CHAPTER 40 - AN IRISH LASS

"We will be home in two months and I have never met any of Jack's friends or family," Elizabeth explained to Abigail as she watched her best friend chop a pile tomatoes which had been grown on the transporter using hydroponics. "I'm a little nervous to meet them."

The two women were in the transporter's large kitchen with its stainless-steel counter-tops and shelves filled with boxes and cans of food and drinks.

"You've had holograms."

"It's not the same," Elizabeth responded. "Those are one-sided conversations."

"Are you worried about meeting his mom? I know she was surprised by your marriage but I thought she was okay with it."

"She's so different than me. In the last hologram, she was staining a wooden table while she had a stew cooking in the background. She had made both- the table and the stew!"

"Why do you sound so worried? I don't think she expects you to make both the meals and the furniture for your home," Abigail said with a laugh.

"It's not that. It's just-" Elizabeth paused. "I don't know. I just wonder about Jack's life without me."

As Abigail continued to slice tomatoes for the ship's dinner menu, Elizabeth filled her in on yesterday's hologram from Jack's former girlfriend and Elizabeth's own worries about life on Earth.

"So, you're not upset that Jack had a relationship with her?" Abigail asked.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No. I expect him to have had relationships before me. That's normal. We had lives before we met each other. I don't need to meet his past girlfriends but I certainly can't begrudge him for having them."

"I agree," Abigail said with a nod. "And you're not worried he's ever going to cheat on you?"

Elizabeth shook her head again. "Never. He loves me. I love him. That's forever. I didn't even really believe it when Becca was telling me what I thought was her admission of an affair. And she was just telling me about the detour to pick up the stowaway guy. I didn't even really believe it when I thought Jack was confirming the affair. In fact, I probably wouldn't believe Jack was cheating on me even if I found him in bed with another woman."

Abigail paused with her knife and looked at Elizabeth skeptically. "Even if you caught him in bed with another woman, you wouldn't believe he was cheating on you?"

"Nope", Elizabeth gave a simple shrug. "I'd figure she had drugged him or he was working on some kind of undercover investigation. He loves me. He'll never cheat on me."

"That what are you so worried about?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Elizabeth said with a sigh.

"No. It's not," Abigail answered with a smile.

"I'm boring. What if Jack just hasn't realized that yet." Elizabeth said glumly. "What if he discovers that he's stuck married to a boring wife. He fell in love with a dud."

Abigail chuckled. "You're not a dud."

Elizabeth swallowed a mouthful of kale and carrot juice and tried not to spit out the disgusting-tasting concoction. "Jack plays racquetball and baseball. His friends are in law enforcement or forest rangers or pilots or in the military. One of his old girlfriends works with lions!" she exclaimed.

"Why don't you play racquetball or basketball?"

"I'm afraid of getting hit by a ball", Elizabeth grumbled. "Not just racquetball and baseball. Football. Soccer. Volleyball. Pretty much I'm a wimp. I was raised differently", she said trying to defend herself. "I ice-skated and skied and played golf a bit. I took dance and piano."

"That doesn't make you boring. Just different than Jack."

"And I've had boring relationships," an unpersuaded Elizabeth complained. "None of my past relationships was as exciting as Jack's former relationships. He's the most exciting interesting man I've ever been with, and I'm the most boring woman he's ever been with."

"You're not boring. You're . . . .," Abigail paused as she realized that teaching a classroom full of young boys and girls wasn't anywhere near as exciting as working with lions.

"Boring," Elizabeth said with a sigh. "I teach math and science. I talk about Shakespeare and civics lessons. And Jack's so adventurous."

"Maybe opposites attract!" Abigail said encouragingly although she doubted that old adage.

"I hope so because I'm only going to get more boring on Earth."

"How do you see that?" Abigail crinkled her eyebrows in confusion.

"I'll be even more pregnant. I won't be able to do anything outdoorsy or adventurous," Elizabeth whined as she picked up a piece of tomato and then threw it back onto the pile. "So I better be interesting before we arrive back home."

"Jack, are we going to do the talent show this year?" Elizabeth asked when she walked into the security office at noon and found Jack staring intently at his computer screen. She had decided that there was no reason why she couldn't change her personality and be captivating. The hologram from Jack's friend had given her the nudge she needed. And the talent show was the perfect place to start.

"Why? Do we need another pair of slippers? Wasn't that what we won last time?" he asked absently as he continued to look at the screen and hit the enter button every so often.

"It will be fun! We had a good time last time. And we almost won."

"We came in fourth place", Jack reminded her. "But sure, if you want to."

"I think we should do something interesting for the talent show," Elizabeth announced. "Like ax throwing. You know, where you'll throw them at me and miss me by less than an inch."

Jack turned in his chair to stare at her. "Where in the world did you get that idea?" he asked in bewilderment.

"I just thought it would be interesting. Don't you?"

"Definitely. Especially when you're taken to the infirmary with an ax stuck in your head."

He continued to look at her in bafflement. "Elizabeth, I have no idea how to throw axes and 'miss you by less than an inch' as you so casually put it."

"You could try. I'm sure you'd be good at it."

"Why would I be good at it?" He shook his head in disbelief at her broad assumption.

"I just think that you would. Let's just try it."

"Do you want me to be a widower?"

Okay, so maybe axe throwing wasn't such a good idea, Elizabeth thought as the couple ate lunch with their usual friends.

Jack had refused to discuss the idea of throwing a four-inch heavy and sharp blade at his wife's head any further as they had made their way to the cafeteria but he had agreed to being in the talent show if she came up with a decent idea.

I'll come up with something for the talent show. In the meantime, I'll concentrate on another talent. For private time!

The room looked perfect. As perfect as Elizabeth could make a sterile metal and plastic simplistic room look for a romantic dinner date. It had only been five hours since she had last seen Jack at lunchtime, but she was already getting that tingling feeling that a girl gets when she's dating a cute boy.

Elizabeth had dimmed the lights, used the last of her perfume which she had been rationing of the past year, bribed her roommates to stay away for a few hours, and had romantic music playing as she waited for Jack's arrival.

The white bedsheet which she had hung from the upper berths to make a canopy was a little low so Jack would have to duck, but that made it all the more charming, Elizabeth reasoned.

A picnic dinner under a canopy.

What could be more romantic and interesting, Elizabeth thought giddily as she went into the wash room to brush her teeth and leave herself with fresh minty kissable breath.

When Jack, with his eyes looking down at the screen of his laptop he was carrying, walked in through the sliding door, he smacked head-first into the sheet, knocking it down and covering his eyes.

"What the heck?" he said in confusion as he pulled the white material away from his face and tossed it onto a bottom bunk.

"Why's it so dark in here? Elizabeth, are you in here?" he called out as he stepped further into the small room.

"God damn it!"

Elizabeth spit out her toothpaste into the sink when she heard Jack cursing. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she hurried into the other room.

Jack was limping and looking around in the dim light. "Why is there food on the floor? I just stepped in a bowl of rice. And I knocked over a juice box," he added as he grabbed Elizabeth's silk robe from the berth and began to mop up the liquid.

"We're having a picnic!" Elizabeth announced as she tried to remain enthusiastic despite watching Jack use her sexy robe, which she had planned to be wearing when he walked in, as a rag.

"Why? And can you turn on some lights?"

"We're doing it by candle light," she explained happily as she righted the rice bowl and began gathering up the spilt clumps of rice from the floor.

"I can't hear you. What is with that music?" he asked loudly over the sounds of jazz floating through the room. "Can you turn it down?!"

Elizabeth quickly looked around and wondered what to do with the smooshed rice she was holding in both hands. Seeing nowhere to put it, she finally just decided to shove it down her blouse.

"We can't have candles on the transporter," Jack said when Elizabeth had turned off the music and she again happily announced that they would be eating by candlelight. "You know that. No open flames allowed. Are you trying to blow us up?" he asked in bewilderment.

"No. Look," she explained as she moved to another computer and pushed a button.

The hologram of a flame appeared in the room. "Isn't it romantic?" she asked with a big grin.

Jack looked at the flickering orange light and then looked back at Elizabeth. "I'm confused," he admitted. "Did I miss something? An anniversary?"

"No, I just thought we'd go on a date," she told him.

She clasped her hands in front of her and smiled broadly. "You've been so busy taking those correspondence courses to get promoted that I thought a date night would be nice. Especially before we get back to Earth and everything gets so complicated."

"Why will everything get so complicated on Earth?" he asked with crinkled brows.

"Um. You know, lots of people for us to see. And you'll be busy working and I'll be busy being pregnant. And we'll be finding a house."

"So that makes life complicated?" he asked in confusion.

"I just thought a date would be nice! To remind us of romance."

"Why? We're already married. We already know we love each other. And you're pregnant already so I think we've already figured out what to do after a date."

Abigail gave a surprised look as Elizabeth and Jack made their way through the cafeteria line causing Elizabeth to slightly shake her head indicating that the romantic dinner had been a bust.

It turned out that Jack wasn't interested in eating rice which had been stepped on, or the broccoli and peas which had rolled under a lower berth no matter how 'romantic' a setting Elizabeth had made.

Jack and Elizabeth moved to their regular table, where Seth was busily juggling hard boiled eggs to the amusement of his daughter.

"Hey guys, you going to be in the talent show this year?", Peggy, a cute red-haired engineer asked.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you" Jack said to Elizabeth. "I signed us up. We got Ireland."

Elizabeth crinkled her brows in confusion. "Ireland? What are you talking about?"

"This flight's show has a theme. Countries from around the World", Peggy answered. "Your talent has to have something to do with that country. I picked France."

"I got Korea," someone else spoke up.

"And you picked Ireland for us?" Elizabeth asked Jack. "Why'd you pick Ireland?"

Jack shrugged. "There were only two left. It was that or Botswana. I figured Ireland would be easier for us. You'll be my beautiful Irish lass," he added with a smile.

Great, Elizabeth grumbled to herself. What are we supposed to do? An Irish jig? Look for four leaf clovers? Eat Lucky Charms?

"Jack", Elizabeth whispered the next morning. All four occupants of the living quarters were home. Becca and Candy, ear buds in their ears, were sitting on their berths looking at their laptops while Jack was putting on his shoes.

Jack looked curiously at Elizabeth and mouthed "What?"

Instead of answering, Elizabeth handed him a folded piece of paper as if she was a covert operative transferring national secrets. She turned away and slipped into her own shoes.

"See you all later," she called out as she walked out the door, leaving a befuddled Jack to wonder why his wife was acting so strangely.

"Elizabeth, can you explain why you gave me a note telling me to wait ten minutes and then meet you here?" Jack asked when he found Elizabeth hiding behind a pallet of rock samples in the transporter's cargo room.

Instead of answering him, Elizabeth pulled Jack into a kiss. Long and deep.

Thirty seconds later, she pulled back slightly and began unbuttoning her blouse as she gave him her best attempt at a seductive smile.

"What are you doing? You know I love kissing you but what is going on?" a confused Jack asked.

"I thought we'd fool around," she declared as she dropped her blouse to the floor where it landed in a crumpled mess.

"Here?" Jack swiveled his head around and looked at the huge room filled with pallets of cargo and ore samples. "If we want to fool around, we've got a mattress in my office."

"This is more exciting!" Elizabeth reached out and began unbuttoning his shirt but Jack pushed her fingers away.

"Stop acting crazy. We are not fooling around here. Anyone could walk in. And it's not the least bit comfortable." He moved his fingers and rebuttoned his shirt. "Put your shirt back on."

Undeterred, Elizabeth tried a new tactic. She looked him in the eye and began running her fingers through his hair.

"Stop it," he ordered sternly and shook his head. "You know what that does to me."

Instead of stopping, Elizabeth moved her body even closer and ran a finger along his neck, knowing how it made him tingle.

"What has gotten into you?" he asked hoarsely as he tried to control himself.

"I just want to try something interesting", Elizabeth replied just before she touched her lips to his.

Losing his resolve to be sensible, Jack's hands moved through Elizabeth's hair as he held her mouth against his. She was warm and delicious.

As he continued to kiss her and pushed his body against hers, Elizabeth knew that this was mostly definitely worth the ten minutes she had spent waiting for him.

"I can't do this," Jack said four minutes later as he gently pushed Elizabeth away and fumbled to rebutton his shirt for the second time.

"Why not?"

"Because it's . . .it's stupid. We have a perfectly good mattress in my office. It's morning. My stomach's grumbling. I keep thinking someone's going to walk in on us, and a rock is sticking into my back. I love you but this just isn't working for me."

"Fine," Elizabeth grumbled even though she was secretly grateful he had decided to stop. She hated to admit it, but as she had kissed Jack, pretty much all those same thoughts he had were going through her mind. This idea was a bust.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast", Jack said good-naturedly as he smiled. He reached out and tenderly pushed a lock of hair from her face as she stood up after retrieving her blouse from the floor.

"I think we should do some kind of caber toss for our talent. We can find long pipes instead of logs or wooden beams, and show some kind of skill with them," Elizabeth announced hours later as she walked into the security office and found Jack sitting at his desk.

Jack looked away from his computer and gave Elizabeth a blank stare before finally speaking. "A caber toss?"

"Isn't it a great idea? It's totally different from what anyone else will do for the talent show. Almost like baton twirling but with really heavy batons. That's where I got the idea from," she added with a laugh. "What do you think?"

"No," Jack said simply and then went back to typing. "I'm working. Anything else you wanted to know?"

Elizabeth frowned and huffed. "Why not?"

Jack leaned back in his chair and looked at Elizabeth. "I don't want to be carrying and tossing a one-hundred and seventy-five pound pipe. I don't want you to be carrying and tossing a one-hundred and seventy-five pound pipe. That's what cabers weigh for competitions."

"But –" Elizabeth tried to interrupt.

"It's not a talent that I have or that I want to have anytime soon," Jack said dryly. "And it's not Irish. It's Scottish."

"Darn", Elizabeth grumbled before turning and walking out of the office.

Two days later, Elizabeth had come up with two new ideas. One for the talent show and one to make herself seem more interesting to Jack.

The first one was easy enough; she knew Jack would like it.

Oh Danny boy the pipes the pipes are calling
From glen to glen and down the mountain side
The summer's gone and all the flowers dying
'Tis you 'tis you must go and I must bide

"That's pretty," Jack noted as he looked up from the computer and took his ear pieces out of his ears to listen to Elizabeth's singing. She was sitting on the berth across from him looking at the written lyrics.

"It's for the talent show. Do you think I should sing it? It's Irish."

"Yeah, I think you should. You have a beautiful voice. Thorntons are from Ireland. I've always loved that song."

"Can you learn the music quick enough? I know you've been really busy with your on-line course," she said as she thought about the two North American Defense Force courses he was trying to finish before they arrived back to Earth.

"Yeah, I'll do it. I'm sorry these courses are taking so much of my time. I've got to write a paper for this one on community-policing in a technologically advanced age."

"No apology necessary. I am looking forward to your promotion," she said with a smile. "Actually, that reminds me. I have some detective work for you. I'm missing one of my earrings. Have you seen it?"

Jack chuckled. "No, but I'll look when I get a chance. It's not my most interesting case but I think I can handle it."

"Ooh. That reminds me", Elizabeth said excitedly. "I came up an idea for something fun for us to do when you have some free time. Maybe tomorrow if I can make the plans."

Jack raised his eyebrows at her suspiciously. "Does it involve getting amorous in public or me throwing something at you?"

"Neither one. I want us to go on a spacewalk! We can be tethered together!"

UP NEXT: CHAPTER 41