Rost led Aloy back to their cabin in the woods. They ate a late dinner of roast rabbit, carrot and potatoes in silence. Aloy picked at her food, struggling to eat, even though the food smelled and tasted delicious. Her appetite had disappeared in the wake of her growing anxiety. In the morning, they would leave for Mother's Heart. She would approach the gates and go inside for the first time. Her stomach churned. There wasn't much time left before the Proving. She didn't care to trade her future away for the answers she needed, but she didn't have much of a choice. This was the only path to achieve her goal.
Rost was apparently feeling pensive as well. He had barely spoken to her since they had left the area where she had killed the sawtooth. Aloy got the feeling he was unsettled by her contempt for the tribe. He clearly missed being a Brave; perhaps his desire to see her become one was an extension of his own longing. Worse, he had made it clear he thought it was Aloy's duty to be a contributing member of the tribe. As far as she was concerned, she owed the Nora nothing. The only mercy they had shown her was giving her to Rost for him to raise her. If not for Rost, they would have been sentencing her to death.
She tossed and turned in bed for a long time before finally drifting off to a fitful sleep. Her dreams were full of shouting Nora Braves, shaking their fists, the Matriarchs glaring down their noses to show their disapproval of her. A Brave reached out and pushed her hard, and she awoke with a jerk, the bed sheets a jumbled mess around her. She looked outside; it was still a few hours before the sunrise. Real sleep felt like a distant memory.
Aloy stood and went to the window, staring out at the moonlit darkness. It would be pointless to try and go back to bed. She dressed, went outside, and began building a fire. She focused on its heat and radiance, staring into the flames as they warmed her. There she stayed, getting up only to tend the fire, until the sun finally came up and Rost emerged from the cabin into the chilly morning air.
"How long have you been awake?" he asked.
"A while. Trying not to think about things too much."
"Are you ready?" Rost asked her.
"Yes and no," she replied, standing and snuffing out the remains of the fire, and turning to go.
"We should eat some breakfast before we leave."
"I can't eat," she told him with a shrug. "Help yourself, though."
Rost sighed through his nose. He didn't think he could eat, either. "Let's just go."
Aloy's bow and quiver of arrows were already slung across her back. She picked up her slingshot and slipped it into her belt, along with a pouch holding a few sling bombs. From what Rost had told her, there was some hunting involved, but the Proving was mostly a race along the brave trails high up on All-Mother Mountain. She didn't need much weaponry. "I'm ready."
"Then... follow," Rost said. For the last time, he thought.
They walked through the sturdy wooden gate protecting their home, Rost closing it behind them. Aloy walked beside her mentor. He had put her on this path, and given her the training she needed to achieve her goal. It was so close now.
The day was warming up, with a breeze of cooler air occasionally coming down from the snowy heights of the mountain. The two of them remained alert, keeping an eye out for machines on their way to the biggest settlement in the Embrace.
Aloy's mind was racing in a constant circle. Going to Mother's Heart for the first time, the Proving, the desperate need to win first place and demand answers to her questions. Why am I an outcast? Who was my mother? Where is she?
Rost came to a sudden stop. Aloy was jolted from her thoughts and looked up at him.
"Aloy. Breathe."
Was she that easy to read? She stood still, closing her eyes and taking a slow, deep breath, letting it out slowly. Focused all her thought on the sensation of the air going in her nose, down into her lungs, and back out through her nose as she breathed. In and out. In and out. Allowing her other muscles to relax. "I'm alright. It's just difficult to stop my head from swimming."
"You have trained beyond the level many Braves ever achieve at your age. Remember that when your confidence wavers. Being raised in the wilds has given you an advantage."
"I know. Thank you for all the training you've given me. I wouldn't have had a chance at this - or at life - without you."
Rost smiled, and Aloy forgot her troubles. Rost never smiled. He was an amazing person, full of strength, wisdom, and resilience, but he was always serious. Aloy had wondered for years why he never allowed himself to truly smile. Was he concerned about his image, or was he really that joyless? It had broken her heart to think he was incapable of even a single happy moment. Was he that depressed about being an outcast?
"Come on. We're nearly there," he said, motioning for Aloy to follow him. They continued along the path, crossing a wooden bridge over a small creek that wound its way through the valley. It wasn't long before the settlement came into sight.
They both paused for a moment, then walked up the incline to the long bridge leading into Mother's Heart.
They were silent a moment. An abundance of sound wafted over the walls of Mother's Heart. The strumming of drums, singing, laughing, and a steady murmur of people talking.
"It's louder than I thought. And bigger. But I guess everything's bigger up close."
"You've never been this close before. Soon it will all seem familiar. Like home."
"I don't know about that..." she said. "Are you sure they're going to let me in?"
"Yes. I've told you. They will honor your right to run in the Proving, and-"
"and any who pass are made braves, and are outcasts no more. I know. But not everyone follows the law like you do, Rost. I'm not sure my bow and spear will be much help in there."
"It is with bow and spear that you'll win what you've wanted all these years. Answers. Just cross the bridge, and the guards will open the gate for you. Look for High Matriarch Teersa when you get inside. She will help you. Any other concerns?"
"What should I expect inside?
"There will be people celebrating and feasting. More than you've ever seen in one place. The rite of passage is one of the tribe's greatest celebrations. It is the lifeblood of our people, ensuring new generations are fit to survive. It may all be a little overwhelming at first, but tribal life is normally not so chaotic."
"I see."
"No other village compares to Mother's Heart. It is the seat of the High Matriarchs, a center of Nora life, a jewel of the Sacred Land. Give it time, and you will grow fond of it... as I was, back when I was in the tribe." His eyes were happy, but hid the sadness behind them like a curtain.
"All right. I'm ready to do this. See you back home in a few days?"
Rost was staring off into the distance.
"You will not find me there."
"I... what?"
"Here." Rost pulled a carved bone pendant on a blue machine cord from a pouch at his waist, and handed it to Aloy. "Take this, to... remember."
Aloy kept her voice as level as she could. "Why are you talking like we'll never see each other again?" When she raised her eyes from the pendant in her hand, her fear was confirmed. Rost's face was stricken, but set.
"You should be with the tribe. I will always be an outcast."
Her heart went into panicked overdrive.
"But I have that figured out! I'm not going to shun you after the Proving. I just won't do it. Tribal law has only ever taken things away from me. I'm not about to act like you never raised me. I'll come to you in secret, and I'll talk to you, but you won't have to say a word. It will be my crime, not yours."
"This... attachment to me will only hold you back. It is my wish that you embrace the tribe. You've lived in isolation long enough."
"I haven't... not until now," she said softly. Despite growing up as an outcast, she had never felt truly isolated until now. The one person, the one constant in her life, was actually severing all ties with her.
"For your sake, I must go where you will never find me. This is goodbye."
Aloy looked at him in the warm peach light of dawn. He stood tall, resolute, his broad shoulders held straight. For all his wisdom, he couldn't understand the pain he was causing her now.
"I'm glad to have this, then, to remind me of you, and everything you did to help prepare me for this day. But I don't... I don't believe it. I know you love the tribe and will follow its laws until the day you die, but you're actually choosing the law... over me? You realize that is what you're saying, don't you?"
The surprise on his face told her he hadn't thought about it that way before. "That is not my intention at all."
Aloy's mind was racing. "Then why are you doing this to me? Listen. You taught me how to track. Wherever you go, I can follow. I'll be wearing this when I find you."
"Aloy, it's not just about the law. I want you to move on with your life. You don't need a constant reminder of how you grew up as an outcast. I will always be part of your past, but I can't be part of your future."
His words incensed her. There was no getting through to him. He was going to disappear from her life, forever, by choice. "How could you make that decision for me? It's my life!" She threw the pendant to the ground and stepped angrily toward him. "See? It's easy throwing away worthless things, isn't it?" She had never spoken with such venom before. It shocked her.
Rost's shoulders sagged with the weight of her words. "I've disappointed you. I hope you'll forgive me someday." He turned to go, but stopped, looking back at Aloy with regret. She was gingerly picking the pendant up from where she had thrown it on the ground.
Aloy spoke gently. If this truly was to be their last conversation, she couldn't let her final words to him be so harsh. "Please... don't do this. Don't make this conversation my last memory of you. I know you want me to seek support from the tribe instead, but there's no reason I shouldn't have it from you, too... father..." She had never called him that. They always called each other by name.
It was the most compassionate thing she could have said to him. Something inside Rost broke, but he would not allow his face to show it. "May All-Mother bless you, Aloy... my daughter. Goodbye." Then he turned one last time and left.
She watched him go, feeling overwhelmed with sadness, but glad that she had at least managed to make up for her rash words.
When he was gone, she stared down at the pendant in her hand, memorizing the carved patterns on its face and its three holes. Past, present, future. She had thought her mentor would always be part of her life, even if his role changed once she joined the tribe. Now, in pursuing her future, she was irrevocably cut off from her past. The present? Filled with pain and confusion on top of her anxiety.
How could he do this to me? Today, of all days. I can't think about it, not now. I have to keep my mind on the Proving...
She was too shocked to cry as she lifted the necklace over her head and tucked the pendant into the neckline of her shirt.