his best. And so, Oifeye adored Sigurd. Probably always would, too.

But to Sigurd? All of that was natural to him, as natural as breathing. So, it didn't occur to him at all that it would be the reason why. Just one of the reasons why my brother was so charming. Even if it exasperated me.

"When you're done brushing my hair, I'm going to call a War Meeting," Sigurd declared softly. I stiffened, remembering that dark spell, but he took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "It's going to be okay. Deirdre actually has a way to help."

"She does?" I asked, startled. Considering how skittish she had been… but then again, Sigurd would never force someone to fight. "Well, I'm quite curious. Maybe she's our missing… oh, shoot, what's the expression?"

"Ace in the sleeve?"

"Yes, that." I frowned, curious suddenly. "Wait, where does that even come from?"

"Well, I first heard it in relation to poker. Specifically cheating by hiding an ace up the sleeve. Useful for winning, but a bit tricky to pull it out without people seeing."

"...Wait, how do you know that?" I scowled when he just grinned. "Sigurd!"

I swear; my brother was going to be the death of me!

Author's notes: So, have an Ethlyn. Like the previous Deirdre one, this is technically split between two chapters, Chapter 6 and Chapter 7 of Memoirs of the Holy War. The brushing hair thing comes from something Sigurd briefly mentions to Alicia in Interlude - Phinora. The flood incident is explaining what Sigurd meant in the first chapter of Memoirs of the Holy War about how 'Quan and Ethlyn confessed while he was drowning'.