CHAPTER 76 – BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR

Elizabeth felt like bursting into tears.

The only available BCHD – birth control hormone device- on board the transporter had been destroyed.

Destroyed because Elizabeth had bumped into the medic carrying it, and then, while she had been helping the man gather his supplies, little Aaron Thornton had chewed on it.

It was ruined. Destroyed.

Any hope of being implanted with the device and not having to worry about getting pregnant in the next two years was also destroyed.

For the second time in two weeks, Elizabeth had missed out on getting implanted.

For Pete's sake, first I'm distracted by Aaron in the doctor's office on Earth, and now Aaron causes this one to be destroyed.

This is all my fault. I need to keep a better eye on him.

A startled look came over Elizabeth's face.

If I didn't know better, I'd almost think Aaron was doing this on purpose so he'd get a little brother or sister!

"Mrs. Thornton? Mrs. Thornton, are you alright?" the doctor asked her when he realized she wasn't paying attention to him.

Elizabeth jerked up her head. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of something. Something stupid."

"I'm sorry about the BCHD but there's no use crying over spilled milk."

This isn't spilled milk it's a destroyed BCHD, Elizabeth thought to herself and wondered how she was going to tell Jack. She sighed and realized there was nothing to be done about the device. "You said you had some condoms in stock. Can I have some?"

"Certainly. It only seems fair. A contingency condom for a Thornton from the Thornton Contingency Plan," he said as he amused himself.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. Oh heck, who cares about the name.

"That would be helpful if you have them," she added, trying to be appreciative. And she was appreciative. It was just not as ideal a situation as it had seemed five minutes earlier.

The doctor opened a metal drawer but didn't take anything out. He frowned as he looked inside. "Hmmmm. Nothing seems to be where it's supposed to be today. We should have a stack of them," he said pensively.

Elizabeth's eyes followed the doctor as the man moved to his computer. His fingers clicked on the keyboard.

"Strange," he mused as he searched his inventory. "It looks like quite a few were signed out already. I wasn't aware of that. Lieutenant Cassiopeia Greenview was on duty. They were signed out to . . . ," he paused as his eyes scanned the screen in front of him, and then he finally announced the recipient. " . .. . . Officer J. Thornton."

"Officer Thornton?!" Elizabeth asked in surprise.

The doctor nodded. "Your husband. Two days after we started our voyage."

"But that was –"

"A week ago," the doctor finished Elizabeth's sentence. "I assume he would have told you about them."

"No, he didn't," she said barely above a whisper. Why didn't Jack tell me?

"He had quite a few signed out to him,"the doctor noted as he once again looked at his inventory computer file.

Elizabeth just stared at the man. A perplexed look on her face. Why would Jack sign out condoms . . . a week ago . . . and not tell me? And why would he say he didn't want to be with me more than once a week because we didn't have enough?

"Do you still want some?" the doctor asked after an awkward silence.

"Are you sure it was my husband? Jack Thornton? Officer Jack Thornton?"

The doctor seemed uncomfortable with the idea of having an emotional woman with possible secrets in her marriage sitting in his office. "He's the only Jack Thornton on-board."

"He just didn't say anything to me about it." The confusion was evident in her voice.

"Hmm. Marriage problems?" the doctor said awkwardly. "I find that honesty is always the best avenue in a marriage",

"We don't have any marriage problems," Elizabeth announced with a forced attempted at being carefree. "It must have skipped his mind. We certainly have more going on than . . .that. He was probably going to tell me as soon as he remembered. It's not a big deal. How many did he get?"

The doctor, relieved that Elizabeth didn't require a hug of comfort, skimmed the computer screen and began silently counting the lines of data.

Elizabeth wondered if the man had lost count or become distracted. It was certainly taking him a long time just to count to three or four. Or five.

"So, how many did he get?" she prodded the doctor when it seemed he had finally finished counting.

"Twenty-two."

"TWENTY-TWO?!" Elizabeth exploded.

"Oops. Sorry. I missed one. Twenty-three."

"TWENTY-THREE?! You must be wrong! Count again."

"Nope. I'm right. Twenty-three condoms signed out for Officer J. Thornton a week ago."

TWENTY-THREE CONDOMS?!"

"TWENTY-THREE CONDOMS?!" she asked again when the doctor just nodded.

Why didn't he tell me? . . . . With my twenty-one and his twenty-three, we had forty-four. Forty-four! Forty-four! We had a total of forty-four condoms and he never told me. . . . . . He let me believe that we had only twenty-one! . . . .He came up with that STUPID once a seven-day schedule!

Why didn't he tell me? she thought worriedly.

"I didn't get any!" Jack repeated for the third time. "I have no idea why the computer shows that they were disbursed to me!"

Elizabeth paced Jack's small office, which was full of screens showing various parts of the ship. She ignored them all. She didn't care about what was going on anywhere but right here. In the security office. With her husband. She had waited two hours until he was out of a meeting and then cornered him to find out about the condoms.

"Your name and Earth Citizen number are listed as the recipient. I saw the computer screen inventory," she informed him. Her eyebrows raised in accusation.

"I don't know why," Jack repeated.

"You have no idea why your name and Earth Citizen number are listed as having twenty-three condoms disbursed to you?"

"None. It wasn't me. I haven't even been to the infirmary since we came onboard. Except for my rounds. To meet the staff and stuff," he said defensively. Elizabeth's stern voice had the ability to make him feel like a chastised student.

"You expect me to believe that Cassiopeia just faked the records and stole them?"

"Well yeah, I suppose. Maybe," Jack said uncertainly.

Elizabeth scoffed. "Like there's some sort of black market in condoms?"

"It's possible."

"Ooooh, how sinister, a black-market in birth control. How much do you think they're worth?" she questioned with her voice dripping in sarcasm. "Especially because EVERY FEMALE ON THIS SHIP ALREADY HAS BIRTH CONTROL EXCEPT ME!"

Jack shrugged helplessly. If he had thought that her emotions this morning were sensitive, they were now on overdrive.

"And how stupid would it be for her to put down the name of the ship's SECURITY OFFICER?!

Jack cringed but refused to back down.

"Why didn't you just ask Cassiopeia?" he questioned. "I'm sure it was a mistake. She probably just wrote it down wrong."

"I thought you just agreed that she faked the records and stole them. And now, you think it was a mistake. You're changing your story, Jack. Try again. And this time tell me the truth."

"You are not an investigator. And I am not one of your students," he said scornfully. And I did NOT get any condoms" he added firmly. "Ask Cassiopeia."

"She's on the night shift so she's been asleep all day. I didn't want to wake her," Elizabeth grumbled and then stared at her handsome husband.

"Why did you have that stupid schedule?" she asked suspiciously.

"I told you, so we'd have sex only on the seventh day."

"Not that schedule. The one where you always had Aaron with me or you. So we were never alone!"

The wheels in her mind were spinning as she started to comprehend something. "You've been using our son to keep us from being alone so I won't seduce you! Taking him on some of your rounds. The swimming lessons. The father-son bonding time. He's been your wingman!"

Jack cringed again and then feebly tried to defend himself.

"I explained why I didn't want to be with you."

"You've been using our baby as interference," she said in disbelief.

"Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?" Jack gave her a quizzical look and wondered where this conversation as going.

"You didn't want to be intimate with me and yet you had twenty-three condoms in your pocket? You have some more explaining to do, Jack."

"I don't have twenty-three condoms!"

Elizabeth and Jack tensely waited until the night-shift workers had reported for duty, and then left Aaron with Susie and Joyce, who were both thrilled to be official babysitters again.

Elizabeth, Jack, the ship's doctor, and Lieutenant Cassiopeia Greenview were now standing in the ship's infirmary. Cassiopeia had been on duty for less than a minute before the Thorntons walked in the door and asked about the condom disbursement.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think they'd be needed. I checked all the records and all the females were listed as having been implanted. There was no indication that the BCHDs wouldn't work for the next four months, and Officer Thornton needed them so I went ahead and disbursed some of them," Cassiopeia said in defense of her actions.

"I needed them?" Jack questioned.

"How could you know that?" Elizabeth squinted her eyes in confusion.

"Because he told some of the crew members."

"I didn't tell any crew-members," Jack said quickly when Elizabeth gave him a stunned look.

"You told the crew members about us?" she gasped.

"No, I didn't!" he repeated fervently.

"Yes, you did," the lieutenant blurted out and lowered her voice when both Elizabeth and Jack glared at her. "You told Bob in the quartermasters, and you told Marisol. Marisol said that you seemed kind of desperate," she explained and then gave Elizabeth an apologetic look.

"I'm not desperate," Jack said defensively. "I never told the crew members I was desperate!"

"Did I do something wrong? Marisol said you'd be appreciative. I thought I was helping out," the medic asked worriedly. She looked at Jack, and then Elizabeth, and then at doctor as if she had no idea why Jack was denying that he had needed the condoms.

"Your time with Marisol?" Elizabeth gasped again. "She'd be appreciative of you having condoms?"

"Elizabeth, I have no idea what she's talking about!"

"She just was trying to help," Cassiopeia said quickly in defense of her friend. "And I didn't think it'd be a problem. I thought you were okay with what Marisol and Officer Thornton were doing, Mrs. Thornton. You know, sometimes a wife and mother just needs a break from . . .. stuff."

"Stuff?" Elizabeth repeated, but Cassiopeia was already hurriedly explaining herself some more.

"At first, I thought that ten or fifteen would be enough, but based on his size and energy, Marisol wanted more. So we decided on twenty-three."

Jack was totally befuddled, and actually a bit scared of what Elizabeth might do. He looked like a boy caught with his hand in a cookie jar who didn't even like cookies and had no idea how he had ended up in the kitchen.

There were a few things that Elizabeth hated in life. One was not understanding something. Which was happening right now. Another was someone insinuating that her husband was doing something immoral. Elizabeth could do that in the privacy of their quarters, but no one else was allowed to question Jack's integrity. And that was also happening right now

"For what?" Elizabeth asked. "For what reason did Marisol think my husband needed condoms?" There was no missing the emphasis on the words 'my husband.'

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No, I'm afraid it's not," Elizabeth said tersely.

"To prevent fluids from escaping when he was with Marisol . . or you . . . or whoever." Cassiopeia shifted her feet nervously.

"For protection," the young lieutenant added as she looked at the wide-eyed married couple standing in front of her.

"For protection?" a dazed Elizabeth repeated.

"We don't want a little tadpole to be tainting the pool," Cassiopeia continued with a nervous laugh when no one else said anything.

They continued to stare at her as if she had just declared that Jack was a male prostitute spreading his genes throughout the ship's beautiful female passengers and crew.

"Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong?" Cassiopeia swiveled her head from the gaping couple to the doctor who had decided to rearrange his filing cabinet rather than be involved any more. "Because I'm sorry if –"

Elizabeth interrupted her. ""A little tadpole?"

"A tiny Thornton swimmer –" Cassiopeia began but her voice trailed off. Jack was staring at her in shock.

"Tainting the gene pool?" Elizabeth questioned in confused disgust.

"Not the gene pool," a bewildered Cassiopeia explained. "The pool pool."

Elizabeth didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or be mad.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Jack repeated. Elizabeth shook her head in tired exasperation.

Cassiopeia and the doctor had both quietly left the infirmary. Jack and Elizabeth were so focused on their own conversation that they hadn't even noticed.

"How was I supposed to know?!" Jack argued. "There's no way that I could have known that Marisol and the quartermaster would melt down twenty-three condoms and use them to make Aaron's swim bottoms!"

"I cannot believe this!" Elizabeth threw up her hands in disgust.

"It's not my fault!"

"They had a stash of condoms and now they're gone! YOU wanted him to go swimming. You needed a swim suit for him! It had to be waterproof!"

"YOU said it had to be waterproof!" Jack retorted.

"Of course it had to be waterproof! You can't put a six-month old in a pool without a waterproof diaper!" she yelled back.

"Where else were they going to get rubber material to make waterproof swim bottoms for a six-month old baby on a transporter headed to Coal Valley?!"

"They didn't have to use the condoms!" Elizabeth wailed.

"We're on a ship taking scientists into deep space! It's not like they could go to the nearest hardware store for supplies!"

Elizabeth let out a deep breath and stared at her husband.

He stared back at her.

Finally, she spoke. "He'd better one day win an Olympic Gold medal in swimming after all this."

"Let's just find out about the rest. Doc said they stocked thirty," Jack said after another long silence between the couple. "Twenty-three were used on the swimsuit. That's leaves seven. Let's just take them and go back to our room and forget this whole mess."

"Fine."

"We okay?"

"Yeah, we're okay," Elizabeth conceded. She gave him a weak smile. "It's not your fault. You forgave me for the BCHD debacle. Let's move on."

They moved at the same time for a quick kiss, and then headed to the door to find the doctor and gather the last remaining seven condoms.

An upset Cassiopeia, feeling as if she had done something wrong despite the doctor's assurances that he was not going to write her up for any violations, had been excused to take a fifteen-minute break even though she had just come on duty. Jack and Elizabeth would apologize to her later but right now they were more concerned with accomplishing the task at hand.

Jack lovingly put his hand on Elizabeth's back and tried not to think about this humiliating story making its way into the medical officer's log book.

The doctor took one small foil-wrapped packet from the bottom of a pulled-out drawer, and then went back to his computer.

"That's only one," Jack said under his breath to Elizabeth. "There should be seven."

She wondered why Jack felt the need to whisper. They were talking about condoms, not top- secret space systems or a murder investigation. But even she wondered why the doctor only had one in his hand.

"Maybe he's going to get a bag for us," she whispered back, automatically using a soft tone in response to Jack's. "So we can carry them down the hallway in a brown paper bag or a box. Less embarrassing. And doctor – patient confidentiality," she added knowingly.

The doctor cleared his throat before speaking. He kept his eyes on the computer screen and clicked a few more buttons. "It looks like that in addition to the twenty-three disbursed on behalf of Jack, another six were checked out to . . . . "

The doctor pushed the page down button and new images appeared on the screen in front of him before continuing to speak.

" . . . . .. E. Thornton."

"Elizabeth?!" Jack exclaimed.

"Me?!"

"E. Thornton. Earth Citizen number EK-0951984. Six condoms. Disbursed in your name two days ago."

"But I didn't!" Elizabeth protested.

"Two days ago?" Jack quickly looked at Elizabeth for an explanation.

"You're the only E. Thornton aboard this ship," the doctor announced unnecessarily.

"I didn't get any! I swear!"

"Maybe you forgot?" Jack offered helpfully.

"Forgot I got six condoms? It's not like getting a breath mint from someone! I think I would have remembered."

"Who gave them to her? Who signed them out?" Jack questioned the doctor.

"Ensign Sooner."

"Ensign Sooner? The man who bumped into Elizabeth in the hallway and destroyed the BCHD?"

"Because it had been damaged," the doctor reminded Jack. "Ensign Sooner is an excellent medic. BCHDs and condoms have never been needed before on a transporter or a deep space colony. Never until you two showed up. They've been stocked on every flight since your debacle, and no one. I repeat. No one has requested them. In fact, the only people that seem to have trouble with birth control are the two of you. So, please do not blame my medic for the destruction or disbursement of inventory."

"We're sorry," Elizabeth said before Jack had a chance to speak. "We're just a little unsettled by everything today and I didn't request any condoms from Ensign Sooner so I have no idea why –"

Elizabeth stopped speaking when the infirmary door slid open. All heads turned to witness a young man in uniform with medic insignia on his lapel walk in.

"Oh, hello," he said. He was somewhat startled to look up from his messenger bracelet and see everyone staring at him. "Where's the little tyke?" he asked in a friendly voice as he looked around the room expecting to see Aaron.

Jack and Elizabeth walked down the hallway. There was nothing to say. The one remaining condom from the infirmary's supply was in Jack's pocket. But neither Jack or Elizabeth imagined using it anytime soon.

They were each mentally stunned as they silently recapped the situation.

The one and only BCHD had been destroyed by Aaron.

Twenty-three condoms had been melted down and used to waterproof a swimsuit for Aaron.

Six condoms had been melted down and used to . . .

well, they had been . . .

Elizabeth didn't want to think about it.

They had been in her hands hours earlier. She just hadn't recognized them.

Jack stopped walking and looked at her in bewilderment.

"A teether?" he asked as if he still couldn't believe it. "You told the ensign you needed a teether for Aaron?! He melted down six condoms so you could have a TEETHING TOY for Aaron?!"

Dear Readers: I hope it made you chuckle. :)

UP Next: Chapter 77

P.S. A reader asked if I was going to be updating "What if things were different. Reversal of Fortune". I do have an idea for the next fun "predicament" for our happy family back in Hope Valley, but I haven't had a chance to get it written yet. Thanks for remembering that story!

P.S.S. Thank you to everyone that reviews!