Axel was bored. Bored bored bored.

It was Kairi's fault, really. After yesterday's chat with him and Riku, Kairi had contacted Ansem to see if there could be any problems with replica bodies. Dandruff, food allergies, antisocial tendencies that would cause former best friends to turn on each other. Basic stuff. Unfortunately, Even had overheard the phone call and completely overreacted.

So now Roxas, Xion, and Namine had appointments for 'full medical examinations' at Ansem's laboratory. And, thanks to Kairi's new 'we're all in this together!' policy, everybody with a keyblade was tagging along.

At least Riku had thought to remodel the Gummi Ship this time. Transporting everybody in the old ship to the Keyblade-War-redux-after-party on Destiny Islands had been uncomfortable for several reasons. Axel had gotten through sharing a seat with Roxas and Xion, even if he couldn't feel his legs afterwards, but Donald on Isa's lap was an image he really hadn't wanted to memorize.

The new Gummi Ship, unofficially christened the 'Gummi Bus', was a giant orange brick with rocket engines. It was long enough that you could transport all the Xehanorts at once, if for some reason you wanted to. Into a volcano, maybe.

Riku was in the pilot's seat (Keyblade Master's privilege, according to him). The Gummi Bus had two benches instead of individual passenger seats. Kairi, Namine, and Xion had claimed one bench, and Axel and Roxas had the other. Namine was happily sketching in her notebook as usual. Kairi was chatting with Xion, or at least trying to; Xion was partially curled-up on the bench and giving one-word answers while looking thoroughly miserable. She'd been that way ever since she'd heard where they were going. Roxas, sitting apart from everybody and staring at nothing, wasn't doing much better.

Axel was feeling a bit apprehensive himself, even if he wasn't the one going under the microscope. The last time he'd been in Ansem's Laboratory, he had just returned to 'life'. Many of his former Organization 13 associates (or their Somebodies, at least) still worked there, and he hadn't spoken to them since their violent resurrections.

Maybe it would be okay. Ienzo had always been a good kid -

Well, hello, Zexion! No, don't get up on our account. You're not looking so good. What do you think, Riku? Hmm? Oh, that's right. You're not Riku. You're a puppet brought to life. Does that make Vexen the Blue Fairy? Now there's a picture.

Say, not-quite-Riku...the authentic, original, definitive Riku is still in the castle somewhere. He's superior in every way - it must be killing you! I wonder how you could close the gap? Hmm...well, here's a thought: so far, only one of you has brutally stabbed Zexion.

Sorry, Zexion. Saving you doesn't seem half as entertaining.

- and Even was genial enough, so long as you had the patience for his -

Mercy? You want mercy? That's not very scientific, is it? Time to renew your credentials, doc. You never answered the important questions of our time, like 'Can a person without a heart still perceive agonizing pain?', or 'Are scientists flammable?'

Look on the bright side. You're off the hook. Now you can be nothing instead of just being a Nobody.

- long-winded explanations on, well, everything.

On second thought, maybe he'd just wait outside. Enjoy the fresh air. A little boredom wasn't such a bad thing.

"...and that's the key to unaided flight. I've never had access to a live fairy to perform proper tests, but the hypothesis is sound." Ienzo paused to sip his tea. "In retrospect, the use of two separate inertial frames of reference is so obvious. I'm ashamed I didn't think of it sooner."

"I see! How interesting," Kairi said, as she discovered that her standing as a Princess of Heart did not preclude her from lying through her teeth.

Despite Kairi's intentions to keep the group together, everybody had split up as soon as they had arrived at Ansem's Laboratory. Riku had wandered off, saying he had 'a Master-ish idea' and needed to 'talk to a computer,' which Kairi suspected was code for 'nobody needs to know that science is my worst subject.' Axel had elected to hang out with Dilan and Aeleus outside the Laboratory. Inside, Ansem the Wise and Even had ushered Roxas, Xion, and Namine into an examination room. That just left Kairi and Ienzo in the main lab area, sipping tea and holding an hour-long one-sided conversation on not-quite-Newtonian mechanics while waiting for test results.

"Speaking of, um, obvious information," Kairi said, "I wanted to ask you about Xion. I'd figured former Nobodies wouldn't know everything about modern life, but Xion has certain...gaps? Like, she knows how to paddle a canoe, the rules of blitzball, and the lyrics to fourteen different TV show theme songs. But she's never even heard the words 'scrunchie', 'manicure', or 'romantic evening.' "

"Hmm."

"Or anything involving romance, really."

"That...actually makes a lot of sense!" Ienzo said, looking as if he'd just discovered the subject of his next doctoral dissertation. "You are aware of the unique circumstances surrounding Xion's 'birth', yes?"

"She was a replica of Roxas, but she got a bunch of Sora's memories, I think? I know she looks like me because of that."

"That's right. Let's assume those memories were selected purely at random. Statistically, Xion should know basic activities that Sora has performed over much of his life - eating, walking, canoeing, and so on. As well as anything Sora deemed important and therefore thought about often."

"Like TV and blitzball." That sounded like a young Sora all right.

"And you. Xion shares your appearance precisely because memories of you are statistically significant in Sora's mind."

An anxious thought entered Kairi's mind and left her mouth before she could stop it. "But, um, Xion doesn't know about romance? Does that mean Sora, ah, -"

Kairi, I'm back! I've got some...uh...bad news, I guess? Remember that time I stabbed myself to release your heart? Turns out there was a mix-up when I came back. Yeah, I've actually been a Nobody this entire time. Isn't that crazy? So, that whole 'I'm going to keep you safe' promise, and sacrificing myself to save you with the power of waking? I didn't actually feel any of that. My mind was just making it real. Sorry about that...I mean, I'm not actually sorry, but you get the idea. Well, I'm off to fight the forces of darkness until I fade into the void. See ya!

"- I mean, did Sora not actually feel -"

"I wouldn't worry. Sora may not have been aware of his own feelings for you long enough for them to make the jump to Xion."

Right. Kairi was getting nervous over nothing. Roxas had identified her as 'the girl he likes,' after all.

"Xion is quite a fascinating case. Do you suppose she would be willing to stay for a week or so for further testing? Not experimentation, of course. We certainly don't do human experimentation around here. Ha ha ha. By 'testing', I simply meant a broad survey of Xion's intrinsic working knowledgebase. Questionnaires and such."

"...for an entire week?"

"Doesn't it sound exciting? In addition, I would be happy to fill in any knowledge 'gaps' afterwards. Although...hmm...I'm afraid I don't know much of 'romance' myself. A consequence of entering adolescence as a Nobody, I suppose. Or my subsequent proximity to Larxene."

While Kairi debated whether to warn Ienzo against using 'you are statistically significant in my memories' as a pick-up line, the doors to the examination room opened. Out walked Roxas and Xion, both looking slightly less hopeless than before. Xion was now merely distressed, while Roxas had improved to Riku-levels of moody.

"Xion, Roxas, welcome back!" Ienzo said, pouring two more cups of tea. "Are the examinations complete?"

Roxas took a seat across from Kairi. "Is that what those were? Even asked a million questions - 'Are you eating right? Getting enough sleep?' while Ansem poked us with sticks."

Xion remained standing. "Ansem says there's nothing physically wrong with any of us," she said quickly. "He wanted to run one more test on Namine, but they should be out soon. Where's Master Riku?"

"He went to check on something. Axel's right outside though."

"So...sure is different being Somebodies again, eh?" Axel said.

"Yah," Dilan said.

"..." Aeleus said.

"Uniforms still fit?"

"Just as we left 'em."

"..."

"You guys, uh, looking forward to the blitzball season?"

"Wot's 'blitzball'?"

"...?"

Xion stepped out of the main building and into Axel's sudden violent embrace.

"Xion! Boy am I glad to see you!"

"Aah!"

"Clean bill of health, right? Can't have you slowing me down."

"Ansem says we're fine," Xion said. Pulling out of the hug, she quickly jumped behind Aeleus and peeked over his shoulder at the Laboratory door. "But Even won't leave me alone. He keeps holding papers full of squiggly lines in front of my face. 'Does this remind you of anything? How about this?' He wants me to keep a dream journal. He keeps asking about memories of my 'early childhood', when he knows that I didn't have one. Are we sure he isn't Vexen anymore?"

"Nah, Vexen would've skipped the questions and gone straight to dissecting you."

"Yah."

"..."

Ienzo had barely gotten into his views on information theory when a very cheerful Namine exited the examination room with Ansem and Even.

"Ah, Kairi, Roxas! Thank you for waiting," Ansem said. "All of the examinations are finished."

"Not that I had expected any problems with our handiwork, but it pays to be thorough." Even said.

"During our call, you had asked about hypersensitivity? You'll be pleased to know the replica bodies are functioning fully as intended - "

"Naturally."

"- with no signs of excessive contact reactivity or nerve damage." Ansem chuckled. "Your friends are ticklish, but well within expected parameters. All test results came back positive."

"That is, all the physical tests."

"Even -"

"I still believe we should keep Xion overnight for observation."

"Even, er, has some minor concerns about Xion's behavioral development -"

"Master Ansem, she won't speak to me! At all!" Even began to pace. "I am her creator. I know her better than she knows herself. If she's having any difficulties in her new life, anything at all, she should come to me first."

Even turned to Kairi. "At the very least, could you convince Xion to call home - I mean, provide status updates periodically?"

"Even -"

"And is it true that she's been riding in Gummi Ships with boys? Unsupervised?"

"Even -"

"And why is she dressing like that? In my day, -"

"Even!" Ansem finally grabbed Even by the shoulders. "Why don't you review the new heart data we collected with Ienzo. I want to have a word with these three."

Taking the hint, Ienzo took Even's arm and led him back into the examination room.

"Ah, Ansem? Is Xion okay?" Kairi frowned. "I understand Even's position - sort of - but if Xion doesn't want to talk to him, I won't try to change her mind unless there's a good reason."

"There is no need for concern. When Even created Xion, he was still Vexen; he could not feel anything towards her. Now he has his heart back, but Xion is already growing up - entering adulthood, making life choices, forming relationships. Even was caught off-guard by the passage of time. Most parents go through similar feelings; I certainly did."

Kairi, Roxas, and Namine looked at each other. "Ansem, you have children? Actual children? I mean, not your apprentices, or -"

"Yes, I had children. Most people do. I lost contact with them years ago." Ansem quickly pulled out a notepad. "Let's focus on the here and now. Namine would like to show you something."

Kairi turned to a beaming Namine. "Oh? What's -"

The question died in Kairi's throat as Namine was replaced with a playing card.

Not just Namine. The entire lab disappeared, as if Kairi had just -

- walked past the lines of playing-card soldiers, through a hole in the garden wall and into the dimly-lit area beyond.

You're in a forest. Or, at least, what should be a forest. The grass is wild and unkempt - and also taller than you. All of the plants- mushrooms, flowers, lily pads -are taller than you. Some of them are talking to each other. This is a world unconcerned with Man's paltry notions of order.

Before you, a grin appears. Hanging in the air. The rest of its owner's head forms behind it, followed by its body. The body lifts the head, grinning all the while, to its proper place. The head speaks -

"Namine, perhaps you should warn your friends before you demonstrate your new abilities."

Namine giggled. "I'm sorry. I was just so excited!"

"New abilities? What just happened?" Kairi looked around. Blotches of green were fading from her eyes, replaced with the white of the Laboratory. Ansem was scribbling in his notepad.

Roxas was groaning and shaking his head. "Stupid mushrooms...bad enough everybody in the Organization's taller than me...mushrooms gotta be taller too..." He finally stopped, downed his cup of tea, and glared at Namine. "That was Wonderland. Why were we in Wonderland? And can we never go back?"

"Um, you know how I had control over Sora's memories? That was one of them. I'm not sure why, but I can show them to others now."

"I had suspected this would happen, so I had prepared some additional tests," Ansem said. "A new life, with a new form, means new opportunities. Your powers are expanding. It's too early to say how you will develop, but even this projection ability has enormous potential - recovering lost memories, recounting history, teaching. Much safer than fighting Heartless."

"Oh." Namine frowned. "Does that mean I won't get a keyblade? I've been wondering. Roxas and Xion have keyblades because of Sora, right? And Kairi has a keyblade now. But I - I've only been back for two weeks, so maybe it just takes time? Is my keyblade waiting for something?"

"Perhaps 'your keyblade' has decided you've been through enough!" Ansem's tone shifted from 'kindly grandfather' to 'master of Radiant Garden' with a dash of 'you're grounded for a week.' "You have been given a gift - a second chance at life - granted to very few. You must not squander it."

Ansem abruptly calmed down before anybody could object. "Namine...for so long, you lived among those who would use you, or destroy you outright. Now you are among friends, and I hope you will remain that way. You deserve happiness. You all do."

With preparations complete, Riku casually strolled back to the Laboratory. He'd been gone for an hour, but he wasn't worried. The others were no doubt still going through whatever tests Even had come up with.

So when a hand appeared out of nowhere and pulled him behind a wall, Riku nearly summoned his keyblade.

"Xion?"

"Master Riku, I have a question," Xion whispered, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Something came up during testing."

"A problem?"

"I'm not sure. During the reflex and pain-response tests, Ansem said that we're all ticklish."

"And?"

"And I don't know what to think. Nobody in the Organization ever mentioned something like that. Namine thought it was funny, but Roxas looked mad."

"...Xion, do you not know what 'ticklish' means? Roxas didn't explain it to you?" Why would Roxas be uncomfortable about explaining something like that to Xion? Maybe Kairi was right about there being problems between the two of them.

"Roxas would only say that I couldn't tell Axel, under any circumstances. Or you, but you're our Master, and, well..." Xion took a moment, apparently summoning all of her courage. "...whatever it is, I'm worried that it'll affect our training!"

"Xion -"

"Is that why Roxas and I can't beat you? Because we're ticklish? Is that why Roxas won't work with me anymore?"

"No, it's not -"

"Will I lose my keyblade? That's happened before. It felt horrible."

"You won't -"

"Is it a weakness that the Heartless can exploit?" Xion was close to tears. "If I'm going to put others in danger -"

"Xion! You're fine. Being ticklish, it's just a...a reflex." Was it? Science was his worst subject. "And the darkness hasn't spawned any tickle monsters."

"...thank you, Master."

Riku and Xion returned to the Laboratory. Everybody was gathered outside. Dilan and Aeleus were still standing guard (or possibly asleep with their eyes open). Roxas was glaring intensely at a cluster of mushrooms. Namine was comparing two pieces of paper covered in squiggly lines. Axel was gesturing dramatically in front of Kairi.

"Axel, I said no."

"But they're sea-salt flavor! Why not?"

"Because you didn't go through a medical exam. Xion! There you are. This is for you," Kairi said, handing Xion a lollipop and patting her on the head. "You were very brave."

...what happened in that Laboratory? Riku had only been gone for an hour.

Well, whatever. Time to be a Master. "Everybody's here. Tests all done? Good. We've got just enough time for a special training session before we head home."

"Is that where you were?" Kairi said. "Setting up for training? I thought you were looking for a computer."

"Same thing." Riku tried to keep his excitement in check. He had an image to maintain. "We're going to a little place called Space Paranoids."