Is anyone else bothered by Slaughter Race? …No? Just me?

Chapter 4: Grand Theft Turbo

The grunge-filled city went on for miles. Walking through it made Turbo feel like he'd just gotten there after the end of a zombie apocalypse; broken cars, garbage littering the streets, buildings with smashed windows—you know, the usual. And for some reason everything was tinged in yellow as if he was looking at the world through a mug of beer.

And that was before he witnessed two cars crashing into each other and going up in flames. His pyrophobia rarely came up anymore since everyone in the arcade knew about it, but this was a startling scene that triggered memories he would rather forget. You're ok, he assured himself, forcing his breathing to slow. You're not on fire. Just keep walking and don't look at it.

A barking dog snapped him out of his thoughts. The large black hound snarled rapidly as it crept closer.

Turbo instinctively hid behind Ralph. "Do something!"

Ralph nervously held out his hands and tried to appease, "Nice kitty! Nice kitty!"

A shark unexpectedly emerged from a nearby open manhole and chomped its jaws around the dog, then slunk back to the sewer.

"That was… random," Turbo commented, unsure if he should be relieved or even more afraid.

Ralph kept walking cautiously. "Let's just find Shank's car and get out of here."

"Agreed." Vanellope shuddered and stayed close to her friend for the rest of the search.

Eventually they came to a garage. It was too big to not be important, so they figured it had to be the place. After the three of them snuck through a window on the upper side, they found themselves on a catwalk overlooking the garage. And right below them under a spotlight was the car they'd been looking for.

"Look, there it is!" Vanellope whispered. "That car is gorgeous! No wonder it's worth so much."

It wasn't a race car in the traditional sense and certainly not as cool as his Turbomobile, but Turbo had to agree with her. "That Shank guy has good taste."

The sound of the door opening made them shrink down against the catwalk. Two people entered, and judging by their clunky movements and odd names hovering above their heads, they had to be gamers.

"Oh no," Turbo groaned quietly. "They beat us to it."

The boy player said to his female companion in a pre-pubescent voice, "31 hours of continuous gameplay, and we finally found Shank's car. Let's jack this ride."

"Oh yeah, DirtySocks, it's on," she responded with enthusiasm.

A faint voice could be heard from his side of the microphone, causing DirtySocks to suddenly yell, "No, Grandma, I'm doing my homework!" He cleared his throat and returned to seriousness. "Ok, like I said, let's jack this ride."

Another female voice spoke up, "While the cat was away, these mice tried to play," and then a slim figure stepped into the light. Brown wavy hair peeked out from the hood of her leather jacket, framing a delicate face.

Ralph whispered, "I think that might be Shank."

Turbo gasped in shock, "Shank is a girl?!" before Ralph and Vanellope hushed him, flattening him against the catwalk. Thankfully, the others hadn't heard them, as Shank kept taunting. It wasn't the fact she was a female racer that surprised him; he'd spent years with them and knew how formidable they could be. But in a harsh, ugly environment, he never expected anyone so… pretty. It must've been the high definition.

The members of Shank's gang came out from the shadows, each of them brandishing a different weapon. They encircled the two gamers threateningly.

"Pyro, give those punks the works," Shank prompted, stepping back.

"With pleasure." The lanky man moved forward with a sly grin, and much to Turbo's horror, he was holding a flamethrower.

The racer knew what was coming. He covered his eyes seconds before he heard the explosion of flames, a cry rising in his throat, masked by the screams of the players as they became engulfed. Only when it was silent did he dare look.

All that was left of the gamers were chalk outlines on the burnt floor.

His courage disintegrated on the spot as well, and no amount of self-motivation would get it back. This is NOT what I signed up for! Without a second thought, Turbo started to crawl away to the window, gasping for air as quietly as he could. Nope, nope, nope, nope.

"What are you doing?" Vanellope hissed. "Get back here!"

"No thanks, I choose life," was his response. The smell of smoke was already starting to make him feel sick.

"I'm with Turbo on this," said Ralph, who Turbo noticed was crawling at his heels. "If we get burnt up in here, that's it. We're dead. We're gone."

Vanellope stopped them both. "No, wait! I have an idea." Then she smiled deviously. "Buuut if this is too scary for you, Turbo, maybe you should just go home."

The nerve of her, using his line against him! But that did it, much to his displeasure. You win this round, Glitch. He turned to glower at her. "What idea?"

"This is not gonna work…" Turbo mumbled apprehensively beside Ralph.

"Just act natural." Ralph knocked on the door of Shank's garage and put on his best fake smile.

A couple nerve-wracking seconds went by, and then the door opened to reveal Shank and her entire gang.

Seeing her face unhooded and up close made Turbo's brain fritz and he forgot everything he was supposed to say, so he just buckled under her steely gaze. Wow, she's got fine eyes… Ack! What are you thinking? She approves of arson! he mentally berated.

When it seemed like Turbo was just going to zone out, Ralph started, "Good day to you, madam! My name is… John. And this is… Alan." He gave Turbo a subtle nudge.

Something came back to him and he said, "Uh, yeah, we're from the arcade committee-"

"Noise!" Ralph murmured under his breath.

"Er, noise! Committee. Actually it's more of a department, really. The Department of Noise…" Stop getting tongue-tied and just get to the point! Turbo cleared his throat and stammered, "A-anyway, the thing is, we've been getting complaints down at HQ about a lot of gun sounds, so we came to check on things…" He gulped at the pyromaniac and found himself adding a weak chuckle.

Shank glanced between the two of them, then scoffed. "Are you serious?"

Ralph folded his hands behind his back and answered, "Yes ma'am. And if you and your posse don't cooperate, I'm afraid John and I will have to fine you for disturbing the peace."

Shank raised an eyebrow suspiciously and pointed at Ralph. "I thought you said you were John."

Turbo quickly hissed to him between his teeth, "You are John! You said so yourself!"

Ralph countered not as subtly, "Well maybe I want to be Alan!"

"It's too late to change names!"

"I wanna be Alan!"

Turbo facepalmed so he wouldn't have to see Shank's judgemental expression he just knew she had, and she wouldn't have to see the embarrassed flush on his face. We blew it…

A car revved up from inside the garage, and Turbo had never been happier to see Vanellope driving towards him at top speed. Shank and her crew leapt out of the way, but Turbo and Ralph got caught on the hood.

"Nice job, John and Alan!" she teased.

"Yeah, it worked like a charm!" Ralph seemed to honestly believe that.

Turbo started to climb up the windshield and he demanded, "What took you so long?"

Vanellope sped up. "Just get in!"

Ralph took up both the passenger seat and the one behind it, leaving Turbo to sit in the seat behind Vanellope. "I wanted to drive," he complained.

"It's a shame we have to leave so soon, this game is cool!" the little girl sighed, ignoring him.

Ralph slumped back tiredly. "Just get us outta here so we can get this car to Spamley and get paid."

"No problem!"

"Excuse me!" Turbo spoke up louder. "I'll get us outta here, let me drive!"

Vanellope casted him a pretentious glance. "No way! You did your part, now I'm doing mine!"

The sound of a car speeding up on the other side of the divider interrupted them.

"Watch this guy coming in hot," she noted.

One of Shank's gang, a burly guy with a bandana, launched his bull-horned car off a ramp and landed in front of them. He drove under a larger truck, flipping it over him into Vanellope's path.

Turbo gripped the back of her seat. "Incoming!"

"Aah!" She swerved, just missing some of the barrels falling from the truck, and pulled up beside her attacker.

He warned, "You mess with the bull, you get the horns, little girl!"

"Slow down, you can go behind him!" Turbo instructed.

Vanellope shifted, speeding up to avoid him slamming his car into hers.

"Or… that works too."

Soon after, they heard a screeching noise behind them. Ralph looked back and announced, "Oh no, it's that Shank lady! She looks upset!"

Don't look, don't look… Turbo risked a glance anyway to see Shank racing towards them in a different car, her hair whipping back in the wind. Even at this distance he could see her intense glare burning into them.

"Ah, don't worry, I'll lose her." Vanellope turned sharply onto another street, then drove in circles around a liquor store while Ralph kept screaming.

"What are you doing?!" Ralph clutched the door. "Get back on the track, I'm gonna lose my cookies!"

"There is no track! I can drive anywhere!"

The centrifugal force pushed Turbo to Ralph's side and he yelled, "Just get out of the donut, it's not working!"

She drifted out of the circle and raced down a street, crashing through a barrier to get onto a dirt road.

Turbo pointed his thumb behind him and groaned, "They exit's over there! You're going the wrong way!"

She checked her surroundings. "We're taking the scenic route!"

They went into a grimy tunnel, but it did nothing to deter Shank, who Turbo noticed had already caught up with them.

Ralph alerted, "Kid, she's coming up right behind us!" He waved innocently as she flanked them. "Oh, hello!"

The woman eyed Vanellope. "I believe you have something of mine?"

Vanellope goaded, "Yeah? Come and get it." She shifted again and floored the gas, pulling ahead.

Obstacles flew past as she weaved back and forth around them, with Turbo calling out to guide her, "Left! Right! Left again! I said left, not right!"

"No backseat driving, I can't concentrate!"

All of a sudden Shank's car dropped in front of them from one side of the wall and slammed on the brakes.

Vanellope cried out, but instead of stopping, she accelerated and drove up the wall, arching over Shank and coming back down the other side before leaving the tunnel.

"I could've done that," muttered Turbo with his head leaning on his hand boredly.

It wasn't long before Shank was beside them again, and Ralph urged Vanellope, "Would you hurry up and lose her?"

"I'm trying!"

Turbo growled, "This is why I should drive!" A train blared its horn on tracks parallel to them and he cocked his head at it. "You think you can make that?"

Vanellope looked over and seemed to understand. "I can try. Hang on, guys!" She turned into a drift, heading right for the train tracks. The oncoming train just missed them, but she kept drifting past cars in an intersection until she came to a stop in front of an alley.

Turbo saw Shank coming after them, apparently having made it past the train as well. "Back up!" he shouted.

Vanellope swiftly reversed before Shank could ram into them. When she exited the alley, she raced forward on the road. In her rear-view mirror she saw Shank turn a corner right behind them. "Whoa, Mother Hubbard, this lady can really drive!"

Turbo wasn't sure if he was impressed or irritated by Shank's driving skills, but he didn't have time to think because of what he saw up ahead. "AAAH! FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE!" he screamed, digging his fingers into the back of Vanellope's seat. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the tunnel of burning tires and debris blocking the exit.

Ralph leaned back and added, "It's a dead end!"

"Not for me," Vanellope said brightly. "Bye-bye, Shanky!" She sped up right for it.

"NO! STOP!" Turbo could already feel the heat on his skin and he squeezed his eyes shut, unable to do anything but scream and wait for the painful scorching… But it never came. He heard Vanellope glitch and felt his own pixels scatter, and when he opened his eyes they were on the other side of the inferno.

"Woo-hoo!" Vanellope cheered. "That's the stuff!"

Ralph gave her a pat on the back. "Good job, kid!"

"Aw yeah, I feel like me again!" The girl pointed. "One exit straight ahead!" She smirked in the rear-view mirror and asked, "You ok, Turbs?"

He was gasping too deeply to respond, and when he did it was to shout, "You nearly killed me!"

"But I didn't!"

Turbo let out a ragged sigh and finally pried his hands off the seat, slumping back. "Well, at least we made it."

But he spoke too soon.

"You're not gonna lose me that easy," Shank said, driving up beside them. Backwards.

Vanellope's eyes widened. "How did you-"

"Uh, you might wanna keep your eyes on the road."

Ralph gasped, "Kid!"

A bus was crossing their path, and they were heading right for it.

Vanellope screamed and hit the brakes, skidding the car to a sideways stop in front of the bus. And right there beyond it was the exit.

Turbo stared at her, aghast. "Why did you stop?! You could've glitched right through it! In fact, you could've been glitching this whole time!"

"I panicked, ok?!" she shot back.

Shank's gang surrounded them in their cars, and the woman herself stepped out of her stolen vehicle and slammed the door. "Yo, Department of Noise. Get out of my car!"

Quick, play dumb! Turbo grinned sheepishly and asked, "What car?" Not that dumb!

Vanellope whimpered, "Oh man, what are we gonna do?"

"You just stay put. Don't panic," Ralph told her quietly. "I'm gonna talk to her."

She put a hand on his arm. "Ralph, be careful."

"It's fine. This is what heroes do," he said, proudly holding up his cookie medal. He tucked it away and tried to get out of the car. "I'm stuck." After struggling for a few seconds, he fell out and attempted to compose himself. "This car is not designed for a big boy."

Shank was not amused. "You guys really thought you could just steal my car? Well, let me tell you what's gonna happen now."

Immediately thinking of the flamethrower, Turbo jumped out of the car and ran to Ralph's side. "No, no, wait! Please, just hear us out!" he begged, flinching when Shank flicked her dark eyes to him. Still, he went on, "We aren't normally car thieves, we just need enough money to buy a part to save my game!"

"Nice try."

"No, it's true!" Ralph interjected, his voice breaking. "It's not just him, my other friend is a racer too. You should see her racing on her sweet little track in her cookie wafer kart we built together…"

Turbo cringed as Ralph continued to blabber. This pitiable behaviour would never work on someone as cold as Shank. Even Vanellope groaned softly in embarrassment and tried to hide herself.

Then something unexpected happened. When Ralph's sobs became unintelligible, Shank took his hand and said, "Ok, ok! You can stop crying. Though I do respect your wonderful display of vulnerability."

Ralph wiped his nose and sniffed. "Thank you."

What the?! Under that tough exterior she was… nice? Turbo glanced between her and Ralph, then, finding himself wanting attention, spoke up, "I too have been known to cry… single manly tears, on occasion."

Shank gave him a cool smile, but at least it was something other than anger. "I'm sure you have."

Vanellope came over and asked, "So, you're not mad?"

"No. I get it, I do." Shank told her warmly. She gestured to her crew. "Friendship is everything to us too. Right, guys?"

"Right!" they replied, all hint of animosity gone from them.

"We're like a family."

Now that Ralph had calmed down, he asked hopefully, "So does this mean we can keep your car?"

"Absolutely not," she said sternly.

"What?!" Turbo exclaimed. And just when he was starting to like her. "After all that you still won't help us? Can we at least try again but with me driving?"

She held up her hands. "I didn't say I don't wanna help. But there are better ways to make money on the Internet than stealing cars." She turned to her female punk friend next to her. "Hey, you got your phone on you?"

"You know it!" She handed the smart phone to Shank.

"Let's make a video." Shank held it in front of her face, pointed it at Ralph, and said, "Pyro! Hit big boy with the Blow and Go."

Ralph looked confused. "Wait, what's a Blow and-" His face was blasted with air from Pyro's machine, which filled his mouth and flapped his hair.

Shank shouted over the noise, "Say something. First thing that comes to your mind."

Of course, Ralph said as best he could with lips stretched wide, "I'm gonna wreck it!"

"Good! All right, turn it off."

The blowing gun stopped. "What the heck did you do that for?" asked Ralph, massaging his jaw.

Shank answered, "You're gonna be a BuzzzTube star."

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

Shank's punk friend spoke up, "Come on now, everybody knows BuzzzTube! It's the video sharing site."

Shank fiddled with the phone. "I'm just starting your account. Alright, there you go." She showed the phone playing Ralph's video to them. "If this thing goes viral, you can make a lot of money."

I don't see how… Turbo thought doubtfully.

She added, "A friend of mine, chick named Yesss, she's the head algorithm over there. Tell her I sent you. Yesss will hook you up."

"You're just full of bright ideas, aren't you, Wonder Woman?" muttered Turbo with a hint of sarcasm.

Vanellope smiled gratefully at Shank. "Wow, that's very nice of you. Thank you."

Ralph mumbled to Turbo, "Not sure if 'nice' is the right word," to which the racer grunted in agreement.

Shank returned the expression to Vanellope. "I should be thanking you, little sister. That race was fun."

The girl blushed shyly and chuckled, "Oh. Well, uh, thank you again."

Not wanting her to get all the credit, Turbo informed, "Excuse me, but I was the one telling her what to do."

"No you wer-"

"I am the greatest racer ever, after all." He puffed his chest out and flashed his cocky grin. "Turbo from Turbo Time. You've probably heard of me."

The woman shook her head apologetically. "Mmm… No, sorry. I'm only familiar with the popular games players talk about."

Turbo balked. "P-popular?!" That's it. Negative all the points for you, lady.

Vanellope pushed Turbo aside and asked, "Shank, what moves did you do to get through the tunnel of fire? Was it a power drift into a drift jump, maybe?"

Shank remained coy. "Maybe. If you ever want to come back for a rematch, I'd be happy to kick your butt again."

Turbo snarked, "Yeah, well, you wouldn't be so confident if you were up against me."

Instead of being offended, she seemed to take it curiously. "We'll have to find out, then."

"What?"

"You're also welcome to stop by anytime for a race. If you're the greatest racer ever, you should have nothing to worry about."

He honestly wasn't expecting that, but his ego wouldn't let him back down. "It's a date—DEAL!" He cleared his throat, trying to appear nonchalant.

"I'll be waiting." She hopped into her car and flicked two fingers at them. "See ya." Then she tore away, driving backwards over a ramp, seemingly in slow motion.

Sunlight gleamed off the hood of her car, and Turbo couldn't help but watch the feat with begrudging respect. She winked at him—or maybe it was directed at all of them—before she disappeared behind a moving train.

"Whoa," breathed Vanellope.

Turbo shook his head clear of positive thoughts and crossed his arms. "Show off."

"That place was scary," Ralph mentioned once they had left.

Vanellope walked along wistfully. "I know, it was so exciting!"

"No, exciting is when you smile. Scary is when you clench your butt. And my butt is still clenched!"

"Thanks for that update," said Turbo wryly. He had to concur with Ralph, though. The further they got away from Slaughter Race, the better he felt.

Vanellope looked up to her large friend. "Oh come on, are you honestly telling me that Shank lady wasn't the coolest person you ever met?" She glanced at the pale racer and added slyly, "Turbo seemed to think so."

"What?! No I don't!" he immediately denied, glaring at the girl. He hoped she interpreted the colour rushing to his cheeks as a sign of anger. "I bet she's cheating. No one's that good at racing."

"I've beaten you plenty of times."

"Because you cheat!"

"Call it what you want, but you can't deny she's cool."

It was Ralph's turn to speak up. "Oh yeah? Name one cool thing about her."

Vanellope skipped ahead, looking up thoughtfully as she listed, "Let's see. She looks cool, she talks cool, she drives cool, her hair is cool, her car is cool-"

"Wait a minute," Ralph interrupted, "you're saying my hair's uncool?"

She turned to him and assured, "What? No. I'm just saying the game was next level. There's no one telling you what to do, where to go, and-"

"Hey, just where do you think you're going?"

Vanellope paused at the start of a bridge. "To BuzzzTube. It's this way."

Ralph's face became hard. "No, no, no, no, no, we're going back to Spamley's. He can give us some easier loot to find."

"No, we're supposed to see Shank's friend," the little girl insisted.

"Oh come on! I don't trust that Shank one bit."

"Neither do I," Turbo added, just to make it clear.

"Well I-"

A small boy in some kind of uniform materialized out of a blue flash right in front of them. "Hello, mister!" he greeted to Ralph in a chipper voice. "I'm your friendly eBay alert messenger!"

Ralph blinked. "An actual eBoy."

"Just here to let you know your bid expires in 8 hours."

"8 hours?!" Ralph cried in shock. "What happened to our 24 hours?"

Turbo pointed out, "Well, we did spend a lot of time with Spamley and looking for Shank's garage."

Ralph groaned, then acknowledged, "Ok, thanks, eBoy."

"You got it, Jackson!" eBoy cheerfully replied. In another blue flash he was gone.

Vanellope walked down the steps towards them and reasoned, "Guys, if we nickel and dime it with Spamley, it will take 20 years to make enough money to buy the wheel."

Turbo hated to admit it, but Vanellope made a valid point. "Fine," he sighed reluctantly. "But only because we're short on time, not because Wonder Woman told us to."

Vanellope looked at Ralph expectantly. "Well?"

Ralph rolled his eyes but conceded, "Alright, fine. We'll do it your way." He started up the bridge with them. "But I'm telling you right now that BuzzzTube place is a terrible idea."

I always did wonder where those missing hours went.

And yes, it's implied Turbo has a little unwanted crush on Shank, but it probably won't go further than that. It's not my OTP, and it was mostly to have Turbo's impression of her be different from Ralph's anyway.