The russet furred beast sat at his desk, his eyes focused on the distance and his eyebrows furrowed. His tail twitched furiously from side to side. The small red tip was a blur of movement as its owner was distracted by some unseen force.
"Nick, what's wrong?" Judy asked her partner. "You've been staring at the door for five minutes now."
It was quite unlike her partner to so openly express an emotion, if distraction could be called an emotion. Normally he would've bottled it deep down and told Judy at some later date if it was truly important.
"Hmm?" The fox blinked at her, as if just noticing her for the first time. He immediately corrected himself, straightening his posture slightly and drawing his attention to the small bunny seated near him. "It's nothing, Carrots. I was just thinking."
"Yeah, me too. I was thinking 'What is that weirdo thinking?'" Judy quipped at him. At least, what the author thinks is a quip. Dumb author.
"I prefer the term 'Freaky Zootopian.' Weirdo is offensive to Frank." Nick replied, gesturing at a wolf standing by a water bucket. He waved at the wolf, who then waved back with a smile.
"Why would that be offensive to Frank?" Judy asked.
"His last name is Weirdostein." Nick replied.
"It's James, actually." Judy said.
"Why do you know that? we've never even been on a case with him." Nick said, frowning at the fact he had been called out.
Judy smirked at the fox, knowing she'd won one. "I make a point of knowing everyone's name in the department. I'm a bunny of the people."
"You need to find a social life then, bunny." Nick said. "Go out and find some real friends and maybe get yourself a boyfriend too."
"Nick. You're my boyfriend."
"Go out and find some real friends and maybe get yourself a girlfriend too." Nick repeated.
Judy laughed at her partner. Then she turned a stern eye on him. "I haven't forgotten what I asked you earlier, even though you're trying to fox your way out it. What had you so distracted Nick? I know that look. Are you okay?"
The vulpine rolled his eyes. "Really, it was nothing, Carrots. I'm fine. I'm just worried about our last case report."
Judy raised an eyebrow as one of her ears twitched. She was becoming concerned. "What about our case reports Nick?"
Nick chuckled nervously. "Well you see, sweetheart-"
"You only call me sweetheart when you've done something really stupid or you're being condescending." Judy said, fear starting to creep in on her.
"Well, you see, my last case report may or may not be under review." Nick chuckled nervously, knowing exactly how Judy would react.
The bunny's eyes widened as mouth opened as what she had just learned sunk in. If his report were under review it meant that there would be more than Chief Bogo judging the report. His higher ups would also need to read the report and make a decision regarding Nick Wilde if the report were too far off procedure.
"Oh sweet cheese-and-crackers, Nick!" The Bunny exclaimed
"Was there no cursing in Bunnyburrow?" Nick asked amusedly, hoping to defuse the situation.
"This is awful! You're going to lose your job. I told you that you couldn't keep writing your case reports like that, but do you ever listen?" The bunny continued, ignoring her partner's protests. "Why did Bogo put it under review? He always signs off on them. How bad did you make it? And why do you always have to antagonize him?"
Nick had walked over to the bunny during her extended questioning period and was now placing his palms on her shoulders, attempting to calm her down. He gently stroked her back. "Okay, Carrots, just calm down."
Judy stopped bouncing, but still looked the fox with a serious amount of concern. "Nick, what happened? And when did you find out about this?"
Nick sighed. "So you remember last week when we arrested Miss Buttress? My report on her was apparently unable to be signed off on. As for when, I only found out this morning. The review is in a few days."
"The Buttress case? That was a pretty average case. We picked her up for minor burglary. I do remember her lunging at you though. What exactly did you write, Nick?" Judy asked, a hint of apprehension in her voice.
Nick paused, and frowned, thinking back on the report he had written.
…
From the Desk of Nick Wilde, March 1st, Arrest of Big Buttress (I have not fabricated this name in any way, this was a real mammal)
We arrested Big Butt Buttress on a side street. I have referred to her this way, not because she had a big rear but because she was a massive [Redacted: Expletive].
Officer Hopps and myself picked up the suspect, a badger, for minor burglary at a jewelry store. When being placed under arrest, Big Butt decided it was better to lunge at me and try to rip my throat out rather than runaway. We later found out she's also a militant anti-male-fox.
Personally, I found that to be a sillily specific issue to be militant about. Why male foxes specifically? Why not just foxes, or just males? Militant anti-male/fox has a much better ring to it than militant anti-male-fox.
Apparently it's a huge movement though, that started off as a fringe group. Weird. I wonder if I can join? Maybe if I whip myself or something in front of them I can join the club. Then again, they're also classified as a hate group. Maybe I don't want to be in a hate group. But it would be hilarious.
After being subdued immediately by Carrots, the badger then yelled out every slur and curse she could think. Some of them were really, really creative though, so I've decided to list them down for future reference.
Fish sucking [Redacted: Expletive].
Mangey [Redacted: Expletive].
Male Fox Scum. That one wasn't my favorite but it came up like four times.
…
Nick pursed his lips. "It maybe wasn't my best work. It's also unlucky that the department is cracking down on Harassment right now."
Judy sighed, and placed a paw over Nick's own. "We'll get through this." She smiled sweetly up at Nick. "I mean if you haven't been fired yet, it's not like this will stick."
…
Chief Bogo was seated in a mid sized room, behind a table that was much too small for him. He grunted every time he hit his knees against it. He was gathered with a few of his political cohorts and superiors, who were assembled in order to judge Officer Wilde. It was a situation that could end in the firing of fox.
Chief Bogo himself was supremely unhappy. It was only by chance that this event had even occurred. He had been fully prepared to sign off on Wilde's case report and hide it the basement like every other report. Unfortunately, he was not a lucky water buffalo. His direct superior, a stern elephant named Horton Hu, had arrived an hour early to a scheduled meeting, and was let into Bogo's office early.
Hu had seen the report and been enraged, demanding a hearing to discipline an officer for writing such drivel in a report. In his own words, such a disgrace to the badge should not exist. Despite Bogo's disagreement, the review would continue on.
Bogo did not want to have a review, and preferred to keep on as he always had with Officer Wilde. He knew the young fox to be an excellent investigator, despite his demeanor and general disregard for things such as respect. While that did irritate Bogo to no end, he did not want to rid the police force of a good officer.
For the Chief, the department came first.
In attending there were only 4 major players. Three of whom were Bogo's superiors, and one of whom was Bogo himself. Horton Hu was among the three and by far the most influential of the bunch. His supporting cast was made up of vole Lucy Diggs and rhino Joe Horne. Bogo was merely to act as an arbitrator.
"We're going to get that fox." Hu said to the small vole next to him, who looked relatively bored. "Just because he saved the city and is a minor celebrity he thinks he can ignore the rules? Ha."
As the clock struck three, the vulpine in question entered the room. As the door shut behind him, Bogo could make out the figure of a small bunny hopping up to peer through the room's window. While she was trying to be stealthy, it was not effective as her ears were quiet tall and easily visible above the window.
Bogo mentally groaned. If Wilde were let go then he would hear no end of it from Officer Hopps. She might even start a petition. That's just what Bogo needed. Another petition.
Wilde sat himself at one of the table across from the panel members. His posture was very relaxed, and he regarded the panel with a disinterested look. The Chief knew that look very well. It was infuriating.
The fox nodded at the panel, greeting each individually. "Chief, Lucy, Horney, and…" Wilde looked at Hu, feigning confusion. "Who are you?"
"Horton Hu." Horton said, disdain evident in his voice.
"My hearing is a little bad. Who are you?" Nick asked again, leaning forward in his seat.
"Hu." Mr. Hu said, slightly louder.
"Who are you?" Nick asked, leaning even farther forward in his chair. "I really gotta know."
"Hu! Hu!" Horton Hu exclaimed, annoyed at the russet furred creature.
"I see you're a big fan of The Who." Nick said, leaning back. He had a devilish smirk on his face.
Next to Mr. Hu, Mrs. Diggs was trying to hide a smile. Bogo groaned internally at the god awful attempt at humor the fox made. Mr Horne seemed oblivious. Then again, Mr. Horne was also turning retirement age soon and had slight dementia. So he maybe was not the best source.
Hu himself just looked annoyed. He opened his mouth to speak, because that's how you talk. "Cute. However, you should know we've all read your case report and have a general consensus on what the level of professionalism should be in this department. You will be booted from the department very soon Mr. Wilde. I will tolerate no corruption in my police force."
Nick showed no outward reaction to the elephant's words, instead smirking even more. "We'll see."
Judy could seen by Bogo, with her ear pressed up against the glass wall to listen in on the going ons of the room. It hurt Bogo slightly to know one of his favorite officers was in distress. However, it also made him happy to know one of his least favorites was being reviewed. However, however, it also made him annoyed that the department would be losing a good investigator. Overall, Bogo decided to settle on the emotion annoyance, as it was most familiar to him.
"Let's begin the hearing, then, if there are no objections." Hu said.
Nick Wilde raised his hand.
"If there are no objections from anyone that matters." Hu said.
Nick Wilde lowered his hand.
Hu smiled. "Good. Now let's begin."
Then the door burst open and in walked a nervous porcupine. He walked towards the panel stopping a short distance away. Mr. Hu growled. "What is it!?"
The porcupine shrunk back at the exclamation, seemingly having trouble finding his words. "Ss-sorry sir. I just have important information from the records department."
Chief Bogo recognized the mammal as Calvin Quills, an employee in the records department. He was a habitually nervous individual. Bogo asked "What is the information, Mr. Quills?"
All eyes were on Calvin now, ranging from emotions such as curious to annoyed, in the case of the Chief. "Well, you see, sirs and mam, there was a small clerical error in the records department and um…"
"What happened, son?" Mr. Hu asked, his voice a bit softer after realizing how rude he'd been to the young porcupine earlier. He wasn't a monster after all. Just very angry.
"The case report in question for this review is missing." Calvin said.
Bogo blinked. "What?"
"It's missing sir." Calvin repeated.
Horton Hu could not have looked more angry. "Missing? Where is it missing?"
"It wouldn't really be missing if they knew that, now would it?" Wilde said from his spot, his smirk overtaking his entire expression.
Hu stood up, his hooves pressing into the table. "What about the digital copy that records keeps?"
Calvin looked up at the large elephant. "We never entered it into the database sir, because you wanted this review to happen as soon as possible."
Hu sat down again, one hoof being raised to his head as he berated himself for being in such a rush.
"If we don't have a record of wrongdoing," said Mrs. Diggs, "Then we can't really continue this review."
Joe Horne would've agreed had he not been asleep since the beginning of the review.
Bogo took advantage of the interruption, seeing an opportunity to dissolve this annoying situation. "Mrs. Diggs is correct. We cannot continue a review without sufficient evidence. I move to dissolve this committee."
"Agreed." Said Mrs. Diggs, inwardly happy that the charming fox would get to keep his job.
Mr. Horne snored out his agreement.
Horton Hu grumbled something about poor record keeping and overhaul before finally muttering, "Fine."
"Wonderful. This review is adjourned with no further disciplinary action necessary." Bogo said, sighing in relief as he felt a migraine slip away. He had no idea how that crafty vulpine had managed to get access to the records, and it was not something he wished to address now. Hopefully, it would not come back to haunt him later.
…
Judy waited anxiously by as everyone filtered through the door. She had not been able to hear much through the glass, but had a distinctly bad feeling. First was a small porcupine, who was quickly scurrying away, followed by an aging rhino and small vole woman. The rhino looked as if we were about to fall asleep, whereas the vole woman looked strangely happy.
Next was the Chief, who looked relieved. This made Judy even more anxious. Judy peaked into the room to see Horton Hu speaking to her boyfriend.
"I have no idea how you managed this, but I promise I will nail you if you slip up again, Wilde. I will not tolerate such behavior on my police force." Hu said to the fox, who was currently feigning a smug confidence. It was a front Judy knew all too well.
"Just remember to bring some candles, Hasselhoff." Nick snarked.
Mr. Hu stormed out of the room, completely ignoring the beaming Judy. The bunny quickly moved into the room, hugging Nick in excitement.
"You still have a job!" She exclaimed.
Nick hugged her back. "Yes, Carrots, I do."
"How did you manage that?" She asked, leaning away from the fox with a playful push. She was far too happy to be mad at him for causing this situation in the first place.
Nick smiled at her. "No clue."
…
"Good work, Calvin." Dr. Hobbes, head of forensics and the de facto leader of records, said to his young friend as the porcupine related the hearing's events to him.
"This should make the rest of the department happy." Calvin said to his friend, a smile on his face.
"Of course. They don't want to lose their best source of entertainment." Dr. Hobbes said as he pulled out Nick Wilde's most recent case report. "Besides, some of these insults are really creative."
AN: I got bored. Here's a chapter after a huge hiatus.