Arthur Morgan's Journal: Colter

Leviticus Cornwall?

Seems Colm O'Driscoll had the same ideas as us. He's been hiding out up here, scouting out a train he wanted to rob.

We bumped into some of his boys at some farmstead they was robbing, found that poor woman whose husband they had murdered and she's now riding with us as she ain't got no place better to be.

Then, Dutch being Dutch and his hatred for Colm being just as powerful as ever it was, whole bunch of us went to pay him a visit in his camp, but he escaped.

We grabbed one of his boys. Poor bastard ain't spoken yet, but he will once we freeze him a little, then set Bill on him. Been a bad few weeks, but we're mostly still alive.

Dutch being Dutch is busy making plans and figuring out just how we're going to survive. And Dutch being Dutch, those plans involve robbery and dreams.

After everything, I'm just glad I could see Abigail again. It's been a while since I've seen her smile. Ages maybe. Damn you John.

Ghost and I finally approached Colter after letting the train go right back on the tracks. I could hear in the distance Miss Grimshaw yelling at Mary-Beth to put away her book. She was always so stressed out when it came down to packing and unpacking a camp. I stepped off Ghost, walking up towards Dutch and Hosea. "So, we getting out of this hellhole?"

"We're gonna try, weather seems stable." Dutch answered.

"And we just robbed a Leviticus Cornwall train." Hosea pointed out.

"We got money in our pockets... the worst is behind us, gentlemen. So the question is, where now?"

"I know this country a little..." Hosea said, "I told you, we should set up camp in... Horseshoe Overlook near Valentine. We'll be able to hide out there no problem... as long as we keep our noses clean."

"Well then let's go... clean noses and everything else. Arthur, you're in that one," Dutch pointed his finger at one of the wagons, "... Bring Hosea... I know you two like to talk about the good old days... and what's gone wrong with old Dutch."

I shook my head at his comments. I then looked at Abigail, who was making sure John was comfortable where he was at. She wasn't looking back at me.

I looked back again a second later and what you know? She was looking back, giving me a respectable nod. I gave her one right back. Our eyes meet and I could see the sadness that creeped on her expression. I give her a nod back. None of us smiled and I had to look away before I stopped in my tracks to give her a much longer look. I just had to get on and do what I was told by Dutch. I grabbed the reins and we were off. Traveling through the snowy mountains was breathtaking. The view was just something but I was glad that we were moving on to something better. Somewhere warmer. As we roamed on, I couldn't help but think about Abigail.

I get why Abigail looked so sad. John was not looking good and she was, not formally, married to him. Some call her Abigail Marston but I know her as Abigail Roberts and that's all I'll ever know her as. John and her are not married. John doesn't have the heart to marry her in front of God and the rest of the heavens. He was and still is a boy that will never man up and care for his family. Poor Jack. He grew up without a father for the longest time and I was glad that I got to be a father figure for him.

I remember when John got up and left his family, I went out of my way and bought a ring for her. The price of the ring wasn't a bother but it did clean me out, which wasn't a problem because I loved her and I knew money was not an important priority, especially when love was better. The ring was perfect. A red diamond in the middle. I wanted to marry her. I should've married her but she didn't want me. I was a damn fool to ever ask her to marry me. Her mind was fuddled up with John Martson.

I remember the night clearly when I showed her the ring. It was late at night in the middle of July and we could hear the crickets a mile away. The moon and the stars were above, settling down on us as we walked along the creek. We were not that far away from the camp. Hosea was watching Young Jack as he was asleep. We always had the chance to slip away in the middle of the night. I worshipped those precious moments with her. Seeing her eyes in the moonlight was special. Her beauty always left me speechless. Her remarks didn't but my love was blinded and I got a kick out of her. She made me laugh. She still makes me laugh.

We didn't talk to each other that night. It was different from our daily night conversations. She just looked down at the water, playing with her fingers. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and her cheek lovingly stroked it before she kissed my fingers. She looked at me this time and she wrapped her arms around my neck, brushing my lips against hers. My hands grabbed her waist, pulling her in closer to me. Her lips never left mine as her fingernails ran smoothy through my hair. The smell of morning black coffee filled my lungs. This almost felt like a dream. She was my dream.

Marry me.

The word was tucked away. It was on the tip of my tongue but my tongue was pushed by hers. I had to eventually stop myself from kissing her to escape back to reality. The night was getting colder but yet our touches were warm. As I broke up our kiss, she smiled at me. I smiled back at her. I was starving for her touch once more but I had to ask. As I told myself before, I felt like I belonged somewhere when I was with her. Before she was John's, she was mine. With John being long gone during this intimate time, I felt like she was mine once again. I'm sure she thought about John but I was hoping she was thinking about me and only me. The selfish feelings I had was almost like a sin. John was my brother. He was my friend. He was a fool for leaving his family. He was the luckiest man in the world to have a family but he didn't care. He gone up and left without a trace of a word. Abigail was a mess. Jack was not even old enough to know who his father was. I made sure to be a father to him and there's a reason why Jack felt much comfortable with me than his own. Abigail was always so quiet about her true feelings towards John during this time but her beautiful expressions told the entire story. She was hurt about John. She wasn't the same and I tried so hard to put the pieces of her heart back together.

It must of been obvious that I was nervous about how I was going to ask her because Abigail placed her hand on my cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothin'." I answered, kissing her hand quickly. My hand was inside my pocket, hesitating about bringing the ring out. From what I didn't realize, her eyes moved down to eye my hand.

"What are you hidin' " She asked, moving away just a tiny bit as she was curious. I was curious what she was going to say if I pulled out the ring I spent all my money on.

I breathed in air of the night. I cleared my throat and slowly took out the ring. Showing her, I paid more attention to her expressions, which told the entire story. She looked shocked. I didn't see happiness. I didn't see sadness. This time, I couldn't read her. She was like a blank canvas, waiting to be filled with color.

"Oh." She answered, her fingers now running through her hair. That was all that came out of her mouth. Usually, she had a lot to say but she was silent. It was like a train hit me. She was walking around, unable to say anything more about the situation. I just watched her fumble around with her actions. I understand she was speechless. The direction of her eyes went downwards towards the water. She had nothing to say. I felt humiliated but my facial expression said otherwise.

After several moments went by, she finally expressed her feelings with me. "Arthur... Please tell me this ring is for someone else."

I didn't say anything back.

Abigail's lip curved to the side. "I like you. I like you a lot but John..."

I chuckled out of frustration. "You're always thinkin' about lil' John."

"This is not fair." Abigail was frustrated as well.

"This is not fair for me either but here we are. Go find John and be with him. I'm sure he'd love to be with you."

She sighed softly, ignoring me in a way that was unbearable. "I got to check on Jack." and there she left me alone. I'm always the one that is left alone.

The image of this upsetting memory faded away as Hosea elbowed me gently. "I can take control of the wagon if you want. You look exhausted."

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine. I was just day dreamin'. Nothin' serious'."

Hosea shook his head. "Just get us out of the stream." He looked over to take in the landscape that surrounded us. I might've lied when I said nobody knew about Abigail and I. Hosea had a suspicious about us for a while now but he always kept his mouth shut like it was none of his business. "Just gotta keep us moving, but calm."

I nodded, snapping the reins so the horses would go faster but without a second thought, the entire wagon's wheel fell off on the left side. Things came tumbling out the back. "Ah shit!"

"Okay... let's take a look." Hosea said calmly.

"You alright back there?" Bill asked curiously.

I was annoyed by his question. "Does everything look alright?"

Javier rode his horse towards us, "Well, what's going on?"

My head was almost spinning as my feet reached the ground. "I broke the goddamn wheel."

"Well, let's get it fixed." Hosea hands hit my shoulders. Javier was interested in helping us, which I was forever grateful but Hosea insisted we could pull the wheel back on together without help. Charles Smith helped out anyway.

"Alright Charles, you and me hold the thing up." Hosea remarked, putting their strength in lifting up the back of the wagon.

I picked up the wheel with two hands as I looked at Hosea almost struggling. I wheeled it back to its rightful place. "You still strong enough to hold up a wagon?"

"Shut up." Hosea answered.

I chuckled gently under my breath, bashing the wheel back on the wagon. It took me three tries to completely make the wheel useable again though. I was just shocked that Hosea could lift that much anymore. Should I thank Charles for that? "See... you ain't so useless after all."

Hosea laughed, his back aching. "Not quite."

I worked more on the wheel to make sure it wouldn't fall off again but from the corner of my eye, I noticed that Hosea's direction was somewhere else. Figures were up on the ledge of the mountain above, looking down at us. "What you think?" I asked.

"If they wanted trouble... we wouldn't have seen them." Charles said peacefully.

Hosea waved as he was giving them a sign that we were not going to hurt them. "Poor bastards... we really screwed them over down here. Come on... let's not push our luck."

I was curious about what he said just about us screwing them over. "What happened?"

"Well... get in... and I'll tell you."

I put in the last barrels that fell out back in the wagon, walking back up to the front and pulling myself up, taking the reins once more. Hosea told me that the place we were seeking was not far from here and that we needed to stay on the trail that we were on. Following the river and cutting left inland was all we needed to do.

"So... yes, the Indians in these parts got sold a very raw deal. This is the Heartlands we're going to, good farming and grazing country, they lost it all. Stolen clean away from them it was, every blade of grass. Killed or herded up to the reservations in the middle of nowhere."

Charles decided to get involved with the conversation. "And how's that different from anywhere else?"

Hosea shrugged slightly. "Well, maybe it's not. I just heard some of the army out here was particularly, uh... unpleasant about it."

"Unpleasant? How do you rob and kill people pleasantly? We don't, in spite of Dutch's talk."

"I fear I was perhaps trying to simplify something more complicated for the benefit of our blockheaded driver here." Hosea answered.

"Hey, don't blame it on me." I rushed in to defend myself. "Never forget, this here's a conman, Charles, born and bred. Just 'cause it sounds fancy don't mean he knows a damn thing about what he's talking about..."

And then there was silence for a short moment. "What happened to your tribe?" I asked Charles.

"I don't even know if I have one... least not that I can remember. My father was a colored man. They told me he lived with our people for a while, a number of free men did, but... when we were forced to move form our lands, the three of us fled. I was too young to really remember much. All life I've been on the run,

"A couple years later, some soldiers captured my mother, took her somewhere. We never saw her again. We drifted around... He was a very sad man and the drink had a mean hold on him. Around thirteen... I just took off on my own." Charles said, his eyes drifting off towards the green land we were riding on.

"That was about the age we found young Arthur here, maybe a little older." Hosea uttered. "A wilder delinquent you never did see. But he learned fast."

"Not as fast as Marston, apparently." I almost rolled my eyes.

"Wait... I don't understand." Charles went on, "What's the problem between you two?

"Arthur?" Hosea asked, knowing I should not say anything about the Abigail situation. It was no one's business, after all.

I shrugged. "It's a long story." and I left it at that. "We still heading the right way?"

"That depends... are we still heading west, in search of fortune and repose in virgin forests, as we planned? No. Are we heading in the correct direction on our desperate escape from the law eastwards down the mountains? Yes, I believe so." Hosea was really annoyed with Dutch but I don't blame him.

"You know this area?" Charles asked Hosea.

"A little, I've been through a couple of times. There's a livestock town not too far from here, called Valentine. Cowboys, outlaws, working girls. Our kind of place."

"O'Driscolls?" I asked this time.

"Probably them too."

"Pinkertons?"

"Let's hope not."

I hope so too. "And this place we're going... wait, what's it called again?"

"Horseshoe Overlook."

"It's a good place to lie low?" I was full of questions.

"It'll do for now." Hosea answered honestly. "And how low do you think Dutch is really going to lie... It's just... you know, maybe it's me who's changed, not him, but, we kept telling him that ferry job didn't feel right. You and me had a real lead in Blackwater that could've worked out."

"Maybe." I said, sort of upset that our job didn't hit the ground.

"It's just... isn't like Dutch to lose his head like that."

"Things go wrong sometimes... People die. It's the way it is, always has been... Me, you, Dutch... we've all been in this line of work a long time, and we're still here, so... I figure we must've got it right a hell of a lot more than we got it wrong." I said, keeping my attention on the road. Silence was the only thing up in the air during our last seconds on the road together. Charles kept his distance away from mine and Hosea's conversations about the good ole' days and Hosea was cooking up some herbs. We hit the trees of Horseshoe Overlook and Javier stopped us, almost shocked we made it back in one-peace since the wheel broke off miles ago.

"There you are, brother." Javier said. "Head in there and follow the track for a bit."

I nodded at him.

"Hey, slow up! I'll jump on." Javier ran up towards the side of the wagon and jumped on, his feet hanging on the back. We rode a few inches in the new camp. Hosea went on to say, "Home sweet home." Whatever that means.

Dutch was impressed with the place. It was beautiful though, so I shouldn't be surprised. "You weren't wrong, Hosea. This place is perfect."

Hosea carefully climbed off the wagon. "I hope so."

"Gentlemen, we have survived." Dutch scared Uncle away from the wooden table, sitting himself down in the chair. "Now it's time for us to prosper."

I sat myself down on the table, eyes looking over at Abigail, who was arranging things around in the camp, for a short moment before I turned my direction towards Dutch.

"Arthur and I were about to prosper in Blackwater." Hosea answered. "We were on to something big... then Micah got you all excited about that ferry and here we are."

Dutch looked relaxed, his fingers grasped around a cigar. "We have all made mistakes over the years, Hosea..." Dutch then got up, and looked Hosea straight. "Every last one of us. But I kept us together... kept us alive... kept the nooses off our neck." He was then walking away from us and we both followed him like a lost pair of wolves.

Hosea ran up to him, and put his hand on Dutch's shoulder. "I guess I'm just worried... I ain't got that long, Dutch. I want folks safe before I go."

"Me too." Dutch said.

"And now we are stuck... east of the Grizzlies and out of money... and a long way from our dream of virgin land in the west."

I felt bad for Hosea. Especially when he's trying to convince Dutch in seeing the obvious.

"I know, my brother, but we are safe. We make a bit of money here, then we move again... head out around them, be west of Uncle Sam... in a few months buy some land." Dutch really had dreams.

"I hope so." Hosea said in a sad matter.

Dutch chuckled, walking backwards before he twirled himself around to see the beautiful mountains that surrounded us. "Would you just look around you. This world has its consolations."

Before Dutch could play on his words, Leopold Strauss stops him. "Gentlemen, I'm going to head into the local town, and you know... see if I can strike up a little business."

Dutch smiled. "Of course, Herr Strauss..." As Strauss walked on his mission, Dutch turned to Hosea and I once more. "I prefer robbing banks to usury... seems more dignified somehow..."

Now, everyone put your tools down for a moment." He was talking to everybody now, his voice getting louder. "Come on gather round, quickly now... I know that things have been tough... but we are safe now, and we are far too poor. So it is time for everyone to get to work."

Hosea pushed his thoughts in the speech. "Get to work, but stay out of trouble. Remember, we are itinerant workers."

"Laid off when they shut down our factory to the north." Dutch went on. My eyes slowly fixed over to Abigail, who was very much staring at me rather than looking at Dutch and Hosea. "Now, get out there, and see what you can find."

"Uncle, Reverend Swanson... no more passengers."

Laughter filled the air. We haven't done that in a long time.

"It is time for everyone to earn their keep."

"There is a town a little way down the track..." Hosea said, pointing towards the direction that everybody should be looking. "name of Valentine... live stock town. All mud and morons if I remember right. That seems a decent place to start."

Dutch took a hit from his cigar, nodding at everything Hosea had to say, pulling back to get a box out of his tent.

Pearson added on. "And... we need food... real food... that means every day, one of you."

Dutch agreed. "And remember, whatever it is that you find..." He placed the box on the closest barrel, "the camp gets its slice. Now, be sensible out there."

That was the end of the speech and everybody started to trail off with their business. Susan Grimshaw pulled me aside, "Now, the girls have your tent ready, Mr. Morgan, come with me."

I nodded as I followed her. "We put you over here."

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Miss Grimshaw." I insisted.

"It should be, most of your stuff from Blackwater got saved."

"Everything apart from my money." I sighed.

"Oh, don't remind me." She hit my shoulder playfully.

I just smiled back at her. "Well, we can always make more money."

"We're going to have to." She answered and walked away form me, but was annoyed with Tilly. I wasn't sure what she was doing. "Miss Jackson, I've seen shit with more common sense than you! Do it properly."

I sat down on my bed and put a cigarette between my teeth, lightening it up with a spark from my spurs. I shook the match back and forth before I tossed the match away from me, taking in the smoke without a care in the world. I just sat there, my eyes directing towards the ground. I just suddenly felt tired but I didn't have the sense to fall asleep right away, so I got up and started to walk the opposite direction from where the camp was. I liked to wonder sometimes. I needed to have a breather, I guess.

For some odd reason though, for a short couple of beats, I was staring at an interesting tree. It was big and green. The form was completely different from what I've seen in a very long time. Hell, I haven't been paying too much attention to trees. Why now? I wasn't too sure. I sat myself down, my back hitting the tree. I let out another soft sigh, almost relaxed to the grasshoppers chirping in the distance. I was so focused on the sound that I didn't realize somebody sat right next to me. I was far away from the camp that I didn't think anybody would follow me.

It wasn't just somebody. It was Abigail. She put her hand on my shoulder, "What are you doin', Arthur?"

"I don't exactly know." I answered, giving her a small smile.

She nodded, mirroring a smile back. "Okay then."

We sat in silence for a very long time. She was the one to get away from the silence by putting her hands on my face, pulling me closer to her, kissing me.

I kissed her back, of course. It was all out of tenderness and my love for her. She got even more closer to me. "Do you love me?" She asked.

Why would she ask such a thing? Of course I do. I've always loved her. I should be the one asking her as she was slightly obsessed with getting John back. I guess I didn't answer in her timeframe because she asked once again. "Do you love me, Arthur?"

"Yes." I answered truthfully. I swore I saw her smile, which I haven't seen in so long. She wrapped her arms around me, pretty much sitting on my lap now. We had no need to break our kisses. It all felt familiar and right for us. Oh, how I've missed her heat. "Take your coat off. I bet you're dyin'."

I didn't realize this but I was still in my winter outfit. I nodded at her request, taking my coat off, lying it down so I could gently drop her onto the soft cloth. I then took my other shirt off, kind of feeling uncomfortable as a small breeze brushed against my bare skin. I shook it off though, placing my lips back onto hers. Her hands roamed my body, fingers gently trailing against my skin.

"We should get you out of these clothes..." I said, sliding her dress off gently as her eyes never left his. Our bodies were touching. Bare flesh pumping together. I haven't been in this situation with Abigail in so long. What changed her mind about everything? I wasn't going to ask her. I was just too focused on her beautiful body. My lips guided down her neck as I could hear her whimper. That only got me more excited about this situation. "Do you love me?" I was the one to ask this time.

Before she could answer, somebody was calling out for her. It sounded like Hosea. Abigail started to get up in such a hurry, rushing through the process of getting her dress back on. "Jack is probably wonderin' where I am. I need to go."

I didn't say a word. This all felt like it was rushed. Of course something would come between us. When she got her dress on successfully, she looked at me again. "I'm sorry, Arthur." and there she was, running back to camp.

I sighed. It was almost a sad tone. I started to put my shirt back on, holding my coat close to me. I decided to walk back as well. Abigail and I wouldn't talk for weeks after that. We would only glance at one another, nodding in respect. She was too busy checking up on John and Jack, hardly getting time for herself. That was her family, after all. The only thing that bothered me was the fact she didn't say she loved me back. I felt used but then again, this was Abigail Roberts we're talking about. She was a very complicated woman - A woman I loved very much.