A/N: I. HAD. SO. MUCH. FUN. WRITING. THIS. I don't know why; it borders on being crack. But oh, how I enjoyed it. I hope you guys do too, considering all of my amazing reviewers/readers kick complete butt!

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or any of its characters.

Play It Back

"This is ridiculous."

Roy crouched underneath his desk, and wondered where the hell he'd placed his sanity.

No, that wasn't right.

Roy crouched under his desk, and indeed wondered after his sanity. But in all honesty, there was no point in trying to identify exactly where and when he'd lost it. Odds were that if he'd ever had it all, it had been obliterated the second he'd stepped foot in Central Headquarters.

At least, Roy mused with grim resignation as the office carpet bit into his knees, he wasn't the only one cuddling up to a piece of furniture.

"Remind me again why I'm under my desk, instead of at it. I could be doing something productive, like paperwork."

His answer was preceded by a soft but disbelieving snort.

"This is a training exercise, Sir." Riza's voice reminded him from somewhere behind the couch. "And it's mandatory."

"Hide and seek, Hawkeye. We are playing hide and seek."

"Actually," Fuery's voice came from his squished position between the door and the filing cabinet. "It's more like reverse sardines than hide and seek."

"Fuery. Shut up."

"Yes," Hawkeye agreed. "Please be quiet. You two are going to give away our position."

Mustang eyed the wooden leg he was curled against and briefly considered introducing it to his forehead.

"You are taking this way too seriously, Hawkeye," he muttered.

He just barely heard Hawkeye's sniff of superiority.

"This training exercise was ordered by the Furher," she informed him loftily. "I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't take it seriously."

"Okay. Fine. But I really don't think you need your gun."

This time, his only answer was stony silence.

Roy sighed. He fiddled with the white glove in his pocket for a moment, and then pressed closer to the wooden desk. He'd flame himself before admitting it out loud, but it irked him to have Hawkeye show loyalty to anyone other than him.

The door to Mustang's office flew open with a swift and sudden bang. From where he was peeking around the desk, he saw Fuery just barely avoid getting smacked in the face.

Why, oh why, Roy thought darkly, even as he jerked back into position, did the Furher have to pick him to be it?

"I see you, Bastard!" Ed pronounced cheerfully. "And Fuery, I heard you squeak when I almost hit you with the door."

Roy sighed, and rose smoothly to his feet. With as much dignity as he could muster after being spotted while bending himself in half under his own desk, he straightened his uniform.

"I knew you'd be in here," Ed continued, rocking back on his heels with a wide grin. "No creativity. Oh, and Hawkeye, I see you too."

Riza rose from behind the couch.

"Thank you, sir," she said, and holstered her gun.

"I couldn't see her," Fuery pointed out, as he eased out from behind the door. "How did you? We have the same vantage point."

"I didn't," Ed said easily. "But if the Bastard was hiding here, where else would she be?"

Roy smirked; he couldn't seem to stop it. He shot a quick, covert glance at Hawkeye, and she rolled her eyes discreetly in his direction.

"Come on!" Ed urged. "We've got more people to find!"

Roy followed him as he bounced out the door and down the hall, and couldn't prevent his eyebrow from pistoning. Something was seriously off. During the brief meeting in the Fuhrer's office, in which the leader had dropped the exercise bomb, Ed had been surprisingly silent. Roy had been primed to slap a hand over the kid's always eager mouth, and save himself the court martial. But Ed hadn't even uttered so much as one of his charming catchphrases (i.e, Bastard, Alphonse, Stone, Angst, Short Complex). He'd simply shrugged, in a manner too mellow to be patently Elric, and agreed to the exercise. And now, he was grinning ear to ear, and he hadn't once complained about all the precious research time he was wasting.

Roy followed the vibrating figure with great trepidation, and tried to put his finger on what exactly was so very wrong with Edward.

….

They found Breda in the Mess Hall, camped under a table with a carton of ice cream in one hand. He froze with the spoon in his mouth when Edward's head appeared, wearing an extremely pained expression.

"Geez, Breda," he said. "You're so predictable."

Breda grinned around his mouthful of Rocky Road.

"But I got a snack."

Ed snorted and dragged Breda out by the collar.

….

They found Havoc in the late General's empty office. He was also under the desk, but unlike Mustang, he wasn't curled up and cross. Instead, his legs stuck out from the hip down, and his feet were crossed at the ankle. Upon peeking under, it was revealed that his arms were crossed as well, tucked behind him to pillow his head.

"Aw," he said, once he saw Edward's upside down face. "Break's over already?"

Ed laughed, and aimed a friendly kick at his dangling feet.

"Yep. Get up, you lazy jerk. We've got more people to find."

Havoc heaved a long-suffering sigh, and climbed to his feet. His cigarette hung in a rather forlorn fashion from his bottom lip.

"I thought it'd take you longer," he said. "This office is supposed to be off limits."

Mustang folded his arms and smirked.

"Havoc, really?" he asked, voice very dry. "When has Fullmetal ever followed the rules?"

"I come here all the time," Ed confirmed cheerily. "It's quiet."

Everyone snickered.

"Besides," Mustang added as they walked towards the door. "We could smell you all the way down the hall."

….

"Sir."

Mustang glanced over at Hawkeye.

"You're watching him again," she murmured. "What are you trying to figure out this time?"

Mustang shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Don't you see the difference?"

….

They found Elysia standing in the middle of an empty room, with her hands planted firmly over her eyes.

"Um…," Ed wandered towards the little girl, clearly at a loss. "Elysia?"

"I'm invisible," she promptly replied. "I can't see you. So you can't see me."

Ed chuckled at the little girl logic.

"Yeah…I don't really think it works that way…" Ed reached to tug her pigtail, only to let out a sharp yelp when Elysia's little foot connected sharply with his shin.

"I'm invisible," she repeated insistently.

Mustang strolled to his hobbling subordinate's side.

"You've such a way with women, Fullmetal," he said, while Ed glared golden daggers at his forehead.

Elysia reared back and kicked out again, all without opening her eyes. Suddenly, there were two state alchemists hopping on one leg.

"You can't see me either."

Fifteen seconds later, they found Hughes hiding in a nearby closet. They were tipped off by the frantic click of his camera and the strained sound of his desperately muffled giggles.

….

"…."

"…."

"….The hell?"

They all stared, completely dumbfounded, at the sight of Major Armstrong, clad only in his brown spandex shorts, and pressed against a tree.

"I just…I don't…What is he…" Ed tried to find the words, and failed impressively. "Nothing. I have nothing."

"Major," Fuery tried hesitantly, because Armstrong had yet to move from the supposedly tree-like pose he'd arranged himself in. "We…ah….we can see you."

"My eyes. They burn!"

"It's like looking at the sun!"

Armstrong appeared not to hear Havoc and Breda's tortured moans. He snapped to life on a wave of pink sparkles, and let out a booming laugh.

"EDWARD ELRIC!"

"WHA-?"

Ed found himself suddenly enveloped by arms approximately the size of Breda's waist.

"What remarkable skill!" Armstrong bellowed, squeezing the boy until his face turned a rather alarming shade of blue. "You found me so very quickly! Such dexterity, especially when you consider that the art of concealment has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

"You smell like tree sap, you jerk," Ed managed, his voice barely above a squeak.

Everyone looked concerned by Ed's apparent lack of oxygen. Except Mustang, of course, who was too busy laughing until his sides ached.

That is, until Armstrong spun in his direction, and descended upon him like a flesh-colored wall of doom.

"YOU MUST BE SO PROUD OF YOUR YOUNG PROTÉGÉ!"

"WHA!"

….

Luckily, Havoc was the first one to open the door to that particular broom closet. He took one step inside, and Ed, who was following hot on his heels, saw a single flash of Falman's uniform, before his world was suddenly obscured by a wide expanse of white glove.

"Hey!" he shouted, surprised. "What are you doing, Colonel Bastard? Let me go! I've got to get Falman!"

"Warrant Officer Falman will catch up with us shortly," Mustang announced, his voice strangely formal.

"But-"

"We startled him, Fullmetal," Mustang said, and was that mild hysteria Ed heard in his voice? "We'll give Falman a moment to gather his…composure."

He kept his hand clapped firmly over Edward's eyes as he dragged the boy out of the broom closet. Once released, Ed snarled at him for the span of four corridors, until two pale-faced and silent figures expanded their little group and diverted Ed's attention.

"Hey. I don't remember finding you, Schiezka."

….

"Figured it out yet, Roy?"

Mustang looked over at his best friend.

"Have you?"

Hughes shrugged.

"Sure," he said. His eyes strayed to his little girl, who was chattering away at Havoc's side. "But then, I know what I'm looking at."

….

By the time they found Maria Ross, she wasn't even hiding anymore. She was standing in the middle of a brightly lit hallway, a look of supreme irritation on her face.

"Thank God," she said. "Someone get him off of me."

With his arms locked around her waist and his face buried in her hip, Danny Brosch peered up at the sudden group surrounding him. The group looked at him in turn, with varying expressions of complete hilarity, dry resignation, scandalized outrage, and downright bewilderment.

"I'm hiding," he offered.

Hawkeye quickly moved to peel him off, keeping a wary eye on Maria's dangerously dancing eyebrow.

….

There weren't many upsides to being a disembodied suit of armor. In his never-ending bid for optimism, Al had once tried to compile a list. He'd come up with less than seven. But on that tiny list, there was a single perk that Al was currently utilizing with great glee.

He didn't need to move.

He didn't need to breathe.

He looked like an inanimate object.

He was the master ninja of hide and seek.

They found him, after an hour of fruitless searching, inside the weapons warehouse out back. He'd settled himself in the protective covering division, and wedged his giant metal body in between two other old and battered suits of armor.

"Pretty good," Havoc observed, popping his hands on his hips.

"Yeah," Breda agreed. "Smart thinking, Al."

No response. The group shifted uneasily, searching for some hint of awareness in Al's metal face.

"Are…are you sure that's him?" Fuery asked.

Ed laughed.

"That's him," he said confidently. He reached out and tapped his fist against Al's side. "Come on, Al. Do you want me to crawl in there and show them your blood seal?"

Suddenly, the armor was alive. Al shoved the other two suits off of him, and leapt away like Ed was brandishing a metal slicing machete.

"Stay out of my armor, Brother!"

There was a warm wave of (slightly relieved) laughter.

"So, I guess that's it," Ed declared, wiping his hands on his pants. "I found everybody."

Al tiptoed back to his brother's side, now reassured that no one would be popping his helmet.

"That was fun, wasn't it, Brother?" he asked, his voice high and quick with excitement. "We haven't played a game like that in forever!"

"It's been a long time," Ed agreed, his golden eyes shining with a curious light.

"It's too bad Winry isn't visiting right now. Remember, Brother, we always used to play this game at her house!"

As the Elrics lapsed into a laughter-soaked memory, Mustang made a small, quickly muffled sound.

"Oh."

Hughes heard it, and looked over. He smiled at the sudden recognition on Roy's face and nodded, reaching out a hand for Elysia's shoulder.

"See it now?" he murmured.

Roy inclined his head. With soft eyes, he studied the smile on Elysia's little face, full of happiness and humor and innocent excitement for the game. Then he shifted, and studied the nearly identical smile curving Edward's lips.

That's what he'd seen. What had been itching between his shoulder blades ever since the beginning of the game. What had made Fullmetal seem foreign, somehow, and not altogether normal.

He was only sixteen. And he did smile. But it was so rare to see anything remotely childlike on Edward's face.

"All right, Fullmetal," he said, interrupting Al's recount of the time Ed had gotten himself stuck while trying to hide in Winry's kitchen wastebasket. "You found us. Think you can do it again?"

Ed blinked up at him, his brow furrowed.

"Again? But…don't we have work, or something?"

Roy smirked.

"This is a training exercise," he reminded him loftily. "Assigned by the Furher himself. I think that takes precedence over any work we may have waiting."

Behind him, his subordinate tittered in surprise, and Hawkeye muttered something about paperwork and really impressive procrastination techniques.

"But…I guess I thought…"

Roy let his smirk slide into a full-blown leer.

"What's the matter, Fullmetal? Was it too hard for you the first time? Afraid you can't do it again?"

Ed's face flamed.

"Bastard!" he shouted, stretching onto his tiptoes to reach Mustang's face. "You're on!"

Mustang wisely choked back his snicker as Ed slapped his hands over his eyes, and began to count furiously. There was a chorus of tight, breathless giggles that sounded completely strange coming from so many adults, and then they were off, bursting out the warehouse door. They snickered and snorted as they ran, like a group of teenagers sprinting away from the scene of a rather glorious prank. Mustang heard it, and allowed himself a dignified grin. Maybe this game was good for all of them.

He thought of Ed, standing alone and stubborn in the empty warehouse, no doubt counting away.

He couldn't make that smile last forever. In many ways, he was actually responsible for its absence, since it had been his idea to pull the boy into the army at such a young age. But he could make up for it as best he could.

He could give that smile a chance to shine.

Even if for just a little while.