Nick bobbed his head slowly to the beat. A pair of earbuds hung from his ear as he hummed along to the sound of unheard music, eyes closed. Next to him was a bunny, her foot pedaling against the ground impatiently.
"Nick." She said, waiting for a response. When none came she grabbed her partner by the shoulder and shook him. Gently. Kind of.
Nick came out of his stupor, glancing down at the bunny as he pulled his earbuds out. "What?" He asked, unconcerned with Judy's clear annoyance.
Judy sighed. Her foot continued to thump against the ground. "You can't listen to music while we're at work. We're on taxpayers' time."
"I'm a taxpayer, remember Carrots?" Nick asked.
"You've been paying taxes for less than two years, Nick." Judy deadpanned.
"I'm not sure that's totally relevant." Nick said, a paw coming to rest on his chin. "In fact, I find it incredibly discriminatory that you're victimizing me just because I haven't paid taxes as long as some people. Very unfair, Miss Hopps. Everyone is equal in Zootopia."
Judy stared at the fox for a moment, caught between two feelings. On the one hand she wanted to laugh, on the other she wanted scold the fox for being derelict in his duty as an officer of the law. She settled for scolding.
"You can't listen to headphones while we're at work, Nick. What if someone other than me caught you?" Judy asked.
"Who's going to catch me, Carrots? We've been in records for like a week. I mean look at the room we're in right now. It probably hasn't been dusted in a year." Nick said. "Even record mammals don't come here."
Judy glanced around the small, stuffy room. Admittedly, her fox had a point. Documents from years passed were stuffed tightly into boxes and cabinets and there was a clutter of desks in chairs in one corner of the small office. Even the windows were faded out to the point they might as well have been walls. This room had obviously not been used as anything but storage for several years. Decades, possibly.
"Okay, so maybe it's not the most popular hang out spot, but that doesn't mean you can just slack off from work." Judy looked at the fox sternly, one paw on her hip and the other pointing at him…also sternly. The author actually used the same adverb twice in one sentence. Now that's just lazy.
"What work, Carrots?" Nick asked. "We haven't had anything to do the entire week. We're not even on desk duty. We're supposed to be organizing the old records but there already organized. We finished doing that days ago. Are we suppose to just keep doing that over and over?"
Judy's brow furrowed as she looked the exasperated, and bored, vulpine. "Nick, you almost got fired last week. Bogo's just trying to keep you out of the spotlight for a while. This isn't permanent."
She was no more happy than he was with the situation. She would've much preferred doing something productive and beneficial to the citizens of Zootopia, such as catching criminals. However, she was more concerned with the fate of her lover at this time. Unfortunately, that meant staying in dimly lit room that had essentially become a glorified storage compartment.
"I wasn't going to get fired." Nick said, rolling his eyes. "Buffalo Bill and the Downer brigade weren't going to lose an officer over a report."
"You do realize fraud is a felony, right?" Judy said. Her eyes were knitted in disbelief. "Nick, you're an officer how do you not know that?"
"Of course I know what fraud is, Carrots. I've committed it tons of times. I'm just saying that I never wrote anything in a case report that wasn't true." Nick said, his hands held up placatingly to the bunny.
The look of disbelief Judy gave him left the fox feeling slightly miffed. "Really?"
"No, seriously. Come on, give me a little credit here. Do you really think I'm that dumb?" Nick asked the bunny, his signature smile crossing his face.
Judy smirked back at that, one eyebrow raised. "Do you really want me to answer that?"
Nick rolled his eyes, leaning back, "Hardy Har Har. You're a true comical genius, rabbit."
A buzz came from Judy's thigh as she was about to respond. She reached down into her pocket to pull out her phone.
"Wait, so I can't listen to music but you can check your phone? This actually is discriminatory." The fox said. He was promptly ignored by the bunny.
After a moment she looked up, smiling. "Well, it looks like you got your wish Nick. Wolfard and Fangmeyer need someone to take over interrogation of a few suspects for them while they work the case from a different angle. I just volunteered us."
Nick stretched, giving Judy a smirk. "It beats sitting here. Let's go meet these guys and gals then."
…
"So what's the deal anyways? Who is it we're questioning?" Nick asked his partner casually as they closed in on their destination.
"Well, it's not strictly an interrogation. We have a witness to a crime and a few suspects. So it's more like a lineup." Judy said as the entered booking.
"A lineup? So we're just babysitting a witness then. Still, could be fun." Nick said, pleased to be doing anything other than records work.
"As for who it is," Judy said, "They're just the normal suspects."
Officer Fangmeyer was waiting for them as they entered. Behind him was another wolf. He smiled at the two, though it was a bit strained. "Hey guys, glad you're here."
"What's the situation then Fangs'?" Nick asked. He returned Fangmeyer's smile with a smirk.
"Last night someone hijacked a truck filled with some heavy grade construction equipment. Basically hundreds of thousands are gone. Good news is we have a witness who heard the perp's voice." Fangmeyer pointed to the wolf seated in the room. The wolf in question waved with a grim expression on his face. "Bad news is he perp was wearing a mask. Anyways we brought in a few people in the area known to do these kinds of things. They'll be up in the line up in a bit."
Judy raised an eyebrow. "If you already did all that work what do you need us for?"
Fangmeyer smiled sheepishly before quietly saying, "I thought you two might be bored."
Nick's smirk grew in size as he leaned in. "You're a real pal, you know that Fangs?"
"We already gave cue card to the suspects with a phrase the witness remembers being said." Fangmeyer told them.
"What phrase is that," Judy asked.
"It's…" Fangmeyer glanced down at his notepad. "It's 'Give me the keys, you motherfrickin' genital suckers,' apparently."
Judy and Nick both looked a bit skeptical. "The hardened criminals used those words? In that way?" Judy asked after a moment.
"Well no, but the witness is deeply opposed to inappropriate language and that's how he phrased it in his official statement." Fangmeyer said.
"But he's not actually saying the words. He's reporting on them having been said." Judy said. "That has to be a logical fallacy."
"He's a witness, Carrots, not a scholar. Any reason we can't record it the way the witness actually meant, Fangs?" Nick asked, clearly amused at the ridiculous line.
"It's how it's written in the official report." The wolf replied. "Anyways, I'll just leave you both to it. Bye guys."
The wolf exited the room, leaving the fox and the bunny standing alone in the room with their witness, a line up of career criminals on the other side of the partition glass.
Nick flashed a smile at Judy, his eyes lighting up with mirth. "Let's find our frickin' crook then."
The shorter bunny rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. She approached the witness and sat in one of the two chairs adjacent to him. In front of her was a small intercom machine that would allow her to speak to the five suspects already lined up on the other side of the glass.
She smiled at the short (for a wolf) mammal sitting next to her. He seemed very anxious. It was understandable considering he was attempting to identify an attacker. She placed her paw on the wolf's shoulder. Her partner took a seat next to her, leaning back comfortably in his chair. "Hi, sir. I'm Officer Hopps. Are you ready to try and identify your attacker, sir?" Judy asked.
The wolf nodded in response.
The trio looked to the suspects standing on the other side of the partition. There were five in total. It was a gaggle of mammals, with every expression speaking of boredom and an intense disinterest in their surroundings. The one farthest to the right stood out, as he had a very obvious limp and withered hand.
Judy pressed down a button, allowing her to speak to the awaiting suspects. "You all know the drill. When your number is called step forward and repeat the phrase you've been given."
Judy paused for a moment. "Number one, step forward."
The shortest of the five mammals stepped forward, cue card in hand. He rolled his eyes as he read the card. In a monotone voice he said, "Give me the keys, you motherfrickin' genital sucker."
Number one stepped back.
"Not the best performance I've ever seen. It lacked heart. I just didn't feel like he really meant it." Nick said off handedly. The witness was decidedly less amused as he tried to discern whether the voice was the same as the previous night.
Ignoring her partner, Judy once again pressed the intercom button. "Number two, step forward."
A rather burly and intimidating looking mammal stepped forward as number one handed off his cue card to him. As he read the cue card his expression went from confused to bemused in a matter of seconds. He was almost laughing as he took a pose, his paw pointed out as if it were a weapon. "Give me the frickin' keys you motherfrickin' genital suckers motherfrickers."
From there the suspect devolved into mockingly yelling random obscenities.
Judy pressed the intercom button in order to interrupt the display. "Knock it off. Get back."
Her partner was much more amused by the display, giggling at the antics of the suspect. "I'll have to thank Fangmeyer later."
The witness remained silent, again trying to determine whether that mammal was his assailant.
The witness shook his head at the expectant Officer Hopps. Once again pressing the intercom button. "Number three, step forward."
The tallest of the gathered mammals stepped forward as number two handed him the cue card. Upon reading it he began giggling. Number two playfully slapped his shoulder and laughed with him at the absurdity of the sentence.
Judy sighed, exasperated at the two criminals. She tapped the intercom button once again. "Read the card, number three."
The suspect collected himself and said, rather quietly and far too quickly, "Givemethefrickinkeysyoumotherfrickingenitalsuckers." He stepped back into the line up.
Before Judy could ask the suspect to repeat the phrase, Officer Wilde leaned over and clicked the intercom. "Yeah, Lurch, could you repeat that at an audible level?"
"Excuse me?" The suspect toned, looking incredulous.
"Could you repeat that for those of us who aren't standing three inches away from your mouth?"
The gathered suspects all laughed at jab, with the fifth in the line up looking down so his laughter was less evident.
The suspect shrugged his shoulders, huffing as he said the line. He didn't bother to step forward. "Give me the keys you genital sucker."
The suspect huffed and mumbled, "What the fuck," as he handed off the cue card to the next suspect in line.
Nick smirked as he leaned back from the intercom. Judy looked at him blankly. "You're enjoying this too much."
The vulpine laughed. "You're not enjoying it enough."
Judy clicked the intercom button again. "Number four, step forward."
The most agitated member of the group stepped forward, clearly not enjoying the situation. He looked at the cue card and read blankly, "Give me the keys, you frickin' genital suckers."
He stepped back promptly.
"I don't recognize any of their voices." The witness said sadly.
"There's still one suspect left, sir it may be him." Judy told the witness.
The witness looked uncertain. "I don't want to sound rude, Officer, but I'm fairly certain I'd remember if the mammals who attacked me was crippled."
"I understand, sir, but it was dark." She clicked the intercom button for the final time. "Number five, step forward."
The mammal limped forward. He read his cue card without much flare. "Give me the keys, you frickin' genital suckers." He stepped back to his position, his head downturned.
The witness shook his head. "I don't recognize any of their voices officers. I'm sorry."
The rabbit sighed. "It's alright, sir. You might as well go home. We're about done here. I have some things to discuss with my partner."
The witness thanked both Officer Hopps and Officer Wilde and scurried out of the building. Most likely, he just wanted to be done with the whole affair. After he was out of earshot Judy turned to her partner. He was staring at the lined up suspects. "What are you thinking?"
"That we have a bunch of professional criminals here and a witness who didn't see anything. We're not going to get anyone for this one, Carrots." Nick said, his brow furrowed.
The rabbit sighed. "Yeah. Yeah. Maybe Fangmeyer and Wolfard will dig something up."
"We'll see. If they're anything like me, there's not going to be much to go on. At least it was fun, I guess." Nick said, shrugging. "Honestly, I'm more worried about having five of these types of guys in a room together."
"Either way, Fangmeyer will want to keep them for the full 72 hours in case any more evidence comes up." Judy replied.
The fox sat up and stretched his arms over his head. "What could go wrong with putting these guys in a cell together for a few days?"
"Do you have a better idea, fox?" Judy asked him.
"Nope."
"Thought so." Judy said smugly. "If something does come up it's better that we keep them. Besides, you don't think Fangmeyer and Wolfard would put them all in the same cell?"
"You remember at the office Christmas party when Wolfram got his paw stuck in the kitchen sink? And then when Fangmeyer sawed through the pipes to get him out?" Nick asked the bunny, an eyebrow raised as he flashed her that infuriatingly snarky smirk.
Judy simply stared at him for a moment, her mouth drawn tight as she studied his face, eyes unblinking. "Let's go talk to Fangmeyer and Wolfard."
She quickly got up and walked to the door, pulling the vulpine along with her. Nick was still smirking as they exited. "I guess we're just going to leave them lined up in there?"
AN: And with this chapter, my systematic theft of iconic movie scenes is one step closer to being complete. Today was "The Usual Suspects."