*lights go on & the author brushes the cobwebs away with a broom* Hi! No, you're not hallucinating and this isn't a glitch in your inbox, it's true, still exist...I've been seriously busy the last few uh...*blows the dust off the fanfic*...OK, soooo...yeah, I changed jobs to one with a lot more stress and responsibility, bought my own home, married my boyfriend, bought a car, adopted a cat and my computer actually died but I had this fanfic saved in google docs so that was OK...look, I've just been really busy, OK? The RL Monster has been getting to me but I finally managed to find time to sort this out.

I'm very, very sorry for the wait, but hopefully you'll think this was worth it.

Kevin: That was it? That was your apology after making everyone wait for years?

Oh hush up and enjoy.

Robin was quite certain he was having a bad dream brought on by some bad Camembert cheese, except he'd not had any Camembert recently.

It had begun when he'd finally found Hall Street and been unable to recall off-hand if he'd been told that the Chappen's lived at number 12 or number 21. Hall Street itself was fairly typical of Robin's (admittedly extremely limited) experiences of the lower middle class street, in that it was clean, free of dog mess and chewing gum and that the houses were fairly well maintained to a certain point.

He was quite certain it might even be quite pleasant in the summer, when the dark grey clouds didn't make it look ominous and vaguely threatening.

He decided to try no.21, the nearest to him. The door was painted off white and had a brass door knocker attached shaped like a fox-head which he employed to gain attention from the residents. After a few second, a gravelly but possibly female voice shrilled: 'ang on! Ah'm comin'!"

He wasn't quite prepared for the blonde-brassy afro'd creature in black tights, white patent leather heels and skin-tight leopard print dress who opened the door. The creature looked him up and down slightly, then said: "Sorry pet," with a strong Scouse accent, "appointments only and we're fully booked today, I'm afraid, ."

Robin blinked.

"Excuse me…madam," he ventured finally, "but is this the Chappen residence?"

"Oh, you want number 12, on the other side of the street," she pointed with a neon-pink painted talon, her hands were weighed down with numerous large gaudy rings and bangles, he wondered how she managed to move them at all, "House with the rose bushes out the front and the recycling bins along the wall," the woman looked him up and down again, "You a friend of that lad their Theresa's taken up with? Not part of some cult is 'e?" the woman waved, causing various things to tink, clunk and chime as she gestured to the iron mask he was wearing.

Affronted, Robin drew himself up to his full height and said haughtily: "Madam, I assure you, he is not part of 'some cult'"

"Well, that's a relief," she apparently wasn't intimidated by the 'full height' thing and tapped her coral-rose coloured lips for a second before continued in a conversational tone "can't be havin' with cults, not in a nice street like this. Our Sheena tried to join one once, but once she learnt she'd have to stop eatin' bacon, well, that was the end of it."

Robin was saved from further information about 'our Sheena' by a male voice behind him

"Afternoon, Poppy, I thought I heard you" it said pleasantly, "you were out, so your Avalon lady dropped your order off at our house last night."

This voice belonged to a middle aged man. There was nothing objectionable about him; he was dressed in blue jeans and a neat green shirt, though his general air of ease and something about the way he stood marked him out as a possible former hippy.

He handed over a bundle of makeup in a clear plastic bag to the newly identified Poppy

"Oh, you are a love, James," she cooed, sweetly, taking the bag with one hand and then gestured at Robin with her free hand "you're just in time as well, this bloke 'ere was lookin' for you. I was just askin' if 'e was part of some cult, 'e looks a bit like that lad your Theresa's taken up with what with the funny 'ead wear an' all," Poppy turned her thickly-kohled gaze back to Robin and said, firmly "Have you met their Theresa? She's such a lovely girl."

"Poppy," James spoke up, gently but firmly "Don't you have clients today?"

"Oh! Right! Forgot!" Poppy checked her watch and gasped "The next one'll be 'ere any minute and I'm nowhere near ready!" so saying she hopped back inside her house and closed the door, but not before calling "'ere, tell your Theresa I can fit 'er in next Thursday, ta-ra now!" with a final bang and faint clatter of high heels, she was gone.

"Robin Mask?" James asked in a cheerful, friendly tone before offering his hand, "I'm James Chappen, good to finally meet you"

"Yes, likewise," Robin shook hands, "could I ask, who on earth was that?"

"That was Poppy Wilde," something in Robin's tone must have given away a private thought because he added "she's a hairdresser, runs a salon out of her kitchen."

That was a relief at least.

"Anyway," James continued affably, "let's head over to the house before the tea gets stewed"

Mutely Robin followed him to the front door of No.12.

"Here we go, mate," Theresa's grandfather continued in his friendly tones, "this is home". He opened the front door and a wave of warmth and baking scent hit them both.

"OK, everyone," James announced, leading Robin through photo-bedecked hall to the living room, "panic over, I found him"

Author: Oh dear gods, you have no idea of the fun I had writing Poppy for this. And yes, I did create her just for the purpose of making Robin squirm *evil face*

Kevin: Would you care to explain why I'm not in this chapter. I am, after all, the main reason most people would read this story

Author: Honestly? I don't remember. I think this chapter was going to be longer originally but then, you know, RL happened which means I haven't had a chance to re-watch UM and refresh my memory of how you act and sound and so on but, if it makes you feel any better, that is on my list of 'Things to Do' see? *shows list* before 'deep clean the oven' and right after 'book cat in for vaccination updates'

Kevin: you flatter me. you really do. When can they expect another chapter, exactly?

Author: *checks 'To Do List' again* hmmm...after I attend my younger brother's wedding in the summer and before my next birthday this winter?