From the Desk of the Chief

by labmeister

Every officer in the precinct has to do it. It's just the rules. Chief Bogo appreciates the rules. Unfortunately, two officers seem to be doing their best to make the experience as excruciating as possible for him. Follow the Chief as he reads the case reports submitted by Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde. Comedy ensues. Also hypertension for Chief Bogo. But mostly comedy.

3. Interrogation Report - 1

It had been a good day for Chief Bogo. No new 'reading material' had appeared on his desk and he had actually had more time to perform his normal daily duties. Even his trademark grimace was not seen today. The corners of his lips were only slightly downturned.

One could even say he was happy. It was at this time that the Chief had stepped out of his office and lumbered to the precinct coffee maker to take a short break from his daily duties. He placed his mug under the Coffee Dispensing Apparatus™ and listened to the gentle whirring of the machine as it went about its machinations.

As he waited for his afternoon coffee his thoughts lingered on his two newest officers. He had assigned both Officer Hopps and Officer Wilde to interrogation detail today, so in all likelihood, he would not have to hear of any shenanigans. Since they had been on the force for less than two years, they weren't actually allowed to conduct an interrogation without some supervision.

Both of them were to be under to watchful eye of Officer Fangmeyer. Fangmeyer could be a bit of a comedian at times, and often found Wilde's antics endearing and funny, but in his own work he tended to be strict and watchful. Because of this, Chief Bogo felt much more comfortable with the fox and bunny, knowing that Fangmeyer would keep both of them within the bounds of protocol.

He did not hate the pair, and thought they made effective officers. Yes, It was true that Bogo had a certain distaste for their methods at times- especially those of Officer Wilde- but both officers knew where to draw the line…most of the time. Well, Hopps did. And Hopps could keep Wilde in line. A real fear of Chief Bogo's was thinking of what lawsuit the fox officer might cause if Officer Hopps ever took a day off. It kept him awake at night sometimes.

A slight ding shooed Bogo's thoughts away as his eyes drifted towards the coffee maker. Under it sat his coffee, steaming hot. A soft smile graced his features, one he only reserved for three special occasions: morning, afternoon, and evening coffee. He picked up the mug in one hoof, testing the coffee with a sip.

The station had a special brand of coffee, one they procured from an unknown vendor. No one was actually sure who bought the ground, not even the Chief, but everyone drank it anyways. The package it came in had no clear brand markings and only possessed a single word plastered over the front of the brown-black bag, saying, "Coffee."

Now, one might be rightfully suspicious of such an odd looking package that just seemed to appear by the coffee maker and which no one, not even the most senior member of the records department, knew where it came from. These protests were ignored however, when a person consumed the product, because they came to a realization very quickly.

The coffee was awful. I would describe it more in depth, but I'm just a narrator. So suffice to say, it was bad. What? Were you expecting more from me? If you're looking for Ovid, this is the wrong fucking story. Ahem. Anyways. The next question one would rightfully ask is, "Why would anyone drink it then?"

Because coffee is coffee, even when it's awful. You see, in the ancient times— actually, forget it. This wasn't a funny tangent to begin with. Sorry everyone. Back to the "story."

Bogo walked back to his office with his cruddy coffee and found a case report on his desk. Oh wow, how unexpected.

The Chief was not immediately alarmed, as he had put Hopps and Wilde on interrogations, and it was difficult to find something that wasn't allowed in an interrogation, short of beating a suspect. He calmly sat down and opened the file, reading off the first line of the report, feeling safe in his belief that it would just be an average case file.

…

From the desk of Officer Fangmeyer, October 9th, Supervising the Interrogation of Chester C. Clawman by Officers Hopps and Wilde

…

A single tear rolled down the water buffalo's cheek. He felt his hopes and dreams crashing around him as his sordid reality came tumbling down, engulfing him in anger and sorrow. Nietzsche found a kindred spirit that day.

As his eyes perused the document, he could not help but let out a quiet and defeated sigh, uncharacteristic of his normal self. Chief Bogo had eyed down arsonists, thieves, killers, and embezzlers. He had drug two mayors of the city to prison. He had single-handedly taken down six armed felons after their escape from the The Pound. He had been instrumental in the capture of Zootopia's most infamous serial killer, the Zoodiac Killer.

He had stared evil in the eye his entire life without backing down. He had stared it down and laughed in its face. That being said, Chief Bogo had not prepared for this. How could he have? Who could even think up something such as this? He quietly removed his spectacles from his face as he buzzed Clawhauser.

"Hi, Chief! What do you need!" The bubbly cheetah was prompt in his response.

Chief Bogo, hardly able to muster the energy to deal with the energetic cheetah simply said, "Send Hopps and Wilde to my office."

There was a pause over the radio. Chief Bogo had never, in his many years as the Chief of Precinct 1, requested that Clawhauser send officers to his office. He had always used in booming voice to demand the presence of an officer. It shocked Clawhauser. The the cheetah questioned, "Aren't you going to call them up yourself Chief?"

Bogo leaned back in his chair, resolutely responding, "Clawhauser. Would you please send Hopps and Wilde to my office?" There was an dangerous edge to his voice that indicated to the cheetah that this was not actually a question, but a demand.

"Oh, of course Chief!" The cheetah responded hastily, fearing the wrath of his longtime boss. He fumbled around his desk for the extension to reach the area in which Judy and Nick were. He did not have the extensions memorized, nor did he keep them within easy reach. It was rare he actually had to use them. The cheetah was a well-liked member of the precinct and most of the officers were squeamish about treating him like an assistant.

Finally he found the extension number of the interrogation rooms, tucked in a drawer of coupons for the donut shoppe down the street. He quickly called and requested that Officer Hopps and Officer Wilde make their way up to Chief Bogo's office.

He buzzed the Chief, simply saying, "They're on their way, sir." His superior acknowledged him with a grunt.

…

Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde walked towards Bogo's office, having wrapped up with their final interrogation suspect of the day many hours earlier. Their shifts were over and they had been preparing to head home when the Chief called for them. Officer Hopps was attempting to remain calm, though the twitching of her nose and continual flicking of her right ear as she walked denoted her nervousness in being called to see Chief Bogo.

With them, it was up in the air whether they would be put up for a commendation or be berated by the water buffalo. It was especially questionable which they would be receiving now. They had received three signed confessions in a row during their interrogations today, which is impressive considering how they still required a supervisor. However, they had a bit of trouble with suspect 3 and had resorted to a more… unique method of interrogation. Strangely, their supervising officer had not been present when they exited the interrogation room.

Turning to her partner in the office and in life, she ignored his resting smug face and general attitude of nonchalantness that he always exuded to ask, "Nick, are you worried about what the Chief wants with us?"

Her partner, ever the picture of irritating smugness, replied, "No, I'm pretty sure he's gonna yell at us."

"Please don't antagonize him today," Judy sighed.

"Me? Never." The self-assured grin of Officer Wilde did not reassure her.

…

Judy entered his office, with Nick following right behind. He glanced at the water buffalo, preparing a greeting.

Bogo beat him to it. "Hopps. Wilde. Sit."

If either Nick or Judy had been unsure as to why the Chief had called them to his office, the tone of his voice told them exactly why. He was not a happy camper. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

The Chief made note of his officers as he let them stew for a bit. Officer Hopps looked quite ashamed and had physically deflated after Bogo had told them to sit. Officer Wilde was… well the Chief could think of quite a few words he wanted to use to describe him, but thought it best to settle on smug.

"Do either of you know why you're sitting in front of me right now?" The Chief asked.

"You missed my sparkling personality and her lovely demeanor?" Offered the fox. The responding glare Bogo gave him quieted him. At least for a good thirty seconds.

"I will rephrase the question. Officer Hopps." The lagomorph focused her eyes on the Chief, which had previously been cast down towards the floor. The Chief continued, "Do you know why you're sitting in front of me now?"

"I don't know, sir. Was our performance today not adequate?" The bunny asked innocently. Too innocently.

The Chief narrowed his eyes, unsure of whether he was being sassed or not. Before he could open his mouth to reply, however, her partner interjected.

"It was her idea." He said, pointing an accusing finger at Officer Hopps.

The rabbit fixed him with an ice-melting look. "Nick, are you serious?"

"Deadly."

"You did it!" Judy retorted.

"But you suggested it."

"I was kidding."

"Are you saying you would joke while on duty?" Nick taunted. The gaze the young bunny had trained on her vulpine friend would have been a warning to any other mammal. Nick Wilde liked to push his luck to extreme lengths, though. He wagged a clawed digit at the rabbit aggravatingly, stating, "I'm ashamed that you would take the good name of the law and pervert it was such a base humor."

Judy's left eye twitch in a sign of extreme annoyance. "Don't test me Wilde."

A scoff came from the russet furred beast sitting next to her. "You can't threaten me. I know where you sleep, Carrots."

"OF COURSE YOU DO. WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED!"

"IRRELEVANT!"

As the two continued to bicker they seemed wholly unaware of the water buffalo in front of them. Chief Bogo's rage had already been boiling within him when the two entered. Now it was an all consuming fire that would've razed the city of Zootopia to the ground for eons had it been given a physical manifestation.

Chief Bogo shot from his chair and exclaimed, "BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"

They both went silent as the Chief's booming voice dwarfed their own by several decibels. Seeing that they had fallen silent, he threw the report Fangmeyer had written onto the desk with a great amount of force, continuing to shout, "NEVER HAVE I, IN ALL MY YEARS HERE, BEEN FORCED TO READ LUDICROUS GARBAGE SUCH AS THIS. THAT THIS CAN BE CALLED POLICE WORK IS INANE. THAT I HAVE TO SIGN MY NAME TO IT, EVEN MORE SO."

The Chief paused as he stared down his two officers, nostrils flaring. Neither of them said a thing, so he bellowed, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS?" He gestured angrily to the document in front of him as he spoke.

Judy Hopps, previously cowering behind her ears as she shrunk into the back of her chair, peeked at the file, unsure what to make of it. Judging by the perplexed look on her partner's face, he was also confused. It appeared to be a case report. They hadn't written any case reports to day, however, as they had been under a supervising officer.

Chief Bogo, seeing the confusion on Hopps' face, explained what exactly they were looking at. "This is a report filed with records by Officer Fangmeyer concerning the interrogation of one Chester C. Clawman. It was brought to my desk," he said, enunciating each word very carefully.

The visible pale that fell over Officer Hopps' face, as well as the growing self-satisfied smirk on Officer Wilde's, told the Chief all he needed to know.

"And now, officers, I am going to read this report to you. Do either of you have an issue with that?" Bogo asked through gritted teeth.

Both Judy and Nick shifted uncomfortably in their chairs.

"Good. Correct me on any details you think are amiss, please." He said in a tone of voice that made it abundantly clear they should not try and correct him. "Let's begin." Bogo cleared his throat as he pulled his spectacles on and brought the case report into his focus.

Unfortunately, Officer Wilde could not help himself. "Are you going to tell us a story, Uncle Bogo?"

The Chief looked up at his officer, locking eyes with him. "Wilde. If you say one more word, I will personally make arrangements for your funeral. Tomorrow."

The vulpine gulped as the Chief looked down at the report, beginning to read it aloud to the two of them.

…

From the desk of Officer Fangmeyer, October 9th, Supervising the Interrogation of Chester C. Clawman by Officers Hopps and Wilde

This is the third interrogation Officer Hopps and Officer Wilde are to perform today. Their first two were rousing successes, with both suspects signing a confession within two hours. I thought it would be appropriate to present them with a more challenging case this time around.

The suspect in question, Chester C. Clawhauser, aided in the running of a mammal smuggling ring. He was captured approximately 2 days ago and we have since been trying to discover information to indicate where his cohorts are currently hiding, as well as their victims. Thus far he had been uncooperative and unreceptive in helping us achieve that goal.

I thought it would be excellent practice for the two officers to learn what dealing with a tough case was like. I did not expect them to actually get a confession from the suspect. For that, I must commend them.

…

"Ha! Fangmeyer approves of us. He's one of the best interrogators you have, Chief! I'd say that's pretty good." Nick exclaimed rather suddenly and with more than a twinge of pride to his voice.

"My partner does have a point, sir. He's very praising of us." Judy added sheepishly.

Chief Bogo frowned heavily. "We're not done yet, though." He stared back down at the paper as the duo in front of him exchanged worried looks with one another, fearing what Fangmeyer's report said about their actions. He began to read aloud once again.

…

However, that is were all my praise for the officers in question ends, as the Machiavellian way in which they conducted the interrogation was abhorrent.

…

"I thought we were friends, Fangs," Nick grumbled under his breath as Bogo continued.

…

The interrogation started off fairly similar to the previous two. Officer Wilde attempted to build a friendly rapport with the suspect while Officer Hopps played towards the fears of the suspect. It was the classic "fox cop, bunny cop" method.

Chester Clawman was unresponsive to the pair's attempts at extracting information from him. In all previous sessions with other officers, including myself, he had waived his right to have his attorney present and instead opted to remain completely silent. I have not heard a single word from him regarding his criminal activities in his two days at the precinct.

After forty five minutes of receiving absolutely nothing from the suspect both Wilde and Hopps exited the interrogation room to discuss a change of tactics. I suggested that they try a different suspect. Officer Hopps was adamant that they could break Clawman, and only required a different strategy. Officer Wilde was adamant that he found more joy in trying to strike conversations with brick walls than with the suspect.

Officer Hopps snickered at the remark.

…

Judy's nose twitched angrily. "I did not snicker. I'm a professional." Judy remarked annoyedly.

"I agree. Fangmeyer is being too nice. It was more of a giggle." Added Nick. "An adorable one."

"I did not giggle. It would have to be a funny comment to make me giggle."

"I beg to differ on that, Carrots. I said it, after all. Means it's comedy gold."

"More like fool's gold." Judy deadpanned.

"That's just hurtful."

"Over-sensitive fox."

"Cruel bunny." Nick replied swiftly.

"Quiet, both of you." Bogo snapped. "We haven't even reached the major part of your indiscretion."

…

Officer Hopps then reached for Officer Wilde's tie and tugged him down to eye level. It was at this point I noticed a distinct smile on her face, one I can only describe as devious. She whispered something to Officer Wilde, upon which Officer Wilde also smiled.

I feel it should be noted that it was the same smile Officer Wilde had on the day in which he switched the Chief's annual gift basket from the Officer's Honorary Society with a personalized gift basket he created, including, but not limited to, the following items: a shampoo bottle filled with pink fur dye, a cologne bottle that sprayed skunk odor, and a package of exploding cigars.

…

"Oh, no…"

The Chief looked up from the report to examine the alarmed officer. Bogo stared intensely at the fox, his expression unreadable. "Oh yes, Officer Wilde." He said ominously. He leaned across his desk and whispered, "I know."

For a brief moment Nick's calm facade fell as he realized the implications of this. He caught himself quickly and corrected back to his normal front. In that brief moment however, Bogo had seen something in Wilde's expression which brought him the most immense feeling of joy he had experienced since his brother's wedding: pure, unadulterated fear.

…

Officer Wilde proceeded to leave the interrogation area completely at Officer Hopps' behest. Officer Hopps leaned against the wall, briefly smiling at me and telling me to, "Trust us." In my foolishness I did. I trusted them, may the maker have mercy on my soul. Forgive me, for I knew not what evil I was allowing to be unleashed upon the world.

Officer Wilde returned shortly with the instrument that contributed to the impending destruction. It was a light brown color, large at the base and slowly becoming narrower the closer it came to the end. Six long wires ran across it's length and there was a large circular hole in the center of the beast. I have never seen anything so cruel looking. I will hereby refer to it as "Satan's Finger."

…

"Uhh, sir?"

Bogo grunted as if to acknowledge the bunny staring quizzically at him.

"Is Officer Fangmeyer talking about Nick's guitar?" The bunny inquired.

"Quite." Bogo replied promptly. His eyes not moving up from the page he had been reading from.

The bunny rubbed her arm nervously, before beginning to ask, "Why is he being so…er…that is to say…why is he…"

"More dramatic than a pregnant housewife with histrionic personality disorder who just marathoned a soap opera?" Finished Nick 'helpfully.'

Judy sighed as she looked over to her partner, who was grinning back at her. She couldn't help but smile, though, while looking at the fox she cherished and loved more than anything else.

Because she knew she'd get to beat the shit out of him for this when they got home.

Bogo interrupted her violent thoughts when he said, "Officer Fangmeyer spent two years in a school of the performing arts before training to become an officer. His reports can be a bit…excessive at times."

There was silence in the room after the statement. Both Bogo and Judy stared expectantly at Nick. The fox in question was grooming himself as he slowly patted down a stray tuft of fur on his head. Upon noticing the two staring at him he casually glanced between them. "What?"

"Are you not going to comment on that?" Judy asked, an eyebrow raised.

Nick shrugged. "Why would I?"

"Nevermind." Judy said, rolling her eyes and sighing loudly.

"Wonderful. Now, will both of you shut it, so I can finish reading this report!?" Bogo half yelled at the two. He cleared his throat as the officers refocused their attention on the Chief, who was beginning again.

…

Officer Wilde had also brought a large pair of earmuffs with him, which he gave to Officer Hopps. He was not so thoughtful as to do the same for me. I'll remember that. I thought we were friends, Nick. How could you?

Officer Hopps and Officer Wilde both reentered the interrogation room. Officer Hopps sat on the table, staring down at the suspect, while Officer Wilde pulled a chair out from the table to sit on. He rested Satan's Finger in his lap, cradling it in a gentle embrace.

Chester looked on the scene curiously, unsure of what was about to happen. The poor soul. He had no knowledge of the oncoming wrath he would be facing. He should of confessed when he had the chance. We could of avoided all of it. It didn't have to go down that way. IT DIDN'T HAVE TO GO DOWN THAT WAY.

Officer Hopps asked Officer Wilde, "What song will you be serenading our guest with today, Officer Wilde?"

Officer Wilde smirked. Not that smirk he always has. No, no. This smirk was different. Back then, I only saw it as my dear friend Nick preparing to try a new tactic of interrogation. My mischievous friend Nick, who was good at heart, but could also play a mean practical joke and be a cunning individual. Now I know the truth. It is a smirk of pure evil- the kind that only lies in the darkest of hearts.

"This one is called 'The Best Death Metal Band in Denton,' Carrots. It's by The Mountain Goats." Officer Wilde replied.

Officer Hopps looked over to her partner, smiling. "That's your favorite band, right honey?" Officer Wilde nodded as he began to titilate Satan's Finger with his own fingers. It was disgusting.

The angelic noise produced by Satan's Finger was melodic and beautiful. It was truly enchanting. I began to feel a sense of elation as the folkish tune continued, even allowing myself a moment to close my eyes and block out all things but the simple sound of music. The suspect even cracked a small smile as Officer Wilde strummed out the chord. Alas, it was all a lie.

Officer Hopps had quickly placed the muffs over her own ears. I was confused to this action until the true intention of Officers Hopps and Wilde became clear with a single action.

Wilde began to sing.

With a guttural sound that could only have emanated from the bowels of a fury chained deep within the pits of Tartarus, he sang.

"THE BEST EVER DEATH METAL BAND OUT OF DENTON WERE A COUPLE OF GUYS, WHO'D BEEN FRIENDS SINCE GRADE SCHOOL."

The explosive force of the noise tore through me in a flash of pain as I felt the ligaments of my body rip apart. My muscles became weak and tender as the cacophony hit me with all the gentleness of a wrecking ball. I fell to my knees, unable to stand against the screeching sound.

I barely managed to claw my way up to a standing position to see inside the interrogation room. The view was sickening. Chester had fallen from his chair after the first bombardment, clutching at his ear uselessly as Officer Hopps looked on with sadistic glee.

"ONE WAS NAMED CYRUS, AND THE OTHER WAS JEFF, AND THEY PRACTICED TWICE A WEEK IN JEFF'S BEDROOM."

I cannot comment as to what happened next, fortunately, as I blacked out upon hearing Officer Wilde begin the next verse. I welcomed the sweet embrace of darkness that followed. It was true comfort. But woe, it was not to last.

When I awoke, my head throbbing and body weak from a deluge of torture, I was greeted to the sight of the prisoner signing a confession of his crimes as well as telling Officer Hopps of his group's smuggling base of operations. I was relieved.

I was relieved that these insidious mammal smugglers had been taken down. I was even more relieved that I would not have to listen Officer Wilde and Satan's Finger. This interrogation was finally over, and the information obtained could be put to good use.

Truth is, I have to give credit to Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps for doing a great job in sussing information out of a suspect no one else had managed to break.

…

"Is that it? That doesn't sound that bad actually. Well, except for the calling me evil thing." Nick said. "That just sounds like a couple of ingenious cops doing a good job."

Judy wisely remained silent.

Bogo held up a hoof. "The report isn't finished yet."

…

At least, that's what I would say if not for the immediate actions of the officers in question.

…

"Oh, come on, Fangmeyer." Mumbled Nick.

Judy, her ears pricking up at her parter's comment, replied, "You can really only blame yourself here, Nick."

…

It was Officer Hopps who instigated the next part.

…

"Oh, come on, Fangmeyer." Mumbled Judy.

…

The suspect, after signing his confession, voiced his displeasure at the method of interrogation. It was at this point he said the words that would seal his fate forever: "Please don't let him sing anymore. I'll tell you anything you want."

Officer Wilde took 'offense' at the statement, claiming his voice was of the most melodious variety.

Officer Hopps then stated that she thought it unfair to leave her partner hanging after only finishing half of his song. She continued on to claim that it was in the best interest of her partner's mental well-being to finish his song. She told him to continue.

Damn that bunny. Damn her to Hell.

Never had I seen a look of dread that quite equaled that of Chester C. Clawman's. A smuggler and kidnapper, who'd stolen children in the night and sold them off to the highest bidder. Here he sat before a bunny and fox, completely petrified with fear. By some accounts, he deserved the treatment for the things he had done. Perhaps that is true. Perhaps this was his punishment.

I say no one deserves that fate. As I looked upon the cheetah, his eyes wide and tears freely streaming down his cheeks, I felt not contempt for a villain, but merely pity. That pity, however, could not motivate me to stay and suffer with him. I willed myself to crawl from the interrogation area, resting in the hallway as the door shut behind me.

Even through the soundproof walls, I could hear the din of HIM. His lyrics reached past the soundproofing to taunt me. His voice carried over to remind me that I would forever have to bear the scars of this event. There was no escape. As I drifted back into unconsciousness, my last thoughts were only of the words I could faintly hear through the door.

"WHEN YOU PUNISH A PERSON FOR DREAMING HIS DREAM, DONT EXPECT HIM TO THANK OR FORGIVE YOU."

"THE BEST DEATH METAL BAND OUT OF DENTON WILL IN TIME BOTH OUTPACE AND OUTLIVE YOU."

"HAIL SATAN!"

"HAIL SATAN!"

"HAIL SATAN TONIGHT!"

"HAIL SATAN!"

"HAIL, HAIL!"

-Officer Fangmeyer

…

Chief Bogo looked up as he finished reading the report, a barely contained fury evident on his features. He fixed both of the officers in front of him with a glare as he judged them. Officer Hopps sat firmly still in her chair, doing her absolute best to look impassive. Her twitching nose and ears gave her away, though. Officer Wilde, contrastingly, sat with his signature smirk on. He was doing his absolute best to look his usual self, but was having difficulties maintaining his composure as the corners of his mouth twitched.

Chief Bogo broke the long silence that had permeated the room after he finished reading the report. With a grunt he attempted to channel his inner rage into a cohesive set of words aimed towards the sole purpose of breaking the fox and rabbit in front of him. Before he could speak his piece, however, Nick thought it was appropriate to give his opinion.

"It wasn't nearly that bad. Fangs is just being dramatic." The vulpine leaned back in his chair, moving one arm over the head of it as he relaxed.

The steam that was exhaled from the Chief's nostrils begged to differ. "Not that bad?" questioned the Chief, before continuing in a much louder volume, "NOT THAT BAD!?" The Chief rose from his chair as he yelled at Officer Wilde. The vulpine shrunk back a bit, as did his lagomorph friend.

"OFFICER FANGMEYER HAD TO BE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL BY HIS PARTNER AFTER THIS. HE HAS A RUPTURED EARDRUM AND A CONCUSSION. HE HAD TO DICTATE THIS REPORT," The Chief bellowed at the two. "YOU CALL THAT 'NOT THAT BAD!?'"

"Sir, there was, uh, no way for us to know that Officer Fangmeyer was harmed from inside the interrogation room. It's one way glass, sir." Judy offered quietly. She very clearly felt guilty. The water buffalo being addressed shifted the focus to his smallest officer. The fire that the small bunny saw burning in the eyes of her boss silenced all further oppositions or thoughts she may have wanted to express.

Ultimately, the Chief did acknowledge the point. "Very well, Hopps. You couldn't account for Officer Fangmeyer, but what about the suspect?" Judy averted her eyes from him almost immediately.

"What about him?" Nick asked, a trace of mirth evident in his voice.

If one asked Chief Bogo how he would define hatred in that moment, he would've answered 'Nicholas P. Wilde.' The Chief took a second to collect his thoughts, as merely staring at the fox's smug visage was causing a dull tingling in his right arm and a throbbing pain in his temple.

"THE SUSPECT WAS CATATONIC WHEN WE FOUND HIM." The Chief screamed.

"You can't prove that we did that. I was just singing, according to the report." Nick replied slyly.

A vein on Bogo's forehead threatened to burst as he readied his own retort. "YOU WERE SINGING 'HAIL SATAN' OVER HIS BODY, WILDE."

Nick's grin faltered at the mention of that. "Er, well…" Nick seemed stumped on that one, which gave his boss the opening to continue.

"NEVER HAVE I HAD TO ADDRESS TO OFFICERS TO TELL THEM THAT IT IS INAPPROPRIATE TO SING AS A MEANS OF INTERROGATION. NEVER. NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN FORCED TO TELL TWO OFFICERS THAT IT IS INAPPROPRIATE TO BURST THEIR COWORKER'S EAR DRUM." The Chief's yelled in one breath. Judy had shrunk back in her chair, trying to distance herself from her partner, who seemed to be the focus of the brunt of the Chief's rage.

His voice was dangerously quiet when he next spoke. "And never, in all the years I have spent on this force, have I been put in a situation where I had to tell an officer of the law that they should not sing 'HAIL SATAN' over someone's body." The Chief paused for a minute before adding, "In all of the precinct's history there has never been a more asinine and ludicrous example of such incompetency."

Nick gulped audibly.

"So please, do tell me what you have to say for yourself, officers. Oh, and before you open your mouth, Wilde, I want you to understand that this is a fireable offense to promote a religious figure."

Nick and Judy exchanged a glance, both feeling quite small and meek after the previous verbal assault. Finally the fox opened his mouth, simply saying, "Satin."

The water buffalo stared at him apprehensively for a moment. "Satin?"

"Yes. I said Satin, not Satan." Nick chuckled, though it was half-hearted.

Judy looked at her partner with amazement and disbelief. Her eyes betraying her thoughts. Really, Nick? Satin? That's the best you can do? You were a con-mammal!

"So you mean to tell me that you were singing 'Hail Satin,' not 'Hail Satan," as Officer Fangmeyer, a decorated and trustworthy officer, said in his official report?" Bogo asked with incredulity.

"Yes." Nick answered flatly. "Also, that's not being fair to Fangs. He wasn't in the best condition. You said it yourself, Chief, he had a ruptured eardrum and a concussion.

The Chief quickly looked over to bunny. "Officer Hopps." The bunny in question paled under his stoney gaze. "Can you confirm that Officer Wilde, soon to be ex-Officer Wilde, did in fact, say 'Satin?'"

The bunny's lips formed into a tight lipped frown as she looked from her partner, who had a pleading look in his emerald eyes, to her boss, who had a terrifying look in his. She did not want to tell the truth, for her fox's sake, but she also did not want to lie, out of respect for Chief Bogo. "I had earmuffs on, sir."

Chief Bogo looked at her as if she had sprouted wings. "You had earmuffs on? So you couldn't hear anything through them?"

"I had earmuffs on, sir." Judy repeated.

Chief Bogo continued staring at the officers for another minute before finally relenting. He could not argue that Fangmeyer was in the best condition to dictate a report. Plus, and this was the most important part, the Chief did not want to sign his name on something so ridiculous as what he had just read out.

In truth, there was no evidence that Officer Wilde and Hopps were directly responsible for the events that had occurred. Their supervising officer was incapacitated, and the suspect was still catatonic and unable to give a statement. Even disregarding those two facts, there was still nothing that could be done. There were no provisions against using an instrument in interrogation. Bogo would make sure there was one now, but really the only thing he could actually hold either officer to was Wilde's supposed singing of 'Hail Satan.'

And now that became an issue of Officer Wilde's word against Officer Fangmeyer, who was currently being treated for a ruptured eardrum. The Chief couldn't really do anything about the situation. So, instead, he opted to stand, fixing the officers with his well practiced glare.

He shifted his focus to the smaller of the two. "Hopps." The bunny had already had her sights trained on him, but jolted to attention anyways upon hearing her name called. "I expected better from you. If I so much as catch a whiff of you doing something this stupid again, I will haul you off to your little bunny home myself, and force you to become a podunk carrot farmer like the rest of your two thousand siblings. Do I make myself clear?" The bunny in question nodded fervently, eager to redeem herself in the eyes of the Chief.

Bogo shifted his gaze to the fox in the room, who smirked back up at him. "Wilde." Nick stared back up at the buffalo with half-lidded eyes. The two continued on like that for quite a while, Nick smirking at his irate boss as if offering a challenge, and Bogo attempting to cause the vulpine to spontaneously combust with just his eyes. Finally, he huffed, and settled upon saying, "Get out of my office. Now."

The pair hadn't needed any further motivation as they made a hasty retreat from the water buffalo's office. The Chief waited for both of them to disappear down the hall before he slumped back into his chair, a tired groan escaping from his lips. He felt completely exhausted after having dealt with the two officers. He made a mental note to assign both parking duty for the next several weeks.

It had started off as such a good day, too.

…

"We should probably get something for Fangmeyer." Judy said, as she and Nick exited the precinct, hand in hand. "And you should apologize to him."

Nick shrugged. "He kind of sold us out, Carrots. Really, he should get us something."

Judy was adamant, however. "You ruptured his eardrum Nick. An apology gift is the least we can do."

"It was your idea."

"Nick." The tone of Judy's voice told Nick this was not something he should bring up.

"Fine." Nick said. "You can get him a gift. Unless you want me to make him a gift basket."

"Nick."

"Okay, okay, fine. I'll buy him something." Nick relented. "Better?"

Judy nodded. Silence descended on the two as they made their way through the crowded streets.

"Nick, how do we still have jobs?" Judy questioned after a while.

"You have a job because you're a good officer and Ole' Buffalo Butt likes you, Fluff." Nick stated matter-of-factly.

Judy quirked an eyebrow at her foxy companion. "You think he likes me?"

"Yup. Trust me on that one." Nick said.

Judy smiled slightly. She did trust him. However, her smile was quickly replaced by a frown as a thought struck her. "Wait, how do you have a job, then?" She asked her lover. "He hates you."

A large grin appeared on his muzzle as they kept walking down the street. "At this point it's a game," answered Nick, "If he fires me, I win."

---

AN: It's a real song by the way. I actually love it a lot. It's very pretty. I just can't help but laugh whenever the lead singer starts singing, "Hail Satan." It just comes out of nowhere and it cracks me up. Anyways. This chapter is a little longer and a much more dialogue heavy than the previous two. Feedback is appreciated. As always, whether I update or not will be based on response.